So I have a Roommate now?

It was the year 2052, the day was supposed to be another peaceful day just like any other. However, for some reason on that fateful day the Earth stood still. Actually scratch that, the Earth destroyed itself.

Scientists today still don’t know the reason why this all happened. Was it global warming? Pollution? Some nuclear weapon test gone wrong? All that we know was the destruction caused on that day. Earthquakes shook cities, tsunamis flooded islands, polar ice caps melted, and even dormant volcanoes began to erupt. The result was a massive loss of land and the population taking a serious hit. It could honestly be considered a miracle that as many people survived back then. To put it in perspective, the world’s current population after the cataclysm is finally at about half of what it used to be. It may sound like a lot, but compare a couple million people to a couple billion.

Besides the population problem, the world also suffered in how it worked. Civil unrest broke out, there was an energy crisis, resources were at an all-time low, and to complicate matters there was a lack of land. Civil wars began to break out and the already dwindling population began to drop further. It was then that they appeared, a group of people who cared about the world and the wellbeing of its people. They called themselves the pioneers, and it was the pioneers that helped get the world back on track. You might wonder how a handful of people managed to do that, well the pioneers had some key members in their ranks. We’re talking actual world leaders, ones who relinquished their positions in order to help the world get back on track.

The pioneers come in many categories, those who set up the world’s current state of government and ruling body are the Libertarians. The Libertarians create laws and hold protecting the law above all else. When a serious breach of law takes place, it’s usually the Libertarians who take care of it. In order to stop wars and military conflicts, the Lancers will intervene. The Lancers are the prime militia within the pioneers, if it concerns battle then leave it to the Lancers. The Engineer faction of the pioneers were tasked with bringing back the world’s technology. Thanks to their blood and sweat, we survived the energy crisis that nearly led to the extinction of our race. I won’t talk about this forever so let’s finish up by talking about the most relevant group. That group being the Crypt Walkers, as for their relevance, they’re the most relevant to my current predicament.

Crypt Walkers are a type of pioneer that was tasked with a job similar to the Engineers. However, instead of technology, their task was to unearth the Earth's precious history and artifacts. Many people questioned why not call them reclaimers then, after all the name “Crypt Walker” makes them sound like their grave robbers. The head of the Crypt Walkers at that time laughed it off and said their squad got that name because they are grave robbers. That said, the reason why Crypt Walkers are relevant to all this should be obvious. My aunt and uncle are Crypt Walkers, even my parents were. At least before they lost their lives saving their crewmembers during an expedition. The ruins they were in collapsed, and when their team looped back to find them nothing was found. After that my aunt and uncle took me in, they were a part of their exploration team and felt guilty. My aunt was my mother’s sister and my uncle(her husband) was my dad’s best friend.

That sums up why I live with them, as well as explains where all this weird crap is coming from. They love sending me these cursed souvenirs, and I have to deal with them or else. Last time I tried to go without following the instructions, I caught a stomach bug and was out of commission for a week. My aunt and uncle then proceeded to give me the most obnoxious “I told you so” I’ve ever heard. You bastards were the ones who gave me this crap, don’t you feel sorry! *sigh* Anyway that’s the gist of how the world ended up like this, and how I found myself in this situation.

Yeah that sounds about right! I thought that as I scratched my head and took a sip of my water. I then put my glass back on the table and addressed my “visitor” again.

“So, do you have any questions?”

“Yes! First off, where am I? Second off, what day is it? I didn’t ask for your life story, you twerp.”

“...You’re no fun.”

I can’t believe I’m sitting here talking to the mummy that came out that damned package. I must be going crazy. I look at the clock hoping this is a dream, ten minutes have gone by since I opened it. Crap, so this is real! I started thinking about what’s been going on for the past ten minutes.

****

Ten minutes prior

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-”

“...shut…up..”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”

“...Shut up….”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-”

“I SAID SHUT UP! *COUGH COUGH*”

I stared at the mummy that just told me to shut up, this isn’t happening right? This thing isn’t gonna kill me right?

“*Wheeze wheeze* Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude. For now let’s-What are you doing?”

“Arming myself.”

I said that to the mummy, while holding a lamp and pointing it towards him. I could hear a sigh coming from underneath those bandages. The mummy began to speak again.

“Look twerp, I may look like this but I won’t eat you. Besides, light won’t affect me while I’m wrapped like this. Although, my skin is rather sensitive.”

“Oh, so what you’re saying-IS THAT YOUR A GODDAMN VAMPIRE!”

I immediately dropped the lamp and ran into the kitchen, damn I only got one clove of garlic. Will this be enough? As if to mock me I start hearing laughter from the living room, I run back to see the prick shaking with laughter.

“A vampire, really? I mean sure I admit I look like one, but you’ve got to be joking. What’s next, you’re gonna call me a ghoul?”

“Not a mummy, vampire’s out of the question, and they said I’d mistake them for a ghoul.”

“...Uh, twerp?”

“Oh my god, YOU’RE SOME KINDA SUPER ZOMBIE! THAT”S WHY YOU HAVE THAT HEAD NAIL! UNCLE WANTS ME TO FINISH THE JOB!”

I unplug the TV and prepare to drop it on its head, the mummy begins panicking.

“WHAT IS THAT CUBE LIKE METAL BO-*COUGH COUGH*...all this yelling is bad for my throat. Don’t you have any shame or pity for little old me.”

“WHAT!?!”

“At least be a gentleman and treat a woman with respect.”

