Gear up [ Log 1 ]

Karla

There was no reason for us to wait at the starport for our scheduled flight after we came back from Adaharu, except for El’s wish to stay together. She had even asked me to go with them and help gather their belongings from the hotel, even though I knew all their possessions could be packed into two bags and that they were fully capable of carrying them themselves.

I still couldn’t believe she let me come with them on their journey after what I had done. But here I was, walking through the dock, hoping no one would notice my teary eyes hidden behind my sunglasses as I supervised the upload of cargo to the cold, dark ship that was Sol. She filled the hangar with its menacing presence.

Sol… I smiled, leaning against the wall to watch the ship. I wasn’t the only one who did so. Most of the highport staff had found some excuse to pass by and look at the ship they had only seen in old war movies or read about in the history books. Her cargo bay was small, and I was sure that those who built her never imagined it would be filled with shrimp and elmir berries, but it didn’t really matter. What she lacked in size, she compensated for with speed, and I planned to use that advantage as much as I could.

It felt so good to finally have something to do and take my mind off everything else, even if I knew it was just a temporary relief. My starfaring skills were minimal, so the moment we left the dock, I would be as useful to them as the cargo I had helped load, but for now, I was in my element.

I tried to find things to do for as long as I could, but once the cargo was fully loaded and all the documents were in order, the sudden stillness brought a wave of anxiety as I walked back to Sol. Would I really have a place onboard? I didn’t know which answer was scarier. It had been ‘yes’ that made me run away last time, not ‘no’. I shook my head, adjusting my sunglasses as I stepped through the airlock, promising myself I would be strong this time, no matter what.

Sol waited for me in the corridor, wearing a type of combat suit I had only seen in old movies. She smiled as she greeted me. I couldn’t understand why, despite taking my place, she was the only one who didn’t keep me at a distance. She always tried to make me feel welcome with every small gesture, and I regretted not having the courage to respond. I tried to force a smile onto my face as I followed her to my cabin. As we entered, she pointed to the suit lying on the bed.

“Gear up. We depart in 34 minutes.”

I chuckled, not knowing if she was serious or just trying to break the ice, one of those countless small things she had done since we met on the station before our trip to Adaharu.

“Why are you doing it? You don’t need to…”

She shook her head and began to help me get it on. It was one of the old types of suits, and I definitely needed the help, but even so, I couldn’t hold my fear any longer, suddenly preferring the hard truth to the uncertainty that had been part of my life for such a long time that I almost took it for granted. She paused, looking at me with eyes that had seen things she wished had never happened, and said quietly,

“I don’t want to regret”

Her words hung in the air, and I hesitated before I whispered,

“I don’t want to regret it, either. I just don't know how…?”

She watched me as the soft hum of the engines filled the ship.

“Don’t wait until all your chances turn into stardust, Karla”

I shivered as her voice brought the cold, dark void she had drifted through for so many years. I nodded silently as the ship's systems slowly came online, one after another.

“We should go…”

I ignored it, holding on to the fading courage until El’s voice echoed through the comms, asking us to come. I nodded with a smile and followed her to the bridge as the soft vibration of the engines filled the ship.