Chapter 19 Part 2: Consequense

His eyes shifted. Where had she gone? Mei, had vanished when he followed. A million questions formed. Why was she crying? What had happened? Why was she stalking him?

‘She heard.’ The Silver Flame’s words tickled his right ear. Heard what? Jun’s expression fled. Had she listened to the conversation with Arvad? But, her reaction. Something didn’t add up. His head whipped around, trying to see her as the sun started to set. This chase was fraying his nerves. As he turned about a bit more quickly than intended, his foot complained. He circulated his prayer to heal the sprain before looking up. As he growled, he let it die in his throat. There, up on a tall rock, was Mei.

Jun released a breath, finishing his healing as he watched her, ensuring she stayed put. When he could move comfortably, he began to circle the rock, looking for a place to climb. Finding one, he rose, each step an easy purchase. His hand could remain free, keeping him balanced. However halfway up, he couldn’t find a spot to rise. A steep yet short cliff stood in his way. Jun looked for a way up, wishing for a second hand. As he contemplated his options, Mei offered her hand. He looked up, seeing those tears still present as she averted her gaze. He offered a wan smile as he accepted her help. Now, beside her, he shifted to precariously sit till she shuffled over, giving him room.

“You overheard… didn’t you.” He started. Mei pulled her legs in close, resting her arms on top as if to bury her face. He noticed the small nod of her head. He averted his gaze towards the sunset. The fiery golden light cast on the clouds, offered a different mood to the one he felt from her.

He broke the growing silence. “And it upset you because…?” Mei scoffed, sniffling.

“You don’t get it. All you think about is the results. Giving up your artifact is akin to dying!” Her outburst rocked him a bit. Jun sat there stiffly, silently. He looked down at her as she pulled on her mask, wiping at her eyes.

“Did Arvad explain it to you like that?” He asked, brows twitching as he wrapped his head around her reasoning. She nodded, burying her head. Jun’s heart stopped for a second. He closed his eyes, refraining from pinching his nose. As she stayed huddled, Jun slowly reached out, wrapping his arm around her, squeezing her shoulders.

“I suppose I should have talked with you first then,” he hummed with a sigh. Mei stiffened, her head popping out, her brows furrowed.

“You’re still going to do it?”

“Oh I plan to write as much down as possible-“

“But you’re still going to do it. Even though that is essentially killing yourself!” Her legs unfurled as she turned, fist raised. She tightened her clenched hand and then turned away. Jun licked his lips as he thought through this.

“Maisie…” She stilled. “Here is a question. What happens if I don’t choose to forget my past? Do I still loose the memories? There is a difference between what I am looking at doing and what Arvad did. And we don’t know what would happen if I get my artifact back.”

“You’re doing this because you’ll be different? That’s a laugh and a half.” Her voice dripped out.

“It’s what I’m curious about,” he admitted. “But we can ask the Silver Flame since it doesn’t seem like the others will know.”

“You’re not getting it! Don’t do this because you’re curious. That’s just stupid!” Her hand came at him, he flinched, but she stopped just shy of his chest. Jun reached out and grabbed her fist and gently pushed it to the side, a half grin on his face as his eyes searched her downcast head.

“People have done stupider things for love.” His remark sent a ripple through her. Her head whipped up, eyes fierce.

“And that’s why this is stupid! You’re abandoning your kids.” Her eyes moistened. “You’re abandoning me.” Her last words were nearly a whisper as she pulled her hand back and curled back into her ball. Jun waited, processing. He closed his eyes, breathing deep. When he opened them, he looked out once more at the fading light.

“Maisie. The things I plan to record, mostly relate to you.” His words were soft, thoughtful. “That way I can still be there for you. If I didn’t have a way to keep that, I wouldn’t even bother looking at this.”

“But why bother even looking in the first place?” She growled. Jun grew silent at this. She had a point, but there was something far deeper than she understood now. Something he hoped she would come to understand with time.

