Deal of the Century

Rionriv huffed as she plopped back into her chair and swiped her drink from the table. Taking a swig, she waved her hand at me.

“Not really telling the future, but fine. Just know, if I’m not impressed, I’m walking.”

With a sigh of relief, I quickly scanned my three participants. It was just like creating a character in my world. I needed to use broad strokes—always start with more general things before narrowing them down. But who to begin with?

That was when I saw the elf girl looking up at me. As our eyes met, she immediately shied away.

“Aesandoral Thantossa, correct?” I began, drawing her attention back and flashing a boyish smile at her.

“Beautiful name and beautiful emerald green eyes—very unique. Let’s see, that’s a forest elf name, but the last name is human from the Ir’fornu region. You’re full elf, obviously, those eyes and fit physique gave that away, not half, which means the surname is not from birth but…title? Your hair is short, which throws a wrench in things—”

“A what?” Rionriv cut in.

“Hush!” I silenced her. “That is, unless you’re non-traditional. Thantossa, Thantossa, why is that familiar? Wait, no way! First Knight Thantossa. Ah, that must make you a resident of Goodshore. A girl from Goodshore…you must not be a first child, unless—”

Snapping my fingers for suspense, I pointed to her.

“Oh, wait, no, it makes sense. You are the First Daughter of one of the Gilded Ladies of the Queen, but you don’t want the responsibility you’re destined for. You cut your hair, which is an act of defiance against the Queen Matron of Goodshore. It’s a bold choice, but I think it looks good on you. How am I doing?”

Aesandoral was staring at me, mouth agape. She began to blush as she hid her face behind her mug.

“You know so much. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone any of that.” She mumbled to herself.

“What?” Rionriv exploded from beside her. “You’ve totally told plenty of people that stuff before.”

“Oh yeah, I guess.” She giggled in response, sipping her drink.

Phew! I got it. But also—a royal elf?! Okay, maybe she’s of some importance. Luckily, I never did too much with the Goodshore story. Should be fine. Let’s keep this ball rolling.

Turning towards my next participant, I glanced Sharzin up and down.

“Next, I want to talk about Sharzin Thistlewillow. Now you are curious. Raven black hair. Porcelain skin. Eyes grey—no speckled silver, so much so that they glitter like a flawlessly cut diamond. My first thought would be the Silver Isle, but those shut-ins aren’t really in the business of exploring the world at this point in history.”

“What was that?” Ri swung her drink towards me.

“Hush, stop interrupting. I’ll get to you next.” I shook my head and looked back at Sharzin, steepling my fingers. “You don’t appear interested in conforming to traditions, that’s apparent by your grim attire, which means you weren’t raised in a house that forced it on you. But to be from Ir’fornu as well, you must have some ancestors with magical qualities notable enough to make you sought by Al’Magi over the University of Valenkamp. Sharzin, does the name Tairnstead mean anything to you?”

I watched the groundling flinch as she looked up to me and shook her head in denial.

“That’s what I thought. You must be the bastard child of someone of influence there, aren’t you? Someone with powers strong enough to demand respect but not enough to be trouble. It would make sense why they didn’t try to take you out. You’re obviously no threat to the throne…but also why keep yourself to the shadows, I wonder? Unless there’s some other shame surrounding your birth—”

“Hey, that’s enough.” Rionriv interrupted.

“Which begs to question: have you three always known each other? If you’re all from the continent of Ir’fornu to the east, you must—but, no, I say not!” I stood up, beginning to slip into the detective role I found myself in.

Pointing towards Rionriv, I smirked.

“Rionriv Singlemoon, your name is mysterious and unfamiliar, but traditionally, names with the moon affix are those of prominence, especially in elven culture. That makes sense why you would know Aesandoral longer than Sharzin. Which is why I’ve seen you looking over at her ever so slightly every time she talked. You want to protect your team, but you also want to protect your oldest friend. That’s why you got so upset when she forgot that she had shared a private thing with others, which included you. But not as upset as when I initially called Sharzin a bastard. But here’s the catch, you’re not originally from Goodshore, are you?”

I stepped around the table, positioning myself beside Rionriv. She immediately raised a fist to strike me, and, with hands up, I took a step farther away.

“That red hair is a northern trait from the continent of Sact’fal, and that innate electric affinity in your eyes means you must originally be from the Emerald Sanctuary region. Not the Capital of Sanctum Elementus, no, but a Cardinal City on the rim, without doubt. But you don’t follow the traditions of the Sanctuary, and most notably, you are intensely angry. So, my guess is that you’re an orphan, maybe—”

Her fist swung before I could react, connecting squarely with my face. Electrical currents discharged into my body, and the smell of ozone tickled my senses as the lightning that crackled around it surged through me.

Ouff—crap. I tumbled back, rolling over a table and into the bar.

“Enough!” Rionriv shouted, thunder echoing in her words as she turned to storm out. “We’re leaving.”

“Rionriv, wait.” Aesandoral was the first to call out, reaching for the charged sorceress. “Wait a second, please! H-He does seem to know a lot.”

“He could have stolen our files or something.”

“He genuinely didn’t seem to know who we were when we ran into him the first time.” Sharzin now spoke up. “I doubt he’s been researching us as a statue. So, I agree with Aesandoral, we should at the very least fully hear him out.”

Rionriv stood there for a moment, her back towards me. Eventually, she sighed deeply before beginning her march back to the bar.

“Fine, but you’re buying a second round.”

PHEW! I thought to myself as I rubbed at my numb cheek. Okay, that part is done. Two outta three ain’t bad.

A few moments later, Rionriv returned, and we all ate in an awkward silence for a little while before Aesandoral spoke up.

“How did you know all of that?”

“I have a special power that has given me extensive world knowledge,” I explained, and while not accurate, it was technically true.

“The problem is, I don’t fall into the category of ‘triop’ material, and I’m also not qualified or rich enough to travel solo. Which is why I’m so happy to have met you three because you can help me use my knowledge to make the world a better place.”

“Sounds too good to be true.” Rionriv grumbled, looking up from her drink.

“It is—” I agreed, nodding and rubbing my cheek. “It is too good to be true, but hear me out. I want to lead you through dungeons and to exotic locations and use your unique abilities to slay monsters and loot ancient magical caches. Everywhere I plan to take you, I’ll know how many enemies and traps there’ll be, and where all the most valuable items are.”

“That’s dragon dung!” Rionriv protested.

“No, it’s the deal of the century. You all get to become rich and famous Magilancers clearing out dungeons, and I get to make the world a better place.”

Or at least, that sounds better than ‘Ishara gets rich, settles down, and hides out from the upcoming horrible war between gods, eldritch entities and mortals.’

Rionriv stared at me intensely before slamming her empty drink to the table.

“One problem.” She sniffed loudly, as her eyes narrowed on me. “We’re on the verge of being expelled.”