Yowie Hunt featuring duendes and a hoarder named Dante from BMC2

Dumbee waltzed ahead as I reluctantly hopped behind him. "Any idea where to find this "yaoi Yowie"?" I asked.

"No clue mate. I figure we just walk around and look in some caves I haven't been in," Dumbee smiled.

"How do you KNOW what caves you've been in?"

"I marked em mate! A Yowie would never intrude on another creature's turf."

"And you know this how?"

"Yowieallience.org mate."

*Roux lost 7 brain cells*

Great, we're using a hoax website as our guide. Just great. That conversation was so dumb, I actually lost brain cells dammit.

We then reached a large tree.

"Look mate! Some fellow explorers! I'll go greet them," Dumbee smiled as he ran up to some humanoid figures sitting beneath the tree.

I hopped over and groaned at the exchange taking place.

"What's wrong mates, you look a little pale. Don't worry mate, I got some spare drinks on me," Dumbee smiled as he pulled out a jar filled with yellow liquid and proceeded to pour it on the figures.

OH HELL NO! This man seriously can't be THIS FUCKING DUMB!

"What's wrong mates? Why aren't ya drinking? It's just goin straight through your stomachs," Dumbee smiled as he began patting one of the figures on the cheek.

"Of course they aren't drinking, THEY'RE DEAD YOU IDIOT!"

And I mean long dead, as in skeletons with no flesh left on the bone dead.

"Skeletons get thirsty too, mate," Dumbee replied.

"Wait, are there living skeletons in this world?"

"Never seen one meself, so no."

I face palmed and lost 100 brain cells.

Suddenly, Dumbee jumped back as a green bearded frog leapt down from the tree and ate one of the skeletons whole.

"Let me just say this, Hippity Hoppity, GET OFFA MY PROPERTY!" the frog yelled as he whipped out a shot gun and began firing at us.

Luckily, Dumbee got hit and died. Unfortunately, he resurrected instantly AND I somehow lost 1 brain cell.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention you'll lose 1 brain cell every time Dumbee dies," Richelieu's voice rang out.

"THE HELL!?"

"Well, he has no brain cells, but I want to make this hell for you. Oh yeah, guess I should mention you'll lose 69 brain cells every time you need to be revived.

"Why 69?"

"Cause that's your IQ level dumbass!"

"Bullshit! I'm an honor's student! It should be at least 100!"

"Wanna lose 31 more brain cells each time you die?"

"No," I dejectedly replied.

"Good. Bye bitch!"

Dumbee and I elected to make a retreat as the frog decided not to chase after us.

"We have to get past that tree mate. Everything past it is unexplored," Dumbee stated.

"OK, let's just go around the long way," I shrugged.

"No mate! That's the only way! See look at the map, these indentations show that there's a hidden chasm barricading us from crossing. That tree is the only bridge across," Dumbee explained as he showed me a map.

"Yes, let's get killed by the frog again, OR MAYBE THOSE "INDENTATIONS" ARE JUST CREASE LINES AND IT'S PERFECTLY FINE TO JUST GO AROUND THE LONG WAY!"

*Roux lost 12 bran cells*

"Don't worry mate, we just gotta find someone that can kill the frog," Dumbee grinned as he ran towards a bush.

To my surprise, there was an actual living person sitting behind the bush. Despite having silver hair and a beard, he looked to be a fairly young man. He wore a bucket hat and jacket and was surrounded by a pile of what I assume to be his belongings. What really stood out to me though was the fact that he had a brain cell bar above his head. Though the poor soul only had 20 left.

"You a hoarder mate?" Dumbee asked.

"Yeah, I hoard shit. They call me Beans," the man stated.

"You have any sauce mate? Like the real spicy stuff?"

"Yeah, I got gerkin sauce, vine sauce, plenty of spicy sauce too, but I don't eat spicy stuff," Beans nodded as he held up some bottles of hot sauce.

"Great!" Dumbee grinned as he began dragging Beans and me back towards the frog.

...

"No! I'm not touching that damn frog again!" Beans protested as we all huddled a few feet away from the tree.

"Come on mate, it'll only take 20 minutes," Dumbee argued as he began pouring the hot sauce on all of us.

The man's genius plan he told us just a minute ago? Abuse our revival function and lace ourselves with hot sauce, spicing the frog to death. It was so stupid, I lost 20 brain cells when I heard it.

"Tw-Twenty minutes?" Beans laughed as he rapidly began to lose brain cells until he was doen to just 1.

Suddenly, Richelieu appeared before Beans along with his trash bag. "Want some stinky custard, bitch!? I got it from a tubby purple fella called Twinky Winky," he asked as he offered us some pink slop.

Bean's eyes began twitching and dilating  madly. "St-Stinky? HEY I'm Stinky Pinky! I eat da pink slop!" Beans shouted in a weird voice as he lost his last brain cell.

He then let out an unworldly and inhuman cry as his brain cell bar hit zero and vanished.

After a while, he stopped making the sound and stood upright.

"Lol, Dante just lost all his brain cells. Now you'll get to see why you should take things seriously. Can't wait for your turn. Bye bitch!" Richelieu laughed as he vanished, this time leaving behind pink goo.

"Beans? Are you alright?" I asked.

"Dante!"

"Dante?"

"Dante eez best duende in yuniverse! He schut Kurossboe, ride Mussel car!" Beans cackled as he ran towards the frog while pretending he was driving a car.

The frog looked like it could easily dodge, but somehow Beans caught him in a single lunge. "Redd frog!" he smiled as he ate the screaming frog whole. "Yum," he said normally upon finishing his meal.

He then crawled into a hole in the tree and shouted, "Duende!" in his funny voice before doing an impression of American comedian, Ray Greno inside the tree.

*Roux lost 1,000,000 brain cells*

"Looks like we can pass mate," Dumbee smiled as he dragged me along.

I gazed up in horror at the hole Beans crawled into. So that's what would happen to me if I failed to find the Yowie in time. I'm in hell.