The Divine Television Viewing Party

*Vroom*

On one side of my destroyed living room, Mythra was blowing her hair with her hair dryer. Meanwhile on the side of the room I was on…

*POW*

*WHACK*

*BANG*

I was beating Neptune over the head with a broken piece of my table, he began pleading with me as I hit him.

“WAIT! Fianna, you’re too cute to be this mad! Please forgive me!”

“DESTROYER! LECH! ENEMY OF WOMEN! ENEMY OF FURNITURE! PARASITE!”

I kept rambling like that and hitting him for a while, I worked so hard to craft this room to my liking. Does he remember how hard it is to repair godly damage done to one’s pseudo-realm? That’s when Neptune opened his mouth and said something smart.

“You have balms right? Just used one of those to fix the damage!”

“...Oh right, Cronoa’s time balms, I forgot we had those.”

I summoned my tool box out and pulled out a golf ball sized marble, it had a clock symbol on it. I immediately threw the marble at my wall, the impact shattered it and caused its effects to activate. The damage outside, my furniture, my destroyed wall, and even my soaked clothes. The time balm reset things before the damage was caused, I took a moment to have a sigh of relief. Thank Cronoa for her house warming gift, and why is that moron smiling at me like that.

“See I have good ideas sometimes.”

“BITE ME!”

“Okay I’m sorry, at least now I owe you a freebie. Which is why I’m here, Myth said you needed a hand?”

I looked at Mythra, the woman was staring at the window whistling.

“Myth?”

“...*Sigh* Sorry, but you and I both know that Cronoa is a bit too judgemental. If we asked for her help then it could lead to serious problems, which is why I sought out Neptune instead. He is the lead mediator after all.”

Gods have several roles, our friend Cronoa is a judge. If anyone breaks divine order, or if a mortal starts stepping into territory they shouldn’t, then gods like Cronoa step in to exact justice. Mediators like Neptune do the same, however they take a more peaceful approach. Where judges may decide destruction is necessary to keep order, the mediators may argue in favor of the instability if it leads to positives. I guess I’ll have to take back my previous statement, if Cronoa did hear about this then it probably wouldn’t end with me getting hit with her staff. I’d probably…Oh no, I’d go to divine prison wouldn’t I! UH OH!

“Uh, Fianna are you alright?”

Neptune saw me trembling, due to the fact that I might go to jail. I have every right to panic, but I won’t tell him that though.

“Oh, I’m just a little chilly. No need to worry about little old me.”

“Alright, now then let’s-WAAHH!”

Like a old cartoon, Neptune slipped on a banana peel. After falling on his rear he picked up the peel and stared at me and Mythra. Mythra who left the peel began whistling again . Neptune sighed and complained about how the time balms can’t repair food items to their original state. After that we had a small discussion about the situation, me and Mythra sat on my couch. Meanwhile Neptune sat a recliner he brought, when I finished catching him up to speed he began laughing maniacally.

“Hahaha! Man, the most interesting stuff happens when I’m not around.”

“Darn it Neptune, this is serious! A man’s life is at stake!”

“Well how’s the guy doing right now? Have you been watching him lately?”

“I can’t even connect to Fantasia to see what’s going on.”

“Then now it’s my turn, bring out your viewing orb.”

I did as Neptune said and pulled my orb, resulting in Mythra and Neptune staring at it. Eventually the both of them looked at me and judged me.

“...Fifi, you really gotta upgrade your stuff.”

“Hahahaha, what are you saving up money for!”

“Don’t judge me! Sure the orb is an older model, but I personally love it! Look, isn't it cute!”

I hold my viewing orb in my hands, defending its value to me. Other gods would probably update to a newer model that resembles one of those flat screens the humans made, but not me! I’ve always been a vintage girl, only someone with merit would understand the beauty of old technology. That’s when I noticed how foolish I looked and slammed the orb back on the table, I then coughed and told Neptune to get it over with. Neptune smirked and pulled out his skeleton key, it was a blood red key with an intricate design.

“Alright, Fianna, set the orb’s frequency to Fantasia. I’ll do the rest.”

I nodded and did as he said, and set the orb to Fantasia. As usual static appeared, at least that was the case until Neptune used his key. He pressed his key on the orb and then the static disappeared. He then removed it only for the static to return, this led him to duct tape the key to the orb. Mythra laughed at the setup, I turned beet red because of how embarrassing this was.

“Alright, it’s a patchjob, but this should work!”

“Pfffftt! Hey Fifi, you see how he manhandled your precious orb?”

“Myth, I’ll have you pay for this!”

With everything set up I brought up Fantasia, because the orb’s image was too small I used projection to expand it. There it was, Fantasia, a world that fell apart without my guidance.

****

“So Mythra, what’s the name of this guy?”

“His name is Sota Shizuki, he’s a Japanese man at the age of 21.”

Neptune asked for Sota’s information and Mythra provided it, along with a picture of him. Neptune was surprised that he was 21, Sota looked like he could pass as a teen. After that Mythra and Neptune argued about whether we should see his journey from the beginning or watch how things are going right now. Since Neptune came all this way, I decided to start from the beginning to appease him. Mythra was a little shaken, she wanted to know he was safe after all. We rewinded the footage to the first day and then located Sota, only to see his appearance.

