Chapter 11: How shall the Summer arise in joy… when the blasts of Winter appear?

“So whose big idea was it to do another fucking psych eval for William Korspole?” I said, barging into the backroom of the Division Three bar which was empty at that time. It was 9 am on a Tuesday, two days before Christmas.

It had been eight days since the incident, and in this time I had been stuck to William’s side basically 24x7. Even when I was physically away from him, I was keeping track of his Vitalis presence from afar, and doing this stuff is incredibly draining. Now imagine how you’d feel when all your efforts at surveillance and semi-daily reports are undermined by your condescending asshole of a superior at work. My question was entirely rhetorical, because of course I knew whose big idea it was.

“It was mine,” said the man who got up from his desk and looked at me with that smug grin on his face again that challenged me with a whatchu gon do about it.

“Oh for the love of Christ, Kyd!”

“I’m actually Jewish,” he said.

“...If you think I suck at my job so goddamn hard, maybe you shouldn’t have insisted on having me deal with this. I mean, I’m not even an intelligence agent to begin with! I don’t know what you want from me Timmy, but if you won’t give the bare minimum amount of respect to my reports or me, I’m gonna quit. I have every right to. This is insulting. It’s fucking unbearable.”

“I can see you’re tired Xiaolei. It’s proof you’ve been doing your job well. But it is also all the more reason for me to make extra sure.”

“I’m not incompetent enough to require someone else to make extra sure that my ass is wiped clean, Captain.”

“I never said you did. You want this city to be safe right?”

“No. I want it to be destroyed right now actually.”

He snorted out a chuckle. “Okay but seriously though.”

“‘Course I want it to be safe, you clown.”

“Then we have something in common, Xiaolei. Satisfied?”

I couldn’t say anything. I paused, looking at him blankly for a couple seconds before I replied.

“Fine. Yeah. Whatever. Suck my dick. I have to meet Will in another 20 minutes.”

I turned to leave when I heard Tim say, “It’s just another couple days. Hang in there. Only a matter of time before it all blows over... See you at the party on 26.”

“Huh. Jacob’s party?” I asked.

“Who else d’you think inherited a goddamn fortune?”

“Yea but well, it’s a Christmas party. Aren’t you Jewish?”

“Oh fuck you. Let a man have his fun.”

“Don’t think they’ll have egg rolls and lo mein there”

“Fuck you.”

I laughed under my breath as I left.

“See you later, Captain Kyd.”

“See you later, Second Lt. Beiker.”

What the fuck? What is this feeling of familiarity? Am I actually beginning to like him?

Dear god, I’d rather shoot myself in the head than become chums with Timothy fucking Kyd of all people.

—

“Mr. Liahan, you look good today,” Will said as the two of us walked towards an old shrine in the Crater slums I had been tasked to investigate. A sidequest for the time being.

“All thanks to getting some ass and then 8 hours of sleep. Does wonders. Truly.”

“Oh yeah? So your uhh domestic troubles are solved now?”

“Hah. I doubt they’ll ever be solved. We’re both a little fucked in the head y’see.”

“Hmm… Must be nice though. Having someone that matches your wavelength.”

“You’re awfully chatty today,” I remarked.

“Oh I’m sorry!” he blurted out quickly.

“No, no. Don’t be. It’s way better than walking around with a depressed frog.”

“...Frog?”

“Nevermind that. What about you? You had a girlfriend right? What was she like?”

He fell silent at the question.

It was now my turn to apologise, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Probably too soon for you, still…”

“No. It’s fine… She was umm… How do I put it? She wasn’t like that, for me… She, well… She was like a God. Way above I ever was, way better than I ever deserved, and… She saved me. When I had lost everything, she gave me strength to move on. Even now that she’s gone, I… I still think of her, and it makes me believe in myself.”

“I see. I don’t think I fully understand, but I get it. I had someone I idolised too. Of course I didn’t uhh y’know sleep with them but… I can relate to that feeling, kinda.”

“Who did you idolise, Mr. Liahan?”

“My master. He’s basically the one who raised me to become who I am today… Guess he was pretty shit at it huh? I mean look how I turned out… A fucking mess.”

“Honestly, I don’t think so. I’d say he did a really decent job. You’re a good man, Mr. Liahan. Nobody is perfect but you do your best at whatever you do. I haven’t known you long, but I can feel it. You might put up a cool and mysterious air around you at all times, keep your guard up high, pretend that nothing fazes you — however that’s not true, is it? You do care. A lot, actually. This might be presumptuous of me to say, but… I think your master would be proud of you.”

