Black and White

“[Lapis Lazuli-sensei]… for those kids to call me like that, they definitely knew me from another world,” I muttered to myself while crouching to a corner of the room that I just moved into.

The book was on the floor, opened on the introduction chapter and just as expected, there are new updates on the story.

[It was a peaceful day at the palace, or it should have been. If not for what happened in the place where the royal twins were staying. Assassins were sent by an unknown mastermind to get rid of the twins. Their motive was unclear but the kingdom suffered losses that day. The knights guarding the twin royals were killed and the children disappeared. A few days after their disappearance, their bodies were found in a forest outside of the royal capital.]

It wasn’t a plot hole. This time, the scenario fits the narrative of the following chapters so the world did not stop.

How ironic, isn’t it? I wonder where I got the audacity to claim that I can use words to give this world a happy ending… in the end, those were just empty words and false courage.

“It’s useless.”

She was right all along.

I can’t do anything right. When I remember the look of disappointment and hatred from Noir’s eyes, I can’t help but feel dreadful.

They must be like me, someone who was reincarnated in this world… and they know that they’re going to die because of a cruel author like me.

Prince Noir’s anger is justified. It was right to hate me for making them suffer like that. I will accept any punishment.

Knock. Knock.

“Lapis-sama?” Ollie’s voice resounded from the other side of the door.

I’m not in the mood to answer, so I just remained in my position without moving.

“Lapis-sama, Prince Noir and I are going outside to fetch medicine for Princess Bianca. Can you look after her while we’re gone?”

I didn’t feel like answering, but I know that they are still waiting for my answer.

“Okay. Be careful out there.”

“Okay!”

I could hear footsteps getting father from the room. It’s a sign that they already left. On the other hand, I haven’t moved from my position. I don’t feel like moving anymore.

There’s nothing I can do right anyway.

I don’t know how long I was moping about my own incompetence and negativity when I heard knocks from the door once again.

“Lapis Lazuli-sensei? This is Shi— I mean Bianca. Can we talk?”

“Princess?”

I hurriedly went to the door and opened it. What is a sick person trying to do now?

“You shouldn’t get out of bed yet,” I said to her.

“Ahaha… I just want to talk to Lapis Lazuli-sensei so I walked here…” she weakly spoke.

I gritted my teeth and forced a smile to reassure her.

“Let’s go back to bed. Can I carry you?”

“Of course, though it’s kind of embarrassing since I’m actually older than my body,” she chuckled lightly.

I carried her and I could tell that she really is just a child. An eight year-old child that’s suffering from poison all because a useless writer decided that it’s a great idea to get rid of her for the plot.

I brought her to the room and put her back to the bed. I dragged a nearby chair and sat beside her.

The more that I look at her, the more I feel dreadful.

I couldn’t do anything.

“Lapis Lazuli-sensei, you have a complicated expression on your face.”

Despite being weak due to her condition, Princess Bianca is still trying her best to be cheerful. I am really ashamed.

“Sensei, I heard from Ollie-kun, you also reincarnated here, right?”

I nodded quietly.

“That makes us the same. You can call me Shiro. Shiro Minase, that’s my name before. What’s your name, sensei?”

“Ruri Nanashi,” I quietly answered.

“Oh, so that’s why your pen name is Lapis Lazuli,” Shiro commented.

Stop. Don’t talk to me with that cheerful expression despite being in pain. It’s better to just hate me, you should hate me.

“If you’re calling me sensei, that means you read this story before, right? You know that Princess Bianca and Prince Noir are meant to die, why do you still want to talk to me?”

“Eh?”

The girl flinched from my question. I feel like I shouldn’t have asked something.

“Forget about it.”

“Lapis Lazuli-sensei, I liked your writing.”

This time, I’m the one who froze.

W-what does she mean by liking my writing? Those random words typed by a writer who did not think of the consequences when she did it? What’s there to like about it?!

I bit my lip in frustration. I looked away from her.

“Also, it’s not like we’re dead yet. I’m guessing that Sensei is also trying to do something about the future, right?”

I was rendered speechless. It’s true that I am trying to do something, but that’s just it. ‘Trying’. It’s not like I accomplished or will accomplish anything. All I did was mess everything up.

“Sensei, have you read any popular light novels in our past life?”

“No. When I stopped updating [Dream-colored Sky], I never read any other stories from that point on. I’m sorry.”

Shiro stared at me, then she smiled lightly.

“No wonder you think like that. Being reincarnated in another world has become so popular in light novels, and among them, there are stories of being reincarnated as dying characters and trying to overcome the inevitable,” Shiro explained. “Although it’s scary to think that we’re going to die, it's not like we will just drop dead out of nowhere.”

“Even so—”

“Sensei, we’re going to live,” Shiro firmly declared.

Her resolve was so strong that I lost any words to tell her that it’s all pointless. That we can’t do anything about it.

I bit my lip and clenched my fist tightly. I really am the worst. Before I knew it, the tears that I was trying to hold back finally fell.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Shiro-san… it’s because of me that you’re hurt,” I said in between my sobs.

