Chapter 3:
Chapter 3 - Mom...?
When the Cherry Blossoms Bloomed
[Chapter 3- Mom…?]
I'm in the hospital, by the door of my mom's room.She's sitting by the window gazing outside.“Mom?” I say.She looks at me plainly then smiles gently.“Come here… The view is really pretty.”Suddenly, I'm at the riverside.Mom is gone? Shiraishi is there standing by the edge of the river?“What will you do from now on?” Shiraishi says.After she says that I hear an airplane as if it was right above me. The sound is almost deafening.
I wake up. There's… a tear running down my left eye. It was all a dream. Yet… why am I crying? It felt like a nightmare. My heart is racing and emotions are flowing through me. Fear, sadness, and even regret. Slowly those emotions start to fade away as I wrap my head around the fact it was all a dream. I'll probably forget about it.
I look at my phone to check the time. It's 6:12, just a few minutes before my alarm rings. Might as well get up already.
🌸🌸🌸
The teacher is discussing something yet I can't really understand it. Whatever she's talking about just goes through my ear and out the other. I stare outside the classroom window. What will I say to Mom later…. I don’t know anymore…My eyes focuses onto my reflection through the window. Is that really what I look like? Huh… I look messed up. “Takahashi!”“Takahashi! It's your turn to read!” I realize I was spacing out.“Ah! Oh!” “Uhh…”I don't know what page we’re on. I have no choice, I guess.“What page are we on again?” I ask. “Were you even listening during class?”“We're on page 67. Read.” The teacher demands sternly.Well that was embarrassing.
🌸🌸🌸
The loud chatters echo through the cafeteria.As I'm sitting down on a table alone, I don't even notice that there are 2 people behind me.“Kyosuke! What's the matter eating all alone?”It's Jin and Akira. I bet that they're gonna ask me for money in…3…2…1“The thing is… I don't have enough money to buy lunch…Kyosuke, can I have 200 Yen?”Jin says as if he's a beggar on the streets. I haven't even turned around to look at them when Akira follows.“Apparently I'm also 50 yen short… Can I also have Kyosuke?”These two’s acting could get them an Oscar. I let out a brief sigh then reach for my pocket and grab 250 yen from it and give it to the two just to get them to go away. “Thanks Kyosuke.”After that, they both walk away.“Heh, let's go, we got some money out of that loser again.” I hear Akira whisper to Jin. “Yeah, he's really useful. I've gotten like 2500 yen from him already.” Jin says mischievously. Seriously, I need to stop giving them my money…Due to the noise in the cafeteria I don't notice that someone approaches me.“Giving money to those two idiots again? You should really stop Kyosuke…” a person behind me says with an upset tone. I turn around. That voice is.. “Ah, Shota, where did you even come from… And I know I should stop giving them money. It's just the only way to get them away from me.”“Yeah yeah… You really don't know how to learn from your mistakes.” He says.“Says the one who's late for the first day almost every year.” I grin.“Oh come on! I-I had to attend to my mother this time!” Shota says with the most unconvincing tone. Only an elementary student would believe something like that. “Yeah.. alright…”
🌸🌸🌸
Today should be one of the last days the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. One of the last days this area will be fully tainted pink. Countless petals fall and fill the streets like a grand parade. As I walk, a petal hits my face and I brush it off. She told me to come again today. Maybe it is a good idea. I go to the place and see her standing in her usual spot. Her hair and skirt are gently swaying in the light breeze while she stands firmly, gazing into the open view.“Shiraishi.” I call out to her.“Oh, you came.” She says, while turning around to look at me.I walk to the edge of the river to where she is. All of a sudden, thoughts about mom come into my head. Unconsciously, I let out a bothered sigh.“Hm? What's bothering you?” Shiraishi asks, noticing my sigh.“Ah. Uh- nothing.”“Ehh? Really? I know there's something. Come on, tell me. It's okay.” She says “Really, it's nothing.”“Awhh…”She breathes in.“Well… whatever it is, if it’s a problem, no matter how hard and difficult it may be, it's for a reason, okay?” Haruka says, her voice soft but steady. “Perhaps…. All the suffering we go through, will all be worth it… Someday… Surely it will all be worth it…”“That's why, we just have to endure. Eventually… I'm sure… we will be rewarded for it.”