The Plan

There were boys playing soccer on the field. Or should I call it football? Almost every country calls the sport of kicking the ball around and into goals football, but America doesn't want to be the same as other countries. There's no point in being America if it isn't different. So, they call football soccer and made up their own sport so that they could be the best at it and called that sport football. As such, if you say 'football' to an American, they think of the Super Bowl and that weird shape of a ball rather than the sport where you handle the ball with your foot. As such, it would confuse Americans if we called soccer football. Therefore, soccer seems to be the safer option. Non-Americans should be able to understand 'soccer', right? Screw it. Minority rule.

Anyway, the boys were kicking the ball around because why not? Why are we looking at them?

Well, you see they were special. I lied. Only one is special. Okay, I lied again. That one isn't that special. The only thing that's remarkable about that guy is that he's somewhat tall. Other than that he's painfully average in his skills and abilities. That was a lie. Being average in everything would make him too much like the everyman. He isn't that relatable. Oh well, you probably figured out who he is. He's the guy who got bit by Yuri. The tall guy.

"I'm still planning how to get back at that girl," he told the guy who was the guy he was talking to when he was kicked in the shins. I don't know the guy's name, so he's A-Kun.

"You are seriously still thinking about her after all this time," Akun said, taking a break from soccer and opening up his water bottle.

"It was literally 2 days ago. Do you think that I should not get back at her?"

"Probably. Honestly, she just bit you and kicked you in the shins, and frankly, you jumped to conclusions really quickly. 'Sorry, I can't accept your confession.' Really dude?"

"You didn't have to say my line with that weird voice."

"'Sorry, I can't accept your confession.' Is that better?"

"Hardly. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, man. It isn't my fault that every first-year girl sees me and thinks 'oh, he looks like the love interest from all of my favorite shoujo anime. I have to talk to him.' I have to make assumptions to save time. I'm drowning in first years."

"I guess, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. This is why you don't get any confessions from third-years. You're only attractive to girls who don't know any better."

"Third-years aren't enough for me anyway. I aim for the stars. Think of all the hot ladies who are desperate for a husband because her thirties are approaching her at max speed. You've seen those anime. The teacher is always the hottest one."

"No offense, but I'm pretty sure that there isn't a single single female teacher in our school. They are all married."

"Look, man. My ideal woman works at a different school, then. Either that or I'm waiting for a widow."

"Widows aren't as common as you think. People don't exactly drop dead in their thirties. You have better chances of finding a divorced woman... Don't do it though. I don't want my senior year to end with a sex scandal because you decided to get freaky with one of the teachers."

"Wait until graduation. Got it. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah. How are we going to destroy Yuri?"

"No, there's no we. It's just you. And who's Yuri?"

"The girl who bit me."

"How do you know her name?"

"The Cleanup Festival was her fault. She got so many love letters that we had to clean it all up."

"Oh, yeah. Almost everyone sent her a letter. Frankly, I don't know why. She's pretty plain. It seems to be a big case of FOMO."

"FOMO?"

"Fear of Missing Out. It's a common fear in our social media age."

"I hate that word already."

"Me too, but there wasn't a better one to use. It seems to be a common reason to send her a letter. Word spread of one guy sending a letter, then other guys wanted to shoot their shot. Then more guys. Then more guys. It got out of hand real quick. It's hard to find people who are actually attracted to her."

"Weird. You would think that if one guy sent a love letter, then his friends would back off for a little bit. Only conflict arises from multiple guys liking one girl. If you told me that you are sending a letter to a hot teacher, I wouldn't send a letter to her as well. It's simple respect."

"For the record, you are the only one who wants to send a letter to a hot teacher. Second, why are you still trying to get back at her? You don't seem to hate her or anything."

"Tooth for a tooth, my man. If she attacked me, then she should feel the same pain."

"You are going to bite her arm and kick her in the shins?"

"No, that's a bad idea. Her friends are too dangerous. No, she tricked me into thinking that she was in love with me. So, I'm going to trick her into thinking that she is in love with me."

"... In other words, you are going to seduce her."

"No... I'm going to be the sexy mysterious figure that saves her life multiple times, and she will hate me in my normal form, but fall in love with my alter ego. And his name is... I haven't thought this far."

"You haven't thought of the name of your alter ego that you are going to use to seduce a 15-year-old girl."

"You know, when you put it like that, you make it sound weird."

"It is weird. Are you sure you aren't into her?"

"No, we are only into older women."

"There's no we."