Shattered God - ???

Oleander
-*-

The world has long been broken.

Neither I nor my fellow gods were able to save anything. Yet, we tried… We tried, and tried, and tried, until we grew tired. Until we shattered under the weight of a broken world.

One after another, we fell.

And after our fall, the world continued as if nothing happened. As if nothing was sacrificed. We lost our names and were forgotten, buried among the tragedies of different cycles of this broken world.

Everyone forgot… but I remember. Each and every god that shattered hopelessly… I remember how they still wished for the world to survive even if they will never be there.

I hated the world. I hated the world that will never reach the end. I hated the cycles that repeat the tragedies that the gods who were once my family already lost themselves for.

As my shattered self laid on the stage of a rundown theater that was once my glorious Sanctuary, I wonder… When did everything go wrong?

Was it when the Creator abandoned us? Was it when the story of this world fell apart? Why does it have to be like this? What did we do to deserve such cruelty?

Still, the gods believed that the Creator would return. They had faith that she will make the world right and create a future where happiness will triumph over tragedies in the end. I too once believed that…

But… What will happen to us who are already shattered?

We no longer have a place in that world.

Even if the Creator returns and restores the World’s Order, it won’t change the fact of what happened in the previous cycles, it won’t change the fact that I and my fellow gods are already shattered…

It’s easier to blame her for everything, to hate her and condemn her, but I can’t do that… because as the one who oversees the memories of all things… I know that she truly loved this world.

The thoughts and efforts poured into this world is not something that can be dismissed carelessly. I once managed to see beyond the world that I know, in another world where she came from. I saw her dedication in writing the story of this world, the countless nights she spent, the research that she did… as well as her frustration when she decided to give up on her dream.

If only there was someone beside her to tell her to not give up… to keep writing… to keep dreaming.

Maybe a part of me wanted to be that person, but… we don’t belong in the same world.

She belongs to reality, while I belong in the words that she created.

To her, I and everyone else in this world, is just a figment of her imagination. A fiction. A lie. If only the boundary between two separate worlds could meet for one single moment… that’s all we could wish for. A chance to meet her, a chance to speak to her… and if that indeed happens, we wanted to tell her that we are thankful to her, we wanted to tell her to keep writing. Our story might be a tragic one, but it was also beautiful.

Alas, the world was cruel.

This world where I shattered, and the world where she did.

After knowing that, I couldn’t bring myself to hate her. She did not abandon us because she wanted to, she loved us more than anything… so at the very least…

I wanted to protect the world that she loved. I will protect it until she returns.

I was the last god standing.

The last god to shatter.

Little did I know, the other gods colluded to have me be the last one to fall. As the overseer of memories, they wanted me to carry their wills and memories. They wanted to be remembered by at least one person. They wanted me to be the witness of the future that they never got to.

I never wanted to betray their faith, but…

I, who was already shattered, still continued to be the sole pillar of the broken world. My already fractured existence kept the world afloat. The memories that I have become the foundation of sustaining the existence of that world.

I guess it can be said that the past repeated over and over again because the only way for it to survive is to repeat what already happened. With no future, with no ending… All that we could do is to repeat from the start, despair again, feel hopeless again… because we can never change the world.

So I prayed. I wished. I hoped… for this world to be destroyed.

I have no power to do so, nor do I have any power to spare somewhere else. My existence is already fading away, and once I’m gone, the world will be in a boundary where it no longer exists, but at the same time it still does.

Something happened, but nothing will no longer happen.

Yet, when I thought that all hope was lost… A presence that I no longer expected to feel materialized in this world.

This world has no fate to speak of, but at that moment, maybe it had. For that one moment, fate blurred the boundary of reality and fiction. The Creator came to this world.

This was the moment that I, who was the only god left in the broken world, had been waiting for.

But…

What arrived in the world was nothing like the Creator that made this world. She was a shell of her former self. I know that she was the Creator, I can feel it, and so too my fragment, but…

It feels like she was tired of life itself, someone who had lost all hope, a miserable person who doesn’t have a dream or purpose.

Ah, I see…

This world is beyond salvation.

Yet, I underestimated her. Humans will always feel the urge to fight back when they are backed into a corner. The same goes to her even though she’s technically a god now. She grew desperate, reckless, and aggressive right after she experienced the first Plot Hole.

She was even about to shatter herself for a single moment that wasn’t even at the start of the story yet.

I thought it was stupid, but when she was about to do that… I feel like I saw a glimpse of the person she was once. The brilliance of a Creator that loved this world more than anything…

It was beautiful.

It made me cry because I was relieved that even if I finally disappear, the world will be in the right hands. I’ve been waiting for this moment, for her…

“Goddess… don’t leave us again…”

She reached her hand to my face and wiped my tears.

As I thought, she really is kind. She truly loved this world and acknowledged the suffering of even a forgotten god like me.

I wished for this world to be destroyed because I could no longer see a future where anything could be saved, but… maybe if it’s her, she can do it.

“Shall we destroy this world then?”

