33 - Hotpot

"My dog...my dog."

I was still trying to breathe normally as the Demon Lord invaded my personal space to a degree I'd never experienced.

"Where is it? I don't see it."

I exited the room quietly and returned holding Toast in my arms. He seemed to have relaxed from before and was contentedly panting. Zay'tun had followed us in and promptly pawed at Maja to be picked up as well. I walked back to the Demon Lord and repeated that Alku had threatened to take him if I didn't defeat her.

The Demon Lord's face flushed, and she leaned in to inspect Toast.

"W-well now. We can't have that can we? Alku is selfish and..."

She kept clearing her throat, and squirming around. I'd seen this behaviour dozens of times before and knew how to play my cards now.

"Do you want to hold him?"

Her eyes widened and she stood up straight. She looked away proudly, crossing her arms.

"I couldn't possibly. I'm the Demon Lord you know! I have responsibilities and an image to maint-"

As she was speaking, a beeping started to echo through the room. It sounded like...

An alarm clock?

Without warning, the Demon Lord let out a 'wahoo!', and pried Toast away from me. She went absolutely mental giving him kisses and cuddles and cooing over him, the same way Alku did when she saw him.

"HE'S JUST SO DARN CUTE. LOOKIT THIS GUY!"

Her personality had flipped 180, and now she was all smiles and laid back. The evil and daunting aura we'd all been feeling before had dissipated too. She stopped shoving her face into Toast's mane for a moment as though she remembered something, and floated to the kotatsu with him and sat down. 

We were all beckoned over with a pat on an empty zaisu seat, and my party awkwardly shuffled over and sat around the table. There weren't enough seats for all of us so I sat on my knees between Tamon and the Demon Lord.

"Now that work's over we can have a proper chat."

Is that what the alarm was?

"Sorry, I know, it's a lot. Kettu has been on my case lately about 'keeping up appearances during work hours'. Feh. I'm already working my butt off, I'm exhausted, and now I have to put on some serious business act all day? He should be nicer to me! Sometimes it doesn't even feel like we're dating."

I think I might have to turn my brain off for this conversation.

Everyone nervously listened to the Demon Lord rant about various things, while she petted Toast and ate her 'rewards'. I would sometimes glance at those wonderful nostalgic snacks, and she would interrupt herself to tell me 'no' and to 'get your own'. As if I could! 

After a while things relaxed and we all casually chatted with the great and powerful 'Demon Lord'.

She told us her name was Loppulaulu, and Alku was actually Alkulaulu, they were twin sisters after all.

Toast struggled with her name and was given special permission to call her Loppu, like Varis did in secret.

Long ago they both came into being to rule over this world, called Maa. One was to oversee things from above, and one was to manage things more closely from below. Alku was selfish and easily bored, and hated being the one to oversee. They used to amicably take turns, until Alku refused to give up her spot and they came to an arrangement; the overseer could send a Hero to defeat the 'Demon Lord', and if they did, Alku and Loppu would have to switch jobs. 

Alku had not been successful in switching places for the past several years, though it sounds like things have generally been better since she lost her place in charge. Even I had heard complaints about 'the last Demon Lord', and I felt vindicated for my feelings about Alku.

Loppu was by far the superior 'manager' of Maa. She created new monsters, many of which were inspired by her boyfriend Kettu's appearance, maintained the respawn rate, kept a close eye on ecosystems and how her monsters affected them, monitored guild requests to defeat her bosses to boost the economy, among other things. Loppu was even the one who unionized her employees.

Alku was lazy and only liked to be in charge for the power and autonomy. She played around and didn't do anything to actually benefit the world. Case in point; she'd created temples around the world heralding her as 'The Goddess Alku', and now people like Kana and Maja know it to be a household name. All of that was simply to rake in offerings, she never did any 'goddess' duties like answering prayers or giving blessings. She only did something if it interested her.

Meanwhile, Loppu had taken an interest in my world, specifically Japanese culture, and we shared similar hobbies of gaming and reading manga. She'd made a few monsters based on Yokai from Japan, and this was the reason behind the Japanese naming conventions, too.

I knew it!

The last Hero that had made it this far was from Japan as well, which Loppu thinks was an attempt to somehow convince her to step down, as she was reluctantly asked to 'return to Japan' with them. 

Instead, Loppu 'bribed' them into leaving her alone in a sense, but to me it sounded like Alku was just awful to everyone she met, and the bribe was simply "I'll make it so Alku can't send you back, and you can continue living in Maa however you like, here's some gold to get you started". The Hero took the deal without hesitation.

