Uda - Dread (2)

“While we’re at it... how is she?” Lera finally asked, though her tone didn’t suggest she was expecting a positive answer.

Uda shifted restlessly. What would Lera do to her now that she was recovering? What kind of torment was waiting for her?

“She’s half awake. Seems comparably sane again. Was it smart to make me save her? Why do we have to keep the Possessed among us after the thousands they’ve woken??” Kelwin asked, placing his filthy boots on Uda’s head.

The weight pressed against her temple. She tried to turn away from him, but she still couldn’t move, and the nausea slowly began to cloud her senses again. The stench of sweat only intensified her disgust.

“Because it’s an order from above, and we follow it. We’re supposed to learn more about them, study them. At least, that’s the explanation I was given. Who knows what other plans the High Exorcists have? I don’t care, as long as they let us reign them in with all we have until they’re handed over to the Revealers in Hilt. Or to Exorcist Immesh, in her case,” Lera replied.

“Have you ever encountered...?” Kelwin started, then fell silent.

He shifted uncomfortably, moved his weight, and let his boot slide carelessly down onto Uda’s face. The acrid stench flooded her nose, and she tasted rancid dirt.

Uda wanted to throw up, or better yet, grab him and... but what would that achieve? What was the point of thoughts like that if they only distracted her from finding a way out? She wanted to give in to the hatred, but it felt pointless. What mattered was saving Nia, keeping her from the same darkness now gnawing at Uda.

I won’t let you change me, you terrible people. I won’t allow you wretched spawn of the Circle to push me into a place inside myself where there might be no return from. I don’t want the warmth the darkness gives me to be filled with cold and nastiness one day, Uda told herself.

She did her best to ignore the smell and taste, to shut out the pressure on her face and skull.

Lera hadn’t spoken in a while. She seemed to be thinking. Uda had never seen the Exorcist at a loss for words, and that unsettled her even more. When Lera finally spoke, her voice was soft—truly soft for the first time.

“Kelwin, there’s one thing I wouldn’t wish on anyone: understanding what the Possessed truly are. What they’re capable of. You don’t know what it was like back then, when they first appeared. You have no idea how comforting it was to believe that Nightmares only existed beyond the Holy Shields, where the Hunters drove them back, kept them away. You can’t imagine what it’s like when suddenly the people next to you start to wake... writhing in agony, vomiting up their own intestines, or clawing their eyes out... people you are...”

Her voice failed, and Uda noticed that it was trembling. Terror spread through her mind.

What had happened in this world that caused Lera, Kelwin, and the others to carry such deep disgust? They were willing to see another being as worthless, as a toy to unleash their bottomless hatred upon. Yet... what if I had faced a true case of possession, would I have acted the same way? If a creature like the false Locu had been captured and stood before me, taunting Nia... or worse, if it had woken Nia... would I have taken my hatred out on it just the same as Lera did?

Uda wanted to believe she wouldn’t have. That she was a good person. That Nia was a good person, too. Still, she couldn’t convince herself.

She didn’t even know who she was. All she knew was that she felt at home in the darkness. Wasn’t that a sign that something evil, something destructive, lived within her too?

Nia would have acted like Lera, the thought suddenly shot through Uda’s mind. Or maybe even worse...

The way Nia had looked and behaved after Locu’s death... if the creature had stood helpless before her, then...

Uda began to tremble.

“Kelwin. Do you know why I chose you, of all people, to be my Aspirant?” Lera suddenly asked into the silence.

Kelwin turned to her in surprise. “No?”

“You thought being an Exorcist would be heroic, that it would bring you glory, feed your ego. You believed that just because you were talented during training, you’d make a great Exorcist. You were the naivest idiot on that field the day I selected you. You had never seen a Nightmare before. You had only read about them, only heard the tales told by braver men and women, their voices shaking, full of dread.”

“What are you trying to say...?”

“You have fewer weak spots when we eventually run into a Deepest. And we will, if we stay out here long enough. There might even be one nearby. You would stand at least some chance since you don’t carry scars in your mind or on your body. I’m not kidding myself. That fear we felt... that emptiness... that was probably one of them. The lower Nightmares can be defeated by anyone trained enough to wield the light of the Holy Circle. But the Deepest... you have no idea what they really are, do you? Just some information you memorized in training, spewing it back out to pass a test...”

Kelwin swallowed. His face had turned white as chalk. “I… Exorcist Lera…”

“So you know what the Deepest are?” She ignored his protest, now hate in her voice.

“Yes… the Deepest are different from normal Nightmares. They appear far from the Shields and move towards us. In contrast to the lesser Nightmares, they possess high intelligence. They wield great Lucidity, poisoned, and can crush both spines and thoughts. That is why we train both bodily and mental fortification. They can use the weaknesses of your mind against you…” Kelwin recited, but Lera cut him off.

“Yes. I just didn’t think you’d forget that.”

Kelwin jumped to his feet. Uda inhaled the fresh air with relief when his boot finally moved away from her.

“No, I would never forget…!” he began to protest.

“Then explain why you’re being so careless with her,” Lera hissed, and Uda knew she was pointing at her.

“But… what?” Kelwin stammered, staring down at Uda with his mouth open.

“What do you think she is? Some kind of special case? No. I think she isn’t possessed by a simple erratic Nightmare. A Deepest is dwelling inside her. The worst-case scenario! I suspected it early, saw through her wretchedness. Only a Deepest could withstand what we threw at her. That stamina... that young woman at your feet is...”

Kelwin stepped back from Uda, his face drenched with sweat and fear.

“I thought that was obvious since her outburst in my tent! I would’ve never let you near her if I’d known you didn’t understand that much! You’ve been staring at her as if… Kelwin, you stupid shit, she’s wrapping you around her finger. Soon you’ll start thinking about her, wondering if she can be saved, if she…” Lera snapped.

