Ginkgo

That melody... I knew it from somewhere…

"So, it's been a week. Is the new school treating you okay?"

I sat at our cramped dinner table, pushing food around my plate while Inorin watched me.

"Yeah, its good." The lie tasted bitter. Truth was, my reputation had followed me. The whispers started before I even walked through the classroom door. 'Watch out for that one.' 'Did you hear what she did at her old school?'

But I couldn't tell Inorin that. Not after everything she'd done to cheer me up. The way she'd thrown that impromptu "fuck the school" party when I got expelled. How she took me to that park, the two of us tossing bread to ducks late into the night.

Her eyes stayed fixed on me, unblinking. The silence stretched uncomfortably long.

"Stop staring at me like that!"

"Hmmmm." She leaned forward, chin propped on her hands. 

Inorin suddenly jumped up from her chair, legs screeching against the floor. She snatched a wooden spoon from the kitchen drawer and scurried down the hallway toward our bedrooms.

The curtain that separated the living space from the rest of our tiny apartment swished closed behind her. Strange rustling noises followed: thumps, scrapes and what sounded like muffled cursing.

I stabbed at my cold rice. Just Inorin being Inorin again. The woman had zero shame and even less common sense, especially after her third beer.

More shuffling. A crash. "Ow, fuck!"

Then the curtain burst open. There stood my aunt in all her questionable glory wearing heart-shaped sunglasses, a pillow strapped to her chest with her favorite bathrobe belt, and brandishing that wooden spoon like a microphone.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

"Shhhh! You're in the presence of Mrs. Star!"

Before I could process what was happening, she launched into song, swaying, spinning, and completely off-tune:

Full house smells sweet.

The penguin is sleeping.

Little sister cries.

Big sister smiles.

Bitterness in the pot,

Becomes a sweet soup.

One bowl for you.

One bowl for me…

"When the small penguin wakes, we eat." My voice cracked. Damn Inorin and her stupid made-up nursery rhymes. Even now, she didn't leave me alone.

Blood loss must be making me lose it. Of course, that's what happens before you die, right? Your life flashes before your eyes, you get all nostalgic and shit.

My remaining hand traced the wall as I stumbled forward, the music growing clearer. Not just in my head anymore.

I rounded a corner and froze.

There sat Peng in a small hollow carved into the rock, turning the crank of a tiny music box. The same tune Inorin had sung that night.

My knees hit stone. The tears came without warning. Huge, ugly sobs that shook my whole body.

"Peng..." The penguin didn't look up, just kept winding that box.

Was I crying for Inorin? For the arm I'd lost? For this stupid penguin? Maybe all of it. Maybe because after everything - the fighting, the running, losing my fucking arm - I was going to die in a hole, leaving Peng alone just like Inorin had left me.

The melody cut off abruptly. Through tears and snot, I lifted my head to see Peng's cylindrical form tilting toward me.

"Peng." The penguin held out a single ginkgo leaf, its golden-green surface standing out in the darkness.

My chest tightened. That leaf. That fucking leaf.

I was eight, racing through the orphanage halls like a maniac, pretending some invisible friend chased me. Sister had told me to stop running indoors at least five times that morning but I didn't care.

"Can't catch me!" I yelled, making sure my voice carried extra loud past the playroom where the younger kids huddled together with their stupid dolls and blocks.

See? I don't need you pussies. I'm having way more fun by myself.

I rounded the corner toward the entrance, ready to declare myself the winner of my made-up game, when I spotted Sister talking to someone at the door. My heart stopped.

A visitor meant only one thing at the orphanage. Someone had come to adopt.

I bolted outside, heart hammering against my ribs. Not again. Not another family pretending they could "fix" me only to dump me back when they realized what a lost cause I was.

The ginkgo trunk beckoned, its hollowed base my secret fortress in the orphanage. I ran to it and squeezed into the gap, knees pulled tight against my chest. Let them search. They wouldn't find me here.

