Chapter Twenty-Two

I had another dream before I awoke. This time, I was on the roof of my high school. I felt the breeze of the late afternoon past my skin and through my hair. I was always alone up there. But it was the only time I didn’t mind it. I smiled as I remember my old thoughts being up there. If I was popular, this is where I’d go to get away from it all. I retraced the steps I took every time I was up there, looking down at the floor. When I turned towards the door to head back down, I saw a familiar face looking towards the sky. Dawn was standing in front of the door, not paying attention to me. Her hair was tied up into braided pigtails, but she still wore her makeup. She held a pair of glasses in one hand, and her backpack in the other. I watched her as the wind picked up speed, blowing her pigtails in every direction. She closed her eyes and started walking towards the fence that surrounded the roof. I watched her as she reached it, dropping her bag and putting her hand on the black enclosure. Her voice flew towards me like an unexpected gust.

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” she said, closing her eyes again. “What would be the best way to do it?” I tried to respond, but much like the last dream, my words did not work. I tried to move towards her, but a random gust stopped me, forcing me to cover my head. When I looked back toward Dawn, I saw her on the other side of the fence. I couldn’t move my body to her. She saw the expression on my face and smiled. “This doesn’t do me any favors, but it would stop a lot of things, including you.” She took a step to stand closer the roof border, turning back to me. I felt the heavy heartbeat throughout my entire body. Her smile widened and her eyes transformed into the ones I had grown accustomed to. I jolted forward before stopping, the paralysis returning after being caught off guard.

“I wish I knew how you felt right now,” she continued. “I want to see you feel what I feel. I want you to cry the tears I cried. I want you to feel the pain of inevitability and hopelessness as you watch the person in front of you disappear from your reach forever!” With those words, she stepped off the roof, falling without making a sound. I ran towards the gate, trying to pry it open. I started climbing it, only to be stopped by the protruding spikes near the top. The pain was too much for me to continue and I fell back. I shook the fence, hoping that it might listen to me and open up. As I realized how pointless it was, I tried to run to the door before hearing the sound I didn’t want to hear. I stared in front of me, not wanting to look at the place she once stood. I felt the tears run down my eyes and my breaths increase as I heard words descend above me, stopping my sobs from escaping me.

“Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault.”

I covered my ears and ran to the door.

“Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault.”

I tried to open the door, but the lock wouldn’t disengage.

“Your fault your fault your fault your fault.”

I was crying, using every bit of my strength to pull the door open.

“Yourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfault.”

I used my leg as leverage and managed to open the door. But instead of seeing the stairs, Dawn appeared over me, bloody and mangled. Her limbs were twisted in every direction, and her face was unrecognizable. Before I could scream, however, she fell over me, and I heard her venomous whisper right in my ear.

“Your fault.”

I awoke, screaming as loud as I could. I heard noises in Nina’s bedroom before seeing her door open.

“Haru! What happened? What’s wrong?” she said, running towards me. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped when she saw my tears. She placed me in her arms and tried to stop me from shaking. “It’s okay, I’m right here. You don’t have to worry anymore.” She rocked me back and forth, putting her head over mine. My head rested over her heart, trying to focus on her soft and constant heartbeat. I counted the rhythm, noticing them slow down the more I stayed close to her. My tears were stopping, but I was still shaking. I tried to say something, but no words came out.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” Nina said in a soft voice. “Just know that it’s all going to be okay.” I felt her hand on my head, its familiar warmth reaching my insides. I kept my eyes open, wanting to avoid what I just saw. It took me a few minutes before I found any words in my brain.

“You’re here,” I whispered. “Don’t leave.” I held her hand as tight as I could. “Don’t leave.”

“As long as it takes,” she said without missing a beat.