Humanity Through Fear

The crowd pressed around us as she led the way, occasionally exclaiming, “Sarte,” when she bumped against someone.

When she reached the quest board, she called me to the front for me to be able to see, so I nervously dodged the other people and approached her.

Each poster had a small drawing illustrating the quest.

I had completely forgotten that most of the people I had encountered so far were illiterate.

Was my guess of this world’s literacy right? Were most people in Riges illiterate too?

The board was divided in two, with many posters on the left side, the side she was showing me, and fewer on the right one.

She pointed towards some of the drawings and tried mimicking what they were about.

Pointing towards a specific one that looked like a broom, she attempted to gesture cleaning the floor, chuckling as she did it.

I briefly chuckled as well.

She pointed to the larger characters at the bottom and made an okay sign. I doubted the gesture meant exactly the same thing here, but I assumed she was referring to the coin I had shown.

That was probably the quest's reward, but I was unable to read it. The numbers didn't look like any symbols from my old world.

I scanned through the quests for a bit, trying to decipher their meaning by the small drawing, while she patiently waited by my side.

I decided to check the right side of the board as well.

I began looking at the drawings from the posters higher up. Most of them appeared to be sketches of creatures. They looked like extermination quests, which could only be completed outside the city.

Then, I began feeling sick.

My eyes widened as vomit slowly climbed into my mouth. I shook uncontrollably.

One of the posters had a drawing of that creature…

That beast… That porcupine beast…

I lost my colour.

It was likely a quest to kill it.

Was anyone else attacked by it?

I couldn't think straight.

Had it killed anyone else?

I gasped for air, tears streaming down my face and dripping onto my collarbone. My spear slipped from my grasp, hitting the floor with a hollow thud, but I was too lost to hear it.

Did I let it kill somebody else?

No!

No!

No! No!

Please, no!

I hadn’t let another person die! I hadn’t!

Had I?

“Did I really… Did… Did I let someone else?” I gasped. Drool dripped from my mouth as I stepped away from the board, losing my balance.

“Did I kill… Did I kill-kill someone else?” I trembled.

The drawing grew in size, now filling the whole wall.

No!

I bumped against other people as I tried to fall back.

I couldn’t escape it!

No!

I stared down at my quivering hands. They were covered in blood. Blood dripped to the ground. The ground was flooded by that bright red, viscous liquid, its smell heavy in the air.

My breathing got faster.

The world spun around me.

The spikes rattled, sticks clacking against each other all around.

No! No!

Vomit kept rising, but I swallowed it back, over and over.

I fell to the floor, and my hood dropped off my head. Everything was so bright.

“Whe-Where is my spear? Where is-is-is my spear?” I stuttered. “I can’t find my spear.”

I looked around. All I could see was blood.

They touched me. The spikes. It hurt.

Yrish’s motionless body lay in my arms.

“Yrish! Yrish! Yrish! Please answer me!” I pleaded.

“Answer me!!!” I screamed. It felt awful.

She wasn’t smiling. Everything was red.

I looked around. The noises got louder.

“Where are you?” I shouted. I couldn’t stop crying.

Where was my spear? I couldn’t kill the creature without it. Where was my spear?

No! No! No!

Where was the creature? I couldn’t see it, but its noises grew louder and louder. It touched me. It hurt.

I wanted to puke.

I dragged around a pool of blood.

“Yrish!” I screamed. “No! No! Not again! Not again! No!”

I hit my head against something, so I quickly turned around. The creature wasn’t there. There was nothing there. Was it a tree? Did I hit a tree?

Yrish was coughing blood. Everything was red.

Red.

Red.

Red.

Blood.

Everywhere.

I couldn’t breathe. The air wasn’t coming.

I gasped. I gasped. I kept gasping, but there was no air.

Yrish’s face was covered in blood. It was all blood. She melted into blood and slipped through my hands. She slipped through my arms, mixing with the blood on the ground.

I couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly, something began aggressively shaking me. What was happening? Where was the creature?

Air began flowing again. I wheezed loudly, breathing as hard as I could.

It kept shaking me.

The sounds grew quieter. Where was the creature going?

“Where are you?” I gasped.

There was no longer any sound.

I couldn’t hear the blood splashing anymore.

The red faded from my vision.

My tears slowly subsided.

The shaking gradually waned.

When my vision came back, people stormed all around me.

I was lying on the floor.

The first receptionist was shaking my right shoulder. Her mouth moved as if saying something, but I couldn’t hear anything yet.

My jaw hung wide open.

The left strap of my backpack had fallen off my arm.

I looked around for my spear. Through the blur of tears and crowd, I spotted it behind me to the left.

How did it end up so far away?

“Hoy!” the receptionist repeatedly shouted at me. Her voice slowly grew louder as it pierced the silence.

I was in the guild.

There was no giant darter porcupine.

I steadily regained my breath, lying flat on the ground.

Nothing had happened. I was still here.

I had imagined everything.

Yrish was dead, buried in Tristte. She wasn’t here.

Stress slowly dissipated from my body, but tears kept flowing for a bit. I was drenched in sweat.

I was so weak, but I hadn’t failed. I hadn’t failed yet.

Suddenly, laughter sprang from inside.

I laughed. I kept laughing so much.

My heartbeat was still fast.

“I was terrified,” I thought. “Seconds ago, I was so scared. But I don’t think this is bad. Now I’m okay. Fear is normal. It helps. It's scary, but it helps. It helps more than I thought.

“Fear is not something to dread over but rather serves as a hint for what I should strive for. It cues the existence of growth and shows the right path to overcome shortcomings.

“Fear tells one’s story and reveals one’s actual self. It is nature at its core, and I shouldn’t seek to avoid it.

“When fear is lost, humanity vanishes along with it.”

I gasped for air one last time as I stopped laughing.

People urgently called out to me, a glint of worry in their expressions. I put my hood back on. I grabbed onto the extended hand of someone, and they helped me get up.

I could hear the people's voices once again. Nothing had happened. Everything was alright.

Some people extended mugs of beer or water pouches, soft tinkles resonating from inside as they shook them. But I gratefully declined everything.

Both the receptionists talked to me at the same time. I couldn’t understand anything they were saying.

“Yes,” I blurted, exhausted.

I assumed they were simply asking me if I was alright.

There was no more blood. There was no more rattle. Everything was fine.

“Sorry!” I exclaimed, bowing. I knew no one understood me, but I wanted to express my apologies for the commotion I had caused.