Uda was confused. She was supposed to be… what? Kelwin kept staring at her, his face now green with horror.

“I didn’t know she was a…” he tried to justify himself.

“Neither did I. But the longer I’m near her, the more I feel the danger. She resisted me! No one in her condition should’ve been able to do that—it’s impossible! And I’ve been thinking… A Deepest has never been studied by Revealers during possession. In fact, they’ve never been studied at all. None have ever been captured—too dangerous! And now that I see her, now that I’ve interacted with her, I know why. She… it? She isn’t as intelligent as we are, but she has more awareness than any other Possessed I’ve ever seen. If there’s a Deepest in this young woman, a Lust, it would explain so much. Her bodily shape, her beauty. Yes, you know how much strong Lucidity can shape appearance. And the horror we experienced! The emptiness that struck us when she resisted me—I think that was her. She just made it feel far away, but it was near us. She let her mask drop and somehow managed to use the darkness, just for a moment. She’s strong enough to overpower the stones around her neck, even if only for an instant. We need to get rid of her soon, yes. Exorcist Immesh will be better suited to study her, to contain her, to break her…” Lera explained, her voice shrill with excitement.

Uda didn’t know what to think. Had Lera gone insane? She was connecting puzzle pieces that didn’t exist and getting lost in her own thoughts... or maybe not?

Did I cause that event? Uda asked herself. But it can’t be!

he had felt the abyss pour into her. Why would she frighten herself? Yet… something in that emptiness had felt familiar, almost guiding, as if her subconscious had tried to help her…

“Exorcist, if that’s the case, shouldn’t you…?” Kelwin stammered.

“No. We still have her under control. She didn’t manage to overpower the stones, and her little stunt cost her dearly, nearly woke her. We are still in control. Isn’t that right?” she suddenly called out.

Uda flinched. Lera’s words were directed at her.

“I know you’re eavesdropping on our conversation. I’m not stupid! I wanted you to know that I know. You’re trying to win Kelwin over with your dreadful eyes and your seductive curves. You must be deeply connected to tainted Lucidity if you could take on such a form. But it won’t help you. I’ve seen through you. You’re a Deepest! Not some lesser shit like your Seductress friend, but a Lust. You’re planning to turn my people to your side and massacre them.” Lera stopped, her breath ragged. The pause was worse than her fury. “And I even played right into your hands, didn’t I? Kelwin is the perfect breeding ground, the only mental weakness he does have: he wants to sleep around, even though his duties should come first. A weakness I overlooked when I chose him! Perhaps it was just bad luck. But Exorcist Immesh will deal with you. He’s a battle-forged companion of the Light and a Revealer of Truth. Oh, by Sisona, I’ll be relieved when we’re rid of you. But I wanted it clear that you didn’t fool me, no matter how clever you thought you were. We’ve captured a Deepest; we’ll go down in the annals of the realm for it. And we’ll make you suffer all the more…”

Uda wanted to protest, to tell her she wasn’t possessed, that she’d done it all for Nia...

But only pitiful sounds escaped her throat.

“No… I…” Uda managed, but suddenly Lera jumped over the edge of the cart and landed beside her.

Uda saw the fury in her wide, wild eyes, saw the glowing red threads shoot from her fingers, heading straight for her mouth. Her lips began to melt. She clenched her mouth shut, but the threads hissed as they slid between her teeth, searing nerve and skin alike. The smell of burning flesh filled her nose while a ringing filled her ears, and Uda tried to retreat deep inside herself.

But she couldn’t.

The necklace blocked her effortlessly, almost gleefully. Eventually, the threads pierced her tongue, and Uda convulsed, screaming in muffled agony.

Please, stop... Stop… she begged silently, choking on the remnants of her own tongue.

Then it was over. Lera pressed her hand against Uda’s face. A horribly sweet warmth spread through her, and she could feel the skin and bone around her lips slowly regenerating and healing. Her tongue, however, remained a charred stump.

“There we go, my dear. Now you won’t be able to speak to us anymore, no matter who asks you anything. You should’ve listened. The rules were clear. But I’ll make sure you learn never to use that lying tongue of yours again,” Lera laughed, eyes sparkling, her grin twisted with madness.

Uda tried to beg for mercy, to tell her she wasn’t possessed, that she had done it all for Nia...

But nothing came out except pitiful sounds.

Lera spat in her face and kicked her in the stomach.

Uda barely felt it. Instead, she tried desperately to call on the darkness within herself, to heal the damage. That used to happen automatically once, didn’t it? Before the necklace?

She failed.

Then she tried to summon the abyss, to escape somehow, but it was useless. Nothing happened. She remained there, twitching at Lera’s feet.

“You want your tongue back? Fine. Kelwin will restore it. He needs the practice. If you say even one word, you’ll lose it again. Every evening, you’ll lose it again. If I’m in a bad mood, you’ll lose it again. Understood?” Lera spat again, staring directly into her eyes.

She trembled with rage, and with her red hair and purplish face, she looked almost as if she were on fire herself.

When Kelwin leaned down toward her again, wearing that slight grin, Uda finally managed to escape into her mind. She lost herself in the disgust her thoughts of the radiant circle brought with them.

When she came to again, it was nearly morning, and she could feel her tongue once more. She nearly cried out in relief, but held back when she saw Kelwin sitting beside her in cultivation.

How much longer until Immesh’s camp? It can’t get any worse than this, can it? I have to get away from this madwoman. I have to save Nia from her. At least she seems focused on me for now... Uda thought, praying they would arrive before nightfall so she wouldn’t have to endure another round of Lera’s torture.

But it took another ten days before they reached the moss-covered ruins of a small town where Exorcist Immesh had made camp.