To Rest, or Not To Rest - Chapter 10

When I looked up once more, the lanterns had begun to drift higher into the night sky, above the crowd and the performers. Many watched happily as they danced along in the sky. I knew Lance was right; this weak body would have to go through many trials and tribulations to do what my father did. But I felt that it was the right thing. I’d have to go above and beyond to achieve my goals in this world. I can’t allow my body to refuse that. I tightened my grip on my quill, more determined than ever to make that dream a reality.

As the night went on, the performers from the shore moved with a practiced grace, donning shimmering and bright costumes caught in the firelight. Ribbons trailing in sweeping arcs and drums thundering beneath the playful cries of the flutes. They reminded me of the fish I’d see Gil and Lance bring home, so it was safe to assume that they were paying tribute to the sea. I stood at the edge of the crowd, my hand clutching the book closely. We’d joined Luisa and Gil, who joined hands without a word, swaying with the rhythm as though they were in their own world. Luisa’s laughter rose above the music for a moment, and I caught myself smiling, seeing the two. Beside me, Lance leaned on the wood railing, his eyes were sharp but softened by the glow of the fire.

It felt like the world had slowed just for us. The air carried the salty tang of the ocean mixed with the sweet smoke of roasted nuts and caramel apples. My bows swayed as I bobbed my head to the rhythm of the drums, catching the beat within the air. The lanternlight touched them, glistening in the fair light. Every time the performers would spin or leap, a new wave of cheers rippled through the crowd, I’d feel them ripple through me, like I was apart of something larger.

For once, I didn’t feel alone, nor fragile. I didn’t feel like the girl who’d miss out on everything, always watching from the sidelines. I was there, in the middle of it all. Taking in the moment, and breathing it in. Lance glanced my way, catching me staring at the stage with probably too much wonder in my eyes. I thought he’d tease me the moment he noticed but instead he just said, low enough for only me to hear, “You look…like you belong here.”

I held that for but a moment, taking it in. Before turning my gaze back to the stage, where the dancers spun like whirling waves and sparks. It was the feeling of belonging. That’s what I’d been looking for. Even back in my previous life, I never felt like I’d fit the part. Often standing alone or refusing to hang out after a long day of work. This was different, a different feeling overall. Somewhere deep inside, I felt that same tug again. It’s pull faint as ever, the lingering feeling of yearning that couldn’t have been fully mine. It was as if the small inkling that the Chloe before me was here with us tonight, whispering through my own heart.

“Make it matter. Make it last.”

I gripped the book within my hand tighter. I felt my lips quiver ever so gently. “I want to keep making memories like this,” I murmured almost to myself under the sound of music and cheers. “Not just for me, but for her too…” Lance tilted his head, hearing my small words in the moment but choosing not to pry. He just nodded once, as though he understood something even if he didn’t have the words for it. The performance swelled to its grand finale, a burst of firecrackers lit the night sky with shades of blue and gold, much matching Luisa’s dress. The crow erupted in applause, laughter and cheer. The voices blended into one joyous sound. Luisa and Gil clapped together, their faces glowing with a happiness like no other.

I glanced over to catch a glimpse of my parents at the edge of the square. They weren’t intruding, not calling out. Just standing there with smiles that carried relief and pride with them. Mother’s hand rested gently on my Father’s arm, and my Father’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he watched us from afar. They’d let us have this day. In the moment, I couldn’t help but wave to them, carrying a big smile on my face. My heart thudded with something heavier than happiness alone. It was the feeling of purpose. Because now, I knew that I didn’t want to just keep myself safe. I wanted to live. To remember, and create. For me, for them, and for the Chloe who sat within me. The cheers soon fell to an applause, thanking everyone for their contributions to a successful Fallfest. The crowd slowly began to disperse afterward. The lanterns slowly dimmed one by one, until the street torches guided the way out of the fair’s premises. The air grew colder, carrying the crisp bite of autumn. Luisa gave a long stretch, letting out a yawn that she tried to hide behind her hand.

“I think it’s time,” Gil said, patting her shoulder. His voice was calm, but he was watching the shadows of the road like the responsible older brother he was. “Let’s get the girls home.” Lance fell into step beside me once more, as if he didn’t need to be told. His hands were tucked into his pockets, his hair still neatly brushed, though the night air had let a few strands loose once again. Gil and Luisa walked a little ahead, their laughter was quiet, but easy. Lance and I trailed just enough behind to feel our own little pocket of space.

