Uda - Dread (1)

Lera had stormed out of the tent, furious and trembling, leaving Uda carelessly behind on the ground. Kelwin followed her, his eyes alarmed, vomit at the corners of his mouth. Uda groaned and was about to collapse from exhaustion when she realized the waves of nausea had stopped crashing over her. She could move again, even if every inch of her body ached. Her eyes fell on the apple Lera had dropped when she lashed out with the whip. With the backpack still on her shoulders, Uda crawled toward the red fruit, driven by hunger.

Not far now… a little more…

Her hands were burning, yet she didn’t care when they finally closed around the apple. She bit into it in a rush, and the fruity, refreshing taste made her sob with joy. She devoured the fruit almost without chewing. Every taste of sweetness on her tongue, every bite as her teeth sank into the soft flesh, felt like a gift. Some of the juice dripped from her mouth, and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand, only to lick it off right afterward.

At last, Uda rolled onto her back in exhaustion, not caring that the uneven stones in the backpack pressed into her body. She ignored Lera’s shouting orders outside, as well as the clattering and rustling sounds that slowly crept into the tent.

Her relief was short-lived; nothing about her situation had changed. Lera’s retaliation would still come.

Why did I spit in her face? Because she deserved it? Yeah, she did, but still... Now I’m in deep shit... Fuck… Fuck, what is gonna happen to me… What are they gonna do…

What would Lera think up as a punishment for her? Would she really force her to crawl naked in front of the Nightmare Hunters, on all fours, degraded and—

Uda squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to think about it. She couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t go on.

I am done...

Even with the apple, even with this brief moment of rest that was starting to feel like the calm before the storm, it was over. Sobbing, she wiped her hair from her face and buried it in her hands.

Please, no more... I can’t do this anymore…

Suddenly, Kelwin yanked the tent open and pulled her up without a word. Not even looking at her, he dragged her outside. Uda no longer had any strength to resist. Around them, cold fear was written on the Hunters’ faces.

They rushed past, taking down the tents and preparing to move. Some weren’t wearing armor, ripped from their meditation by the unknown event, and ran about in nothing but white shirts. Others hurried to saddle their horses and load the carts. Through a blurry haze, Uda noticed a few of them stopping in front of the Sky Stone, saluting and paying their respects to the glowing circle, as if it gave them courage.

Not enough, though.

Again and again, their eyes swept across the fields. The Hunters listened, afraid of missing the faintest distant sound. Lera herself moved with purpose from place to place, barking orders, and there was no trace left of the alcohol she had drunk—neither in her posture nor her breath. Still, she trembled whenever she thought none of her Hunters were watching.

Soon, Kelwin threw Uda roughly onto one of the carts, backpack and all. Her head slammed hard against the bed of the wagon as the stones dug painfully into her back once more. The Aspirant climbed up with her, turning his head tensely in all directions, whip clutched tightly in one hand.

It wasn’t long before the cart jolted into motion. Uda used the opportunity to sink back into herself, trying to push away the horrific events in Lera’s tent and find some semblance of rest, though the circle inside her denied her any. She was pulled back and forth between the glow within and sharp flashes of awareness of her surroundings. Not even the Sky Stone’s colorful light could help her now; it seemed distant, as if she looked at it through fog.

Most of the following journey passed in disconnected impressions, each one cutting into Uda’s thoughts. Since she spent most of the time lying on her side, the stones no longer pressed into her continuously, but at the same time she couldn’t see the landscape or where they were headed.

Fragments of moments broke through her misty thoughts: a burning Sun at its zenith, the full moon framed by clouds, gnarled leafless trees, the open sky, and towering cliffs. They moved upward, then downward again. The air turned dry, then moist once more. The wind sometimes blew strong, sometimes almost ceased.

At times she heard the screeching of Nightmares and felt their warmth. At others, only the quiet trickling of a brook as the unit passed through. Twice, she sensed tension in the air and heard distant roars, followed by cheers for Lera. In those moments, Kelwin wasn’t there to suffocate her with his presence.

A humming filled the air, and now and then the Exorcist barked orders, but she no longer showed herself.

Has she had enough? Or will she wake me in a fit of rage and hatred? What a terrible creature she must think I am. If only I could tell the truth. If only I could make it clear that I’m not possessed... But then what would happen to Nia? Uda wondered in half-delirium, while her body slowly began to recover.

She couldn’t do that. No one would believe her anymore. And even if they did, they wouldn’t let Nia go. There was something about Nia that felt wrong. Even Uda couldn’t deny it. Was it pain? Suppressed rage? Self-hatred?

There had to be some way to help her.

More and more often, Uda saw a faint shimmer above her. Sometimes it appeared in blue and red, sometimes in yellow, green, and violet. Most of the time she assumed it was a hallucination, the colors so distant, yet they brought her comfort, much like the thoughts of darkness once had. Unlike that darkness, however, the circle within her didn’t resist the colors. They had to come from the Sky Stone’s light, and with that realization, hope began to stir once more.

Somehow, she would find a way to escape. To help Nia.