“So whatever you’re experiencing, just… Hold on ‘kay?” She says in a calming tone. Following those words, she puts on a gentle smile, as if meant to erase all the negatives in this world.Those words… They triggered something in me… “Ah… What am I even saying?” She says while swinging her hand.Without realizing it, I tear up. “Th-thank you…”“Eh? Ah… Why? Uhh… “ Shiraishi looks confused on what to do.“It’s been a while since I’ve heard something like that.”“So thank you Shiraishi.” I say while wiping my tears.“It's nothing! I just said some stuff. That's all.” She says.“And that helped me. That's why I want to thank you.”“Oh okay… Glad I helped lighten your spirits then!”Shiraishi chuckles softly. Her face is illuminated by the faint, orange glow of sunset. She turns to look at me. All the while the sound of rushing water continues, strong yet calm. “Oh and… by the way, calling me Haruka is fine.” I notice her subtly fidgeting with her hands as she speaks. I haven't really gotten to figure out how to reply to what she said when suddenly, my phone rings. I get startled a bit by the phone and without knowing, I forget to ever say anything about what she said. “Ah. Sorry I have to answer this.”I pick up the phone.I see her expression bear a bit of regret as she lowers her gaze. A sense of guilt fills me. Sorry Shiraishi… bad timing..“Mr. Takahashi, are you going to pick up your mother today?” The voice over the phone asks. It's the hospital calling. I completely forgot about visiting mom.“Ah, yes. I'll be heading there shortly.”“Thank you.” I say.“I’m sorry… I have to go.” Shiraishi nods.“See you, Kyosuke.” She says, her voice softer than usual. She called me by my first name.“Yeah, you too…”I feel like there's a lump in my throat as I swallow. But hesitantly I say…“Haruka.”I say my goodbye to Haruka and walk away.Calling her by her first name… feels pretty nice.. But before I can fully absorb the warm feeling of that moment, the cold anxiety of seeing mom overcomes it. A sigh exits me. I have to do this.
🌸🌸🌸
Room 501….. My mom's room in the hospital. I stand in front of the door, breathing heavily. My throat feels cold… It feels like there's a thousand needles in it as I breathe. She's behind this door. For the first time in 2 years… I will see mom. My chest feels heavy… I stay still before the door, my hand hanging in front of the doorknob while desperately trying to get the courage to open it. The door clicks as I open it. It creaks open. The faint chatter of the nurses' voices from other rooms echo from outside. I hear my breathing getting heavier. There she is… sitting by the window. Her figure bathed in the pale orange light of the setting sun. The air in the room is tight and cold.She looks at me plainly. Her eyes cold and lacking any light as if the glow of dusk can't pass through them.“M-mom…” The doctors said that she doesn't talk to anyone and that they normally just hear her mumble to herself. So I'm not really expecting a response to what I just said.“Ryouta-kun?”Suddenly her eyes widen. What..?“Ryouta-kun!” She exclaims. My Dads name..? “I have not seen you in so long!”Hearing those, my heart aches. Don't tell me… she doesn't recognize me? She thinks I'm Dad… She thinks I'm someone else. Right now, it feels as if I was given a blow to the chest. “Mom-”“Is there a reason you're visiting, Ryouta-kun my dear?” My words were cut off. I lower my gaze to avoid eye contact. I can't bear to look her in the eye now. “We're gonna go home. I'm taking you home Mo- I mean Akane…” I say in an upset tone. I mean… I was kind of expecting something like this. It's just that… It hurts… Being called another person by your own mother…“Oh then let's get going.” Mom says.“Yes, let's go Akane.” I say, desperately trying to imitate how Dad talked based on how I remember. This… this just.. feels so wrong. I push Mom's wheelchair outside of the room. She looks ahead without saying a word. Deep inside, I want to cry. I just want to let it all out. But, I can’t…. Not in front of her.
The quiet atmosphere of the empty hallways and the plain white walls add up to the feeling of emptiness in my heart. Faintly, the voices of the people inside the rooms are echoing throughout the hallway. I reach the elevator with my mom and press the down button. “Ryouta-kun, what is the matter? You look down.” My Mom looks at me with a concerned look.“It’s nothing, Akane.” I shake my head trying to hide my sorrow.“If you say so then… I won’t question further.” she says.The elevator door opens. I push her inside. I stare at the empty hallway as the elevator doors slowly shut. Mom is quiet the entire time as we go down. After a couple of seconds, the elevator doors open once more.“Lets go Mo-Akane.” I really can’t get used to calling Mom by her name….Mom just nods in reply.I greet the receptionist and I head towards the exit with Mom.
