Digital food and shelter

As I hopped along with Dumbee, who was also hopping around for some dumb reason, we found a man wearing a red VR headset sitting on the ground.

"Whatcha got on your face mate?" Dumbee asked.

"Oh? Some signs of ca- Uh, I mean signs of life. I'm Luigi. I sell prime real estate," the man smiled as he took off his headset.

"Prime real estate, mate? That sounds real tasty."

"Tast- Yeah! I know what you mean. Wanna eat some of the primest meat in the outback? Just strap this baby on," Luigi chuckled as he put the VR headset on Dumbee.

"Look at this, mate! There's loads of grub!" Dumbee smiled.

No, it's probably just that thing searing your eyes with crimson red. One of my roommates has one, and if he didn't already have glasses since elementary school, I'd have assumed that damn Virtual Guy, as the VR headset is called, was the reason he had them. Seriously, VR sounds cool as hell, but fucking Wintendo had to fuck it up with that shit, and now it's here. I guess the poor sales killed it so bad it got isekaid like me.

"Hey, mate, look at this! We can eat a big steak if we give him some dollars," Dumbee grinned.

"'Dollars'? What are you- Mmph!?"

To my horror Luigi suddenly tied a rope around my mouth and proceeded to tie me up. "Shh! I'm about to make bank," he maliciously whispered.

Oh no, this could get bad.

"How do I pay, mate?" Dumbee asked.

"Just come over to your friend. He's got a money bar above his head," Luigi maliciously grinned as he pointed to my brain cell bar.

"MMPH! MMPH! MMPH! MMPH! [NO! NO! NO! NO]!"

"You see, he's gorging on food and you can too," Luigi smiled.

"Great, mate! Let me join you," Dumbee smiled as he touched my brain cell bar.

"MMMMMPH!"

Dumbee then watched the food get eaten in VR. "Crikey, mate! Don't eat yourself before I can eat you," he laughed as he began munching the air with his teeth.

"No worries, there's unlimited food, so long as your friend has cash," Luigi grinned as he looked at his status screen.

The hell was this asshole doing this for!? Don't tell me he's trying to use my brain cells as currency.

Luigi then showed me his status screen. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My brain cells were being exchanged for real world currency, that was going directly into Luigi's bank account.

The worst part, was that a third of my brain cell bar was now gone. THE HELL IS THAT IDIOT BUYING!?

When all hope seemed lost, a rabbit came along causing Luigi to suddenly high tail it. Looks like I'm-

"MMMMMMPH!"

*Roux lost 69 brain cells to revive himself*

Luckily, I revived free from the ropes and watched as the rabbit killed Dumbee and took the headset.

*Roux lost 1 brain cell to revive Dumbee*

Suddenly, a grenade flew at the rabbit and blew it up.

"Oh by jove! I do hope I made it in time," a voice rang out.

We turned to see an old Englishman dressed like an explorer.

"I am Sir Monty Worthsworth of the British military. I am here because there have been reports of a scammer. He wears a backwards cap and has a mustache and goatee. Have you seen him?" the Englishman asked.

"YES! Bastard robbed me and ran off at the sight of the rabbit. Can you get my stuff back?" I cried.

"Hmm, if you're referring to that bar above your head, sadly I know not of a method to restore it. Though perhaps if you catch him-"

I immediately began hopping after that bastard. That lanky little shit was fast, but he screwed up and ran in the direction of a chasm. As he stopped and stared down, I cornered him.

"Give me back my brain cells, you shit!"

"Sorry, all purchases are non-refundable," Luigi smirked.

I whipped out my gun.

"I got way more fire power than that," Luigi laughed as he whipped out a flame thrower.

There was no way I was going to win this, unless...

"Hey Luigi, you got another VR headset? I wanna see what you've got," I stated as I sheathed my gun.

"Oh um uh ahahaha," Luigi nervously laughed as he too sheathed his weapon.

"What's wrong? I wanna give you cash, so let me!" I glared as I hopped up to him.

"Well, um. That was my only headset. I'm kinda broke after buying all that digital real estate and NFTs," Luigi bashfully chuckled.

"Well fuck you, Luigi," I glared as I kicked the bastard off the cliff.

Luigi screamed as he fell towards the jagged rocks below, eventually getting impaled by them and hopefully dying.

"By jove! Did you kill him!?" Sir Worthsworth asked as he ran up with Dumbee.

"Yep, he's dead," I replied.

"Dammit, you dastard! I was going to get in on his scam!"

I then kicked him into the chasm. Unlike Luigi, he fell straight to the bottom and didn't get impaled by any sharp rocks, presumably surviving if his pained groans were anything to go off of.

"That looks like fun, mate. Let's dive!" Dumbee smiled as he grabbed me and jumped into the chasm with me screaming like a goat.

*Roux lost 70 brain cells to revive himself and Dumbee*

"Let's do it-"

"NO!"

I then smacked Dumbee with my gun, somewhat dazing him. Guess it really worked as a decent club. I then began dragging Dumbee away from the chasm before he regained the strength to jump into it again.

When we made some distance, Dumbee resumed walking like nothing had happened. Well at least he forgot about-

"Crikey mate! There's a waterfall let's go for a swim, mate!" Dumbee smiled as he grabbed me and began charging towards a violent waterfall.

My fucking brain cells... Please show yourself, you damn yaoi Yowie.