In Which the Awesome and Brilliantly Talented Sage Sapientiersalt Acknowledges the Wonderfully Wise, Well-Informed, and Weirdly Bizarre Successor Who Shall Claim His Long Forgotten Artifact and Will Finally Hold His Goddamn Weight and Be Cool for Once!

“So, which errand are we doing first?” asked Dahlian. “Your new ring, or the mail delivery?”

“There’s an alchemy shop close by, so we should stop by there first,” I said. I also glanced down at the envelope tucked in my belt. “Besides, I think we’ll need to get some extra funds for the shipping fees.”

“What do you mean?” asked Lora. “Were the funds Father Anver gave not enough?”

“On normal circumstances, it would be enough, but this is a letter to the scariest demon we’re talking about. I don’t think those carrier pigeons are willing to deliver it with just normal fees alone.”

“Ooh, did you also have to deal with them in your visions?”

“I guess you can say that.”

We continued strolling through the streets, passing by laughing children playing with magic, some tough-looking adventurers, and other common folk. A few wizards also soared overhead on their broomsticks and magic carpets, their luggage dangling through the air. I wished we could also fly like them, but maybe we could in some future regions.

In any case, the peaceful view all the more convinced me to put my best efforts into preserving it.

Obviously, I still couldn’t do jack shit with these glitches, but my knowledge of this world—aside from the storyline—could probably be on par among the Enlightened Visionaries. So, with my current knowledge, I began to brainstorm for any other useful items I could possibly get from our specific destination before we arrived there.

Once we did, we took a moment to survey the exteriors before stepping inside. A gust of cool air greeted us, followed by a relaxing tune from an enchanted gramophone at the corner.

Dahlian, Lora, and I all stepped toward the counter and looked around.

And out of nowhere, something small jumped out at us.

We all jolted and stepped back as a tiny, round, fluffy guinea pig with brown, black, and white patches—neatly dressed in a suit and tie—front-flipped and landed onto the counter. He stood as tall as he physically could, presenting himself in front of all the rows of bizarre, mystical products lined up behind him.

“What a joy it is to see new faces!” said the guinea pig, with an unfittingly manly voice, tipping his top hat. “Welcome, my wonderful newcomers, to the shop of unlimited miracles! The name’s Pip, at your service.”

“Aww!” Lora squealed, cupping her flushed cheeks, eyes sparkling with delight. “He’s sooo cute!”

“Haha, you flatter me!” He winked and played with his bowtie. “And I must say, you’re quite as charming as well, my lady.”

“Oh my, what a smooth talker!”

I threw an exasperated look at her while Dahlian snorted.

So we ended up meeting Pip, the guinea pig merchant, huh? As far as I knew, he wasn’t a scammer or practiced anything sketchy or unethical. Thank god for that.

He was still rather persistent and frequently used a few classic aggressive selling tactics, though. He’d even weaponize his charms to sway the hearts of his customers into spending their money.

So, before Lora became his next victim, I loudly cleared my throat. “Say, we heard you sell the highest quality of goods, stuff we can’t find anywhere else, not even in the biggest, deadliest rift instances of Erudios, right?”

“We did?” asked Dahlian.

I elbowed him.

“Oh, y-yeah, we did! Is it true?”

“Why, that’s correct!” Pip hopped off the counter and zoomed around the shop on all fours at terrifyingly rapid speed, lining up glowing trinkets one by one. “I got magic charms to repel the most stubborn of wraiths, I got potions that can change your life, and I’ve got herbs only grown in the harshest environments all across Erudios!”

Lora and Dahlian dropped their jaws and twinkled their eyes.

“So what is it you’re looking for?” asked Pip, rubbing his paws together. “Or do you plan to simply explore and browse? In that case, I may have some suggestions…”

“That won’t be necessary,” I quickly answered. “We’re here for some Honeyflower seeds, a Ring of Gluttony, and…” I pointed at a particular item resting alone, high above the other goods. “That.”

Pip glanced at the worn, grubby black gloves and chuckled. “I’m afraid it’s not for sale. Only someone who speaks its full name may claim it, but in all my years, no one has successfully figured it out.”

“I know the name.”

“Eh? What?”

