Goddess of the City

Kitezh, Nadia, and Frigyes walked in a weird group huddle all the way to the changing rooms. Kitezh was sandwiched in the middle, as the others stared down at her in a mischievous way. Kitezh was able to tie up her bikini again, quickly ending whatever embarrassment she had.

“Okay, we can all go now, so stop hugging me,” said Kitezh.

Kitezh shoved Nadia away. Nadia immediately embraced Kitezh fiercely, shoving her face against her chest. Kitezh was struggling to get out of the boobage.

“Not so fast, Kitezh. I’ve been watching you this whole time. You’ve been acting weird around Jadwiga- OW, YOU BIT ME!” Nadia yelped after giving her concerns.

Nadia let go of Kitezh and rubbed the bitemark on her breast.

“We’re both neutral with each other, just as we agreed on. What’s your deal?” asked Kitezh.

“You both went on that mission together a few days ago. You were supposed to use that opportunity to put trust in each other. You were supposed to convince her that working with the guild was worth living for. Jadwiga doesn’t seem angry at you, but are you two really going to be neutral forever?” Nadia asked back.

Kitezh looked away from both of them.

“I lied. It’s not about the whole neutrality thing. When we visited Whistle Mountain, we were anticipating Drevtvarz to attack us. Though we soon learned Grigori had already killed him to steal his chimera phenomenon. In the end, I had to fight Grigori alone. And Jadwiga was, uh, brainwashed into killing me, while Grigori threatened to kill her. So, the outcome was just me having to save her while she was trying to kill me.”

“So you’re angry about how Jadwiga tried to kill you? It’s neither Jadwiga’s nor your fault, Kitezh! Jadwiga was not conscious, and Grigori was the bastard trying to kill both of you.“

“That’s not the part I’m upset about. It was about the circumstances that I put Jadwiga into. I kept thinking about what if I made the wrong move back there and ended up getting Jadwiga killed.”

“Is that it?” asked Frigyes. “We’re all stressed out when we have to fight. We’re all risking our lives. That’s why we’re part of the guild. We’re the brave, strong forces who can handle all of this. No offense, Kitezh, but the only reason you’ve never experienced this is because killing monsters was a breeze for you up until the phenomena showed up.”

“It’s more than just that. There was something that Grigori told me back there. Despite how much I hate him, he had a good point. Have all my decisions brought worse things for everyone? Have I been getting too close to people?

“Kitezh, are you saying you’d rather not have us around? If you’re afraid of getting us killed, we’re not going to blame you for that either. We’re all trying our best to work together to save each other.”

“Ugh! You’re not getting it!” 

Kitezh was getting irritated by the conversation.

“Kitezh, what does this have to do with Jadwiga anyway? If you’re overwhelmed with stress from the past days, that’s okay. We’re here for you. What we don’t understand is why you suddenly have malicious feelings for Jadwiga now,” said Nadia.

Kitezh stayed silent for a moment. She quivered her mouth and sputtered a few sounds before becoming coherent.

“J-Jadwiga should’ve been dead. She even saw her own early death as her only goal. Yet, I decided to spare her. You should know this, Nadia. I convinced her not to follow the words of the Demon Lord to her death. I keep beating myself about it, though. What if I threw her off that observatory that day? What if I didn’t convince her to join us, and she’d continue dying for the Demon Lord? Were the words that Jadwiga heard from the Demon Lord trustworthy?”

Kitezh put her hands over her eyes.

“I told Jadwiga all of that. I couldn’t help but think of the guilt that didn’t happen because I made a different decision. Jadwiga was fine with it, but I can’t tell if she was lying. Maybe she is actually hurt or hateful about what I said. As for me, I can’t interact with her normally anymore. All I can think about is how I am ruining her own path. I think about how I will be the cause of her death, or someone else’s, in the future,” Kitezh continued.

“Kitezh, you aren’t intentionally trying to kill her presently, though,” said Frigyes.

Kitezh began to choke up a little.

“T-the only reason Jadwiga survived in the barracks… I had to have the mentality of not caring about her. I encouraged her death. I can’t help but think that during that time, that way of thinking was the real me. But I’ve harbored too many feelings with all of you now. I wasn’t supposed to care about all of this. Yet now I’m always asking, what if I didn’t join your party that day, Frigyes? Would I still just be leading a monotonous life? Would Lev not have turned on you guys, or would he have killed you both?” Kitezh said with a strained voice.

