Illyandaril's Doubts

It was back on the road for the five of them. Their hoshirins were blessedly unharmed, and many of the days passed without incident. Renji and Illya would spar to try and heighten their martial prowess, Nemi would continue to serve as Renji’s teacher, and he would occasionally help Hestia and Mariel with their camp duties. A rhythm had begun, and this journey had begun to feel less like a quest to save the world, and more like a nice road trip. The corruption that had littered the forest in the wake of the corrupted manticore had begun to fade, and their final night within the forest was blessedly normal, according to Mariel. “We’re actually not too far from the village I grew up in. It has a shrine to Adelphel if you’d like to go visit it, Your Highness.”

Illya didn’t respond right away. She was too lost in thought, recalling just how little she actually managed to do against the manticore. She wasn’t sure if her attacks did much of anything at all, and it was Renji and Nemi that ultimately made the decisive moves, even if Nemi only did so under her orders. Mariel felt much the same way, though she was handling the guilt of it better than Illya was. With a simple nod of her head, that was affirmation enough that their plan was now set in stone. Renji wanted to comfort Illyandaril, but he wasn’t sure what was bothering her, so he just tried to strike up some small talk with her, though she wasn’t nearly as receptive as she usually was.

Upon exiting the forest, the village was already in view, just over the hill from where they left the brush. Mariel’s home awaited them. Small and rustic, it certainly felt like the classic medieval villages Renji would know from his history classes in school, though oddly more advanced due to their access to magic. As they trotted into town, people largely left them alone, not wanting to interfere with their business, especially upon spotting Illyandaril. Renji had assumed this might happen. It was pretty easy to deduce that Illya was a princess, and upon learning that, it was not difficult to put the pieces together. She was a walking target for The Dark Lord, but more than that, she represented what many would likely see as an untouchable monarchy, the people they had to be most careful of lest they anger the worst people possible.

“Mariel?” An older beastman called out. A swift smile formed upon his face as he walked over to hug his daughter. His hair was greying, which affected the canine tail and ears he had, but he seemed to have more energy than most people his age. After some quick introductions, Mariel’s father would lead them to the local shrine.

In the middle of the town square rested a single stone monument, depicting a figure with a long, fluffy beard and a noble bearing. Indeed, Renji swiftly recognized this as a depiction of Adelphel, though it differed slightly from the one that he had seen prior. Illya got off of her hoshirin and knelt before the statue, ignoring how the mud clung to her regalia. The locals watched, whispering among themselves as they observed the ceremony. Even Renji’s enhanced hearing couldn’t catch what they said, but it seemed that Mariel heard some things she didn’t like. The way her ears pressed back against her skull and her gaze lowered told him all he needed to know of just how the villagers saw Illya.

Illyandaril’s prayer was desperate. Her hands clutched in front of her face as she prayed to Adelphel, seeking divine guidance. In her prayers, she declared her self-loathing for feeling so useless against the manticore, and how she wished to be even stronger so that she wouldn’t need to rely on others like that ever again. She was used to doing everything on her own, Balam had always praised her, as did many of the other nobles when they witnessed her. She hated this feeling, like a bog at the bottom of her stomach that made it difficult for her to look at her allies. Her confidence was shaken, though not shattered. She prayed, and prayed, begging for some kind of answer, but it never came.

Afterward, they were invited to spend the night at Mariel’s family home, stating that the company would be most welcome given that his children had all since moved out to begin their own lives. After a good dinner, many of the party had already gone to bed. Hestia, Nemi, Mariel, and her father had all gone to bed, leaving Illya and Renji sitting around the fire in the middle of the cooking pit, the stew they had for dinner still resting over its embers. Things were silent for a while. Illya couldn’t look him in the eyes, and he wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew he had to say something. After a few painful minutes, he finally spoke.

“I never really got the chance to thank you. When we were fighting that manticore, you covered for me in that battle, and I know if you hadn’t I would have been seriously injured, so with all sincerity, thank you.”

His words stuck, but Illya didn't respond. The silence crept in again, causing Renji to feel awkward once more. “I didn’t really do anything.” Illya finally muttered, staring down at her feet. She never brushed the mud off of her regalia from when she knelt earlier. “I should have been able to blow away a monster like that no problem, but we were constantly pushed back. If you and Nemi weren’t there, I don’t…” She bit her lip, unable to say the rest of what she was going to say. She didn’t know what she would have done, and that terrified her.

Standing up from where he sat, Renji sat himself down beside Illyandaril and scooted close. “Now, you listen here. Do you know why I brought more people with us?” He asked, though his question only seemed to distress her more.

“Because I’m worthless?” Her voice cracked, her shoulders shook. Her confidence was dwindling.

“No, not at all. If anything, you are the heart of this party, Illya. We all have strengths and weaknesses, not everyone can do everything. Take Nemi for example. She’s the best of us at using magic, but she struggles whenever anything gets in her face, right?” Renji patted Illya’s back, gently rubbing the area between her shoulders, hoping that his words might reach her better with the contact. “You are our best fighter. You have strength that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and you’re braver than most. I can’t think of anyone who would put themselves in harm’s way to save me.”

His words seemed to hit home, but Illyandaril didn’t lift her gaze to him, not yet. “Do you know?” she asked, “I can’t really use magic. It’s the downside of my blessing.” It felt like a confession, like she was revealing a dark secret that she expected would ruin Renji’s perception of her.

“So what? You like fighting in close quarters—I know you do. I know you’ve been gloomy these last few days, but you seem most like yourself again when we spar. I think the deal was good for you. Besides, that manticore was a bad matchup. We’ll all have them. If we encounter an enemy perfectly immune to magic, for example, Nemi won’t be able to do much of anything, right?”

Illyandaril stopped to think for a moment before finally lifting her teary-eyed gaze to him. “What about you? You can use magic, and fight in melee.” A fair question, she might have thought, but one Renji had an immediate answer for.

“True, but I can’t use magic nearly as well as Nemi can, and we both know that I’ll never come close to you in terms of raw power. If we’re talking speed, Mariel certainly has me beat, and I think Hestia’s the better cook between us two. Despite all that, I still just help where I can. This quest is only possible because of you, so don’t you go and think your strength doesn’t matter even for a second. You had a bad matchup, that’s okay, it happens. When the matchup is in your favor, I know you’ll end the fight in seconds, because that’s just how strong you are.”

A small huff came from Illya, and she looked at Renji one more time before resting her head on his shoulder. The two hugged beside the glow of the fire as Illya shed her worries with his support. The person she had thought would be a burden, the one she was so adamantly against even being brought to their world, was swiftly becoming her best friend. Every day seemed to reveal something about Renji that would make Illya see him in a new light, and she found herself wanting to learn more—but more than that, she knew she had to protect him. Once this quest was done, she wanted him to stay with her at the castle, let him have his own room, maybe even make him her right hand man, just as long as he stayed by her side. She held onto him tightly, and he returned the gesture as the two shut their eyes and found themselves reaching true understanding.