Time passed. Days slipped by. She kept seeing the Sun, then the moon again, caught between her thoughts and the pain seeping through her body. One horrid day came with cold sweats, chills, and numbness in her limbs. She felt her body spasm, heard her own groans, and didn’t know whether she was about to wake from the Dream or only imagining it all.

Then came a cloying warmth, and to her disgust, it made her feel better. She saw Kelwin, his expression twisted in revulsion as he stretched his fingers toward her. Silver threads shimmered from his hands and connected with her body in countless places. Part of her didn’t want him to hold her in the Dream. That part only wanted rest, to finally find peace. Peace she would likely never find in this hopeless terror.

She giggled when it hit her that she was living inside a Nightmare herself—one brought to her by those who prided themselves on doing the exact opposite.

Kelwin flinched when he heard her rasping laughter, which probably sounded half-insane. Instinctively, he reached for his whip with his right hand, but his left continued to release silver threads, glimmering in the night light.

Slowly, she began to feel better. To her horror, that meant the nausea and disgust returned in full force. The chains, with their repulsive glow, forced her back down again and held her deep in the cart, while Kelwin’s Lucidity spread through her body.

Then, one day, she surfaced from the depths of her thoughts and the Dream became clear again. Her hair clung to her face, and her stomach growled once more. The air was pleasantly warm and slightly humid, but the sky was shrouded in dark clouds. Kelwin sat in his usual spot. She didn’t dare meet his gaze for fear of punishment, and once again, she hated herself for having such dreadful thoughts.

It’s only because of the situation. I’m still myself. Normal. They haven’t broken me... Uda tried to convince herself.

“That sure took a while, Kelwin. You still need more practice,” came a sweet voice.

Uda couldn’t see Lera, but judging by the direction, she was nearby, probably on another cart with Nia.

Kelwin grimaced. “I’m not a healer, not a cleric. I’m a warrior. Why…” he began, but Lera cut him off sharply.

“Because I told you to. You’re my Aspirant, and you do what I command,” she hissed.

“May I ask why? Why are you so intent on training me to heal? I really want to know, Exorcist, please,” Kelwin asked carefully, sounding genuinely curious.

There was silence. Kelwin looked as if he feared being struck with Lera’s whip. Then, to Uda’s surprise, she answered, her voice ice-cold.

“Have you ever been in a real fight since your training? Against a Nightmare? No. I did the work. I killed them, not you. And those scattered minor Nightmares we’ve met so far—did they make you think you know what they truly are? Understand what they’re capable of? If so, you are wrong. They are nothing compared to the truly vile creatures out there. The others. The ones that appear deep within the Shaded Lands, far from the Holy Shields. Believe me, you’ll be grateful to heal yourself or someone else when you’re standing face-to-face with one of those monsters and need to escape waking long enough. I know your aspirations. But how do you expect to become an Exorcist if you can’t even keep someone alive who’s had their guts torn out, or a limb cut off?”

Kelwin turned pale, swallowing hard. Uda’s skin went cold as terror crept over her back.

“What… what kind of creatures do you mean? Are you talking about… them? I do not mean to intrude, but I heard about it… Did… Did you encounter one of them in Eskia, Exorcist...?” he began, but Lera cut him off again.

“Are you insane? Not here, where the enemy can listen! That little bitch next to me might have her eyes closed, but who says she isn’t only pretending? The Possessed are deceitful and cunning. And don’t even get me started on the one lying next to you. If she escapes… you have no idea what she would do with information. How she would use it against us…” Lera growled, her voice quivering slightly.

“I… I didn’t mean to… It’s just, I heard rumors... like everyone...” Kelwin tried to defend himself.

“You only need to know it was the worst thing you can imagine, you idiot! That day… almost all woke. All would have woken if Exorcist Corf hadn’t appeared...”

“You… saw him?” Kelwin asked again, this time with awe in his voice, hope, and a smile of wonder.

Lera seemed to hesitate, then answered. Her voice was softer than ever before, almost as if she was somewhere else, somewhere better.

“Well, if those two bitches hear this, let them. Let them know what they have to fight against—them and their rancid kind. Yes, I did see him, Kelwin. I have never met a man I would call a hero, save for him. He was... something else. He was an Enigma even then, the only hope that kept people fighting. Kept me fighting. People like him are the reason I think we’re not lost yet. Why the darkness might not win, after all. And even though he retired after that day, the day that made him the first Exorcist, his actions lived on in those who witnessed them. You have no idea what was lost, Kelwin. No fucking clue! How many woke when the Lighthouse fell. But we prevailed. I prevailed. Because there are people out there who are what you and I are not. Heroes. And now leave me the fuck alone about Eskia. The whore next to you would probably love to hear more details, and I’ll be damned if I feed her a weakness of ours she didn’t know before. So shut the fuck up, and don’t give her more intel she could use.”

Lera’s last words were full of fury, and Uda heard the wrath in her tone.

“I... I didn’t mean to…” Kelwin stammered, turning his head away in embarrassment. The Exorcist did not continue speaking for some time.