Chapter 2: The Potato Messiah and the Panicked Goddess

My first instinct was to panic. My second was to see if there was an "undo" button.

There wasn't.

Of course, there wasn't. This was the divine realm, not a word processor. You can't just Ctrl+Z a person's entire existence. I frantically clicked through every menu in the DRS. "File"? Nope. "Edit"? Just options to change the terminal's font color. "View"? I could switch to "Dark Mode," which felt appropriate for my mood, but wasn't helpful. "Help"? The help file was a single, unhelpful sentence written in that squiggly divine language I still couldn't read. For all I know, it said, "Good luck, sucker."

Okay. Plan B: Damage control.

I pulled up a celestial monitoring screen, a floating window of pure light that functioned like a divine Twitch stream. After a bit of metaphysical channel surfing, I found him. Sato Tatsuya, now reborn as… well, he still looked like Sato Tatsuya, just younger, maybe around seventeen, and wearing the standard isekai-protagonist-issue tunic and trousers. He was standing in the middle of a field. A very brown, very sad-looking field.

"Right," I muttered, chewing on my thumbnail. "Ground zero. The disputed potato territory."

The reborn Sato - let's call him Spud-o-kun for now - looked utterly bewildered. He was probably expecting a grand summoning circle in a king's throne room, not a dirt patch that smelled vaguely of disappointment. He looked down at his hands, likely searching for the legendary sword he thought he'd have.

"Okay, computer, show me his status," I commanded the terminal. A window popped up next to his image.

NAME: Tatsuya RACE: Human LEVEL: 1 SKILLS:

Appraisal Eye [LV. 1]

Harem King's Charm (Passive) [LV. MAX]

Ultimate Spud Skill (Unique) [LV. MAX]

My eyes widened. Level MAX?! The coffee spill didn't just corrupt the skill, it supercharged it! This was a thousand times worse than I thought. A newbie with a planet-busting potato power…

On the screen, Tatsuya was getting desperate. He started swinging his arms around, shouting things like, "Behold, my ultimate blade!" and "Sword of the heavens, manifest before me!" Nothing happened, obviously. A few sad-looking crows cawed at him from a dead tree.

Then, he must have instinctively tried to activate his other maxed-out skill. He probably just thought, "I need something to happen!"

And something did.

He didn't glow or anything. The skill was more subtle. He just… stood there. But the world reacted. A gentle breeze picked up, rustling his hair in a way that looked heroic even though he was just standing in dirt. The sunlight seemed to hit him at just the right angle to make his very average face look ruggedly handsome.

At that moment, a squad of soldiers crested a nearby hill. They were wearing different uniforms - one group in green, the Agricolans, the other in brown, the Tuberosums. They were clearly a patrol, and they had just found each other in the disputed zone. Both sides immediately drew their swords, tension crackling in the air.

"Agricolan dogs! This is the sacred land of Tuberosum!" the brown-clad captain yelled.

"In your dreams, dirt-grubber! This field belongs to the Kingdom of Agricola!" the green-clad knight retorted.

It was about to be a bloodbath. But then, they saw him. They saw Tatsuya, standing there, bathed in that heroically angled sunlight, looking tragically confused.

Thanks to "Harem King's Charm," they didn't see a lost idiot. They saw something else entirely.

The Agricolan knight's eyes went wide. "By the Green Goddess… who is that? Such a noble bearing! He stands on our sacred soil with the confidence of a king!"

The Tuberosum captain gasped. "Look at that sorrow in his eyes! He mourns the state of this barren land! He is a holy man, sent by the Great Spud himself!"

Both squads slowly lowered their weapons, their faces a mixture of awe and reverence.

I was watching this unfold with my jaw on my desk. This stupid, tacky skill was actually working? On soldiers in the middle of a tense standoff?

Tatsuya, completely oblivious, finally gave up on summoning a sword. In his frustration, he kicked at the dirt. "Stupid! There's nothing here! Not even a single potato!"

As soon as he said the word "potato," it happened.

His "Ultimate Spud Skill" activated. A golden light erupted from his body, not overwhelmingly powerful, but warm and gentle. The dry, cracked earth around his feet began to tremble. A tiny green sprout pushed its way out of the dirt. Then another, and another. Within seconds, the entire field was covered in healthy, vibrant potato plants, growing at a supernatural speed. Their leaves unfurled, flowers bloomed, and in less than a minute, the barren field had been transformed into a lush, thriving potato farm.

The soldiers stared, absolutely speechless. Their swords clattered to the ground.

One of the Agricolan soldiers fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. "He… he has healed the land! It's a miracle!"

A Tuberosum warrior pointed a trembling finger. "It is the Prophecy! 'A lone hero will stand upon the barren soil and command the Sacred Spud to return!'"

Tatsuya just stared at the potato plant that had sprouted right next to his foot. He looked at his hand, then back at the plant. He was finally putting two and two together. "Wait… Spud Skill? Not Sword Skill? You have got to be kidding me."

But no one was listening to him. The two enemy captains, who were ready to kill each other moments before, slowly walked towards Tatsuya. They stopped a respectful distance away and bowed deeply.

"O, great hero! Please, lend your divine power to the Kingdom of Agricola!" the green knight pleaded.

"Ignore that leafy fool, your holiness! The Tuberosum people are the true custodians of the potato! Guide us to glory!" the brown captain begged.

Tatsuya was backed into a corner, metaphorically speaking. He was surrounded by two squads of heavily armed men who now worshipped him as some kind of Potato Messiah.

From my office in the heavens, I watched the birth of a new religion, founded entirely on my coffee-spilling incompetence. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This was either going to solve the world war or make it infinitely worse. Knowing my luck, it would be the latter.

I minimized the viewing window, my head spinning. What have I done? I've unleashed a charismatic potato god on an unsuspecting world. The balance of power was completely shattered. The higher-ups were going to have my head for this. I could already picture the strongly-worded celestial memo.

A thought struck me. A terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thought. If I was the Goddess of Reincarnators, and I was the one who sent him there… didn't that technically make me his patron deity? I was the goddess of the Potato Messiah.

I slumped over my desk and groaned. This was officially the worst first week on the job in the history of ever.