“… The best gift I can give your mother is myself. A parent sometimes makes the hardest choices as an example to their kids.” Her head slightly tilted. “You know we’ve said that many times before coming to this world.”

“Well this is a bad example.” She grumbled. Jun forced himself to breathe, his sigh escaping with a bit more oomph than he had wanted.

“Maybe. But how would you go about helping your mother?”

Mei’s head rotated so she could look at him out of the corner of her eye. “Help her?”

Jun thought for a moment as he tried to frame this in a way she might understand.

“What would you do if someone killed Arvad?”

“I’d kill them.” Her answer was quick. Jun raised one brow, staring her down. Her slow rotation and growing eyes caught his gaze. “Well… that’s not… sorry…” she muttered, looking away. “But I would want them to pay.” Her tone was firm. Jun closed his eyes tight.

“Is it possible your mother feels the same way?”

“But mom always told us not to do that.”

Jun felt the corner of his mouth twitch. “But she did try to kill me. And Christopher says she thinks I killed your father.”

“Well, that’s because she’s being stupid.”

Jun wanted to laugh and cry at that assessment. It was so simple.

“Mei.” His tone was firm, unyielding. Mei shivered as she shifted.

“Fine… So how would I help her? I’d get her away from everyone else, and talk with her. If I can’t convince her, then…” he waited. If she had an idea, he would entertain it. “I don’t know.” The hushed tone felt dejected as the silence began to grow. Jun looked to the sky as a star appeared.

“Sometimes,” his word was slow and stirring. “Actions speak louder than words. What if I give her what she wants? She wants Jasper, your father, back.” Jun felt his eyes sting. She huddled, burying her head again, her frame quivering. Her voice was muffled as she spoke.

“I just. I get it, but I don’t want to loose you too.” Her head shook back and forth as she used her arms to brush at her tears.

Jun remained silent. That wasn’t much more to say to that. He reached out once more and placed his arm around her shoulders and waited. Time ticked by slowly, the sunset vanishing. Mei continued her cries, trying to subdue them a few times, but ultimately loosing. Her tears continued to fall as she laid on his lap, drifting off to sleep.

Jun watched, recalling times when she would have a bad day at school, or when something had happened back on earth. Except this time, the source of her cries was him. When her breathing turned rhythmic, Jun closed his own eyes as he turned his head skyward.

“Silver Flame? If you can hear me, I would ask. Is this the right thing to do?” He waited, hoping to feel that familiar tickling sensation. He repeated the question in his mind, but silence remained. “Will I be able to remain a prophet without my artifact? Can I accomplish what you’ve asked of me? Can I take on the Jinshari if I end up loosing my past?” He kept his words firm yet subdued, not wanting to wake Mei. His mind raced through his memories, still sharp and clear despite the nine years in between. He thought of his in-laws, and their manipulations. And while they hadn’t poisoned him, they certainly had made things miserable till he was able to break free with his wife and cut all ties to them. Those experiences are what helped him see through the Matriarch’s lies, her control tactics, and allowed them to live. He doubted he could record all that within a short time.

His right ear tickled. His heart quickened. ‘You will be able to do all that.’ Jun released a breath he hand’t realized he was holding. “Will I loose control of my healing if I do this?” The silence returned. Jun ground his teeth on his lip. Mei slightly stirred. He waited till she stilled once more.

“Does an answer affect my agency.” His remark was filled with sarcasm. He could already tell the answer.

‘Possibly.’

He sighed. It wasn’t the exact word, but the same meaning nonetheless.

“Fine.”

He let the silence grow again. This would have to be his choice. He wasn’t sure that her answers would have affected it, but she was bound by laws he didn’t understand.

After enjoying the night air, he stirred Mei long enough for them to get down from the rock and head to bed. Once he saw her to her tent, he searched for Tarron. His desire focused on paper, wood, something for him to write on.