🌸🌸🌸
The sky is getting darker as the sun continues to set below the horizon. Light posts are lined up on the side of the path and a few stars shine in the dark night sky. The wheel chair rattles as its wheels roll on the grey concrete sidewalk. The cool night breeze and the feeling of tiredness is felt throughout my body. Why is this happening now…? The new school year just started and now it's full of problems and struggles. I let out a deep sigh. ‘What a way to start the school year.’ I mutter to myself. Shira- no, Haruka's words appear in my head.
“Well… whatever it is, if it’s a problem, no matter how hard and difficult it may be, it's for a reason, okay? Perhaps…. All the suffering we go through, will all be worth it… Someday… Surely it will all be worth it… That's why, we just have to endure. Eventually… I'm sure… we will be rewarded for it.”
I hope she's right. But… Even if there is a light of hope…. It's.. still too far out of reach.
“Sighing again Ryouta-kun? You need rest.” Mom says.“You're right. I'm tired. But we need to get home first.” I smile softly to avoid worrying her.
🌸🌸🌸
Finally, after a walk that felt excruciatingly long, Mom and I are finally almost home. My gaze is directed to Mom and I see her asleep. I can't help but smile upon seeing her. “Let's get you home.” I say softly.
We arrive at the apartment at last. I take off my shoes and bring Mom to her room which I tidied up beforehand a day ago and lay her on her bed. At this point I don't have the appetite to eat dinner anymore. All my mind is focused on getting some rest so I go to my room and lie down without changing my clothes. I don't even know if I'll be able to attend school tomorrow..
🌸🌸🌸
Time passes. Spring is soon coming to an end and the Cherry Blossom trees were beginning to lose their distinct pink hue. My spring has already been full of so many problems I can barely recall any good memories from it. If I were to name one then… I guess it'd be the time I spent with Haruka. I still struggle to get used to living with Mom calling me Ryouta everyday and I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Haruka and I continue to meet in the usual spot to chat about some stuff everyday. It's become almost part of my routine. And whenever we're together… it just seems like time moves fast forward.
—------- END —-------
I'm in the hospital, by the door of my mom's room.She's sitting by the window gazing outside.“Mom?” I say.She looks at me plainly then smiles gently.“Come here… The view is really pretty.”Suddenly, I'm at the riverside.Mom is gone? Shiraishi is there standing by the edge of the river?“What will you do from now on?” Shiraishi says.After she says that I hear an airplane as if it was right above me. The sound is almost deafening.
I wake up. There's… a tear running down my left eye. It was all a dream. Yet… why am I crying? It felt like a nightmare. My heart is racing and emotions are flowing through me. Fear, sadness, and even regret. Slowly those emotions start to fade away as I wrap my head around the fact it was all a dream. I'll probably forget about it.
I look at my phone to check the time. It's 6:12, just a few minutes before my alarm rings. Might as well get up already.
🌸🌸🌸
The teacher is discussing something yet I can't really understand it. Whatever she's talking about just goes through my ear and out the other. I stare outside the classroom window. What will I say to Mom later…. I don’t know anymore…My eyes focuses onto my reflection through the window. Is that really what I look like? Huh… I look messed up. “Takahashi!”“Takahashi! It's your turn to read!” I realize I was spacing out.“Ah! Oh!” “Uhh…”I don't know what page we’re on. I have no choice, I guess.“What page are we on again?” I ask. “Were you even listening during class?”“We're on page 67. Read.” The teacher demands sternly.Well that was embarrassing.
