Bitter Medicine, Sweet Lies

“I want to see what treasure Nanny is hiding—oh? Why are you climbing out the window? I’m not a tiger or a lion, I won’t eat you.”

Before her words finished, I felt a sudden weight on my shoulder. A firm grip dragged me down, and when I twisted my head I crashed face-first into a bold, radiant visage.

Su Yue. My younger sister. Seventeen years old, the prime of youth. She carried the striking beauty of Lady Qinglun and the stern strength of General Su. Together, those traits became her arrogance, her domineering spirit.

That face… resembled mine by half.

“Ah—sorry! I didn’t know you were a girl.” She let go at once, and I fell with a graceless “thump” onto the floor. My rear struck the ground, pain shooting up my spine.

“Little Master! Are you all right?” Nanny Zhang rushed to me in a flurry, fussing as she helped me up. The moment her hand brushed mine, I felt her shock. I squeezed her shoulder gently, silently urging her to stay calm.

“What little master? This is clearly a girl.” Su Yue chuckled, covering her mouth, then poked my cheek. “Hey, wait—that’s strange. The little master is supposed to be Su Ruoyun, that scoundrel boy. How did he turn into her?”

Nanny Zhang quickly offered an excuse. She explained that I was a child of her own kin, and because I had older sisters, it was custom to call me ‘gongzi.’

Su Yue laughed behind her hand. “What a waste, to call such a pretty girl ‘gongzi,’ and even dress her in boys’ clothes.” She tugged at my oversized robe with mock pity. “Still, lucky for you I stopped in time, or you’d have fallen out the window headfirst.”

I forced a foolish smile and signaled frantically at Nanny Zhang — please, get this little demon out of here. Understanding me at once, Nanny stepped forward: “Miss, let’s speak outside. This child has been ill, resting under my care. If you have business, let us talk away from her.”

“Ill?” Su Yue reached out without asking, palm pressing to my forehead, then sliding down to my neck. “So hot, and drenched in sweat. You really are sick.”

Her cool palm, her faint girlish fragrance—my body shivered involuntarily.

The more flustered I became, the more delighted she was. “Ha! Your face is red! All right, all right, I won’t tease you anymore. I’ll chat with Nanny outside, but I’ll be back to see you another day.”

Another day? Heavens forbid! I silently prayed she would forget me entirely.

That night, Nanny sat outside my door for a long while. I knew she had words lodged in her chest, but she never spoke them. At last she sighed and rose to leave.

Above, the moonlight poured like water, and a few stars scattered across the sky.

“Nanny,” I called softly through the door. “They say it was you who delivered me.”

Her steps faltered.

“You were the first to hold me. Then you must know best what I truly am.”

“Little Master…”

“You must know why I was despised from the start.”

“No, it’s not—” Her voice trembled in panic. I knew she wanted to explain, but explanations were useless now. Outsiders always saw more clearly. The truth was what it was.

I pressed my voice low, recounting the memory I had carried for twelve years. My eighth birthday. My father, usually so cold, had surprised me by offering to take me hunting. I had been ecstatic, sleepless all night, polishing tools and dreaming of his approval. But when we reached the mountain, he kicked me to the ground. Drawing his long blade, he swung down at me with all his strength. Had I not dodged, the strike would have cleaved my skull instead of grazing my waist…

That nightmare had haunted me for twelve long years, creeping into my sleep and choking my breath.

“Afterward, I met my master. He pitied me, and cast a spell that changed me. That’s why I’m like this. Nanny, forgive me—I should have told you sooner. If it troubles you, I’ll leave now.”

“No!”

The door burst open. She flung her arms around me, pulling me tight against her chest. “Foolish child! How could I ever despise you? I raised you with these hands. You are mine as if born from me. Don’t speak such things.”

Her tears poured down, soaking my collar.

The stone I had borne for twelve years shifted at last. I collapsed in her embrace, sobbing, howling, emptying all the grief and bitterness I had buried for so long.

The next morning Su Yue returned.

Knock knock. “Can I come in?” Before I could answer, her head poked through the door, grin already in place. She waved a gourd. “Hehe, I brought something good.”

I sat up wearily. I had spoken too long with Nanny last night, and afterward I had sat alone in the moonlight, sorrow gnawing at me until dawn. Unsurprisingly, I had truly caught a chill.

“This is medicine for cold fevers. I begged it from Father yesterday. They use it in the army—very effective. When I was little and caught cold, they gave me this. Works right away. The only problem is it’s unbearably bitter. But drink some sugar water after and it’s fine. Mother always made me sugar water. Have you had sugar water? It’s so sweet.”

Sugar water?

She smiled so brightly. Innocent, radiant, like one who had never tasted bitterness. Her world must have been as sweet as the sugar water she adored.

Under her eager gaze, I forced a sip. The bitterness was overwhelming—worse than Nanny’s medicine from yesterday. I nearly spat it all back out.

“Don’t spit it out! If you do, it’s wasted!” She pinched my nose, pried my jaw open, and poured the whole bottle down my throat in one swift motion.

I gagged, eyes streaming, but before I could protest, a spoon touched my lips. A thick, sweet liquid trickled in.

“Sugar water,” she chirped, grinning. “See? Not bitter anymore. I told you. I made Mother cook it last night just for you. She laughed at me, said I’m seventeen and still eating sugar like a child. But who cares? Seventeen or seventy, I’ll never stop loving it.”

The sweetness erased the bitterness, but my eyes burned and tears slid down my cheeks anyway.

“What? Did it make you cry? Was it that bitter?” She rummaged through her bag in a panic. “Wait, I think I have more sugar water—”

I caught her hand. “No need.” The bitterness in my heart could not be erased with sweetness.

She fetched tea to rinse my mouth, then sat watching me, eyes wide and bright, until I grew embarrassed.

“So… why did you come to see me?” I asked.

“Oh.” As though remembering, she suddenly grabbed my hand tightly. “Because I like you.”

I nearly leapt from the bed. “What?!”

“I really like you!” she gushed, holding my hand tighter. “From the first moment I saw you, I felt so close, like I had to be near you.”

Perhaps it was blood calling to blood. They say kin, even estranged since birth, feel an instinctive bond when they meet.

“What’s your name? How old are you? I wanted to ask yesterday, but Nanny shooed me away.”

“Zhang Qi,” I lied quickly.

“Zhang Qi?” she repeated, altering the tone slightly.

I let it pass. Better to leave my true name buried.

“And your age?”

“Twenty.”

“Oh! I’m seventeen. Just three years apart.” She beamed. “Nanny must have told you about me? My name’s Su Yue.”

“She said you were a little chili pepper. Fiery and fierce.”

“That’s nonsense! I’m sweet as sugar.”

“…”

From there she became a constant stream of chatter, a sparrow singing on and on. She spoke of the household, of her useless younger brother who couldn’t even lift a spear, of how she herself had raised her father’s thunder axe at his age.

A flicker of pity stirred for the boy I had never met.

Eventually, I joined her in the courtyard for a walk. She assumed, since Nanny came from Dongyi, that I too was from there, and so proudly introduced Shaodu’s sights as if I were a guest. In truth I had been born here, but locked away, I had never seen beyond the walls. Her words painted a world new to me.

At last she clapped her hands, eyes blazing. “I’ll play host and take you out. There’s so much to see.”

I hesitated. My body was frail from the change, and being around her was… dangerous. Yet she was stubborn; refusal would only make her more persistent.

Smiling gently, I said, “Very well. I don’t know Shaodu well. Please, as my host, guide me.”

At once Su Yue lit up like the sun. She clapped her hands, beaming. “Great! Then let’s go to the brothel!”

“…What?”