The British Mercenary

5:16 p.m., in the city

Theo was chasing a truck full of stolen money on his hover disc.

Cartoon Kid (on the Galaxom): I’m so bored. We’ve been doing nothing but chasing ordinary thieves and robbers for months. Why can’t the police handle this?

Kira: Most of them have severe injuries from the attacks of supervillains, so—

Theo (interrupting): Hold that thought, I’ve caught up to them.

Inside the truck…

Robber I: It’s been so hard to do crimes lately with these supes around.

Robber II: Yeah, before, the police were always busy with the supervillains. Now it’s either the police after us or the superheroes. (Theo landed on the roof.)

Robber II: What was that?

Cartoon Kid: I see you’re talking about me.

Robber I: Eat bullets! (He fired, but Theo’s suit and helmet absorbed the shots.)

Cartoon Kid: I’m pretty sure even you knew that wouldn’t work. Reptilian Hero!(The creature appeared, ripping off the truck’s roof.)

Robbers I & II: What the—?! (Reptilian knocked them out, then used its tongue to slam the brakes.)

Cartoon Kid: I should probably call the cops. (He released Reptilian—then a voice rang out in a British accent.)

???: Hello, Cartoon Kid. (A man in a monocle and dark brown armor, dragging a spiked red sledgehammer, leapt down from a building. The V.S. insignia gleamed on his forehead.)

Cartoon Kid: Who are you?

???: I’m Captain Brit.

Cartoon Kid: Captain Brit? Isn’t Brit a girl’s name?

Captain Brit: Not Brit as in Brittany. Brit as in British.

Cartoon Kid: So… you’re Captain British. Like Captain America, but America’s a country and British is a language. Shouldn’t you be Captain Eng? (England.)

Captain Brit: Enough about my name!!!

Cartoon Kid: Sheesh. Someone’s got a bad temper.

Captain Brit: Forgive my outburst—it’s not like me to lose my cool.

Cartoon Kid: So, what do you want?

Captain Brit: I was sent to destroy you.

Cartoon Kid: That’s, like, the third time I’ve heard that, and yet I’m still standing—pretty much not destroyed. But if you’re looking to destroy something, you’re doing a great job of destroying my eardrums with that ridiculous accent.

Captain Brit: You dare to underestimate the great Captain Brit?

Cartoon Kid: Nah, underestimating is an understatement. You don’t even look like you’ll make me break a sweat.

Captain Brit: You’ll pay for your insolence! (Suddenly, he appeared in front of Theo and slammed him with his hammer. Theo flew into the truck, crashing hard.)

Cartoon Kid: Ugh… I may need some backup.

Captain Brit: You don’t look so confident now. (He adjusted his monocle—it fired a laser beam. A portal opened above Theo, and Molecular Girl and Decibolt dropped through mid-air, deflecting the blast as they landed.)

Captain Brit: I see you have backup, but they still won’t be enough to save you.

Molecular Girl: What’s up with the accent? I can barely understand you.

Captain Brit: I am Captain Brit, and this is how I speak.

Decibolt: You’re capping for a hit, and this is a seek.

Captain Brit: Enough about my accent! (He smashed his hammer down, sending shockwaves that knocked them off their feet, then fired another laser.)

Captain Brit: Excuse my outburst… I don’t know why I’m not being my normal gentleman self.

Decibolt: What kind of villain apologizes after attacking us?

Cartoon Kid: He just needs a good beating to knock some sense into him.

Captain Brit: You can try all you want, but you’ll never defeat me, rock launch!(As he smashed his hammer on the ground, sending rocks flying at them.)

Molecular Girl: Molecular...

Decibolt:Deci Shield.(As they accidentally merged their attacks, creating a ripple shield with molecular sparks in it, which blocked the attack.)

Cartoon Kid:Reptilian Hero!(As he summoned it.)

Reptilian Hero: Reptilian defeat you now! (As it got on all fours and raced towards him.)

Captain Brit: What a freak! I’m not even talking about the looks; I’m talking about the fact that it can’t even speak proper English. (As he jumped up and smashed its head to the ground with his sledgehammer. Then Reptilian wrapped its tail around Brit’s head and pulled him to the ground, removing the hammer.)

Reptilian Hero: How dare you hit Reptilian with stone attached to stick. Reptilian mad, Reptilian really mad! (As it tried to attack him with its claws and tail, but Brit adjusted his monocle and was soon dodging its attacks.)

Reptilian Hero: How? How you dodge Reptilian’s attack?

Captain Brit: My monocle can see your body heat.

Reptilian Hero: Monocle? Is that what evil guy eats?

Captain Brit: I don’t know why I thought a lizard would understand. I’m finishing this here and now. (As he smashed his hammer on the ground, creating a great shockwave that swept him off his feet. Then he adjusted his monocle and blasted him with his laser beam, making him disappear in a cloud of yellow smoke.)

Captain Brit: I thought you guys were supposed to be tough, but this is so easy, it’s annoying.

Decibolt: That’s because you haven’t gone up against me. (As he raced towards him, trying to punch and kick him multiple times, but Brit dodged every single one. Then he used his hammer to hit Decibolt in the gut, sending him flying.)

Captain Brit: Do tell me when you’ve started trying.

Decibolt: I’ve got more tricks up my crystal hoodie. Sonic Step!(Suddenly, everything except Decibolt began to move in slow motion. Then Decibolt raced to Brit, a sonic ripple created with every step, and began punching and kicking him. Soon, the Sonic Step effects wore off, and Decibolt jumped back.)

Cartoon Kid: Whoa, what just happened?

Decibolt: I can slow down time for five seconds, which is like a minute to me, but it takes a while to reload.

Molecular Girl: The two of you have had your fun; now it’s my turn.

Captain Brit: Bring it, but this time I’m coming to you. (As he charged towards her and tried to hit her with his hammer, but she held his hand in place with her molecular kinesis. He was about to touch his monocle, but she also held that one in place.)

Molecular Girl: What’s wrong, aren’t you going to blast me?

Captain Brit: ...

Molecular Girl: Just as I thought—you have to touch your monocle before you can use its abilities.

Captain Brit: Ugh.

Molecular Girl: Time to finish this. (As she kicked him multiple times in the gut, then landed the final one that sent him flying.)

Decibolt:Sonic Storm!(As he attacked, sending him to the ground.)

Cartoon Kid:Zap!!!(As he summoned him.)

Zaps:Electro Zaps Attack 5!(As he put his hands together in the shape of a ball, then sparks began blasting from the center, and a ball began to grow until it was as big as his hands.)

Zaps:Sparkling Zaps!(As he ran towards him and jumped up.)

Zaps:Death Ball!!!(As he dived down and pushed the ball into his stomach, causing all the lights to flicker.)

Cartoon Kid: I release you from existence.

Molecular Girl: Looks like we’re done with him. You guys can go ahead; I’ll take this guy to where he needs to be.

Meanwhile...

V.L.: How was he defeated?

Radiax: They are growing stronger by the day.

Nuclei: I have an idea.

V.L.: Go on.

Nuclei: If we can’t defeat them in battle, why don’t we just attack indirectly?

V.L.: Intriguing... how, pray tell, can we attack indirectly?

Nuclei: These days everything runs on the internet. If we destroy the cell towers it will cause chaos and destruction. But instead of a direct attack, we send someone undercover to destroy them from the inside.

Radiax: An undercover mission, huh? I know the perfect person.

V.L.: Get to it, and this better work.