What the hell… I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from tearing up.

In a life that I had lived thus far feeling only a long sense of detachment, unable to form any real or meaningful bonds, chasing behind the fleeting silhouettes of the phantoms of my past, lacking in any sense of meaning or reason to live, this guy had unknowingly shattered all the walls I had put up for so long and reached for my heart. I felt an ease I hadn’t known before in life, perhaps ever.

I turned to William as I said, “Thank you Will. You had no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

“Oh yeah? Then that makes us even, Mr. Liahan.”

“Drop the mister, man. We’re the same age.”

“Wait for real? No way! You look wayyyy older than I do. I would’ve thought you’re at least 25!”

“Ouch.”

“No sorry it didn’t mean it like that! It’s a compliment I swear! People tell me all the time I look too young for my age!”

“Haha… It’s all good, don’t worry. And uh, here’s a promise Will. I won’t let you get hurt. I’ll keep you safe. I swear.”

He didn’t say anything back to me right away. He just smiled. A comfortable silence hung between us. It was different from the tense stillness from earlier. It was only broken when William finally said, “Thank you… Liahan.”

I felt the warm feeling spread in my chest. It was one of those feelings so rare you couldn’t put a name to it. I didn’t exactly know what this warmth in my chest entailed. I just knew that I wanted to protect this guy with every fibre of my being.

“I’ll drop you off at the Division 12 base once we’re done here, by the way. You need to talk to a shrink.”

“Again?”

“I’m sorry, I know it must be a lot for you. But we can’t take any risks.”

“I understand,” he said. His voice was low.

“Have you uh, been able to remember anything? Regarding the doctor, or… Anything else of note?”

“I don’t think so…” he said, unsure himself.

“It’s okay. It’ll all blow over soon anyways.”

I think it’s for the better if you don’t remember. You can spare yourself the hurt of being betrayed by someone you deeply trusted. A feeling I’ve been unfortunate enough to be all too familiar with.

—

“So he’s just forgotten everything?” said Elise, her hands rummaging through the left pocket of my trouser as she looked for a lighter.

“Yep. Everything as far as Faust is concerned,” I said as I handed her the lighter from my right pocket, tossing it on the counter in front of us. “Please don’t dig into my pockets without asking. This counts as harassment. I’ll seriously report you.”

“Pretty convenient huh? The kid just forgets everything like that… And the mastermind can get away with it all…” Elise said, ignoring the second part of what I said entirely, as she clicked the lighter against the quivering end of the cig resting on her lips as she spoke. The flicked sparks lit it up, as she slowly inhaled the smoke contemplatively.

“I don’t think repeated psych evals and counselling’s gonna do shit. I dunno what Tim is thinking,” I said, pocketing the lighter that she handed back to me.

“It’s better than doing bumfuck nothing dude,” she said, exhaling a cloud of smoke in front of us, “besides… I’m sure Timothy Kyd isn’t an idiot. Therapy isn’t half bad. You should try it sometime. Your mentally ill ass could use it.”

I snatched the cigarette from her lips as I held it in my fingers, which prompted Elise to say “Bitch, what the fuck?”

“Shut up,” I said, as I put the cig to mine and took a deep drag, letting the smoke invade the very insides of my lungs. With a slow exhale, I said, “Keep up that attitude and I’m never loaning you again, lady.”

She swiftly snatched the cig back from me, as she said, “As if! Try saying no to me then, asshole. I know you can’t,” she giggled. After a small pause she asked, “So… How’s Jamie doing?”

“She’s busy too, I’m sure… She has her own things to deal with.”

“I’m gonna steal her fine ass from you someday, just you wait.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” I replied, with a laugh.

I glanced back at the watch on my wrist as I said, “Oh shit, it’s time. I gotta pick Will back up and drop him home. Think everything should be done by now.”

“Aw, leaving already? C’mon girlie, we barely get to talk these days!”

“Not the time, babes. I’ll see you at Jay’s party, Friday.”

“Augh alright, fine. Yeah see you at the party, Han. Bring Jamie along!”

“Fuck no,” I said with a laugh, as I left.

—

It was the room again — with the grey wallpaper, the familiar scent of the candles, and the presence of him — I remembered now.

“Dr Faust…” I muttered, and the man with his hair slicked back as usual, looked up to me with a smile. He got up from the sofa he sat on, setting aside the book he was reading.

“So you remember now… Good.”