“Its full name is…” I took a really, really long, deep breath. “The Brilliantly Fantastical Genius Sage Sapientiersalt’s Magical Gloves That Are Actually Old Kitchen Mitts That I Imbued Some of My Magic Into It so That Anyone Even Normies With No Magical Powers Can Use Really Cool Magic and Show Off and be Cool but No One Can Unleash Its Powers and Claim It Until They Say Its Full Name Out Loud Haha Good Luck Figuring It Out Losers!”

I gasped for breath and coughed, wheezing and clutching my chest like I'd suddenly aged thirty years.

“The… wh-what?” asked Lora.

“What the hell was that about?” asked Dahlian.

As if that ridiculously long title was actually an incantation, the gloves began to emit golden light, levitated off the shelf, and floated into my palms.

“Huuuuuuuuh?!” Pip popped his eyes at me and the gloves. “Y-y-y-you know its true name?! How?! Th-th-that’s impossible!”

I stretched a sly grin. “Sorry for hiding it, but I happen to, let’s just say, aspire to claim a seat among the Enlightened Visionaries.”

Pip dropped his jaw, his little mouth quivering. “A-a-an Erudite Examinee?! You’re an Erudite Examinee?!”

“Not officially. I didn’t take any of their exams yet…” Being called that would be pretty awesome, though.

“What’s an Erudite Examinee?” asked Lora.

“You don’t know either, huh?” asked Dahlian.

“I barely learned much about the outside world growing up…”

“Ooh, I see…”

“Erudite Examinees are those who’re taking infamously difficult and dangerous exams to become an Enlightened Visionary, which is just a fancy title for a group of powerful sages that usually weave the future of Erudios,” I explained.

“Oooh, that sounds pretty cool,” said Dahlian. “You actually plan on taking their exams?”

“Well, I thought about it, but I don’t feel too confident about taking them so soon…”

“‘So soon,’ you say? Ah… ahaha…” Pip’s beady little eyes glowed at me as if he could see money raining from just my name alone. “Well! Why didn’t you say so?! What’s your name, son?”

“I’m Haruma Kurimoto.”

Pip chuckled and tipped his hat. “Haruma, my boy, I’d like to offer a proposition... a business arrangement, one might say…"

Oh? This is new. “Go on…”

“In exchange for sharing your wisdom with me… all your transactions with me henceforth shall be entirely free.”

“Huuuuh?!” Lora and Dahlian exclaimed.

“S-Seriously?! Everything will be free?!” asked Dahlian. “You’re kidding me!”

“Oh no, I am dead serious, my dear customers.” Pip adjusted his top hat. “All Erudite Examinees carry unfathomable amounts of knowledge, so much so that it is said that they can bend fate to their favor.”

Lora and Dahlian threw knowing stares at me. I awkwardly cleared my throat.

“Any seasoned merchant like me knows how truly valuable their knowledge is, and I say it’s worth as much as my entire stock of goods! Perhaps even more!”

“You overestimate me. I said I’m not an examinee yet.”

“Yet! That implies you plan on becoming one eventually, yes?!”

I scratched my head. “I mean, I could try…”

“There is no ‘could,’ my boy! You’ve earned the blessings of an Enlightened Visionary right before our very eyes! No one can simply possess that knowledge, not even a scholar!”

Pip scurried off and returned with an intricate, golden key twice his size. “Tell you what? I’ll let you go with those three items today without sharing any information in exchange, and I’ll even give you this. It’s a key that will conveniently transport you to my shop at any time you desire!”

I rubbed my chin.

“So what do you say? I’m sure we can both benefit very well with this business arrangement!"

I glanced at my friends, who gazed at me with those wishful and excited eyes, and frowned.

Pip wasn’t exactly as virtuous as a hero, but he wasn’t exactly the scummiest either. He still practiced some honesty and fairness, which was pretty rare to see in a merchant in this world, but still…

As if he sensed my hesitation, Pip batted his beady little eyes like a sad puppy.

Uwah! There it is! His iconic cute face! I chewed my lip. Not good, I can’t resist it! Why does he have to be so freaking cute?! “W-well…”

…If this meant that we could avoid losing money, then…

I reluctantly shook Pip’s tiny paw and said, “Fine, it’s a deal.”

“Marvelous! Hehehe, a pleasure doing business with you, new partner!”

And so, after exchanging farewells, we left the shop without spending a single coin.