Chapter 29: An Expert in Low Accuracy

A new enemy! I’m fighting a new enemy never seen before in Namida! This golem wasn’t in the bestiary, and its design is fundamentally different from the smaller golems found around later areas in the game. What a thrilling reality! I may have lost a lot coming into this world, but I can at least be happy with special encounters like this.

Now then, where to start?

Golems usually have some sort of magically infused gem stuck in their bodies that acts as their core. It is that very gem that powers all of their movements. Depending on the series of spells embedded into it, golems are either cannon fodder or a serious threat.

Looking at the size of this thing, I can tell this one isn’t cannon fodder. In the first place, a cannon fodder golem wouldn’t display its blatant weak point right in front of anyone. The whole point of a golem’s sturdy material is to protect the gem. Dadiz is clearly confident in the strength of his creation. …Or maybe he just has a terrible design sense?

“Burnenmunee, destroy these fools who would stand against the Weituriche family!”

The golem named Burnenmunee creaks, leaking magic gas from its joints, and proceeds to cause a fissure in the ground with just a step. It’s a long and devastating attack… that completely misses all of its targets.

Burnenmunee attempts to follow up with another devastating attack, a large swipe with its giant arm! …It doesn’t even reach us and crumbles an entire section of the bank after hitting a wall. Follow up attacks include a punch and kick that produce very similar results. This goes on for a good few minutes and I can feel my excitement draining by the second.

Oi. What the heck is this? All this guy is doing is destroying his own property. What type of special encounter has the boss missing all of its attacks? Does this Weituriche guy even realize what his golem is doing? I find myself being a little irritated by this situation.

“Hey!! Stupid rich kid! What the heck are you doing with this?! This can barely be called a boss fight! Did you program your golem wrong?”

“Wha- I spent months preparing this thing using the taxpayer’s money! It’s meant to protect Gimmimunee from people like you! It’s a magnificent creation that shows the might of the mayoral Weituriche family!”

“Then you’re more of a lost cause than I thought! Get this thing back into development hell and return in the sequel! What a waste of time, How could you even-”

Reuby ends up suddenly covering my mouth in a hurry.

“Talon! Please, I need you to please be quiet immediately, why are you provoking an enemy?! If nobles learn our faces, we’re done for!”

“Burnenmunee, these people have disgraced not only our family, but our valuable time together. Prepare the ultimate attack!

Oh? Is this thing finally going to be a threat? Burnenmunee stiffens all of its limbs, and with magic gas leaking out in large amounts, it starts to… spin.

A spin attack? Oh, wait, it’s collecting the leaking mana within the gas around and surrounding itself with it! What will it create? A barrier? Perhaps some sort of spread attack?

“Insolent human, my Demonic Eye tells me the golem aims to create a magic tornado through rapid spinning. It’s quite defective though, so I believe we can calmly wait for the golem to destroy itself in the process.”

“Maddie, how the heck does a Demonic Eye tell you that? You just figured it out and told me. Credit yourself, not some weird ability. That’s an order.”

“Who are you to order me around?! The forces of the demons souls’ that lie within my very being struggle and write for dominance, but through my intense training, I suppress them and siphon their powers for my own benefit. It’s an incredibly arduous process that has resulted in the activation of my Demonic Eye, and I proudly harness it for all manner of-”

“Do you want to taste another uppercut?”

“...”

“Do you?”

“Not particularly, no. But the threat of an uppercut will not halt me from honoring my demonic ancestry, for if I were to ignore the pain and struggle I have gone through to reach this point, I would be betraying my past self! I still remember the days I crawled on the floor to-”

“Maddie, you use magic to wield a sword. What struggle?”

“H-How did you know about that?!”

“You also were pampered your entire life, what pain and struggle could you have possibly gone through when this is your first time encountering humans?”

“My upbringing is private!”

“Heh, and what’s this about crawling on the floor? Are you reminiscing on your time as a baby? I’m curious, what does demonic baby food look like?”

I take a glance at Maddie and see his face red in unveiled anger. Hehe, what a fun reaction.

“More importantly, should we make use of this? I have a way to save us all from being discovered. I’ll need a bit of your help for it, Maddie.”

“Tsk, how I wish to slice that very tongue from your mouth.”

“Hehe, unfortunately, that can’t happen. Demons love those Hellish Nine Rules, don’t they? I’ll need you to undo your silencing magic and instead use your magic to make people focus on this very location.”

“What?”

“Think about it, if we time things correctly, people will be focused on the bank getting attacked by a giant golem. In fact, if you knock out the hostages, won’t we look like heroes fighting against a dangerous golem that has infiltrated the city?”

“So, you want to frame the golem-riding human?”

“I think it would be incredibly funny if we did.”

“You continue to prove to me that you hold a mischievous nature.”

“Only when I need to have one. Though I guess that’s been all the time recently.”