The walk was peaceful, the new book rested against my chest, and I could feel the faint glow of the scaled bows my Father crafted for me. The light of the moon would catch the shimmer whenever I turned my head. Each step away from the fair seemed to leave me light, not heavier. It was as if the joy of the day had woven itself into me. Stitching the small patches that I didn’t know I had. I realized something simple but powerful. I wanted this again, not just today or just once. I wanted to experience the joys where my laughs carried down quiet roads. Walking around and enjoying time with those I care for. Moments where I didn’t feel the world was passing me by.

“I hope…” my voice slipped out before I had fully thought my words through. “I hope we can all hang out like this again…Not just for the fair, but…just…more.” Lance’s eyes blinked at my statement. But a smile followed soon after, though it was a smile that curled his mouth just enough to show he meant it. “We’d like that too, you did really well today. Told you experiencing was better than me telling you all about it!” He puffed his chest proudly with his statement. I couldn’t help but feel my chest swell with the warmth of his words.

The houses of the village slowly crept into view, with lamps glowing faintly in the distance. Luisa turned back, her cheeks faintly pink from the cool night. “It was perfect. We will definitely do it again.” Gil nodded firmly, giving me a thumbs-up. “You’ll see us around, count on it!” That promise, as simple as it was, made me feel as if the world had grown just a little bigger around me. It was the feeling of not being so small within it anymore.

But as we slowly came closer to home, and the echoes of the fair grew distant, the weight of the other thoughts settled in. Two weeks, I’d spent in this world, waking as Chloe Mallory. Carrying the fragments of my previous life with me. And in that short time, I had already seen how fragile this body could be, how quickly the days I wanted to live could be taken away by a sickness I had no clue about. Winter was soon approaching; you could feel it in the wind tonight. I knew I couldn’t afford to get sick again, wasting weeks away in this world would be a death sentence. Also, considering the Gifting Ceremony, I’d have two birthdays until I had to go receive my gift at the Chapel within town. The thought curled in my mind ever since my mother first spoke of such a thing.

I pressed the book tighter against me, If I wanted to keep walking these roads with my friends, if I wanted to keep seeing festivals and making memories. If I wanted to make my mark in this world, I had to hold strong. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, the image returned. The dream of that strange crab from before, it’s shell shimmering with the purple gems upon its back. For reasons I couldn’t explain, I knew it mattered. That finding it before the first snow fell wasn’t just a whim. It was a goal, A promise to myself.

By the time we reached my home, the night sky had gone dark, stars scattered across the sky like spilled salt. Luisa quickly hugged Gil, surprising him, but he returned it graciously. The pink blush she head on her face shined as she stepped away quickly, apologizing for such a quick action. Gil couldn’t help but scratch the back of his neck with an awkward laugh. His grin trimmed with the pink filling his cheeks as well. Lance let out a disgruntled sigh, mimicking a throwing up motion seeing the two. I couldn’t help but laugh as my body seemed to move on its own. I held my arms out and gave him a hug, pulling him in suddenly with all of my might.

“Wha–what are you doing!? Let go of me!” He pleaded, his face red as the lanterns from before. I couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction as I let go swiftly. He recoiled, moving backward from the sudden hug. As if he didn’t expect such a thing to come from me. I grinned, bowing slightly, matching Luisa’s from before. “Thank you for taking care of me tonight, I really appreciated your care.” I did a small curtsy, allowing my hair to fall over my face. He couldn’t do anything but rub the back of his head, looking away shyly. “Yeah, it’s…nothing.” Gil and Luisa snickered at his reaction, seeing as he’d turned a different shade from such a hug. Gil then placed his hand onto Lance’s shoulder, motioning his head that it was time to leave. He nodded as the two waved to me and Luisa before turning back and returning to town. Leaving both me and my sister, standing there in the quiet.

I held onto the joy of the day, as if it were something solid, something I could store away for when the air grew colder. I wasn’t just Chloe by name; I felt alive as Chloe Mallory. And that, more than anything, made me want to keep going. To see just how much I could do in this new chance at life.