Rather than wallowing in grief........

I hasten to throw this sash of multi colors onto the coffins of my parents and I wait,strangely enough I find it in my mind the need to record this so I note it in my journal and I wait,I stay long and it becomes dawn before I know it and I am made to leave with nothing but confusion to show for my actions.

2 hours later
My eyes pour over old records that I can pull up online about the Goryeo period and I find nothing that seems to corroborate what I saw and what happened to me,to us rather.
I can't even find a record about any royal guards to king Gojong that even remotely connect to the man I saw last night or to the impossible sight of my parents born in the early 80s somehow being in early 1220s or how they could have had the memories of such things.

My eyes rove over the sash the swordsman threw at me,I am afraid to touch it again,I only touched the brown and gold thread sash and witnessed a tragedy of a choice to save me but how could any of that even be yet I FEEL it so deep inside,somehow even remember it.
"You in the mood for some company?I brought stupid amounts of ice cream and have like, five different hot guy dramas that will make us cry and simp."

I rise,trying not to laugh but she always has a way of making me unexpectedly laugh after something awful,when we were seven and I found out that I was adopted(I thought I was until yesterday)she came by with a massive hammer for her little hands and a screwdriver and said"I will get that information or die trying!"to help me find my parents,
Deal with my first love cheating on me,
Or with the loss of my only real connection that was good aside from her.

Yeon was and is here.
But." I don't think I can deal with the company now Yeon...."
She barges in soon as my door opens and I recall that saying that never works,she stows the ice cream away and the snacks and sets her laptop down then gives me the bear hug of all hugs of her life.
"I am so so sorry Soo,I hate this,they were so awesome to you,to me....."

She and I both recall how when her Dad got really drunk and had a fight with her mom,he got so mad he accidentally hit her face,she ran here and my parents let her stay until her parents both went to rehab and counselling and still for a while until she could trust them again she stayed here with us.
She loved them as much as I and now weeps harder than anyone else save me.

"Sorry I couldn't stay longer yesterday,Dad needed to get to his meeting.He is being considered to be the spokesman for there group and becoming public to help addiction here now,even going to debut his home remedies for addiction."
"That's amazing Yeon!"I reply with not a lot of mirth but I do mean it heartily,right now all i can I do is obsess over that sash and over that mysterious swordsman.
"Oh by the way,did you see that strange tall guy hanging out by the stairway last night?I would have thought him insanely hot but the way he would just smile on felt so serial lady slayer that I thought to stay well enough away from him.I usually dig swordsman looking hotties to but...."

Her words fall on ears that would not hear anything else,I pretend to pay attention to the three dramas we watch,try to enjoy mouthfuls of ice cream but can't.

Three hours later,Yeon leaves after only one asking me "What is that hideous sash,belt thing?"and I don't really answer her.
Now I study it without touching it again and ponder what will happen if I do indeed decide to try it,holding it.

I grasp the very brown and gold one again and close my eyes.

Nothing.

I wonder maybe it is like a scene in a movie and I should maybe pull it to rewind it?

Nothing again.

I bite my lip,start just random doodling in my journal until I note that one color on the sash seems to be begging to be noticed,some way or other.

So I pull out my recorder to record my words if I can speak if the whole thing happens again or if I am just crazy in grief.

Honestly.

I prefer a hunt to figure something out than to wallow more in grief and over abundance of ice cream.

So I choose the color that calls to me.

Sapphire and Ruby stars with hangul written on them.

"LOVE AND HATE"