Nia - Farewell (3)

Diga stepped shakily toward Immesh, wiping her eyes. When she reached the Exorcist, she sank to one knee and drove her spear upright into the ground before her. It began to glow, and a small, flickering circle appeared above it, forcing Nia to turn away as the sight of the symbol made her thoughts burn.

“Please, Exorcist Immesh, take me into your ranks. I want to continue my vow. I want… to destroy the nightmares,” she said.

Her voice wavered between conviction and fear even though she tried to keep it steady. Her words sounded hollow, as if she was just reciting phrases she’d rehearsed in her head a hundred times. When Nia stole a quick glance at Kelwin, she couldn’t help but smirk again. The aspirant sat on his horse, gripping the reins tightly, his face pale. His lips shaped unspoken words, and his gaze shifted between Lera, who was watching him intently, and Diga, who had turned back toward him one last time. Flustered, he looked away from both, doing his best to hide any trace of emotion.

Now you’re alone too… Nia thought with quiet satisfaction.

“Welcome to my ranks!” Immesh thundered, though his deeply lined face looked indifferent, almost bored.

He raised his hand and changed the emblem on Diga’s tunic to that of his own unit. The circle above her spear faded, and she got to her feet, stepping uncertainly into the gap between two of Immesh’s hunters who had formed up to receive her.

“It’s done, then. We’re finished here. Exorcist Immesh, it was a great… pleasure to see you. I wish you a safe journey home under the Goddess’s protection. As for us, we will now set out into the darkness,” Lera called, saluting him in farewell.

“May you walk in the radiant halo as well,” Immesh replied, returning the salute.

Lera swung herself back onto her horse and looked down at Diga, who still wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Diga, I suggest you prepare my gift. I don’t need to concern myself with her anymore, though I think it’s time the venerable Exorcist Immesh had our little Seductress. Why don’t you fetch her from her cage? I’m sure we have time enough to wait for you, don’t we?” Lera said, then paused.

Diga hurried off with two hunters at her side, heading into the building where Uda was imprisoned.

No, they won’t… Uda… Why can’t I help you? Why am I still so useless?

Nia wanted to reach for the darkness on purpose, to drown her thoughts in the pain of the Light that would punish her for even trying; yet she was too much of a coward even for that. She could only stand there and wait while the only person, aside from Locu, who had ever done something good for her was dragged out and probably beaten so badly she’d soon be unrecognizable. Or worse.

Why did you pretend to be possessed? What did you hope to gain from it? Now we’re separated, and I’ll probably… never see you again… I’ll avenge you somehow. Somehow…

A lump rose in Nia’s throat and she felt sick. Lera had kindly given her a piece of bread she’d devoured gratefully, yet now she was close to bringing it back up. She closed her eyes and dug her nails into her palms.

I’m such a damned piece of filth… Everything I do brings only ruin…

Soon Diga returned. Behind her the two hunters dragged Uda’s nearly lifeless body. Her almost naked legs scraped across the stone. The tatters of her clothing reeked of sweat and dirt, the smell reaching even Nia. Her eyes looked dead; now and then she coughed with a choking sound, but those were the only signs she was even half-conscious. Her hair was completely matted, and sweat and grime streaked her face.

Finally Diga signaled the men to throw her down before Immesh. Uda lay there gasping, staring wearily at the Exorcist’s boots. Immesh had gone deathly pale, his fists trembling, a burning hatred flickering in his eyes. He let out a thunderous roar that made Uda whimper and sent a chill down Nia’s spine. It felt as though the air itself were thickening with rage and biting contempt, as though an abrupt end was about to fall over them all. Yet somehow, disturbingly, Nia liked the feeling.

Lera shifted uneasily atop her gleaming white horse, and the hunters around her exchanged alarmed glances. Immesh closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.

“A Seductress—unimaginable. When I look at her, Lera, you wouldn’t believe the feelings she stirs in me. But those feelings are dangerous, aren’t they? What if they gain the upper hand? Or if one day a Deep notices her? No…” Immesh hissed.

He seemed to regain his composure, yet Nia thought she could still see how hard he was fighting the urge to strike Uda down on the spot the moment he laid eyes on her.

I’m glad they don’t think a Deepest is inside me. Otherwise he might have torn me apart the first time we met… Nia thought, trying to make herself small.

“Exorcist Lera, thank you for entrusting her to me. I have great plans for her… A Seductress, absolute madness…” Immesh said, nodding at Lera, his tongue flicking over his lips again.

“Take that backpack off her. And those clothes. Diga, bring her to my chambers and prepare everything. Make sure she can’t move. Tie her to a table. No one is to approach me. I have a great deal to make up for after losing so many good hunters to her brood. Even my Aspirant… You’ll soon hear even more grotesque stories about me, Exorcist Lera—and make sure they spread. Now go, I’ve held you up long enough,” Immesh said without taking his eyes off Uda, who was now sobbing and pleading incoherently, the glow of the necklace turning her cries into terrible choking sounds.

As the men dragged her away and Diga walked behind them grinning, Nia almost wanted to leap forward and attack. How she would have loved to tear their faces apart, to plunge them into the same pain she and Uda had endured. Yet she couldn’t.

Just before they vanished around a corner, Uda managed to turn her head one last time and look at her. Her eyes were full of dark tears and pure panic, but when their gazes met she gave a faint, brief smile and a weak nod before disappearing.

"It’s going to be all right…" Was that what she wanted to tell me? FUCK! FUCK IT ALL! Why? Why did she do this for me? What’s going to happen to her now…? Nia thought, burying her face in her hands.

“Onto the wagon, my dear. You should be worrying about your own future more than hers. Soon she won’t even be able to think straight. Exorcist Immesh will make sure this possessed one repents for trying to infiltrate us and butcher us like livestock. Just like you… Now, get on the wagon, we’re leaving!” came the sickly sweet voice beside her. When Nia looked up, she saw Lera’s radiant smile.

She climbed quickly onto the wagon standing nearby, and soon they were rolling toward the edge of the small, ugly ruined town.

I have to get to the Seed. If there’s an answer there, then this wasn’t in vain. Then maybe, through Uda’s sacrifice, I can find someone responsible for all this horror. And then…

In her mind Locu appeared again, and she began to tremble. Then an image of Uda joined him, smiling at her and somehow telling her everything would be all right.

Uda… I hope we see each other again someday. I can feel you, distant, but warm. You’re there. If I somehow manage to break free, to find answers, I’ll seek your warmth and come back to you. I’ll free you and we’ll find the others! Orfet and Vid and Weet and even Ya. I’ll show you my gratitude! Please, Uda, please, hold on and don’t lose yourself. I don’t want you to lose yourself because of me. Of the two of us, you’re the that should be saved…

Her gaze drifted back to the ruins fading slowly into the distance. Nia felt dampness on her cheeks and pressed her trembling lips together to stifle the sob rising in her throat. Her skin was now red everywhere and a finality seeped into her mind. Yet the emptiness still called to her, keeping her from getting lost in the ruins of herself.

Please, Uda… I hope we see each other again someday. I know I never really told you but… thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for a cowardly piece of shit who only held you back and stole your future.

Please, I hope we meet again. Even if it’s only after we’ve both woken and someday returned to the Dream. Even if we no longer remember each other.

Please… I want to see you again someday…