Failed Words

A few days have passed and Shiro is recovering well. It’s almost a week now so I can’t help but feel anxious. If the twin royals won’t die soon, a Plot Hole might occur.

For the meantime, having them stay in the Sanctuary is the right course of action. They are still under my protection.

During that time, Prince Noir no longer looks at me with anger, but he’s still hesitant to approach me. Ever since Ollie dragged him back to our home, he became oddly silent, but he still speaks with Ollie and Shiro.

I guess it’s wishful thinking to expect that he will instantly like me after what I did.

Lately, Ollie seems fine being separated from me. He sometimes went out alone to play with Dolce and also tried to invite Prince Noir, but the latter declined because watching over his sister comes first.

Well, it’s a good thing that Ollie could also find something that he wants to do. He’s still young so having to explore a lot of things is better.

As for me, I’ve become a stay-home guardian doing chores and making sure the twins are comfortable. I told them about the Sanctuary and that they shouldn’t wander too deep because they could get lost.

Overall, life has been peaceful and if only things could stay like this… that would be great.

That sounds cliche, right?

Well, because it is. If that line was said in a story, it won’t go the way we hoped to. I know very well that this is just the calm before the storm. Unfortunately, we have yet to prepare for the said storm.

I sighed to myself as I returned to hanging the laundry in our backyard. I was expecting that doing chores in another world would be hard because of technology being behind, but it actually wasn’t that different.

This world relies on magic stones. The lights are powered by magic stones that glow as soon as the sun sets. The water faucet is embedded with a magic stone that releases water if touched. The stove also functions the same.

There is definitely a lot more technology out there that uses magic stones, I just haven’t encountered them yet.

More than anything, I’m grateful that I don’t need to fetch water from a river just like in my hometown in my previous life. During my childhood, I had to carry buckets of water back and forth from the river to our house just for us to have water to use.

That was really hard… if I remember correctly, I broke a rib or two back then because I was too young to carry something heavy but I still pushed myself to.

I might have lived in the modern era, but that hometown of mine is one of the places where technology is not yet fully integrated. I only really experienced modern technology after I left home.

I finished hanging the laundry and was about to return inside when I noticed Prince Noir peeking from the doorway.

“Prince Noir, how may I help you?” I asked him.

“Ah!”

He flinched in his place and looked like he wanted to run away, but he bit his lip and stared at me firmly.

“S-sensei! Can I talk to you?!” he asked, cheeks flushing red.

“Of course,” I patiently said with a smile.

While I’m putting away the laundry basket, I told Prince Noir to wait in the dining area. I quickly finished cleaning up and went there to meet him.

“I’m here. What do you want to talk about, Prince Noir?”

He did not respond right away so I thought that he was back to ignoring me… but when I looked at him again… He’s pouting?! That Prince Noir is pouting?!

“Uhm… did I offend you in some way…?” I asked worriedly.

“Kuro.”

“Hm?”

“Call me Kuro!” the prince huffed while still pouting.

Ah… could it be?

“Are you jealous of Shiro?” I asked while chuckling lightly.

“That’s right! Of course, it’s my fault for acting like a brat during our first meeting, but I was still your first reader and fan! I was the one who asked Shiro to read your story, but she already became closer to my idol before me! Of course, I’m jealous!” Kuro ranted.

I was rendered speechless after hearing his frustrations, and he also froze when he realized what he just said.

“Ah! I’m sorry!”

“No, no, it’s okay. I wasn’t offended,” I said while chuckling lightly. “Kuro-kun is an honest child, huh.”

“I-I’m glad… Sensei called me by my name…” he smiled widely with a look of admiration, then he cleared his throat. “Ahem! As for my previous actions, I’m really sorry about it. I was just frustrated with a lot of things. Again, I’m really sorry.”

Kuro lowered his head as a form of apology.

“Please lift your head, I accept your apology.”

Kuro lifted his face, and heaved out a deep sigh.

“Thank you, Sensei. I guess I really did act like a brat before,” he chuckled awkwardly.

“No, I’m also at fault. Kuro-kun must have been very disappointed with me, right?”

“T-that’s… w-well, I won’t lie that I didn’t feel that way…”

See? It’s a good thing that he’s really honest.

