Greatest Tragedy

“Nameless God…”

It was using Ollie’s face, but those red eyes were truly nothing like the Ollie that I know. It’s making me uneasy.

During our first meeting, I was comfortable with him because I felt a strange familiarity towards him, but I can’t say the same thing now. His appearance here is pretty much a bad omen for me.

“Heh.”

He snapped his fingers and the surroundings eventually lost their colors. The world froze, it was the same as a Plot Hole. No, this in itself might be considered as a Plot Hole too.

“W-why… Are you the one behind this?!” I yelled at him.

“Why are you blaming me? You know who’s behind this all this time, right?” he shrugged coldly.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist. Of course, I know who’s behind this. I know it very well that all I could do was grit my teeth in frustration!

“...”

“You’re not saying anything to me this time?”

“It’s useless. My words are useless. It won’t reach anyone…”

The Nameless God glanced at me, then turned to the twins. He stood in front of them just as he did on the first cycle and looked down on their figures.

I looked away as it pains me to see them like that.

“If you really want to save them, think outside the box. It’s not like you to be so narrow-minded like this.”

“Eh? W-what do you…”

“Here.”

Out of nowhere, the book of the world appeared in my hands. [Dream-colored Sky]...

H-how can he summon this? I thought this is mine… or was my understanding of things incorrect all these times?

“Write,” he said as if it was an order.

“Huh?”

“Write with everything you have. Don’t just half-heartedly throw words carelessly. Your words are the rules of this world, anything is possible as long as you will it,” he said while giving me a glare.

What’s with that arrogant tone? It’s pissing me off.

“Anything is possible…? Don’t joke with me! I tried everything that I could but it’s still useless! I still can’t change anything!” I retorted back at him and threw away the book.

It’s useless!

“Did you really?” he asked.

“Eh?”

“Why are you obsessed with changing anything?”

Why am I… obsessed with changing anything?

I… I never thought that way… I just…

“Do you really need to change things just to get what you want?”

“That’s…”

I wonder why…

“You’re not this pathetic before. You were once a brilliant creator who wrote equally brilliant stories. But you’ve changed, you gave up writing and lost your dreams… all that’s left is an empty shell of your former self,” he leaned closer to me and spoke in a low voice.

“W-what…?” I glared at him.

“Don’t get too focused on changing anything. I’ve told you before, there is no such thing that can change the world,” he seriously said. “Not all changes are for the better.”

Then what am I supposed to do? Destroy the world just as he said? That’s definitely worse!

“Goddess,” he called. “If you can’t find an answer to this dilemma, this world will not end nor will it continue. Think carefully, do the twins really need to die for the plot to move forward? What exactly is considered ‘death’?”

Death…

Death is the major plot point of [Dream-colored Sky], in a way it is the core of the story itself.

But what exactly is death…? Passing away? Bleeding? The end of life…? Does it have to be physical… or is it possible to be something else instead?

I covered my mouth as I gasped in disbelief, then I laughed bitterly. I was stupid. How could I be so blind all this time?

I need to write.

It doesn’t matter what I use, I need something to write with. In this forest frozen in time, there wasn’t anything that I could use to do so. I literally have to write with everything that I have now.

I took a step forward to where I threw the book, but the nameless god spoke.

“Is this the answer that you found?”

“I don’t know! But right now, this is all I know!”

“You’re going to shatter just like what happened to me and the other gods.”

I stopped after hearing those words, but I quickly regained my resolve.

I don’t want to hesitate anymore. If this is the price of writing, then I will write with everything that I have, even if my entire existence shatters!

This is my dying regret, isn’t it? To not be able to continue writing before… but I can do it now. I know I can do it now!

Although I ended up writing for the sake of others this time too, I have no regrets if I could spare these children from meeting such an unreasonable death. It was because of me anyways, it’s just a given that I’ll be the one to make up for it.

It’s not just the twins… I also made many others suffer.

And among those… This god is also one.

“So what?! If I shattered just like you said, isn’t that better for you?! You no longer have to endure being drowned by the burden of this world’s memories!”

He froze in disbelief, his eyes widened in shock. He wasn’t expecting that I will say those words now of all times, was he?

His expression turned from indifferent to aghast as soon as I said that, but I could care less about it now.

