Coming to Grips

Grey clouds and cool winds blew above Itsuki and Sayaka as they walked down the road. More had rolled in since this morning to thicken the sky. Yet some light made it through in patches, almost like spotlights.

Itsuki basked in one of them for a moment, mentally running through the events since Sayaka had returned.

He'd thought a fair amount about how to approach the topic and had come up with a basic plan: go on a walk, find a quiet place to discuss things, then finally bring up whatever both of them had to say.

It was simple, but straightforward. And he'd really been relying on the time to continue hyping himself up. Unfortunately, their walk hadn't lasted very long—barely a minute.

There'd been no time to soften the tension because of a convenient place he'd nearly forgotten: the training grounds.

It'd been right in front of them the moment they'd walked out the door. It was quiet enough to talk there and offered privacy from the rebuilding town.

"…" He clenched his eyes as he sighed.

"Are you okay, Kisaragi?" Sayaka asked, still looking up at him as they lingered in front of the entrance. "We can find another place to talk if you'd like."

"No, that's not it," he replied to her as his chest tightened. "I was just… psyching myself up I suppose."

The wrought iron made him think back to his university days, when he and Kaede had started to date.

He allowed himself to stand still a moment longer before slowly walking towards the gate, retreat having long-since faded from his mind.

"Follow me."

She cautiously did so behind him, wind tousling their hair as the weather picked up.

"…" Itsuki lay his hand on the bars before pushing it open and walking in.

It was intimidatingly empty beneath the dimmed light. Much different than usual. There was no Velena or Kiaki to guide them this time, no magic or techniques to practice, just the two of them, the brickwork, and words that needed to be said.

Itsuki eyed the bench where they'd sit down to typically rest during their breaks. It was empty of course, just like the rest of the area. He started walking toward it, though noticed that Sayaka wasn't following.

Instead, she seemed to be heading toward the center.

"Usami?" he asked, curious as to what she was doing. "Um, we can always sit to talk if you'd like."

She shook her head as she continued. "If you don't mind, could we discuss things there instead? I know it's a little silly, but… I think it might help."

"Talking about things in the middle of a training grounds? What, are you suggesting we spar?"

He flashed a smile as he jested, hoping to put himself more at ease, though it probably just made him more nervous.

"Not exactly, it's just thematic, like in those anime I used to watch with my sister." She weakly smiled in return as she conjured a lick of flame above her palm. "Um, though if you do want to fight while we talk, I guess it could add even more to the ambience."

Itsuki waved his hands nervously in front of him. "Eh, no thanks. I think we already have enough to worry about."

Her flame extinguished with an anxious chuckle. "S-sorry, that was a joke. Just uh, trying to psyche myself up too."

They eventually stopped once they'd reached the middle of the training grounds, both of their shoulders taut. Tension hung palpably in the air as they looked toward one another, most of the levity around them evaporating.

Sayaka gripped the bracelet around her wrist.

"Kisaragi… sorry if this is sudden, but… do you mind if I go first?"

His pulse quickened. "Um, sure. If you'd like."

"…Thank you."

She stood up straight as if she was giving a business presentation.

"I'll start by asking you to be honest with me then, you don't have to lie to make me feel better. Regardless of what you say, it won't change my determination to continue living. I promise that much."

His face dropped at the insinuation.

"Um, Usami… wait, just what is this about?"

She didn't answer directly, only continuing on.

"Kisaragi, just who do I remind you of?"

"…" The world went muted as it paused.

"W-what?" Itsuki said, completely caught off guard.

"I know I have no place to pry, but I beg you, please be honest. With all these feelings bubbling in me, I need to know."

"Usami, just what are you saying?" he asked as the wind picked up and ruffled their clothes, still reeling from the question.

"I'm talking about the reason behind that look in your eyes, Kisaragi. The one that you've been hiding since we got here. The one I tried asking about during our last training."

One of her hands tensed up over her chest, gripping tight.

"I can piece things together, Kisaragi; I'm not completely dumb. I see there's pain that you're going through, and I still remember what you said when you saved my life… I remind you of someone you've loved before, don't I?"

His lip quivered as he took a shaky breath, though the answer was obvious to him.

"…Yes. You do."

