Volume 1 - Chapter 1: So, I Died a Bunch and Now I'm a Goddess? Seriously?

Okay, so. Let's get one thing straight. I am not qualified for this job.

Like, at all.

My desk - a magnificent, floating chunk of what looks like marble but feels suspiciously like polished styrofoam - is an absolute disaster zone. Stacks of glowing folders labeled "SOULS: PENDING" teeter precariously, threatening to create a paperwork avalanche that could probably cause a minor temporal paradox. My "divine terminal," which looks like a souped-up gaming PC with way too much RGB lighting, is flashing an angry red notification that I've been pointedly ignoring for the past three hours.

And me? My name is Akane, and I'm supposed to be the Goddess of Reincarnators.

I know, I know. It sounds grand, doesn't it? "Goddess." It conjures images of a serene, all-knowing being, draped in flowing silk, dispensing wisdom and destiny with a gentle smile. The reality is me, in a ridiculously frilly white dress that’s a size too big in the shoulders, trying to figure out how to work a celestial coffee machine that has seventeen different buttons, all labeled in some cryptic, squiggly divine language. So far, all I've managed to produce is lukewarm nebula-colored water. It tastes like static.

How did I get here? Long story. The short version is that I have… a lot of experience with dying. Like, a statistically improbable amount. My first life was pretty normal, right up until the part where I slipped on a banana peel. Classic, I know. My second, I was a baker in a fantasy world who got flattened by a rogue golem. My third, a sci-fi pilot whose escape pod malfunctioned and landed in a sun. Life #4, #5, and #6 involved a cursed teacup, a badly timed sneeze during a magic duel, and a particularly aggressive goose, respectively.

After my seventeenth death (don't ask), I found myself here. Not in an afterlife, but in an office. A being made of pure light and what I assume was divine exasperation looked at my resume of repeated demises and went, "You know what? You have more field experience than anyone. You're hired."

And that’s how I, Akane, former seventeen-time-loser, became the manager for the entire reincarnation department of Universe-7. My main job is to process souls who've died and send them off to new worlds with cool powers, just like in all those light novels I used to read. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a holy sword.

My terminal beeped again, more insistently this time. Fine, fine, I'm coming.

I tapped a glowing rune, and a file popped up on the screen.

SOUL CANDIDATE #8,008,135 Name: Sato Tatsuya Age: 35 Cause of Death: Overwork. (Ah, a classic.) Reincarnation Request: Standard Isekai Package #3.

I sighed. Package #3 was the most popular, and the most boring. It was the "Overpowered Loner Hero with a Dark Past" bundle. It came with a default tragic backstory, a cool black coat, and a request form for cheat skills. I clicked open his form.

Desired Skills: 1. Ultimate Sword God Mastery 2. Appraisal Eye (for finding treasures and maybe girls' measurements, hehe) 3. Harem King's Charm (Passive)

I physically cringed. Hehe? Really? Ugh. Some of these guys were the absolute worst. But, a job's a job. I took a sip of my static-flavored coffee and turned to the "Divine Reincarnation System," or the DRS. My predecessor must have been a tech-nerd from the 90s, because the interface looked like a psychedelic version of Windows 95.

"Okay, Sato-san," I muttered, cracking my knuckles. "One 'Ultimate Sword God Mastery' coming right up."

I started typing the skill into the command line.

GRANT_SKILL_ID_SWORD_GOD_MASTERY_ULTIMATE…

Right then, a cosmic-sized butterfly with shimmering wings flapped past my head. It was beautiful, majestic, and I am, unfortunately, terrified of all insects, cosmic or otherwise.

"Gaaah!" I shrieked, flailing my arms and knocking my mug over. The nebula-colored coffee splashed right across the ancient-looking keyboard of the DRS.

Bzzt! Fzzt! CRACKLE!

The terminal sparked violently. The lights in my office flickered. The screen glitched, displaying a mess of divine symbols and what looked suspiciously like the blue screen of death.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no!" I panicked, grabbing a celestial napkin and frantically dabbing at the keyboard. "Don't you dare die on me now!"

After a few terrifying seconds, the screen stabilized. The command line was still there, with my half-typed entry. A green "SUCCESS" message flashed below it.

Phew. Disaster averted.

Without even thinking to double-check, I quickly punched in the other two skills (feeling gross as I typed "Harem King's Charm") and hit the big, glowing "REINCARNATE" button. A beam of light shot from my desk into the ether, carrying the soul of Sato Tatsuya to his new life.

I leaned back in my chair, my heart still pounding. "Okay. Crisis over," I told myself, taking a deep breath. "First one of the day done. Easy."

I decided to clean up the coffee mess properly. As I wiped down the sticky keys, my finger brushed the 'Enter' key again. The screen flickered, showing me the log of the last transaction. I glanced at it, and my blood ran cold.

REINCARNATION COMPLETE: SATO TATSUYA WORLD: Veridia - The Land of Green

GRANTED SKILLS: 1. Appraisal Eye 2. Harem King's Charm (Passive) 3. Ultimate Spud Skill (Unique)

I stared at the screen. Then I stared again. My brain took a solid ten seconds to process the third line.

"Ultimate… Spud Skill?" I whispered in horror.

I scrambled to pull up the skill description. The coffee must have short-circuited the input!

SKILL: Ultimate Spud Skill (Unique, Divine Grade) Allows the user to summon, create, manipulate, and communicate with all forms of potatoes and potato-based products. The user's power is directly proportional to the quality and quantity of potatoes in their immediate vicinity. At peak power, the user can theoretically create a planet-sized potato.

My jaw hit the floor. A planet-sized potato? What even is that?

Frantically, my hands flew across the keyboard, pulling up the file on the world I'd just sent him to. Veridia.

WORLD STATUS: Veridia Current Events: On the brink of a world war. The two major kingdoms, Agricola and Tuberosum, are locked in a bitter dispute over the last fertile potato field on the continent following the catastrophic 'Great Blight.' Tensions are at an all-time high. The legendary 'Potato of Prophecy' is said to be the only thing that can avert total destruction.

I had just sent a man who wanted to be a sword god into the middle of a geopolitical potato crisis. And I had given him… the power to control all potatoes.

He wasn't going to be a hero. He was going to be a weapon of mass destruction. Or a god. Or both.

I buried my face in my hands.

"I am so, so, so fired."