“What do you want from me?” I asked, the terror evident in my voice as the memories flooded back into my head as my brain recovered consciousness.

“Shush… Easy now, Will. Repeatedly having your memory blocked and unblocked must take a heavy toll. You shouldn’t overwork your brain any further, you might end up frying it completely.”

“Why… Why do you keep doing this…?” my voice began to break into a sob.

“You know why, it’s because you asked me to. You wanted to forget, didn’t you?”

“No… I… I don’t… But… Why… Why restore them? Why are you–”

“Stop thinking Will. You’re not in the right mind to think right now. Lay back down and try to relax yourself.”

“I can’t! How can I? What exactly have you been doing to me Jude?!”

He looked at me, slightly surprised, with a grimacing smile spreading on his lips, as he said, “Well, I finally got you to call me by my first name after all. Baby steps, William. Baby steps.”

“ANSWER ME!” I demanded.

“Alright. Lower your voice and lay back down. Now.”

“You know something, don’t you Doc? Why have the supernatural police been investigating me? They’re making me do psych evals every other day, it’s clear they’re looking for something in me. What is it? Tell me.”

“Not with that attitude, I won’t.”

“Please…” I whispered, my voice barely audible as I tried to push back the lump I felt in my throat.

“It isn’t pretty, Will.”

“Do you think I care about pretty right now, doctor?”

“Okay,” he began, “I’ll tell you. All the trauma in your life stems from your loved ones dying, doesn’t it?”

“Trauma that I’ve recently learned was caused by undead monsters. You knew, didn’t you? Why did you never tell me? All this time… All of this time, I blamed myself… But now…”

“Now what, William? Don’t tell me you believe you weren’t responsible? Hah… Why do you think I have been treating you for so long? I thought you would’ve known. I guess I overestimated your intelligence.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Corroded, Will. They weren’t after your family or friends. They were after you. You have an abnormally high Vitalis presence. Do you know what Vitalis is, Will?”

“Yes. Mr. Liahan told me…”

“Mr. Liahan, I hear that name a lot from you. Who is he, Will? What’s he to you?”

“That’s none of your business, is it Doc?”

“No. Just curious.”

“Continue. What did you mean when you said…”

“That you’re the reason your friends and family died? I meant exactly what I said. Corroded feed on living creatures with high Vitalis. Yours was abnormally high. Of course they would prey on you. However, like moths to flame, they often try to bite more than they can chew. Your very presence is enough to eviscerate a Corroded out of existence. Naturally, those around you became a more likely target for the mindless monsters.”

“But that… That can’t be right… My father died in a car accident. My brother died from disease… My mother, she… She killed herself. My dog died from old age. Maria…”

“What happened to Maria, Will?”

“Why are my memories a mess, Jude Faust? What have you done to me…? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME—”

“Rest. Calm, now. Lie down again. There, there… Okay, good. You’re rested now. Yes, the brain tends to do that… After your true memories have been buried deep inside the caverns of repression, your conscious mind loves to fill in the blanks for you. The sickly sweet respite of delusion. I didn’t do anything Will, you did it to yourself. Everything. All I’ve done is helped prevent you from doing further damage to yourself.”

“No… You held all of this back from me until now!”

“I expected you to put it together yourself. Though it was better, when you didn’t. You told me that you wanted to forget, Will.”

“I don’t anymore… No… I can’t.”

“It’s too late, Will. Too late…”

“Too late for what?” I asked.

He looked at the clock on the wall behind him.

“Oh, will you look at that… It’s time already. It’s Christmas Eve, Will. What present should I get you?”

“What are you planning on doing to me…?”

“Lay back down. Be a good boy for me, Will. It’s the last time we’ll meet, after all. Please cooperate a little.”

“What do you mean?” I whimpered, helpless, tears streaming down my face, as my body seemed paralysed suddenly, my limbs fixed like a corpse on the clinic bed.

“You’ll have a nice Christmas present next to your bed when you wake up tomorrow. Alas you wouldn’t remember who it’s from.”

“Please tell me what’s going on Jude… Don’t…”

“Goodbye Will. I really did care for you.”

I felt a sharp sting of pain against my neck, and within a moment it all blurred to black.

> To be continued

Author's Note:
The plan right now is to release another batch of chapters in November. Maybe 5 chapters or so. Followed by another batch in early December, and the final chapters during Christmas week. 

Let's see how it goes! Writing this novel has been a real challenge so far, but it is fun. Sooo fun.