“But Sensei is also reincarnated here out of nowhere just like us, right? This whole reincarnation thing is beyond your control, it’s not right of me to blame you. We’re all on the same boat here.”

“That might be the case, but it won’t change the fact that the tragedies that will happen in this world are because of me, it’s actually assuring that you’re wary of me,” I said with a sigh. “When I woke up here, I was called a Goddess. But that’s just it, I still don’t understand my powers, and it seems like I can’t change what’s been written already.”

“I-is that so…? W-well, I already expected that things won’t go that easily… Those light novels were a scam. Just straying away from the original story won’t guarantee our safety all of a sudden,” Kuro sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ah! Don’t be sorry, Sensei. I know that you’re doing your best as well. This is equally hard for you, right?” Kuro sincerely said.

“Aren’t you afraid to die?”

Kuro’s eyes widened upon hearing that question. He looked down and fiddled with his fingers.

“Of course, I’m afraid… but when I think about it, it wasn’t that different when we passed away in our former world. It was a shame that we died so young then, but it can’t be helped. It wasn’t an accident, it was just meant to happen and we’re just extremely unlucky.”

“Wasn’t an accident…?”

Kuro nodded. “Un. There was a very strong earthquake that day. Shiro and I were attending a comic convention, but when that earthquake happened, we were trapped inside the convention hall and passed away under the debris.”

“An earthquake? T-that’s also the same with me!”

“Eh? Really?” Kuro gasped. “That means the three of us passed away on the same day… haah, maybe this is some kind of fate.”

“Fate, huh.”

“Even so, Sensei is a decent goddess at least. That is a relief.”

“Eh?” I raised my brow at him.

“Have you ever thought this way, Sensei? As fellow humans before, why did we die that day? Other people survived, but why not us? In that world, many said that if you believe in god, you will be saved. But not only did we die, we also never met the god of that world. Did our previous world not have a god? Or there was a god but he chose to turn a blind eye?”

I don’t know how to respond to that. In the first place, I wasn’t really a religious person in my former life… or more like, I don’t even have the time to care about religion in the first place.

Well, I’ll be lying if I say that I never thought about those things… but even if I found out, it’s not like it will change my situation. I am the Goddess of this world now, and aside from me, there are also other gods here that disappeared and shattered into fragments.

The logic of my previous world no longer applies here.

“Kuro-kun, are you a religious person?” I asked the boy.

“The opposite. I hate religions at all. Shiro and I came from a very religious family with strict rules. Those rules were so absurd that we ran away from home and lived independently with just the two of us.”

It’s obvious that he’s toning it down and doesn’t want to reveal more than necessary. I don’t think I should probe deeper into it. They definitely have their circumstances in our former world.

“I see. Well, I didn't really care about gods or religion in my past life. By the way, what do you mean that I am a decent goddess?”

“It’s exactly like that, you don’t parade your authority, but you still care about the people. You’re not arrogant, and you’re aware of your shortcomings. At the very least, you’re not apathetic.”

“I was once a human too, and I know the pain of living. Although, I poured all of those experiences into writing a tragic story, and somehow ended up reincarnating inside that story… I really am sorry for this.”

Kuro just stared at me and smiled lightly.

“It’s alright, Sensei. At least, I now know that if we die, you will cry for us, right?”

I furrowed my brows and bit my lip in frustration. Kuro is not naive, he probably realized that even a goddess like me can’t do anything, it means that it’s almost guaranteed that their deaths are inevitable.

I want to keep them safe, but at this rate, all I could do was repeat the cycle again.

I don’t want that! What if in the next cycle we lose everything and go back to zero? The two of them will continue to suffer over and over again even if they don’t have any memories of it, and the end will always be the same.

They will die and the story will finally start.

Not being able to do anything… It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

______________

Tomorrow marks one week after the disappearance of the twin royals. Of course, no one knows that I’m hiding them in my Sanctuary.

I was worried that Ollie might have told Dolce about it when they bought flowers from her but he really is tight-lipped. After that, I don’t know what Ollie pulled but the knights that were deployed in Espoir town retreated during the time that he said he was going to play with Dolce.

Shiro finally recovered and Kuro also became friendly with me. Things are finally turning out for the best.