"Kuroha-chan!" Sister's voice drifted across the yard. "Where are you, dear?"

I squeezed deeper into my fortress. Stupid Sister Maria with her stupid kind voice. She knew damn well why I ran. Four families in two years. That had to be some kind of record. The last one didn't even last a week before bringing me back.

The wind picked up, rustling the ginkgo's fan-shaped leaves. Something small and grey tumbled down its root, landing in the carpet of yellow foliage.

A rolly polly. It curled into a ball, probably as scared as I was.

"Hey there." I poked it gently with my finger. "You're alone too, huh?"

The bug uncurled slowly, antennae twitching. As it started to crawl away, I noticed movement on the root where it fell from. More rolly pollies, dozens of them, all clustered together in the tree's grooves.

"Oh. You've got somewhere to go back to."

I guess even bugs had somewhere to return to. Everyone did except me.

My fingers dug into my knees. What was wrong with me? Maybe if I hadn't thrown that toy at Mrs. Matsuoka. Or if I'd just shut up when Mr. Nakamura said so. If I wasn't so... me.

Stupid. I pressed my face into my knees, shoulders shaking. Nobody was around to see anyway. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Crunch.

My head snapped up. Footsteps. Heavy ones, crushing through the fallen leaves.

Shit. I scrambled to get up. Had to run, had to hide somewhere else before-

A shadow fell across me. Not Sister's familiar silhouette but someone else. Someone new.

The woman turned, messy brown hair falling across her face. A gust of wind swept through the yard, scattering golden ginkgo leaves around her. One drifted down, landing on my head.

I tensed as she reached toward me. Everyone always reached for me - to grab, to pull, to drag me where they wanted.

My eyes squeezed shut. Just get it over with.

Nothing happened.

I cracked one eye open.

The woman held out a single gingko leaf, her face split in the goofiest grin I'd ever seen.

"Found you!"

"Mrs. Inorin! Please don't run off like that!" Sister's voice cut through the yard.

"Sorry, sorry. But look who I found! She's great with hiding spots!"

I stared up at her from my ginkgo fortress. Was she... praising me for running away?

"Mrs. Inorin, are you certain about this? Kuroha-chan can be... challenging."

"Since the beginning."

She crouched down, meeting my eyes. "Sorry it took so long, Kuro-chan. Had some stuff to sort out first. Rehab's a bitch- ugh, I mean, really hard. But I'm back now. Ready to do what I should've done years ago."

My eyes went wide. She... wanted me before?

The memory blurred as tears splashed onto my outstretched palm.

Stupid, stupid Inorin.

Something soft brushed against my fingers. Peng tilted forward, placing the ginkgo leaf into my hand, its golden surface mixing with the tears. That stupid leaf. That stupid, wonderful leaf that had changed everything.

The walls suddenly shook, dust and rocks raining down. Those eight-legged freaks found us.

I clutched the ginkgo leaf to my chest, blood loss making my head spin.

Shit shit shit.

Red eyes gleamed in the darkness above. One Black Leg dropped down. Then another. And another.

My back pressed against cold stone. Nowhere left to run.

After everything Inorin did for me, was I really going to die here? Let her disappear without a trace?

Fuck that.

The first Black Leg lunged. I swung with my remaining arm, knuckles cracking against its jaw. Pain shot through my hand but I didn't care.

"You hear me? I'm not dying in this shithole!"

More creatures descended, their chittering drowning out my words. My throat burned, tears were streaming down my face, but I kept screaming.

"Inorin found me! She chose me when no one else would! Now it's my turn to find her!"

 The leaf in my hand glowed with a soft golden light.

"I won't die with that regret! I WON'T!"

Then the light exploded. Something massive burst from the ground beneath my feet, launching me upward. As I flew through the air, I caught glimpses of thick branches piercing through Black Legs.

A ginkgo tree.