Sayaka clutched her dress in folds as her eyes began to water. "Thank you for being honest… You know, Reathe told me things about you that they'd learned through your memories. They tried to twist things—say you only saw me as a replacement. But… I know that isn't you, Kisaragi."

She started to shake as she bowed her head.

"I'm so sorry for the pain that I must've caused you."

Itsuki's eyes widened. "Wait. Usami—"

"No. Please let me finish."

She straightened back up as she trembled some more, barely holding back tears.

"Don't dance around things to be nice. Especially after everything I've done to you."

A few drops escaped to the brick.

"Kisaragi, every time I see you now, it's like a war is going on in my chest. You're earnest, you're kind, and you always try your best for others. But then I'm reminded that I killed you. Dragged you off the cliff with me and away from our world. So to know now that I've also been hurting you like this on top of it all—reminding you someone you loved dearly? I feel horrible!"

She let her dress fall back to the breeze, clutching tightly around her wrist. Her voice rang out louder, echoing everywhere within the grounds.

"Because I like you, Kisaragi, and not just in a friendly way, but something more! I like that you cared for me despite everything! I… want to be with you."

Itsuki's heart dropped as wetness streamed down her face.

"I know. It's selfish. Trust me, I've tried to deny it. But after you saved me, saw my biggest failure, and still reached out to me? It's not something I can ignore any longer!"

She pounded her chest in frustration.

"S-so please, just tell me the truth about how you feel about me. It's fine if you can't love me back. I already know I don't deserve you."

She sniffled as she wiped her tears. "T-then I can finally try to focus on something else and move on like I should, instead of just imagining life with—"

Itsuki reached out to stop her spiraling, grasping her hand tightly in both of his.

"K-Kisaragi?" She swallowed. "W-what are you doing?"

"…Answering."

He steadied himself, his head spinning at the revelations. "Just… give me a moment, please."

The wind blew as their breaths rose and fell, emotions thick between them. Itsuki's heart pounded like taiko, barely contained in his chest. Eventually though, Itsuki calmed just enough to speak his response.

"I'm flattered that you like me, and frankly, I know I feel the same way. You're a brave, quirky, and compassionate woman that I've been feeling more for with every passing day."

"!" She trembled in astonishment, eyes shimmering with wetness.

"K-Kisaragi, please stop. Like I said, you don't have to lie to me. I don't want to hurt you more!"

"I'm not lying, and you aren't," he responded. "I'd never joke about something as serious as this, especially to you."

His heart clenched.

"…But before anything else, I have to say something to say that you deserve to hear. I want to clear up any misunderstandings. Because Sayaka, you are the one that I don’t deserve. Not the other way around."

It was Sayaka's turn to be speechless. He sighed as he pulled away, still trembling slightly from adrenaline. He couldn't afford to repeat his past mistakes.

No deflections. No platitudes. Just brutal honesty.

"I'm not sure exactly what Reathe told you about her, but Kaede was my fiancée, my first love, and someone who will always have a special place in my heart. And while I tried, I failed her in every way that mattered."

He thought how to phrase things, swallowing down any remaining nervousness as memories turned in his mind.

"I couldn't stop her before she took her life."

The wind grew colder.

"At first, I tried to ignore it—avoid the pain, like I've been doing for just about everything else until this point. But of course, even with that, it didn't work. Every single moment I wasn't occupied, I was thinking of her. So I kept trying to dodge those thoughts and feelings… until I met you."

He fought back tears.

"You reminded me of her, Usami. Made it impossible to run away from her memory. So I kept seeing her in everything you did, projecting in the worst way, and I hate myself for that."

His body shook as the admission flowed.

"Of course I already know that you're not her. You two just share some resemblances. Passion. Insecurity. Beauty."

Itsuki traced her face with his gaze.

"But your smile, your eyes, your warmth, your actions, those are yours and nobody else's. The way you blurt things out, hesitate out of courtesy, or the way you make me feel at ease when you're around… You stumble, you blush, and you fall, but when it comes down to it, you want people to smile. I love that about you."

He wiped away some wetness from his face.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's still a lot that I have to work through personally, not to mention everything going on with this world. But if you're still fine with what I've said and don't mind a broken man, I'd like to return those feelings with all I can and more, Usami."