“It’s alright, Sensei.” She reached out for my hand and held it tightly to reassure me. Cold. That’s what I felt from her touch. “I and Onii-chan have no intention of dying.”

She neither condemned nor acquitted me. She knows that I’m not completely innocent from all of this, but at the same time, she’s confident that she will live. I envy her. I wish I also have the confidence to think that everything will be fine.

I wonder what am I doing here crying in front of a child… I shouldn’t be like this, but I can’t help it. I feel like I was finally understood, not as the Goddess, but simply just as a person.

I can’t exactly show this pathetic side to Ollie, can I? Ollie trusts me, if he knew that I can’t do anything right, he would be extremely disappointed. I didn't want that to happen so I always tried to be a decent adult in front of him.

What I didn't realize was that I was bottling up a lot of worries and it was about time for everything that I’ve been holding in to burst out. It finally did.

“Sensei, Ollie-kun said that he knows how to cure me. He and Onii-chan went out to get the medicine. Everything will be alright now, okay?”

“That’s just for now… the future is still…”

“Isn’t it fine? What we should focus on is the present because we live in it. The future is for our future selves.”

But what if you have no future to live in? Can you still say the same thing?

I continued crying, words seem to fail me at this moment. I mumble endless apologies to Shiro as she holds my hand, trying to comfort me.

At some point, the two of us fell asleep just like that. We held each other’s hand and found each other’s presence strangely comforting.

“Sensei, wake up,” Shiro called.

I shot up as quickly as I could and turned to check on her.

“Ah! What’s up? Are you hurt somewhere?” I asked her without stopping to breathe.

“I’m fine! Calm down, Sensei!”

“Eh? So what happened?”

“Uhm… I’m embarrassed to say this but… I’m hungry…” Shiro shyly looked away.

I took a sigh of relief. Good thing it’s nothing serious. I don’t know what to do if it’s something serious like the poison flaring up.

“I’ll prepare something, Shiro-san. Stay here, okay?”

“Okay!”

I turned to leave the room, but little did I know, the moment that closed the door behind me, something horrible was happening inside.

“Haah… Haah… it hurts… I don’t want to worry Sensei with this… Please come back, Onii-chan…”

___________

I was in the middle of preparing vegetable soup for Shiro when I heard that Ollie and Prince Noir returned.

“Lapis-sama, we’re ba— Ah! Why are you cooking? Let me do that!” Ollie hurriedly ran to my side and tried to tell me to stop cooking.

“Wait, Ollie-kun! You’re the one who went out to find medicine for the princess, at least let me do this,” I reasoned back. “Or do you not trust my cooking skills?”

“T-that’s not it! It’s just that I can’t let the Goddess do chores like this…” Ollie pouted at me.

I reached my hand out and pinched his cheeks.

“I’m the adult here, Ollie-kun. I already feel bad letting you go out alone, so let me do this.”

“Mmkay… wet e go, wapis-shama…” (Okay… let me go, Lapis-sama…)

“Oops. Sorry, I can’t stop myself.” I quickly retreated my hand.

Behind Ollie, I could feel the piercing glare of the prince. I cleared my throat to return my focus to what we’re talking about earlier.

“Princess Bianca is in the room resting, she got hungry so I’m preparing something for her to eat,” I said then I turned to Ollie. “Ollie-kun, do you really know how to cure her?”

“I know the medicine, but it needs to be continuously taken for at least a week. It’s this.”

Ollie showed a pouch to me and what I saw there was… Flower Candies? Dolce’s Flower Candies?!

Ah, wait, this isn’t candies… it’s just the transparent flower that Dolce is using for the candies.

“This flower is called Miraflower. It’s a rare herb that can cure any type of poison, we’re lucky that Dolce-chan’s shop has this in stock,” Ollie explained.

I still have a lot of questions after knowing that, but I was relieved that we finally have the cure for Shiro’s condition.

“I’m sorry for not being able to do anything. You did well, Ollie-kun. Thank you very much.”

I patted his head which made him obviously happy.

“It’s an honor to be of help to Lapis-sama! Hehe, can I ask for a reward after this?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“I’ll tell you once Princess Bianca is better. We’ll go now, okay?”

Ollie and Noir finally went to where Shiro is staying. I also returned to cooking the vegetable soup.

It wasn’t much, but I guess this is a first step. Of course, I still haven’t forgotten that a few days from now, the twins are going to die… but as long as they are inside my Sanctuary, I have no intention of letting them come into harm.

There is a huge possibility that a Plot Hole will occur if they survived past the day that they are supposed to die. The cycle might reset again, but to be honest, all I want to do now is to keep them alive.

“SHIRO!”

I was alerted when I heard that shout. It’s Prince Noir.

I hurriedly ran to the room to see what’s happening. Did something happen to Shiro at the time that I left her there?

“What happened?!”

“Ah, geez! You’re so noisy, Onii-chan!” Shiro scolded her brother.

“But we found you unconscious and you’re not waking up… I thought… I thought…”

Eh? What’s going on?

