32 - Days of Our Verdant Youth (2)

Once classes end, Alex, Himacchi and I head straight for the club room.

We pass by Sunny, the Academy's caretaker, who's busy mopping the floors.

"Hey, Sunny!"

He waves back. Always smiling, always carefree.

(… Although I've noticed he'll stop smiling for some reason, around Kaya and Saya. … Or, I dunno, maybe I'm just imagining things …)

As we make our way through the halls, Himacchi remarks: "You know, sometimes, I can't help but feel like we're the only people in this school."

"That's not true," I say. "Look around us. Loads of other students. The same ones we see every day."

"Yeah, but—have you ever really looked at them? I mean, really looked at them?"

"What about them?"

"They don't … move."

"Of course they move," I say. "They get around the school, same as us."

"But they don't move like we do." Himacchi starts waving her arms around. "See? Look how fluid our motion is. The other students, they … sort of just … phase in and out, from one keyframe to another. Like they're not worth the animation budget, or something."

I feel the same sharp pain in my head, like when Alex pointed out the absurdity of Moeka-sensei being a child.

"A-and look!" continues Himacchi. "They don't even have proper faces, or distinguishing features! They're kinda just like vaguely human-shaped cardboard cut-outs, more than anything …"

My head's really starting to hurt now, but we're almost at the club room, so I change the subject, and loudly exclaim, "We're here!"

*

Seated at the official ASSS table, I bang my gavel twice, loudly.

"Order, order! I hereby call this meeting of the After School Slackers Society to order!"

"Aye," say Alex and Himacchi, in unison.

"Our first topic of discussion—"

"A step stool for Moeka-sensei," interrupts Alex.

"Yes, yes, we'll get to that. But first—as you all know, the student council president, Saya"—I stand up, walk to the blackboard, pull down a poster printout of the enemy—"has been trying her hardest to shut down ASSS."

I extend my telescopic pointer, purchased with club funds at the 100 yen store yesterday, and point to Saya's twintails.

(Alex: "Where did you get that picture …")

Ignoring Alex, I continue, "Let me recap, to bring those of us new to ASSS up to date—"

(Himacchi: "… I don't know who he could conceivably be referring to."

Alex: "He's doing another bit. Just ignore him.")

"—Saya has been 'absorbing' schools clubs, left and right, and consolidating them into her student council empire."

I tear down the poster, revealing another poster behind it, depicting Saya jumping over a hurdle. "Track and field." Then I tear down that one, to reveal a close-up, where Saya's standing over a stovetop, taste-testing a soup she's making. "The culinary club." Another tear. "Kendo club." Tear. "Achery club. Equestrian club. Water polo. Tea ceremony." Tear. Tear. Tear. A new poster for each activity.

(Alex: "Seriously, where did you get all these pictures … It's kinda creepy …"

Himacchi: "Odd-kun …")

"What Saya does, is beat each club at their own game. She challenges them to their respective activity, with the stipulation that, if she wins, she takes control of the club. And she's been doing this with every club at the school. The student council club isn't just strictly the student council club, anymore. Technically, its full name is the Parallax Academy Student Council-slash-Judo Club-slash-Water Polo Club-slash-Archery Club-slash-et cetera-etc-etc … You get the point."

I thwack Saya's poster with my pointing stick.

"We are the only club left at Parallax Academy!!! She hasn't been able to get to us, due to the fact that our club doesn't do anything. Saya can't directly challenge us to any sort of activity with a tangible outcome—therefore, she can't absorb us. We are immune to being consolidated into her student council empire. So failing all that, she'd rather just disband our club entirely."

I tear down the current poster of Saya fly-fishing.

Behind it, is a picture of her sister, Kaya.

"And the other half of the student council—the younger sister. Saya's right-hand"—I pause, groping for the right word—"… sister."

Alex: "(Nailed it.)"

"(Thanks, babe.) … A-anyway, what we need is proper intel on Kaya. What's her deal? Like Sun Tzu says, 'Knowing is Half the Battle'."

Himacchi: "(I'm pretty sure that's from something else.)"

Me: "(No, I'm pretty sure it's Sun Tzu.)"

Alex: "(You're thinking of, Know Thy Enemy, Know Thy Self.)"

Kaya: "(… Um, excuse me? …)"

Me: "(Listen, every single time I try to quote Sun Tzu, you guys tell me, Oh, no, Odd-kun, that's actually from an anime, or, No, Odd-kun, that's from a 90s gangster rap song lyric, or, Odd-kun, I can't understand you, please take the marbles out of your mouth, also we're in class please stop talking to me. And I'm getting real sick of it.)"

Kaya: "(I'm sorry, everyone, but if you would please …)"

Alex: "(Odd-kun, you get like this every time you try to quote historical figures. I think you just have to be honest with yourself, and admit you have an extremely poor grasp on, uh … you know.)"

Me: "(… On history?)"

Kaya: "(Excuse me, club members? Pl-please listen …)"

Himacchi: "(No, Odd-kun—on being, uh, how do I put this delicately? … On being not dumb.)"

Me: "(Oh what is this, a mutiny?! You're ganging up on your club leader?)"

"Um … EXCUSE ME!!!!!"

All three of us freeze.

We look to the door, surprised to see a green-haired elf standing there.

"Uh … hi," I say, to Kaya.

Why is the younger sister here?

She's never come to our club room before.

… Did Saya send her!?

"How long have you been standing there?" asks Himacchi.

Kaya flushes red, looks down at the floor. "… Ten minutes."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask.

"I-I … I did …"

Awkward silence.

(I suddenly realize I've got a giant printout of her still up, so I tear it down, but behind it is yet another picture of Kaya. I tear that one down too, but there's just more Kaya. … Man, all these printouts were expensive.)

"So, um …" I say, scratching the back of my head. "How can we help you, student council vice-president?"

Kaya, still looking at the floor, kicks the ground a little. She mutters something, but none of us can hear her.

"… Come again?" I say.

Then, she looks up, and in a loud, yet trembling, voice, she says:

"I want the ASSS … TO HOLD ME HOSTAGE!"

Me: "…"

Himacchi: "…"

Alex: "…"

Me: "Himacchi, no."

Himacchi, fishing out a length of rope and duct-tape from her bag, then putting it back in as soon as I spoke up: "What? I wasn't doing anything."