Chapter 28:

Kraken Girl versus Hero Ninja

Spa Life! Bless This Dungeon Core Who Strives for Interspecies Peace and Gets Nothing but Trouble From His Patrons!


It was the latest massive offensive by the port city of Crass. The Humans were pushing their armies up the fat river that ran from the Demon-kin lands.

On the Human front, there was a shiny new warship surrounded by escort ships, their cannon fire powerful enough to wake up every creature within 100 kilometers.

Mages, archers, and swordsmen lined the ships, fending off the undead skeletons that crept up the boats like armies of ants.

The Humans felt like the world was collapsing, and they had five minutes to figure it out. The cause of this wasn’t the easy-to-kill Skeletons, but rather, the sheer power of the opposing Demon-kin frontline when the Demon Lord’s Army Lieutenant surfaced from the waters and hammered the wooden warships to splinters.

SPLOOOOSH!

That Lieutenant was a gargantuan Kraken Girl. Her surfaced half was pillars of writhing, glistening tentacles, and her underwater half was a greatly annoyed Demon-kin lady with enough black mana to turn daylight into bedtime.

Every so often, her upper body broke the ripples, slick horns catching sunlight, eyes glowing with ancient disdain, lips parting in a smirk that unsettled the sailors faster than the Undead.

BOOOM! The blast roared from the Human warship, the iron ball hissing across the water. It struck one of her regenerative limbs, sending a sheet of spray skyward. The mages followed up with explosive spells and lightning. For every tentacle that was lost, two more sprouted in wrath.

The result was a devastating thrashing at the ships.

The Kraken Girl laughed, unharmed and sultry. “Really? Explosive toys? Do you land-striders always shout this much when you’re compensating?!”

On the warship railing crouched the Human Hero Ninja, mask hiding his face but not the sharp glint in his eyes. His kunai flew faster than each new Skeleton who boarded the ship to assault and hijack. “Kraken! Your reign of terror ends here!”

The Kraken Girl was regenerating, but the holy magic poison didn’t falter. She ascertained that the Hero Ninja would eventually slay her, despite these surface-tentacle wounds. The threat had to be eliminated.

A tentacle lashed upward, swatting him mid-leap like a gnat. He hit the mast with a splintering crack before tumbling to the deck in a wet heap.

“Noooo!” His comrade bellowed.

“Reinhart!” Wounded terribly, he cried toward the wheel. “I’m retiring!”

From above, the Hero of Humans, Reinhard, perpetually exasperated, roared at his partner. “Don’t you dare die here!” His sword gleamed orange and blue with flames as he slashed down scores of enemies.

“I didn’t say I was dying! I’m retreating!”

Reinhart snapped toward him, sword blazing. “What?! We’re in the middle of–”

Poof! A smoke bomb exploded.

The Hero Ninja vanished from the railing, only to reappear a second later, clinging to the Kraken’s shoulder, kunai drawn as fast as his provocations. “Your strategic attacks already appear tired.”

“I am a Kraken. I don’t get tired. I sink ships!”

She flicked him off with a tentacle, but he slashed away and kept up his last resort flurry of attacks. “Your moves are becoming erratic. You’ll die, Kraken. Within an hour.” He claimed. Though in saying this, he realized he’d be faster with these internal injuries. “I’ll be taking a break before then.”

“Excuse me?”

“I believe you’ve heard of the place. Nothing compares.”

“You want your enemy to join you in a hot bath?”

“How can you be an enemy if that place is neutral grounds?”

“A death-dealing shadow, offering hospitality. What charming hypocrisy. I’d rather squash you right here!! Hahaha! Dance for me! You’re already trembling, land-strider! I haven’t even split you with all I can do!!”

“Now that I’ve been to the other side, I realize how much of an atrocity this is. Open the door to our world’s future, the place where every Monster, every Human, every soul finds peace with a towel!” The Hero Ninja summersaulted and gouged at the Kraken’s body, dodging each new tentacle. “And besides, if we both burn out, who’s going to keep the war interesting?! Read all about it!” He disappeared into a smoke bomb, leaving a scroll.

The Kraken Girl cackled, as she already knew about the famed resort. “You’re a madman, land-strider. Fine. If your springs can impress me, I’ll drown you afterward.”

The next day, a tentacle snaked up to adjust the wooden ladle, pouring hot water over her own shoulder. Guests squeaked. The Kraken, shrunken to Human size, hummed, utterly at ease.

Steam curled thick around the pools as the impossible happened: a Kraken reclined with a towel draped over her horn, tentacles lazily dunking ladles, while across from her, the Hero Ninja soaked with arms folded, expression unreadable.

The Hero Ninja tilted his head. “Better than drowning in duty, right?”

“Perhaps. Not bad. For a land-strider, you have good taste.”

Soldiers from both sides trickled in behind them, muttering, “If she’s here… and he’s here… then I guess…” Before long, skeleton attendants were carrying drinks to demon soldiers.

The Orc guards had to confiscate three swords, two crossbows, and one very determined holy relic. “No weapons in the spa!”

I bobbed proudly at my spring altar.

This must be the joy of having loyal advocates. Free advertising! Market expansion in action! And also…! This! I focused on my waters around her, and my core pulsed, three new dings sounding at the center of being.

New [Ability: Engorge]!

New [Ability: Water Tentacles]!

New [Ability: Ocean Abyss]!