“Fifi, why does my precious human look like he survived a hurricane?”

“I tried to protect him the best I could, I swear!”

We kept watching as he tried to get used to his surroundings. He's so brave I can't help but feel proud of the poor guy. Then he saw that dragonfly appear.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!! I DON’T WANNA BE HERE! SOMEONE SAVE ME! MISS FIANNA PLEASE! PLEASE SAVE ME! MISS FIANNA!!!!!!

“....”

I had no words to say, meanwhile Neptune started laughing and Mythra stared at me.

“...Fianna, he knows I’m his goddess right? He does realize I’m practically his mother right?”

“...Sorry Myth, I neglected to tell him I wasn’t his god.”

I made a cutesy pose as I apologized, resulting in Mythra grabbing me and shaking me. Neptune meanwhile pulled out popcorn and a soda, he then told us to keep it down and stop ruining the show. We each pulled out snacks and continued watching. We saw Sota stumble across many beasts, some peaceful and others harboring ill-intent.

“Fianna! What the heck did those things eat to get so mutated!”

“I don’t know, okay! It was my first world so I messed up a bit. I love its inhabitants all the same.”

*Ting Ting*

“What the heck is that?”

We heard the jingle and saw the confused look on Neptune’s face. We then looked at the orb and realized why he seemed perplexed. Sota couldn’t see it but he had an invisible window behind him, the window said bad luck counter all capitalized. The count was at 0, although I had no idea what any of this meant. That was the case until…

Don’t tell m-OH MY GOD! IT’S CHASING ME!!!!

There goes Sota, running for his life while being chased by an orc. Suddenly the counter went up by one, so anytime something unlucky happens to him the count increases? While I thought about this, Mythra grabbed me and begun shaking me.

“FIANNA! WHY IS A CHILD OF MY SWEET EARTH BEING CHASED BY AN OVERSIZED PIGMAN!”

“AAAHHHHH!!!!! SORRY SORRY! I DON’T KNOW, STOP SHAKING ME!!!!”

“I guess this is karma for the ant-eater guy.”

Neptune remarked as he continued watching, this garnered Mythra’s attention leading her to start shaking him. We watched Sota’s resourcefulness as he tried to escape, even his willingness to use another innocent creature to save himself. However, when he put his life back at risk to save that slime he endangered, I was happy. Even more so when that same slime came back to save his life, resulting in their survival. Sota began his trek to the settlement in the distance and tripping on a twig garnered him another point on the counter.

“Poor Sota, he’s suffered from bad luck ever since birth. Now it feels like his situation has evolved, especially in a dangerous place like this.”

“At least we know how his “ability” works now, how do you feel about this Fianna?”

“At least he’s safe for now, let’s hope things don’t get any worse.”

Knowing that Sota’s had bad luck all his life makes me feel worse for him. Despite that, we continued to watch the footage speeding through anything unnecessary. On his first night Sota almost got eaten by a bear, as for his second night…

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!”

“Come on, it’s not that bad.”

We were terrified of Sota’s run in with a giant spider, I take back what I said about loving this world’s creatures. Thankfully Sota managed to survive again, however after that event Mythra looked at me.

“Fianna, we gotta burn your world down.”

“WHAT! Mythra I know that thing was disgusting but-”

“No Neptune, Mythra is right. With those things around this world will need to burn.”

Neptune starred at me and Mythra planning to destroy Fantasia in order to prevent those giant monstrosities from coming near us. After calming us down, we continued to watch the footage. Thankfully Sota enjoyed a more peaceful night his third day, the herbivores were so cute! Then came Mythra’s favorite part.

“HECK YEAH! You saw that kick, that felt so good! Although I got to take points off for presentation.”

“...Uh, Fianna, what's gotten into her?”

“Mythra’s been watching mortal television lately, the armored superheroes in it finish off the villain of the week with a kick.”

“Oh!”

I have to give Sota some credit with how he dealt with those goblins, it was still a risky gamble though. After that he made his way to the territory he saw, and sadly he broke the piece of advice I gave him.

****

“IMMA KILL THEM!”

“MYTHRA CALM DOWN! WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE PLANNING!”

“THEY ARRESTED HIM! FIANNA DO SOMETHING!”

Mythra called me for a response, but I buried my face into my table and covered my head. Poor Sota, how can my people be so rude? What’s worse is that he ended up going to the Kingdom of Rosaria, the same kingdom I warned him about. This isn’t good, especially since their already getting ideas about his possible origin. What can we do about-

*Crack*

We all looked at the viewing orb, it shattered into pieces on my table. Mythra ran trying to put the pieces together, I held my head at my broken orb, and Neptune scratched his chin.

“As I thought the reason you had a problem was due to orb quality, this is why you gotta upgrade.”

“WHAT!”

“Well don’t just stand there! Fifi, buy a new orb this instant!”

The team decided to break off until I managed to get a new set up, we each said our goodbyes. After they left I fell on my couch and sighed, god I feel like popping another bottle of my vintage. However, I need to be able to think right now. I pulled out my wallet and checked my savings, looks like I need to spend some Drachma.

“I know it’s not your fault, but still with all these expenses. Sota you better survive until we can see you again.”