Chapter 5: My New Job Title is a Cry for Help

My promotion didn't come with a bigger office. It didn't come with a celestial corner window or a fancier nebula-coffee machine. It came with a small, brass plaque that someone had unceremoniously plopped on my desk. It read:

Akane - Head of Creative Problem Solving

"Division" was a strong word. The "Creative Problem Solving Division" was just me. In my same old office. With my same old teetering stacks of paperwork. The only difference was that now, Management's expectations were astronomically high. They didn't see me as a bumbling goddess who succeeded by dumb luck; they saw me as some kind of Machiavellian genius who played with the fate of worlds for fun. The pressure was immense. Every new soul file felt like a test I was doomed to fail.

And then, I got his file.

It practically vibrated with obnoxious energy. The cover sheet was annotated with little, hand-drawn skulls and lightning bolts.

SOUL CANDIDATE #8,008,555 Name: Kenta Nakamura Age: 21 Cause of Death: Aneurysm caused by extreme rage after failing to pull a limited-edition character in a mobile gacha game. Reincarnation Request: "I demand the most OP, broken, god-tier cheat skill you have. Something no one has ever seen before, so I can be the ultimate hero. Oh, and I want to take ONE item of my choice from this realm with me. Make it good."

I read the request and felt a migraine coming on. The sheer, unadulterated entitlement was breathtaking. This wasn't a humble request; it was an order. This guy, Kenta, embodied every single annoying reincarnator trope I had to deal with on a daily basis. The ones who thought dying was a ticket to a power fantasy theme park.

Normally, I'd sigh, roll my eyes, and give him "Sword God Mastery" and send him on his way. But now… now I was the Head of Creative Problem Solving. Management expected "bold, outside-the-box" solutions. And frankly, I just really, really wanted to teach this kid a lesson.

A wicked little idea sparked in my mind. He wanted a skill no one had ever seen? Fine. He wanted something that sounded overpowered? I could do that. I scrolled through the divine skill database, past the usual "Dragon Slayer" and "Infinite Mana" entries, into the experimental section. And there it was. Perfect.

SKILL: Skill Synthesis (Divine Grade) Description: Allows the user to combine any two skills they possess to create a new, random skill. High risk, potentially high reward. Resulting skill can range from god-like to utterly useless. Requires two existing skills to function.

It was a work of art. It sounded incredible - the potential for unlimited power! But for a Level 1 reincarnator with no other skills? It was a brick. A useless, un-usable, divine-grade brick. He wouldn't be able to synthesize a thing. The thought of his smug face contorting in confusion was just too delicious.

With a smirk, I assigned him the skill. "One ridiculously OP-sounding skill, coming right up," I chirped to myself.

Then came the second part of his request. "One item of my choice." A portal shimmered into existence next to my desk, showing Kenta's soul floating in the ethereal waiting room. He looked exactly like his file suggested: arrogant slouch, messy hair, and a t-shirt with an anime girl on it.

"Kenta Nakamura," I said, my voice echoing with divine authority I absolutely did not feel. "Your skill has been granted. As per your request, you may choose one item to take with you to the new world."

I gestured grandly at a floating array of items the system generated for these occasions: a glowing 'Sword of Beginnings,' a 'Shield of Minor Protection,' a bag of gold. The standard starter pack.

Kenta scoffed, looking unimpressed. His eyes scanned the room, and then they landed on me. He looked me up and down - my frilly goddess dress, my silver hair, the faint divine aura I still had. A slow, greasy smile spread across his face. He thought I was some kind of NPC, a cute little guide character.

"Her," he said, pointing a finger straight at me. "I'll take her. A real-life goddess as my personal guide and party member? That's the ultimate cheat item! Now that's what I'm talking about!"

My brain short-circuited. "Excuse me?" I stammered. "W-what? You can't - I'm not an item!"

But the DRS, the Divine Reincarnation System, was painfully, stupidly literal. It did not distinguish between a sentient, award-winning goddess and a magic sword. A request was a request. A massive, terrifying blue window popped up in front of my face.

[REQUEST CONFIRMED: DIVINE COMPANION 'AKANE']

[INITIATING PAIRED REINCARNATION SEQUENCE…]

A brilliant gold circle of light erupted on the floor, swallowing both me and the portal to Kenta.

Panic, pure and undiluted, seized me. "No! Wait! Stop! ABORT!" I shrieked, hammering at my terminal. "That's not an item! I'm a person! A goddess! With a job! And an Employee of the Month award! I HAVE A PROMOTION!"

The system paid no attention to my screaming. The light grew impossibly bright, drowning out the sight of my messy desk, my half-finished paperwork, and my sad, static-flavored coffee.

The last thing I heard before my entire existence was flung into the mortal realm was Kenta's triumphant laughter and my own pathetic, drawn-out scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"