“Wow, several new Abilities… Must be because she’s such a powerful Demon-kin. I can envision what the first two will likely cause, but what’s with this third Ability? I’ll use it! Sharlotte, protect everyone if it’s bad!!”

Sharlotte stirred awake. “Wait, what’s going on?”

I aimed at one of my ponds. “[Ability: Ocean Abyss!]”

“NOT IN MY POOL!”

The water around her instantly became darker. The two-meter depth suddenly became open ocean depth.

“This is terrifying…” Sharlotte gawked at the abyss she was swimming in. “It’s endless?? How deep does this go??”

“There’s no added life signature; it’s just my waters.”

“Which makes it even more terrifying if something brushes against my leg! There’s a reason I prefer natural springs over the deep sea!”

I released my [Ability: Ocean Abyss]. “I admit, I agree with you on that. The deep sea isn’t for me, but it may benefit some of our clients. Sorry for the sudden roll call. You may sleep again.”

Steam rolled thick across the tiles, making the floor slick. A client, a little Human girl, ran too quickly with her juice and skidded, arms flailing.

“Ah!!”

“[Ability: Water Tentacles!]”

Ghostly water limbs burst from the floor in an instant. One caught her drink, balancing it steady in midair, while the other gently coiled around the girl’s middle, preventing her fall and setting her back on her feet.

“There you go.”

Her cheeks wobbled pink with gratitude. “T-Thank you, Mister Core! You saved me!” She scampered off, hugging her drink like treasure.

“Okay… That was actually kind of sweet,” Rin observed.

“Gahaha! This safety-first Ability doubles as anti-slip insurance!” I flexed the limbs proudly. “I’ll call it Tentacle Hospitality! We can change how adults see us, but children are the future. She’ll remember our Spa where magic arms saved her juice and dignity. Our brand lives on through nostalgia. Were you thinking of another use for the tentacles?”

“Not at all! Nothing uncouth!”

“You were! Give me a sell, Rin. Sell it to me as something you’d want! Optimizing my Abilities is the best!”

“Well, it’s not about your new tentacles. I don’t think your new [Ability: Ocean Abyss] should be cast aside. About your adventure to Crass, I took notes. If we could get a Merman or Mermaid to our Spa, you could absorb the [Ability: Underwater Breathing]. From there, we could invite customers who want to dive as if they’re at the seabed while still being safe in our two-meter spring. It’ll be a Deep Dive Attraction expansion!”

New Facility: Deep Sea Diving!

When dawn came, the war resumed, or so it tried to. The Kraken surged from the river, Hero Ninja leapt to meet her… and both promptly sabotaged their own attacks.

The Kraken smashed Demon-kin Skeletons instead of Human soldiers. The Ninja sliced through Human siege ropes instead of Kraken tentacles. And when they finally “clashed,” it was to discreetly exchange a Sacred Spa coupon mid-air.

Sailors and Undead on both banks gawked. “Wait… if they’re not fighting, then why are we?”

Steam, not blood, began to spread across the frontlines.

By the third day, entire squads were “taking leave.” But instead of desertion, they all wound up here, at our Spa.

The next week was a blur. The Hero Ninja came and went like a regular customer. So did the Kraken Girl. They still fought, yes, back at the river and harbor, sparks flew, steel clashed, tentacles lashed.

But afterward?

“Yo,” he’d say.

“Yo,” she’d answer.

And they’d both sit in the hot spring like coworkers clocking out after a long shift.

The frontline soldiers watched in awe. The rivalry that had once defined the battle for Crass was now spa-exclusive.

The harbor was too quiet.

Reinhard planted his flaming sword into the cobblestones, eyes narrowed at the river. No cannon fire, no screaming sailors, no Kraken smashing ships into driftwood. Just the faint sound of steam whistles and laughter carried on the wind.

For a fleeting moment, he let himself believe... “Maybe the enemy is retreating. Maybe humanity held the line after all.”

A wagon trundled past. Steam curled from its vents. Soldiers, his soldiers, lounged shoulder to shoulder with Demon-kin, towels around their necks, alcohol in hand.

One of them waved. “Yo, Captain! The couple’s discount ends in ten minutes!”

A vein popped on Reinhard’s temple. “C-Couples’… what?!”

Another wagon rolled by, this one stuffed with Skeleton attendants handing out Sacred Spa flyers. They stuffed one in his gauntlet before he could swat them away.

He yanked and ripped the Sacred Spa flyer clean in half. The wind caught the shreds and multiplied them.

Two slips became four, became eight, became a blizzard of coupons raining across the harbor. Each glowing with bold, mocking ink: [Couples’ Discount Ends in One Hour!!]

Soldiers and civilians scrambled after them like starving pigeons, cheering as they snatched the fluttering vouchers out of the air. Even a Skeleton leapt for one, clutching it proudly against its ribs.

Reinhard’s sword flared with fire. “STOP! THIS IS THE FRONTLINE!!”

Steam drifted in on the breeze. Skeletons clinked glasses with human sailors. Demon-kin traded shoulder rubs with Human archers.

Back at the Spa, I swirled smugly at my altar. My vaults overflowed with new Gold. Clients giggled, splashed, and sighed in equal measure.

The Hero Ninja leaned back in the water, arms stretched out. “You know… this is better than victory.”

The Kraken hummed agreement, tentacles lazily draping over the pool’s edge. “Yes. Perhaps war is best fought in breaks.”

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