When I heard those words from her, I almost couldn’t believe it. I was rendered speechless from the absurdity of it. Yet, behind that absurd suggestion lies something deeper. A strong resolve to act.

Those words don’t make sense to be honest… but I feel like I could trust her unconditionally, I feel like I should put my faith in her.

If she intends to destroy this world, then so be it. I swear to go with her to the end of the world.

I will believe in the future that she wants to create. I want to believe in her again.

Still, I won’t forget the memories of the past cycles that I’ve witnessed. I won’t forget that I’ve ventured into this world before, and I know very well that…

…all that’s waiting for us beyond the denouement of this incomplete story is…

Nothingness.

_______________

Espoir Town. The Town of Hope. It truly lives up to its name.

It was a day after Lapis and I had that talk in the kitchen and the two of us are now going out to buy groceries. I suggested that I could do this alone but Ollie insisted that Lapis also join me.

He said that since Lapis just woke up, it’s better for her to get some sunlight and fresh air. Ollie has a point so I agreed and Lapis put him in-charge of the Sanctuary while we’re out shopping.

While we’re walking around, I noticed the town is still gloomy from the news of the passing of the royals. Lapis seems to have noticed it too but did not say anything.

This is a lie that we created to save the twins, but there is no such thing as a lie that will never be found out. Sooner or later, everything will be revealed. When that happens, a Plot Hole that is beyond our imagination will definitely occur.

Still, if that happens, I’ll use my powers again to buy Lapis some time. I will give her as much time as she needs to find a solution to this dilemma.

“Oleander, let’s go here!” Lapis dragged my hand and pointed to a pastry shop.

“Gods don't need to eat though.”

“Eh? Really?” She flinched. “But I’ve been eating properly since I arrived here.”

“You fell asleep for a week right, did you feel hungry then?”

Her eyes widened when she finally connected the dots.

“No… I did not feel hungry…” She looked as if she just realized a world shattering secret, but then she pouted. “Still! Eating is one of the joys of life, so let’s eat here!”

I chuckled in amusement. “Sure, let’s go.”

We entered the shop and she quickly greeted the shopkeeper as if they are long time friends. Well, I guess they are.

“My, welcome to our shop Lapis-san. It’s been a while since we last saw you, with what happened to the twin royals, we were worried that you might’ve gotten entangled with something horrible too,” the lady at the counter said.

“Thank you for your concern, ma’am. I was just sick so I couldn’t get out.”

“I’m glad that you’re better now,” the lady sincerely said before looking at me. “And who might this man be? Hmm… he looks a lot like Ollie-kun.”

“Nice to meet you, madam,” I politely greeted. “I am Oleander, Ollie is my fra–”

Lapis stopped me from saying that Ollie is my fragment, and continued my introduction by herself. “He’s Ollie’s older brother! Right, Oleander?”

“Ah… y-yeah… I think so.”

Lapis glared at me as I just awkwardly looked away.

I guess I’m now Ollie’s older brother, huh. If I’m going to argue about it, I’ll say that Ollie is more like my son, but since Lapis said that I’m an older brother, then I’ll be an older brother.

“I can see the resemblance! Welcome to our pastry shop, Oleander-san!” the lady smiled brightly. “Ollie-kun is my daughter’s friend and they’re very close with each other to play here together.”

“Thank you for taking care of Ollie.”

“Same here, Ollie-kun was really helpful to us too.”

After that, Lapis ordered a cake and some complimentary drinks. It’s just chamomile tea though.

We sat on one of the tables in the corner where not many people were sitting nearby. Lapis must have wanted some privacy that’s why she chose a spot like that.

“Ollie-kun and I used to eat here back when it’s just the two of us before,” Lapis said excitedly.

“You look happy.”

“Hehe, of course! I’ve always liked sweets but I wasn’t able to eat them in my former world. This time, I could eat them now!” she cheered. “I made sure to borrow some allowance from Ollie-kun so let’s enjoy this. I’m sure Oleander will like it too!”

“I’m not so sure about that, I haven’t really eaten anything before since there is no need for a god to eat.”

In fact the first food that I’ve eaten is the home cooked meal that Ollie prepared in Lapis’ Sanctuary. As a form of courtesy, I also cooked for them with the knowledge that I have about cuisine, but there really wasn’t any need for me to eat then.

“Don’t tell me you’re not sleeping too.”

I nodded, “Generally speaking, there is no need for a god to eat or sleep.”

She gasped as if I just said something horrible.

“That won’t do! That’s no different from working for a black company and being forced to work for days without proper food or sleep!” She exclaimed in front of me.

“Black company…? What’s that? All I’ve done was my duties as the God of Memory though.”

“Ah!” She then looked away awkwardly. “I forgot, it was my fault… Uuu…”

I was confused by her actions but it’s not like I know what to ask. So I just dropped it.

“Okay, I have no choice but to show you the joys of life then. Prepare yourself, Oleander.”

The way she said it sounds threatening, but for me it just sounds playful. I feel like I have to go along with her antics.

“I’ll take it as an honor.”

