Chapter 40 - Composure

The makeshift infirmary is eerily quiet. The other villagers in here are being held together with bandages and rags. No one other than Naoki has spoken a word to me since I woke up. 

The quiet is thankfully disturbed by Clovis who stumbles in through the open doors. 

Her white hair is lank and greasy, and her movements seem jerky, like they are being fueled by a desperation that has long since burned through its reserves.

Something between a sob and a choked sound breaks free from her mouth as soon as she sees me awake. 

She rushes over and collapses to her knees beside my cot, her hands hovering over my arm as if she’s afraid to touch me. 

“Shikara.” she breathes, and her voice is tender and ragged. “You’re finally awake!”

The grime on her face is washed away in silky lines as she reaches out for my forehead. Her trembling fingers brush a strand of hair from my forehead. 

Her sentiment feels other-worldly from the teacher I’ve become accustomed to.

“Clovis? Are you alright?” I manage to string the words together through my tired voice.

The question seems to break her. A raw, guttural sob wrenches itself from her chest. “Me? Am I alright?” She lets out a sound that might have been a laugh in another lifetime. “What about you? I thought I lost you, you wouldn’t wake up and I couldn’t heal your arm!” The emotion in her voice is unclear, I can’t tell if she’s angry or worried. 

I try to dismiss the strangeness and attribute it to the trauma we've all endured. “Well I think I’ll be ok, my arm still hurts but I can live with it. More importantly what happened out there, how long was I out?” 

Clovis takes a shaky breath “You’ve been unconscious for two days.”

Two days. I can’t believe it.

“Everything was fine, I was just about to get into bed when the first attack started. A large group of monsters rushed out of the forest and attacked the southern wall. I ran out and aided in evacuating who I could but the guards and Orville were getting overwhelmed and I had to help them.” she continues, her words coming faster now, a torrent of explanation she needs to unleash. 

“Despite my best efforts we still couldn’t handle the onslaught and just as we were about to retreat from the southern gate, we saw Roach and the kingdom guard on the horizon. But that headless beast got in the way. Orville ordered me to leave and look after the villagers which is what I have been doing ever since.” Clovis’s words trail off as she finishes her explanation. 

The pieces start to click into place, forming a picture of a disaster on two fronts, a pincer movement of impossible horrors.

Clovis scrubs at her tear-streaked face with the back of her hand, leaving a smear of dirt. Her gaze drops to the floor, and I know that the worst news is yet to come.

“Orville…” she says, trying not to meet my eyes. “Is badly wounded.” She swallows hard, unable to finish the sentence. “His condition is not looking good. We were able to get him back to his house and I’ve done everything I can, but the wounds are beyond just my healing.”

“No.” The word is a reflex, a denial against a reality too cruel to accept. A sudden, fierce energy surges through me, a desperate denial that ignites my weary limbs.

I have to see him. I have to be there. I can’t lose him too.

The foundation of my new life, the only person I’ve been able to willingly trust.

My body screams in protest the moment my feet touch the floorboards. The room spins violently as the floor rushes up to meet me. I collapse, my knees hitting the wood with a jarring thud, my vision dissolving into a field of black, dancing spots. 

I’m on my hands and knees, gasping, my left arm a dead weight of pure torment. But the determination in my heart is a white-hot coal spurring me on. 

Naoki is startled by my sudden animation and comes to my aid on the floor.

“I have to see him!” I grit out, my voice trembling with the sheer force of my will. I try to push myself up again, but my arms buckle.

“Shikara, no!” Clovis cries as she tries to help me back to the cot. “You can’t! You’ve not allowed your body to recover!”

Her protests are just noise against the singular roaring need in my soul. I shake my head, pushing her hands away. “I don’t care. I have to…”

“I’ll take her.”

We all look up. 

Riel is standing in the doorway, his arm in a clean sling. The nervous, twitchy guard I met at the gate is dead. Only a man who has been tempered in the fires of loss and war stands before me.

He walks over, and I feel a deep, unspoken understanding. A shared debt. He saved me, I saved him.

Clovis opens her mouth to protest again, but Riel simply shakes his head. “She has the right. I’ll see that she gets there.”

He crouches down, carefully hooking his good arm under my shoulders and helping me to my feet.

I lean heavily against him, a dead weight, but he doesn't falter. My legs are trembling, barely able to hold me, but with his support, I stand.

“I’ll be back soon, Naoki. Stay here with Clovis.” I say it more sternly than I want to but he gives a silent nod in affirmation. 

Riel and I shuffle towards the door. A broken pair held together by grief and necessity.