“Kitezh, stop! You’re thinking too much!” Frigyes consoled sternly.

“I don’t know what’s right for me anymore. Was it a good idea to get involved with you guys so much? Or was it better to focus on myself? Not get involved with others, and live a more predictable life?”

Kitezh took her hands off her eyes, but kept her head down. Her eyes started to tear up.

“Kitezh, I know it stresses you out. I get stressed out about similar questions, too. These questions randomly pop into my mind, and they cause distress,” said Frigyes.

“Everyone makes hard decisions all the time. Some happen to be more consequential than others. However, with prior knowledge, we know how certain decisions might turn out. Though in reality, every decision is equally unpredictable. We will never know what would have happened if you had made a different decision that day. We don’t know what decision would actually put you at peace. All we can ask ourselves in the end is, am I satisfied with things as of now?” Frigyes continued to explain.

“But, what about others’ decisions? I changed Jadwiga’s decision, and yet I keep thinking about it. I keep thinking how things could’ve been worse for her,” said Kitezh, looking at Frigyes now.

“Deciding to meet these people is meant to change who we are. We show people different paths in life. We just want to guide people to what we think is right, and away from others we think are wrong. Of course, we don’t know who is actually right or wrong. Obviously, we can’t go back to change the past and figure out those answers, as far as I know. All we can do is make the most with the cards dealt,” Nadia said, brushing Kitezh’s hair.

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Nadia. Kitezh is different,” Frigyes said smugly.

“I’m different, how?” asked Kitezh

“You’ve got phenomenon powers. You can turn invisible! If any wrong decision is made, you can change it for yourself or others. You have the power to counter it.”

Kitezh realized it right now. She remembered who she really was. She was no longer Olga Korsakova, who would stress out over every decision and feel helpless when things didn't go her way.

"When I first got here, I decided I wanted a new identity. I wanted to create a new image for myself. One who would not stand by and watch as others suffer from stupid things that unexpectedly come their way. That's why when people asked, the first name that came to mind was the city itself. Kitezh. I wanted people to give people the idea that I was their Goddess, and to fear my relentless judgments," Kitezh explained.

Kitezh revealed her face behind her hands.

“That’s right, I’m Kitezh the invisible phenomenon. I am the Goddess of the city of Kitezh. I'm supposed to be the one strong enough not to care about the outcomes of decisions, because I will always be there to fix everything,” she said energetically, feeling herself beam up.

“Ohoho, she’s like a little kid now. This is kind of cringey,” Nadia laughed.

“Hey, I just really felt good enough to say that!”

“If you’re feeling that great, maybe you can share those feelings with others. Remember, it’s your decision. You decide what you think would be best for you.”

Kitezh left the changing room with Frigyes and Nadia. She thought about how to actually make her choices, knowing that she had the power to decide the outcomes.  She could attempt to make up with Jadwiga about her feelings and create a peaceful future for herself.

Despite this, Kitezh still awkwardly interacted with Jadwiga with small talk. You seriously thought the two would just make up like some cheesy rom-com? Kitezh still had a lot to learn. On top of that, Kitezh had her own dilemmas to think about.

“Grigori was stealing other people’s phenomena, but he implied it was something separate from Koschei’s plans. I know I shouldn’t think about this during leisure, but… back when I tackled that guard with the tentacle arm. Back when I blew up Grigori to bits. I now have the object and flesh for his tentacle phenomenon. I didn’t tell any of them yet. So, the question is, what is the right decision to make? Should I tell everyone and turn these items in? Or…”

“Kitezh are you daydreaming about something? You’ve been staring at Frigyes. Were you having ‘those thoughts’?” asked Nadia.

“Shut up, Nadia! Stupid pervert!” Kitezh yelled, snapping back to reality.

“Those who name-call are usually doing it as personal deflection… pervert!” Nadia retorted.

Kitezh spent the rest of the day relaxing with her allies. She wanted to keep her mind off more important things, realizing she could overcome any sort of consequence that might happen.

Meanwhile, with both Grigori and Drevtvarz out of the picture, the Demon Lord, Koschei, had to prepare for what was happening. All he knew was that Kitezh and her party were coming for him, most likely with violence. Though Koschei did not feel fear.

Kitezh still had no idea why she was transported to this world to become a phenomenon. Once these mysteries were clear to Kitezh, Koschei believed he would gain her full trust.

Kitezh’s resolve has given her less fear for her future as well. If she was meant to be the self-claimed Goddess of the city, she had better prove it for her next challenges.