“...huh?”

I nearly dropped the TV in my hands,you’re telling me this thing has a gender and it’s a woman no less. It sounds like an old man, how is this thing...then again if a woman smokes enough they could sound like this. Well consider me impressed, a mummy and a chain smoker.

“...You thought something horrible didn’t you?”

“I honestly thought you were a man.”

“WHAT!”

The mummy started tearing me a new one as I placed the TV back on the stand, it kept yelling for a while and eventually-

“STRIP ME!”

“Huh?”

“I’LL PROVE I’M A WOMAN! DO IT TWERP!”

“...No, you’re sealed remember. On top of the fact that I don’t want to let you loose, even if I did unwrap you, remember your all skin and bones. You’d look no different from a man.”

The mummy went silent there, I actually felt pretty bad for her. Until she retaliated.

“If you put on a dress I wouldn’t be able to tell you apart either.”

“WHAT WAS THAT!?!”

I ran to the kitchen, pulled out a towel and a jug of water, and ran back into the living room. After water boarding the mummy for 5 minutes straight, we finally reached a compromise.

“*Cough cough* Y-you little crap, how dare you torture me. I wouldn’t wish that even on my worst enemy.”

“You should be happy to receive your first drink and bath in a thousand years.”

“...Wait, what year is it?”

…Huh? How does this thing not know-Oh yeah, she just woke up. Well I guess I should explain things to her.

****

“*Sigh* Well since you hate my history lesson, I just answer your question. We’re in Sienna, zone 7 of Sienna to be exact. This island was once Great Britain-”

“Get to the point.”

“I WAS GETTING THERE GRANNY! Bottom line, we’re in a residential district of Sienna. Today is Monday March 4, 3011.”

I swear this mummy is getting on my nerves, in response to me calling her granny she said she’d ignore my statement. That said, she was shell shocked to find out how long she was asleep. While she was having an existential crisis, I decided to go back to the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

“To make my dinner, I’m gonna make herb crusted chicken with a salad on the side.”

The mummy went silent when I mentioned food, should I make it something? Do mummies even eat?

****

“...What the hell is this?”

“Your dinner, enjoy it while you can.”

I had my dinner in front of me and for my mummified friend I got them a glass of water with a bendy straw. Before you call me cruel, I’m not about to risk letting this thing out its restraints. Also, what does a mummy even eat? I could hear the mummy chuckling a bit, did I break her?

“Such cruelty, you should become my apprentice!”

“..Huh?”

“You can become the great Dark Lord Eve’s very first-”

“Not interested.”

I cut into my chicken and took my first bite, wow my skills have improved. I could see Eve’s mouth watering through the bandages, sorry but this is my dinner. Maybe I should change the subject.

“Want to see what’s on TV, your royal darkness.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, and what's this TV you speak of.”

I point at the television set on the stand. It’s an older model, but I’m too cheap to upgrade. Besides, my uncle modified it so it’s as good as a newer model. After explaining how it works, Eve tried to hide her curiosity.

“Please, it’s no different from a crystal ball. I doubt it’s as fun as you say.”

“Oh really now.”

I decided to turn on a streaming service, she tried to act casual at first. However after a while-

“YES! HE FINALLY CALLED HER BY NAME! AND THAT BLOOD TECHNIQUE WAS AMAZING! Still I never thought I’d see someone weaponize their hair like that.”

“...It’s just an anime, I had a feeling you’d get hooked but still.”

I decided to put on a classic anime for her to watch, it didn’t take her long to get hooked. However, despite her enjoyment I gotta head to bed. I turned the TV off, and I felt the room grow cold.

“...Why?”

“Huh?”

“WHY DID YOU TURN IT OFF! I NEED TO KNOW IF THOSE TWO GET TOGETHER! THE NEXT INSTALLMENT LOOKS SO GOOD TOO! AND THAT GUY’S BROTHER IS JUST SO-I THINK I’M IN LOVE!”

I began speed walking for the stairs, but my new roommate began moaning for my company.

“Wait! At least talk to me more about this school thing!”

“SO NOW YOU WANT MY LORE!”

****

I managed to get some sleep after wasting an hour explaining my school life to her. After waking up I went for my usual routine and made breakfast. Eve seemed to be in a good mood all things considered. I’m scared to ask, but I can’t help but be curious.

“You seem oddly happy.”

“I’m gonna continue my research while you’re gone.”

“You need a password to use my Clip Plex account.”

“...”

Eve began staring at me through her bandages, why do I have a cold feeling?

“You should st-”

“Bye Eve, watch over the house for me!”

“PLEASE STAY! I NEED YOU TO CONTINUE WATCHING!”

I grabbed my bag and today’s torture item and ran to the door, it was then that Eve began snickering. She then asked the question.

“Are you sure you wanna go to school, isn’t it Hell for you? Why not stay here instead?”

“I know school is Hell, that’s why I’m going. Because I’m not a coward.”

“...I applaud your strength young man, my offer is back on the table.”

I began to unlock the door before I could listen to more of her rambling, then she actually asked me an important question.

“At least tell me about that strange fruit hat you have!”

I looked at the torture item I’m bringing to school, a vibrant fruit hat. You might be wondering why I’m referring to this cursed item as a torture item. It’s best you don’t know. I’ll tell Eve at least.

“Those pricks constantly find ways to treat me like crap, that’s why every once in a while I got to remind them who’s in charge.”

I open the door and start marching to school.