“Oh, good answer!” She dropped her previous roleplaying and beamed brightly.

“Fufu, Lapis is really interesting,” I chuckled lightly.

It didn’t take a while before our order arrived. It was two slices of cake with blue icing and small flowers. It looks beautiful to be eaten if I’m being honest.

“I wanted to get Dolce Special Cake but they only make it once a week and Ollie already bought the one for this week during the time I was asleep so I ordered Butterfly Pea Cake. What do you think?”

“It’s aesthetically pleasing, is this really food?”

“It is. Here.” Lapis took a fork and it effortlessly sliced a piece. She then offered that piece to feed me. “Say aah.”

I feel embarrassed to do it, but it’s not like I have a reason to reject her so I just ate it.

My eyes widened as the sweet and gentle flavor of the cake enveloped my mouth. It was delightful, something that I did not expect to taste for myself. I know that cakes are sweet, but this is my first time experiencing it personally.

It was mind blowing.

“Hehe, you like it?”

“Yes, it’s amazing! I didn’t know that food could be like this!”

She proudly smiles, “Then let’s look for more foods like this from now on.”

“Un!”

I nodded profusely.

“You are now an official member of Sweets Alliance, welcome to the team. It was just Ollie and me, but now we have you too~”

I can’t help but chuckle. Sweets Alliance was a cute name. I guess I am now a member of that alliance.

I am amazed that even after everything, Lapis could still act as carefree as this. I know for a fact that she was still worried about many things, but it was indeed a great idea to go out like this.

Lapis seems like she’s really enjoying herself and I don’t have the heart to break her small happiness with the truth.

On our way home, Lapis and I are walking side by side. We bought a take home cake for the children and finished our shopping.

“I hope they will like this cake,” she hummed.

“They will like it, it’s from you so of course, they will like it.”

“Fufu, I hope so,” she smiled lightly. “Oleander, did you have fun today?”

I nodded and smiled at her, “Greatly.”

“Let’s have more fun like this until the end of the world, Oleander.”

I closed my eyes and smiled peacefully, “Gladly.”

How long has it been since I witnessed peace like this? I think it has been thousands of cycles ago, when the Goddess of Harmony was still around.

She was one of the first gods that shattered when the world abruptly stopped and tragedy ensued, but back when she was around, peace was given and long-lived. Although tragedies are bound to happen, once it is resolved, she will always maintain the peace once more.

Her name is long lost from the moment she shattered, but I still clearly remember her valiant sacrifice as she shattered herself. She was smiling brightly as she disappeared among the specks of light. Her only wish is to protect the future of the people.

“You sometimes get lost in your memories, aren’t you?”

Without realizing it, Lapis stared at my face closely, with only a few inches away from each other. I flinched and took a step back out of surprise.

“Can you tell me about yourself, Oleander?”

“Eh? Uhm… o-okay… What do you want to know?”

“Anything that you want to tell,” she said. “I want to know something that you want to tell yourself. If I ask about it, I feel like you’ll answer me regardless, but as expected, I want to know something that you want to share with me.”

Something that I want to share…

My powers? My past? My comrades?

At that moment, I wanted to share a lot of things with her, but at the same time, I felt like I truly have nothing to share anymore.

My powers were not like how it used to be. My past was long gone. The same goes to my comrades. I have nothing now.

Ah… I lost everything, didn’t I?

“Hmm? Was it hard to talk about?”

“...”

I could not respond. I realized that even after regaining my name, I no longer belong in this world. I have no place in this world anymore.

A hand reached out and grabbed mine. It was warm.

“It’s fine, we can take our time slowly getting to know each other~”

“How about Lapis? Can you tell me about yourself?”

“Me? I think I’m just a boring adult who lost her dreams. In the first place, I still don’t understand how I got reincarnated in this world,” she chuckled. “But since I’m here now, I guess I’ll accept it and live here.”

“You accepted it rather easily.” I commented.

“Well, I guess it’s one of my traits. I could easily adapt to my surroundings. I’ll admit that it was useful, but it was also harmful because I’m susceptible to change easily,” she sighed. “When my life became inconvenient, I easily gave up my dreams. You also knew it, right?”

There was bitterness in Lapis’ words, at the same time, there was also guilt and regret. Her life after she quit writing must have been unpleasant. She did change for the worse, but she’s slowly going back to how she was before.

It was a great improvement.

“Change is the only constant in life, but not all changes are for the better.”

“Right… I guessed I changed for the worse then,” she said with a melancholic smile. “I can’t go back to how I was right away, and I might disappoint you again, Oleander. Still, I want to make it up to you soon.”

“It’s not like you have to take responsibility for what happened to me.”

“I have to! And that is final!” She pointed a finger at me and huffed.

All I could do was sigh in defeat. There is no use trying to argue with her if she was this determined to act.

She has always been like this. A person with a strong sense of responsibility, someone who can’t turn a blind eye to someone else’s suffering. She might have lost this side of her once, but maybe not everything has been lost yet.

Just a little, this shattered god wanted to believe that there might be a future to look forward to in this broken world.