As It Is

“Why are you still here? You’re ruining the mood in our class, and you just don’t have the right to do that! Why are you still in school? Why can’t you just drop out and disappear? Nobody loves you, and nobody care enough about your tears to pity you! Look around! Do you see anyone willing to help you? Do you see anyone stepping in front of us to stop my fists from hitting your face?”

A little kid stood on the chest of young Raf, shouting and striking him right in the face, tears and blood mixing on the floor as some other kids kicked him in the sides.

Raf couldn’t do anything except accept the pain and the suffering. Suffering – the visceral and endless cycle he was living in. Still going to school? Yes, but why? This was something he couldn’t comprehend at his young age. It was as if fate had decided he would walk this painful path for the rest of his life.

“It’s… as it is…” He stammered between punches and blood-filled coughs.

The blows finally stopped – those terrible kids that were only taking advantage of a weak child… for being weak.

The kid on top of him simply stood and spat on him.

“You should die and leave us alone!” The kid crouched next to Raf’s face. “I don’t like hitting you, but seeing your face every day, seeing your tears, seeing that you try something you can’t achieve just annoys me. I’ve had enough for today.”

He stood, grabbed his backpack at the back of the class, and headed for the exit.

“Look! Has anyone stepped forward to wipe your tears or your blood? No. And it will always be like this as long as I please. Even the teacher won’t do anything for a desperate case like you.”

All the students left the classroom, leaving Raf agonizing on the floor.

His quiet cries were just enough to break the deafening silence left behind. Raf was now bathing in the mixture of his blood and tears, a bitter and iron taste flooding his mouth as he relived the pain.

********************

After what happened at the bakery, Raf ran straight home without looking back, without looking up, without… whatever could have been an escape for him.

With the talisman in one hand and his torments in the other, he ran. Why did this artifact have to fall at this very moment?

He arrived home in no time and fled to his bedroom as soon as the entrance door open, without paying attention to anything or anyone. Hide the shame, hide the tears, hide the pain. That was his motto – his way of holding on to who he really was, and who he knew he could never escape.

Once in his bedroom, he closed the door, took off his backpack, took off his clothes. Wearing only his underwear, he stood in front of his mirror and fell to his knees.

“Why…? Even when I try to do the right things, my heart doesn’t stop bleeding, my body doesn’t stop screaming, and my mind… it shouldn’t be human to inflicts so much suffering on me. The shopkeeper was right… keep it on… or else the effects will disappear.”

Raf curled up on the cold floor, just resting there, shivering from the low temperature – but he didn’t care. His ragged breathing and his memories were enough to distract him from everything else.

Pa-ding

Raf heard the sound faintly, but it didn’t trigger much thought.

Pa-ding

He uncurled himself and turned his gaze toward the little screen on the ground. He picked it up and turned it on – discovering that he had received messages, something that hadn't happened in weeks.

From Luna: “We go out tomorrow? Train station at 10am tomorrow! Be there!.”

Raf was taken aback by these words.

“How? Why? She can’t be someone who cares for me that much. What could it be? Should I really go?” He thought as his hands – and the phone – trembled from the stress rising inside him.

He found the strength to reply ‘no problem’ and shot up to his feet. He walked to his desk and stared intently at the strange talisman, his gaze lost, becoming one with it – his heart calling for it, his eyes… drowning for it.

He collapsed onto his bed like a dead leaf and instantly fell asleep. Crying so much and forcing his mind through such effort drained all his energy – once there was none left, his body couldn’t follow anymore and simply pass out from exhaustion.

The next morning, he put on his casual clothes, and most importantly: he put on the talisman.

He then went to the train station to meet Luna, who was already there – and in a magnificent dress. What happened next felt unreal, yet not extravagant.

They went to the movies, shopping, an arcade – just classic, casual activities for teenagers on a weekend.

Throughout the day, Raf showed his best smile, demonstrating the amusement he was supposed to feel. Behind his mask, he was hiding his fears, his tears, and his sorrow.

“It must not fall. It must not fall. I have to be careful. Make her think of something else, to make her forget of what happened yesterday.”

But just as they were about to go somewhere else, Raf received a message from his mother telling him to come home to help prepare dinner.

“You have to go...?” Luna asked, reading the message over his shoulder.

“Yes… Sorry to cut it short…” He replied, disappointed.

“Can I come help you? It’s not too late, we’d be faster! I’m a good cook, you know?”

Raf turned toward her, shocked, only to be met with her bright, beautiful smile.

“Sure…” He replied, not even thinking.

When they arrived at the front door, someone opened it – his mother, surprised to see him with someone.

“First time you bring a friend at home – and a girl, even. What are you doing here?” His mother asked Luna, intrigued.

“I came to help Raf with the cooking!” Luna replied, sweetly.

Raf didn’t catch any other words during that conversation. When he regained focus, it was only to hear his mother laughing.

“Well, I’m going to buy a few things for dinner. Enjoy cooking until I’m back.”

She disappearing down the street.

They walked toward the kitchen, Raf scanning everything while trying to not look stressed.

Once inside, he tried to pour her a glass of water, but as he handed it to her, he dropped the glass – his hands shaking too violently.

His whole body trembled as he reached for his forehead – only to feel nothing. The talisman wasn’t there anymore. He looked around frantically, heart pounding, until he saw it under his foot.

“When… when did it fall…? Luna! No… she must not see me again…”

Tears streamed faster as terrible thoughts spiraled in his mind.

He lunged for the talisman and tried to hide it, retreating into a corner under Luna's confused gaze.

“Please, Luna. Get out of this room… wait for me outside… I… I need to do something first… please.” He begged.

But without a word, Luna’s expression softened – then became serious. She approached him – the boy nobody had ever truly approached, the crying kid everyone avoided.

“Burn it. Let’s burn this thing that doesn’t help you.”

She pulled a lighter from her bag.

She lit a small flame – it danced in both their eyes as she stared straight into his soul.

“Let's burn this cursed talisman here and now. You'll learn to live without hiding. People will eventually see your sincerity, who you truly are, and who you truly aspire to become. Little by little, you'll rebuild yourself. Little by little... you'll feel better. And besides... there's already one person who managed to see through your imperfect mask.”

Her expression shifted into a smile tinged with sorrow.

She took the talisman from his hands, ignited it, and let it fall to the floor.

She cupped his face with one hand and leaned closer. With the other, she tore a white piece of paper from her own forehead – but not just any paper, a talisman like the one Raf had. She threw it into the fire.

“I don’t need to hide my tears anymore. I don’t need to hide my pain... or my discomfort. I don’t need this mask. It’s enough. I’m not alone in this pain. I’m not alone in this world. I want… I want us to grow together and feel better… both of us… Raf.”

Raf was stunned – unable to resist as Luna held his face gently. They slowly leaned toward each other – the contact sweeter and warmer than anything he had ever known. For a moment that felt eternal… the pain disappeared.

They kissed.