I finally managed to pick up the book from where I threw it and opened it to the introduction chapter. Once this is over, the original story will start.

“Goddess… what are you…”

He had a horrified expression as we watched my next actions.

“The Creator bleeds…”

Just like that, a wound appeared on my palm. The blood trickled on my finger as I brought it closer to the paper.

“STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

The Nameless God’s expression turned from serious to distressed at that moment.

“The Creator bleeds to relieve the suffering of the world.”

Yes, this is how it should be.

I need to write with everything that I have now.

I pressed my bloodied finger on the paper and started writing the words to get what I want. I will write, and write, and write, and write… WRITE!

WRITE WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE! WRITE UNTIL YOU NO LONGER CAN!

WRITE FOR HOPE! WRITE FOR TOMORROW EVEN IF YOU’RE NO LONGER THERE!

“GODDESS, STOP!!!”

I did not stop for a moment, I continued writing despite the shouts from the Nameless God.

But as soon as he got closer to me, he forcefully took the book away from my reach.

“Stop this, Goddess! You’re going to end up like us if you continue this!” the god argued.

“Didn’t I make myself clear?! I don’t care about it anymore, as long as—”

My words were stopped when the god raised his voice out of nowhere.

“WHY DO YOU THINK I WANT TO DESTROY THIS WORLD?!!!” the god yelled at me.

“Eh…?”

“EVEN IF I WANT THIS WORLD DESTROYED, WHO DO YOU THINK KEPT IT ALIVE ALL THIS TIME?! IT WAS ME!” the god shouted in a frustrated tone. “I was once a god too! Of course I felt what you’re feeling right now over and over again. I was powerless, that’s why I had to shatter myself! But you’re different, you have more than I had!”

He continued glaring at me which made me flinch. However, I was caught off guard when I saw that tears were falling from his eyes.

“DON’T SHATTER YOURSELF FOR THIS ONE MOMENT!”

I don’t know why but seeing his crying face made me pause. It was as if a bucket of cold water was poured on my head. It made my mind clearer, but at the same time, it made me more confused.

“T-then what do you really want me to do?!” I snap back. “One time you’re asking me to destroy the world, but when I was about to give myself up, you’re stopping me. I don’t understand you anymore!”

His lips gape, then he closed his eyes tightly. He then put a hand on his chest and stared at me with a worried expression.

“Can’t you see what happened to me? I did not cease to exist even after I shattered. I was still in this world, and I will forever be here repeating the same cycles, witnessing the same deaths, listening to the same screams, over and over again…”

I fell silent.

“If you shatter now, you will just become even more miserable than you are now,” he clearly stated despite still crying. “Goddess, a story without suffering is just an empty tale.”

I looked away. Of course, I know that. One element of great stories is conflict, but even I know that I overdid it for this world.

This world suffered enough, is it wrong for me to wish for the tragedies to stop?

“No, it’s natural for you to wish that.”

Eh? Did I say that loudly?

“But Goddess, you missed to acknowledge the greatest tragedy of this world,” he bitterly spoke.

“Greatest tragedy…?”

Did I write something like that in [Dream-colored Sky]?

Was it the destruction of the kingdom? The betrayal of the royals?

“Goddess,” the god called me with a solemn look. “Nothing is more tragic than an unfinished story.”

Ah.

My eyes widened and my mouth gape. I wanted to say something but words have failed me.

I see. It was like that…

Indeed, that was the greatest tragedy. My greatest tragedy.

The fact that I was unable to finish writing this story in my previous life was in itself a tragedy greater than anything that will happen in the future of this world.

If a house is destroyed, you can rebuild it. If a loved one passes away, you will eventually move on. The memory will remain but life will go on.

But an unfinished story has no resolution. It only leaves a lingering sense of loss and the disappointment of an ending that will never be realized. Everything will be left as it is without reaching a conclusion, without reaching the end of the journey.

In a way, it’s the same as my life, isn’t it?

I remember the despair of being rejected– my works being looked down and ignored.

I remember how it broke my heart when my circumstances forced me to give up writing.

I remember the fear that I felt when I tried to write again but was unable to produce the same quality and style.

I remember how I pretended to be content with a job that I don’t really like even though it was killing me inside.