🌸🌸🌸
The loud chatters echo through the cafeteria.As I'm sitting down on a table alone, I don't even notice that there are 2 people behind me.“Kyosuke! What's the matter eating all alone?”It's Jin and Akira. I bet that they're gonna ask me for money in…3…2…1“The thing is… I don't have enough money to buy lunch…Kyosuke, can I have 200 Yen?”Jin says as if he's a beggar on the streets. I haven't even turned around to look at them when Akira follows.“Apparently I'm also 50 yen short… Can I also have Kyosuke?”These two’s acting could get them an Oscar. I let out a brief sigh then reach for my pocket and grab 250 yen from it and give it to the two just to get them to go away. “Thanks Kyosuke.”After that, they both walk away.“Heh, let's go, we got some money out of that loser again.” I hear Akira whisper to Jin. “Yeah, he's really useful. I've gotten like 2500 yen from him already.” Jin says mischievously. Seriously, I need to stop giving them my money…Due to the noise in the cafeteria I don't notice that someone approaches me.“Giving money to those two idiots again? You should really stop Kyosuke…” a person behind me says with an upset tone. I turn around. That voice is.. “Ah, Shota, where did you even come from… And I know I should stop giving them money. It's just the only way to get them away from me.”“Yeah yeah… You really don't know how to learn from your mistakes.” He says.“Says the one who's late for the first day almost every year.” I grin.“Oh come on! I-I had to attend to my mother this time!” Shota says with the most unconvincing tone. Only an elementary student would believe something like that. “Yeah.. alright…”
🌸🌸🌸
Today should be one of the last days the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. One of the last days this area will be fully tainted pink. Countless petals fall and fill the streets like a grand parade. As I walk, a petal hits my face and I brush it off. She told me to come again today. Maybe it is a good idea. I go to the place and see her standing in her usual spot. Her hair and skirt are gently swaying in the light breeze while she stands firmly, gazing into the open view.“Shiraishi.” I call out to her.“Oh, you came.” She says, while turning around to look at me.I walk to the edge of the river to where she is. All of a sudden, thoughts about mom come into my head. Unconsciously, I let out a bothered sigh.“Hm? What's bothering you?” Shiraishi asks, noticing my sigh.“Ah. Uh- nothing.”“Ehh? Really? I know there's something. Come on, tell me. It's okay.” She says “Really, it's nothing.”“Awhh…”She breathes in.“Well… whatever it is, if it’s a problem, no matter how hard and difficult it may be, it's for a reason, okay?” Haruka says, her voice soft but steady. “Perhaps…. All the suffering we go through, will all be worth it… Someday… Surely it will all be worth it…”“That's why, we just have to endure. Eventually… I'm sure… we will be rewarded for it.”“So whatever you’re experiencing, just… Hold on ‘kay?” She says in a calming tone. Following those words, she puts on a gentle smile, as if meant to erase all the negatives in this world.Those words… They triggered something in me… “Ah… What am I even saying?” She says while swinging her hand.Without realizing it, I tear up. “Th-thank you…”“Eh? Ah… Why? Uhh… “ Shiraishi looks confused on what to do.“It’s been a while since I’ve heard something like that.”“So thank you Shiraishi.” I say while wiping my tears.“It's nothing! I just said some stuff. That's all.” She says.“And that helped me. That's why I want to thank you.”“Oh okay… Glad I helped lighten your spirits then!”Shiraishi chuckles softly. Her face is illuminated by the faint, orange glow of sunset. She turns to look at me. All the while the sound of rushing water continues, strong yet calm. “Oh and… by the way, calling me Haruka is fine.” I notice her subtly fidgeting with her hands as she speaks. I haven't really gotten to figure out how to reply to what she said when suddenly, my phone rings. I get startled a bit by the phone and without knowing, I forget to ever say anything about what she said. “Ah. Sorry I have to answer this.”I pick up the phone.I see her expression bear a bit of regret as she lowers her gaze. A sense of guilt fills me. Sorry Shiraishi… bad timing..“Mr. Takahashi, are you going to pick up your mother today?” The voice over the phone asks. It's the hospital calling. I completely forgot about visiting mom.“Ah, yes. I'll be heading there shortly.”“Thank you.” I say.“I’m sorry… I have to go.” Shiraishi nods.“See you, Kyosuke.” She says, her voice softer than usual. She called me by my first name.“Yeah, you too…”I feel like there's a lump in my throat as I swallow. But hesitantly I say…“Haruka.”I say my goodbye to Haruka and walk away.Calling her by her first name… feels pretty nice.. But before I can fully absorb the warm feeling of that moment, the cold anxiety of seeing mom overcomes it. A sigh exits me. I have to do this.