That was supposed to be the case.

I know I should have told them about what the book stated about their deaths, but whenever I tried to look for a chance to, I just couldn’t bring myself to upset them. In the end, I didn’t tell anyone that today would be the day that they are supposed to die.

“Hey, you’re going to die today!”

As if I can just say that!

But…

It’s not like I can tell them that they will be fine. I did what I could to make sure they were safe though. I told them not to go out today, and I told Ollie to watch over them.

In exchange for that, I’m the one who went out to buy some groceries. This is for the better, it’s not like I will get entangled into something crazy on my own. Everyone knows that I’m just a normal law-abiding citizen, no one should think that I’m the one hiding the royals.

Haah… my nerves are acting up today. I feel restless and my mind keeps wandering somewhere else. I can’t help but get worried, you know.

It might be for a short time, but I’ve grown attached to Shiro and Kuro. Moreover, since we came from the same world, we could talk about certain things openly. I don’t want to lose those dear children.

As I was walking around, I didn’t realize that I was really distracted and now I’m in the middle of a forest.

“Wow, I’m lost.”

I could only put a hand on my forehead while lamenting my carelessness.

What kind of adult gets lost in the middle of the day?

Fine, I will admit to Ollie that I am geographically challenged. I really need a guide if I’m going out. At the moment, all I could do was to heave a deep breath and look for a way back.

Too much for my first time running an errand outside alone. I bet children in my former world could do better than me. I am a failure of an adult.

I tried searching for the way back, but I don’t know how long time has passed and I still couldn’t find a way. I could only collapse on the ground with scattered dry leaves and twigs.

“Haah… I need to go back quickly. If I’m gone for long, they might go out of the Sanctuary and be hurt.”

I picked myself up and treaded the path again. I can’t tell the way that I passed by or if I’m just walking in circles now.

Ah! Maybe I can use that!

“The Creator who lost her way— Ack!” I could not finish my words when I felt like something was stuck in my throat.

“The Creator who lost her—”

Something stopped me.

“The Creator—”

Another failure.

W-what’s going on?! Why can’t I use my words?!

Don’t tell me this is…

I gritted my teeth and decided to run instead. It’s no use, this world intentionally made me lose my way and brought me to this forest so that the twins will leave the Sanctuary.

It’s useless relying on words now.

I should have realized it earlier, the world itself is acting against us. The world is our enemy!

I need to hurry—

“Goddess…”

Eh? W-where did that voice come from?

“Goddess…”

I froze in my place. That voice… no, those voices… it feels that they are coming from somewhere and nowhere at the same time.

My head hurts…

I reached out my hands on my head to somehow ease the pain.

“Who are you? Why are you calling me?!”

It’s getting worse. The voices are getting louder, and closer. I can’t bear it anymore.

“Goddess…”

“STOP! STOP IT!!”

“Goddess…”

I started having a hard time breathing. I don’t understand what’s going on but I can feel as if my body is being ripped apart. I feel like I’m being shattered into pieces.

“Goddess… why did you abandon us?”

Eh?

W-what was that…?

“Why did you forget us…?”

“W-who are you?! Show yourself!” I yelled into the nothingness.

“Why did you throw us away?!”

Eh? W-what do they mean by those words…?

“Goddess…”

This time, the voices are closer and clearer. It was just behind me.

I endured the pain that I could feel throughout my body and turned to look behind.

At that moment, I felt like my entire body turned cold. My eyes widened in disbelief. My lips trembled in fear.

“Goddess… why did you let us die?”

Lying on the ground were Shiro and Kuro.

I covered my mouth with my shaky hands and took a step back.

No… no… this is a lie! Impossible! There must be some sort of trick here! Shiro and Kuro are in my Sanctuary, they should be safe!

“It hurts… Goddess…”

“Save us… Goddess…”

I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my chest with my fist. I could feel my nails digging on my skin. It hurts. It hurts that this is real.

What should I have done?! No one told me what I should do!!! How could I even stop this from happening?!

“AAAAAAHHHH!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. My tears have fallen to the ground continuously without any signs of stopping.

“That’s why I told you to destroy this world.”

Footsteps approached from behind me. As well as that familiar, yet distant voice.

“Nameless God…”