“Hmph.”

“Aww Maddie, don’t pout! As a reward for helping me, I’ll give you 1% of all treasure I steal from now on!”

“How stingy… it almost reminds me of…”

“Maddie, you stopped speaking in the middle of your sentence.”

“My Demonic Eye revealed something to me, but I’m not obligated to tell you.”

“Not even under the Hellish Nine Rules?”

“There are loopholes. I am using one of them.”

“Fair enough.”

“Strangely enough, I thought a mere human like you would make a big fuss over it. Do you truly not care?”

“If I can’t know it, then I won’t. If I end up learning it later, then I’ll figure out what to do then. More importantly, hurry up and cast your magic, even I can tell this thing is about to go wild.”

“Tsk, I’ve been preparing it during our entire conversation…”

The bluish tornado that surrounds Burnenmunee is quite beautiful. I can smile brightly just thinking about how much destruction it will cause to this building.

“Now, Burnenmunee! Take them all down!”

The tornado surges out of control and immediately starts to tear the whole place apart. Maddie’s magic has coated us in an illusion that makes us look injured as the walls crumble down, and with my chickens behind us, the three of us take on suitable combat stances as the tornado… completely misses us and only affects the building. This golem really is pitiful.

“Maddie, I owe you an apology.”

“I want no apologies from a human.”

“No, no, you gotta hear it. In my head I considered you a fraud, and well, you still are, but at least you put up somewhat of a fight. The General was much better, but you were still fairly cool. This guy, though, he’s truly a lost cause.”

“I’ve never heard such an insincere apology in all my years of living.”

“Don’t worry, Mahdnus, she has a particular way of thinking. You’ll try to rationalize the things she says only to realize that it’s better to accept everything at face value.”

“Hmph. Reuben, was it? It seems you have already lost a battle of wits. I shall maintain my ground and surpass this insolent human that guides us.”

“Good luck, buddy.”

When the dust has settled, Burnenmunee is still standing, but the amount of magic gas leaking from its joints is considerably lessened. Dadiz, who somehow managed to maintain his position on the golem’s shoulder throughout all of that, is, as expected, dizzy and bewildered.

“You managed - ugh, you managed to avoid even our ultimate attack! The Munee Tornado was perfect! How?!”

This poor guy. His worldview is shattering right before him. I’ll give you a metaphorical pat on the back and wish you well after you get arrested. I can already hear the town guard approaching.

“Everyone, halt your actions! This is the Gimmimunee Magic Guard!”

I immediately channel my inner NPC dialogue and act like a background character.

“Ah, the Magic Guard! We’re saved! Mr. Guard Sir! Please listen! This man suddenly summoned a huge monster and attacked everyone at the bank! I was helping my Master, Mr. Lotza Kashe over here, set up a new account to store his newly acquired funds! Me and Uther Gai, my friend and fellow servant to the Master, were trying to help him, since he was unfamiliar with Gimmimunee!”

“...Is that so?”

“Yes, yes! I’ve never seen a metal monster so scary! It took everything we had to hold it back, but we’re worried about the people still inside! That red-haired man over there even started sucking in money into his metal monster!”

Dadiz responds with a panicked expression!

“Wh-What nonsense are you spouting?! I did not cause any of this!”

“An unverified golem and a destroyed bank. Even if you are part of the Weituriche family, it’s clear that you’ve done something wrong here. Men, subdue him!”

“Hey! Guard Captain! Wait!!”

Ahh, look at him struggle in vain. How entertaining!

“You! YOU! I will find you three again! Arghh!”

The magnificent Burnenmunee, the absolutely incompetent golem, gets disassembled within a minute, and the Magic Guard teleports Dadiz away.

“So, you three were fighting to protect everyone. I can tell it was a difficult battle.”

Reuby immediately steps in and piggybacks on my newly made story.

“I can confirm that. My name is Uther Gai. This is my fellow servant to the Master, Faik Naim. Our Master, Mr. Lotza Kashe is from far up North. Faik and I had just purchased some Rock Chickens from the market on the west side of town for the Master, but we found him struggling to create an account once we arrived at the Weituriche bank. Because of his Northern heritage, he was becoming aggressive, but we were able to stop things before it got out of hand.”

“That’s right, Mr. Guard Sir! I’m so glad you all arrived in time! It’s a shame about all the money though. I feel bad for everyone else…”

“The money? Ah, right, you said the golem had sucked it into itself? Girl, were you seeing correctly?”

“She was. Faik has good eyesight, and pointed out that odd trait. If I were to guess, it seemed like the golem was powered by gold.”

“Haa… What a mess. We’ll investigate things. Once we confirm other testimonies you’ll be fine to leave.”

Heh, this was too easy. I may have not gotten a proper boss fight, but acting a little devilish is probably good practice for when I become a Demon King. I’ll take that experience any day.