I remember my dying moments and my regrets that I won’t be able to fulfill anymore.

Those are the tragedies that no one knows except me, except Ruri Nanashi.

This unfinished story, as well as Ruri Nanashi’s life… those are the greatest tragedies that were deprived of a proper ending.

“Goddess, this has always been a tragedy-stricken story because you yourself have a tragic story. It’s impossible to wish for the tragedy to stop if you yourself could not resolve your own story.”

“I see… haha…” I laughed weakly, then I felt like I lost my strength on my knees. I collapsed on the ground and stared at the colorless sky. “The greatest tragedy all this time was me.”

For some reason, the sky deprived of colors was oddly comforting. I closed my eyes and rested my bloodied hands on my chest.

The greatest tragedy… was me. My unfulfilling life full of regrets and disappointment, the way it is reflected in this story… I really can’t change it now, can I?

In a faraway memory, I remember a younger me writing just for the sake of writing. It was so fun, I enjoyed every moment that I spent crafting stories. But once I turned into an adult, I had to change… I had to compromise with society's expectations of me.

There was no need for me to change then, but I still did.

Maybe it was because I was weak that I easily relented to pressure. But if I hadn’t changed, would I still feel miserable? I don’t think so. Life will be hard, but it will definitely be fulfilling.

What a shame, all I could do was laugh bitterly.

I can’t go back to that life, to that time, to that place anymore. No matter how much I regret it, I can’t change what happened anymore. This story is the same too, isn’t it?

All of this happened already and cannot be changed.

Even so, this is my reality now. I can’t change it, that’s a fact that I’ve accepted, and even though I can’t change what I’ve already written… I can interpret it differently, right?

Yup, let’s do that and cheat this world.

For the sake of the people… and for the sake of this broken god too.

“I made you suffer too, didn’t I?” I spoke without opening my eyes.

“... I didn’t mind,” the god answered. “The other gods think so too.”

“How many cycles was it?”

“I lost count already,” he responded. “Before I shattered, I kept counting, but after that… I could no longer remember the exact number.”

“Was it hard?”

“...”

Of course, it’s hard. They are trying to keep the world of an unfinished story afloat up until the point that they had to shatter, forgot their names, and lost their authority.

“Say, did you know that I’ll reincarnate in this world? Were you waiting for me?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I made you wait, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did.”

“I’m sorry about that, I guess I really became pathetic just as you said,” I said lightheartedly.

“Fufu, I agree,” he chuckled lightly, his voice wet.

I wonder what kind of expression is he making now…

I opened my left eye to look at him and I realized that we’re no longer in the forest. We’re now in a theater that looks like it was devastated by a storm.

The curtains were tattered, the floorboards were unmaintained, and the stage where we are is dark.

The being that I wanted to see was kneeling beside me and was wiping his tears away.

He was a tall man, but seeing him like this actually made him seem small and fragile. He has the same pale pink hair as Ollie, but longer and it was kept in a low ponytail behind him. His eyes were, as expected, red… from both its natural color and from crying.

“Goddess…” he called while sobbing. “...don’t leave us again.”

I reached out my clean hand to his face and wiped his tears myself.

“I finally saw your face, God of Memory.”

“Un. Nice to meet you, Goddess.”

His voice was deeper compared to Ollie’s, but if Ollie were to grow up, I think he would resemble the God of Memory too.

“Thank you for taking care of this world in my stead,” I said with a smile. “You did great holding on.”

“No… I still ended up wishing for this world to be destroyed. You shouldn’t give me too much credit,” he reasoned back.

“But it’s a valid request. It was too much for you, wasn't it?”

“Un… it was too much…”

I stared into his eyes and smiled at him.

“Shall we destroy this world then?”

“Eh?”

His eyes widened and his expression was pure shock and confusion as if I just said something absurd.

“Let’s destroy this world,” I reiterated.

“H-huh? But I thought the Goddess wanted to save the world?”

“Fufu. Since when did I say that?” I chuckled lightly. “All I wanted was for the tragedy to be prevented and for the people to not suffer.”

“That doesn’t make any sense…”

“It doesn’t have to.”

He looks even more confused and stunned.