🌸🌸🌸
Room 501….. My mom's room in the hospital. I stand in front of the door, breathing heavily. My throat feels cold… It feels like there's a thousand needles in it as I breathe. She's behind this door. For the first time in 2 years… I will see mom. My chest feels heavy… I stay still before the door, my hand hanging in front of the doorknob while desperately trying to get the courage to open it. The door clicks as I open it. It creaks open. The faint chatter of the nurses' voices from other rooms echo from outside. I hear my breathing getting heavier. There she is… sitting by the window. Her figure bathed in the pale orange light of the setting sun. The air in the room is tight and cold.She looks at me plainly. Her eyes cold and lacking any light as if the glow of dusk can't pass through them.“M-mom…” The doctors said that she doesn't talk to anyone and that they normally just hear her mumble to herself. So I'm not really expecting a response to what I just said.“Ryouta-kun?”Suddenly her eyes widen. What..?“Ryouta-kun!” She exclaims. My Dads name..? “I have not seen you in so long!”Hearing those, my heart aches. Don't tell me… she doesn't recognize me? She thinks I'm Dad… She thinks I'm someone else. Right now, it feels as if I was given a blow to the chest. “Mom-”“Is there a reason you're visiting, Ryouta-kun my dear?” My words were cut off. I lower my gaze to avoid eye contact. I can't bear to look her in the eye now. “We're gonna go home. I'm taking you home Mo- I mean Akane…” I say in an upset tone. I mean… I was kind of expecting something like this. It's just that… It hurts… Being called another person by your own mother…“Oh then let's get going.” Mom says.“Yes, let's go Akane.” I say, desperately trying to imitate how Dad talked based on how I remember. This… this just.. feels so wrong. I push Mom's wheelchair outside of the room. She looks ahead without saying a word. Deep inside, I want to cry. I just want to let it all out. But, I can’t…. Not in front of her.
The quiet atmosphere of the empty hallways and the plain white walls add up to the feeling of emptiness in my heart. Faintly, the voices of the people inside the rooms are echoing throughout the hallway. I reach the elevator with my mom and press the down button. “Ryouta-kun, what is the matter? You look down.” My Mom looks at me with a concerned look.“It’s nothing, Akane.” I shake my head trying to hide my sorrow.“If you say so then… I won’t question further.” she says.The elevator door opens. I push her inside. I stare at the empty hallway as the elevator doors slowly shut. Mom is quiet the entire time as we go down. After a couple of seconds, the elevator doors open once more.“Lets go Mo-Akane.” I really can’t get used to calling Mom by her name….Mom just nods in reply.I greet the receptionist and I head towards the exit with Mom.
🌸🌸🌸
The sky is getting darker as the sun continues to set below the horizon. Light posts are lined up on the side of the path and a few stars shine in the dark night sky. The wheel chair rattles as its wheels roll on the grey concrete sidewalk. The cool night breeze and the feeling of tiredness is felt throughout my body. Why is this happening now…? The new school year just started and now it's full of problems and struggles. I let out a deep sigh. ‘What a way to start the school year.’ I mutter to myself. Shira- no, Haruka's words appear in my head.
“Well… whatever it is, if it’s a problem, no matter how hard and difficult it may be, it's for a reason, okay? Perhaps…. All the suffering we go through, will all be worth it… Someday… Surely it will all be worth it… That's why, we just have to endure. Eventually… I'm sure… we will be rewarded for it.”
I hope she's right. But… Even if there is a light of hope…. It's.. still too far out of reach.
“Sighing again Ryouta-kun? You need rest.” Mom says.“You're right. I'm tired. But we need to get home first.” I smile softly to avoid worrying her.
🌸🌸🌸
Finally, after a walk that felt excruciatingly long, Mom and I are finally almost home. My gaze is directed to Mom and I see her asleep. I can't help but smile upon seeing her. “Let's get you home.” I say softly.
We arrive at the apartment at last. I take off my shoes and bring Mom to her room which I tidied up beforehand a day ago and lay her on her bed. At this point I don't have the appetite to eat dinner anymore. All my mind is focused on getting some rest so I go to my room and lie down without changing my clothes. I don't even know if I'll be able to attend school tomorrow..
🌸🌸🌸
Time passes. Spring is soon coming to an end and the Cherry Blossom trees were beginning to lose their distinct pink hue. My spring has already been full of so many problems I can barely recall any good memories from it. If I were to name one then… I guess it'd be the time I spent with Haruka. I still struggle to get used to living with Mom calling me Ryouta everyday and I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Haruka and I continue to meet in the usual spot to chat about some stuff everyday. It's become almost part of my routine. And whenever we're together… it just seems like time moves fast forward.
—------- END —-------
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