My question after hearing that was obvious.

"Can you protect Toast?"

Loppu made a face and stared into Toast's eye before squealing and hugging him some more.

"I can't promise anything, but for this little bubbywubbybaby I'll walk through hell! And talk to my sister if I have to. She's really difficult, so it'll be a pain."

"Thank you Loppu."

She glared at me through Toasts ears.

"...-laulu"

Loppu hoisted herself up, impressively so while still holding Toast with both arms, and floated over to her desk. She held Toast in the air and quietly screamed when he started air swimming. At the desk she shifted Toast to her hip, pushed some papers aside and picked up a receiver for an old style telephone. 

I'm not even going to pretend to be surprised anymore. 

She heaved a big sigh, grumbled, and put the receiver down.

"You know, we could avoid all of this if -I- take Toast. She wouldn't be able to take him from me."

I frowned and shook my head no.

"Uuuuuuuggghhhhhh. Fine."

She picked up the phone again and pressed a few buttons. After a moment of silence I wondered whether Alku was just letting it ring.

"Pick up pick up pick up pick up."

Loppu was getting irritated, and her aura started to leak out, making Toast uncomfortable and squirmy. 

"GET DOWN HERE."

Loppu suddenly yelled into the phone and slammed the receiver down, so I assumed Alku did eventually pick up. The Demon Lord floated back to us and sat down in her seat with a thump. She snapped her fingers and the kotatsu magically lengthened and two more seats were added.

Should I be annoyed she didn't do that for me? My legs are numb at this point.

We waited for some time until familiar clouds started forming nearby, but nothing came out of them. We waited some more and eventually white and silver hair appeared through them, and Alku peeked out with a displeased face. She retreated back into the clouds, and Loppu angrily called her name.

"Alllllllkuuuuuu."

Alku's head appeared again.

"What do you want?"

"Get. Out. Here. Now."

Alku sighed and emerged completely from the clouds, and politely took a seat at the low table.

"Well, I'm here. I see you've all betrayed me, so have you called me to give up the..."

Alku trailed off and directed her attention towards Toast, and began to squirm and make grabbing motions towards him. Loppu pulled him away and glared at her sister.

"You can't have him. You can't have everything whenever you want. We've talked about this."

Alku pouted.

"You mean I can't have -anything- I want. You never let me have any fun. We're supposed to be equal and -you- get -everything-."

Loppu turned to me and gestured openly at Alku.

I totally get it.

"If I may Great Loppulaulu?"

The attention turned to Maja, and Zay'tun popped her head above the table. Before only the tips of her long ears were visible, and I guess the Demon Lord hadn't noticed her before, because chaos erupted, and Maja was ignored.

"What is that? What IS that? What did you do to one of my precious babies?! Are you kidding me?! LOOK AT HOW CUTE SHE IS! LET ME SEE THE BABY!"

Loppu pushed Toast back onto me and I guess he was old news. We were showered with questions about Zay'tun. 

Apparently Loppu had designed the Moroza as well, and she was shocked to see its shapeshifting abilities had progressed this far. She explained that when she first created them she'd made them to be the generic low level 'first monster' anyone would encounter, but ultimately they didn't have any attacks and existed just to eat and be exp fodder. I felt sorry for them, but it tracked with everything we'd seen so far.

I told Loppu all the details we had about Moroza, and her aura leaked a little again when Hassel reminded us about showing them pictures and it likely being how the old guildmaster was causing havoc, but ultimately she was delighted that her 'babies' had evolved on their own to better protect themselves by blending in with other monsters.

Alku turned her nose up at Zay'tun, still asking to hold Toast because she wanted the 'real thing' and not a 'knockoff monster'. She was refused by everyone and given a shared look of disdain.

Maja's tail slapped on the floor and cleared her throat to speak up again.

"Great Loppulaulu, Great Alku. My deepest apologies for overstepping my place into matters of the gods, but I have performed couples mediation in the past with a dear friend, and do believe it may be helpful in this situation."

Maja and Kana would offer counselling to Pinnea's customers and their wives, but I didn't know if that was a transferrable skill. Loppu and Alku both grumbled, and Loppu lifted a finger.

"I'll hear you out, but gods don't typically take orders from mortals, you know. You'll have to make it interesting."

Maja bowed her head to the table.

"I intend to, Great Loppulaulu."