Hmm, I think I phrased it weirdly that’s why he doesn’t get it.

“Ahem, let me rephrase that,” I cleared my throat. “Let’s end this world.”

“That doesn’t make it any better,” he narrowed his eyes on me.

“Ehh…”

I was worried that he still doesn’t get what I’m trying to say, but now that I notice, he stopped crying. This time, I can stare at his face clearly.

“Goddess…? Is there something on my face?”

“Nope. I just thought that you’re cute,” I beamed at him.

His face stiffened then it turned red all of a sudden.

“W-w-what are you trying to say?!”

“Hmm…” I leaned closer to his face. “You’re really good-looking, as expected from my creation.”

“G-goddess, you’re close!” he whisper-yelled at me while closing his eyes tightly.

“Oops, sorry!” I moved away.

I stood up and he did the same. The two of us were face to face this time.

“As I was saying… Let’s end this world, God of Memory,” I said again.

“I don’t know how you plan to do that, but as long as you won’t abandon us again, I’ll go with you to the end of the world.”

I offered my hand to him as a sign of cooperation.

He stared at it intently before taking it and shaking it.

“Let’s get along well, Oleander.”

“Eh?”

The moment I said that, the theater instantly lit up. Particles of light came from our entwined hands and spread in the entire theater. The curtains were fixed, the floorboards looked better and the stage became presentable.

When I looked at Oleander, he had this innocent awe while staring at his theater that went from a rundown to pristine condition in a blink of an eye.

“Goddess, this is…” his eyes were wide in disbelief, but it was because he was amazed and surprised.

“I’m returning the name that you lost. I got it right, didn’t I?” I beamed at him.

“Un! Thank you, Goddess!”

He launched himself at me and hugged me tightly. I did not push him away seeing how happy he was.

“If you’re that happy, then I guess I’ll let you hug me longer.”

“Ah!”

He let go right away.

“Haha, I got carried away.” He awkwardly looked away.

“Heh~ You can hug me longer though~” I teasingly said.

“Ahem! I wouldn’t want to impose on the Goddess that much.”

I pouted at him and narrowed my eyes. That seems like something Ollie will say.

He looked away and cleared his throat once again.

“Ahem! Once again, allow me to introduce myself properly.”

He put a hand on his chest and lowered his head to me in respect.

“I am the God of Memory, Oleander. It was an honor to receive my name from the Goddess once again,” he politely spoke.

“Nice to meet you, Oleander. I am Lapis Lazuli, please just call me by that name,” I returned his greeting with a smile.

“Understood, Lapis-sama.”

“Great.”

I clapped my hands and slightly winced at the pain from my wounded hand, but it wasn’t that obvious.

“W-well, I guess we’re going to start a new cycle again.” I tried to divert the conversation to somewhere else.

It was a shame that a Plot Hole occurred now, but it wasn’t that surprising. I guess I’m going back to being strangers with Shiro and Kuro in the next cycle.

“About that…” Oleander looked away with a troubled expression.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“Ah… uhm… eh…”

“Oleander,” I narrowed my eyes on him.

“That wasn’t a Plot Hole!”

“Huh?” I raised my brow at him.

“I’ll explain soon! Let’s meet in your Miniature Sanctuary!” he frantically said.

He put his hands on my back and pushed me.

“Oi! How rude!” I complained to him.

“I’m really sorry about this, Lapis-sama! Let’s meet soon!” he said as I could feel myself falling into nothingness. “Thank you for calling my name again!”

______________

The next time that I woke up, the ceiling of my room greeted me.

It was quiet, but the sun was already out. I guess I returned to the day before meeting the twins. The day after I gave the name Espoir to the town.

I could only sigh to myself as I lamented the absence of Shiro and Kuro in my Sanctuary.

A week of connection… gone.

I feel like I just woke up from a long dream, a bittersweet one.

I stayed like that for at least five minutes before I decided to leave my bed.

“Alright, I’ll do better this time,” I said to myself. “Let’s end this story.”

As I was pumping myself up, the door of my room opened.

“Lapis-sama! You’re awake!” Ollie exclaimed.

“Good morning, Ollie!”

Then, two others peeked into my door.

“Sensei!”

EH???!!!

HOW ARE THEY STILL HERE??!!