“Ah, seriously, now I’m awake because you’re so noisy!” Shiro complained. “Sorry about this, Ollie-kun and Sensei. I’ll scold my brother.”

“Ahaha… you don’t have to. I thought something horrible happened, I’ll get you some food now. I’ll be right back.”

I took a sigh of relief and made my way back to the kitchen to get some soup. This time, I found Sol looking at the boiling pot with an expectant look.

I didn’t notice him entering, did he wait for me to leave?

“What a clever dog, but it’s not for you. I’ll feed you later, okay?” I said to the dog.

“Arf!”

I smiled at Sol and prepared a bowl of food for Shiro. I told him to behave and it seems that he also understood me.

I took the food to the room and saw the three children talking happily. Ollie was asking Shiro if she’s feeling anything wrong. Prince Noir was also doing the same albeit more frantic.

“Shi— I mean, Princess Bianca, here’s your food.”

Shiro furrowed her eyebrows at me and pouted.

“Eh? Did I do something wrong?”

“Geez! Sensei, I thought we’ve gotten close already. Just call me Shiro!”

“Shiro!” Prince Noir appealed.

“Onii-chan, you’re so mean! You have to apologize to Sensei, okay?”

Prince Noir looked away, then huffed. He glared at me before running out of the room.

“Ah! Wait!”

It’s night already, and it’s dangerous for him to go out. I need to bring him back!

“Lapis-sama, leave this to me. I have an agreement with Prince Noir, I won’t let him run away,” Ollie said with a smile that looked strangely frightening.

Is he angry?

I… I hope he won’t do anything painful to Prince Noir.

“Thank you for the food, Sensei!” Shiro beamed at me and took the tray of food from my hands.

“Ah, let me do it…”

“Nope, I’m really hungry now so I’m digging in!” Shiro exclaimed as she picked up her spoon by herself and started eating.

I could only sigh while watching her.

“Sensei, what do you think of Onii-chan?” Shiro asked out of nowhere.

“Prince Noir? It seems like he hates me though… it’s to be expected if he also read this story,” I responded.

“Actually, it was Onii-chan who first liked Sensei’s story.”

Eh?

I did not expect that at all. He looks like he really hates me after he found out that I am the author of the book. I was hoping that we can improve our relationship at some point, but after seeing how much he hates me, I just surrendered all hope and will just accept his anger.

But…

If he really did like my story, that means…

“Yep, Onii-chan was the first to discover Sensei’s work online. He said that it was so good so he asked me to read it as well.”

The first to discover… Was there such a person? No, there really was… if I remember correctly they are my first reader…

“CHLOE-san??! I thought she was a girl?!” I gasped in shock.

“Hahaha! So you do know Onii-chan’s username CHLOE, real name Kuro Minase. He was your very first reader and fan. Even after you stopped updating, he continued to wait, and wait, and wait,” Shiro recounted.

“I see… if that’s the case then I really did something horrible to him. He must be disappointed with me now.”

“That’s not the case at all. Onii-chan is just conflicted right now, he finally met the author that he’s looking up to, he must be happy. But our situation is really hectic, so he had to act like that. Please excuse his attitude.”

“I’m not offended at all, in fact I’m glad that he acts like that with me.”

“Eh?” Shiro reacted in confusion.

“I want to ask, why me? Why did he like the work of someone like me? It’s not like I’m a talented writer, I also rarely update, and I’m not even famous.” I turned to Shiro.

“Well, I don’t know if I’m speaking on Onii-chan’s behalf, but it’s because of your genuine style of writing.”

“Genuine…?”

Shiro nodded. “Un. Your stories do not go overboard, the main character is powerful, but he still experiences defeat. Not everything goes according to his wishes and plans. More than that, the way you write made it seem like you’re inside the story itself.”

I heaved a deep sigh.

Those things are just the fundamentals that I had from having a degree in literature. It’s not that special. Even teenagers in the modern world could write better than me and be scouted by big publishers.

That was just the difference between skill and talent. Hard work can never beat real talent.

“Onii-chan actually did a lot of fanart for this story, you know? While waiting for your next update, he picked up drawing and said he wanted to draw something for Sensei’s story someday.”

“An illustrator?”

“Yep! By the way, I also made fanfic for this story. It’s not on par with the original though,” Shiro grinned.

After hearing those words, I felt a pang in my chest.

Ollie said that having other reincarnators here is rare, and if there are, they have some connection with me. After knowing that Shiro and Kuro are readers of this story… that perfectly aligns with the condition.

It was because they read that unfinished story that they were reincarnated here out of their own volition.

“I’m thankful that you liked my work, but now, we’re really inside that very story.”

“Ahaha… that seems to be the case. But look, it’s not all that bad! If we survive, Onii-chan and I can live peacefully in this town. We have no desire for the throne, so if we throw away our royal status, it will be fine, right?”

I would like to think that way too, but all I can imagine is a Plot Hole occurring.

This is really disturbing.

I need to look for a way to use my words to avoid a Plot Hole no matter what, and I have to do it quickly.