"…" She went silent for a full minute, dark hair fluttering as Itsuki's gut twisted.

Would she rightfully despise him now after what he said? It would hurt, but it wouldn't be unexpected.

Eventually she responded slowly, brushing her bangs from her face.

"Kisaragi… I wasn't expecting this. Rejection yes, perhaps pity, but that? That's a lot to take in."

Anticipation drummed harder within his heart as Sayaka looked down at her bracelet.

"I suppose we have even more in common than I thought though…"

Itsuki blinked, trying to comprehend what she was saying.

"Um, it's not exactly the same," she continued with a sniffle. "But I see Hinata in Refi and Eflam sometimes too. I like imagining that somehow, I can make it up to her through them. It's part of what helped me aside from meeting you."

He gulped as various emotions flitted across her face, and she wiped away more wetness.

"S-sorry, just running my mouth as I process things." She sighed as she met his gaze. "To think that both of our lives are such a mess… Just what kind of 'heroes' are we supposed to be? Why did they have to choose us?"

Itsuki felt the urge to respond but stopped when he noticed her step closer and her space mingled with his. She briefly hesitated before quickly leaning in.

"!" Warmth brushed between their lips, trembling but determined. Heat exchanged in the contact as taut emotions unraveled. And for a moment, their heartbeats met each other.

Souls glowed as they melted.

After a few painfully short seconds, Sayaka fluttered away with glimmering eyes. The world slowly came back into focus as light faded around them.

"…Kisaragi, even if there's a lot to work through, I'd like to try and do it all with you."

He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, feeling lightheaded from the experience. Things felt different in a good way, even if he was stumbling to define it.

"That’s good to hear," he said, his cheeks blooming red. "Sorry if this wasn't what you expected—I mean, what I said about Kaede, not the confession."

She shook her head and laughed with tears down her cheeks, her grey eyes meeting his brown as the clouds briefly gave way to light again.

"It wasn't, but then again you're full of surprises—I'm still getting over the fact you're older than me." She paused as if considering her words. "And obviously I wouldn't be upset… I'm just glad that you have enough room in your heart for me."

His breath jumped a little at the comment, even though she cringed a little as she said it.

"Sorry, was that too much?" She shrunk. "I was always kept behind a desk at work for a reason. Not exactly the best at comforting people… or talking. Just blurted things out all the time."

"No, not at all. That was uh, fine, I think," he replied. "I rather liked it."

Her face reddened as she averted her gaze. "A-anyways, great talk. But um, what would you like to do now…?"

Itsuki pondered that as he looked around the courtyard, trying not to get lost in how radiant she was. Eventually an answer came, but before he could say it, a humming warmth interrupted him.

"!" He flinched as golden threads bridged between them, sending out a pulse of light. Warmth, strength, everything else flowed through both of them. Then just as quickly, they vanished.

Itsuki and Sayaka looked to the fading glimmer and then each other in confusion. At least until they noticed his left hand glowing slightly, gripped lightly in front of him.

He suddenly remembered the strange interactions that'd happened the other day when their powers linked together. The connection. The protection. The way they'd saved each other.

He'd nearly forgotten about it with everything else on his mind.

"Well, I was originally thinking we could talk about things—maybe visit the bakery or walk around. But we could also try figure our powers out. We're already in the training grounds, so it's not like we really have to go far."

He humbly gestured at the glow and heat that still lingered between them, ebbing and flowing with their movements.

Sayaka's grey eyes misted as she stepped closer again.

"We don't have to choose one or the other, not when we have enough space for both. We could figure things out, explore our powers and each other, then take some time to breathe after if you'd like."

He scratched his cheek as he thought on it.

"That would work." A blink. "Wait, what did you just say about exploring each other though?"

"I-I meant talking," she exclaimed, suddenly offering her hand. "…mainly, at least…"

Both of them turned a matching crimson hue once realization set in.

"Anyway, that's beside the point. What I meant is that there's a lot we still don't know. So… why don't we start here? Together?"

Itsuki's heart beat quickly as he eyed her hand before firmly taking it into his own. It took him a moment to calm down enough to say the words properly.

"Sure, it's about time we got a grip on things."