To Rest, or Not To Rest - Chapter 11

Morning sunlight poured through the window; the warmth was golden. For once, I didn’t wake up coughing or weighed down by the usual fever. Instead, I woke up with the faint hum of yesterday’s laughter still buzzing in my chest. It felt as if the fair had followed me into my dreams and refused to leave. I sat up slowly, reaching for the book I’d held ever so closely. It sat on the small table next to our bed. Its cover was the same as before, simple, plain leather, but to me it was heavier than any treasure—because it was mine. And only mine.

I flipped to a blank page, the quill had dried overnight, but it seemed that Father had left me some ink overnight. Though, I hesitated. The silence of the room seemed to lean in, waiting for me to start.

“Yesterday was the Fallfest.”

The words scratched across the page in uneven lines, but I didn’t care. I wanted them there, as proof and evidence that I was really there this time. I wrote about the day, from the glow of the lanterns, the smell of sweet bread drifting through the stalls, even the performer whose voice carried through the night in seamless waves. I wrote about the bows father made for me with the scales I found; they sat alongside me on the table. Their shine, still luminescent as ever. I even went to draw my best interpretation of the design, though it couldn’t match the beauty of such a creation. I caught myself, pausing from my writing. The quill hovered over the page, dripping bits of ink onto the page.

Finally, I wrote about Lance. How he had walked with me, quietly but steadily. The way he’d smile in a way that showed care, it wasn’t teasing much like his usual self. How he had promised…no, they all promised we’d do this again. I couldn’t help but underline the line twice. Feeling a sense of comfort in the line. I set the quill down. Pressing my hand to the page, as if I could trap the memories beneath my small palm. My chest aches, but not from the lingering sickness. It was from wanting. Knowing that we’d missed the fair so many times before, before I became me. Those feelings aren’t entirely mine. I knew that much. Maybe that’s why the fair had felt that important. Why had the joy felt so sharp and deep?

I whispered to myself softly, glancing over the page. “I’ll make more of these. For you too.” As if in answer, a small, cool breeze slipped through the window, rustling the page. I smiled faintly. I looked to the bottom of the page, where some free space had been left. I picked up the quill once more, writing some more.

“Before winter comes…find the crab from that dream!”

I didn’t fully understand why it mattered so much, only that it did. That finding it was a priority. I mean, there’s no reason for it not to be…it’s the reason I’m here after all. Though doing so offered me the opportunity to chase my dream once more. I had to do all that I could. That’s what mattered the most!

Time swiftly passed over the next few months before November swung by. My birthday happened to be a month after the Fallfest Fair. It was pretty convenient that it so happened to be the same as my birthday previously. It came and went quietly. No grand party because of the season and funds, though my family made it special in their own way. Father had made me handmade gloves, meant for shop work, since I’d offered to help keep things tidy and work with him whenever he’d been home. I even picked up on how to make certain things in the process. The gloves were sturdy and comfortable, my mother made me the same dinner I’d loved so much when I first arrived. Her cooking was good as ever, and Luisa made sure to get me some sweets I’d been pretty sure she traded for with some of the shopkeepers. I treasured their attempts at making my birthday something to remember, but something still pulled my being. It was the thought of that mysterious crab.

Not too long after, I felt it was time to test the waters. The clock was ticking on finding the little creature before snowfall refused my search. It’d be best to be proactive, since I’ve been healthy over the course of the months. I caught Luisa sitting alone within the house. Our parents had left to shop for some materials within the town, so it felt it’d be a better time than any.

“Hey Luisa…” I said, walking forward with both hands behind my back, and Luisa turned to me from her seat. She seemed to be reading over a book. “I was thinking…maybe you could take me to the beach lookout again, I’d love to see the waves.” Luisa crossed her arms, sharp but worried. “Absolutely not. The air’s getting colder every day, Chloe. You know what happened last time—you were bedridden for weeks.” Her tone softened, but her eyes didn’t dare waver. “I don’t want to risk you getting sick again. Not for the beach.”

"Come on, it will just be really quick!"

"No way, stop asking."

"Please, I need to just see if it's there!"

"No, means no."

I bit my lip, understanding the concern. But the yearning only grew stronger with the denial. I knew it was adamant to go out there and search, but without someone to be there for me, it’d be tough. Especially if I couldn’t lookout for myself. Determination continued to fester as I begged once more. But Luisa stood firm on her decision, continuing to read her book and ignoring my pleas. That plan is out of the window.

That night, I sat with my book open, scribbling different notes and plans. I thought it’d be best to wait until a clear day comes. Bundling up would be mandatory. With my new clothes that I’d been gifted by my mother. It’d fit well with my boots and gloves. I quickly tucked the book into my bag. It was adamant that I’d be back before anyone noticed. Best to take the chance to go seek out that crab! Though it felt daring to do such a thing behind my family’s back. This wasn’t just a whim I’d been feeling; this was a must.