Karaoke

Fuck. A dinner. And Haruki would be present. She could only avoid him for so long, if the thing with Sakuya turned into something serious. Was it better to rip the bandaid off now? Kana was pacing through her bedroom, chewing nervously on a piece of candy. The crunchy texture always helped to dissipate some of her anxiety.

Her phone pinged.

21:02 [Sakuya] I’ll pick you up at your shop at 6pm. It’s your day off on Monday, right?

21:20 [Kana] See you then

21:22 [Sakuya] 🥰🥰🥰

——

“Are you serious, Kana? You shouldn’t go!”

“I know that.”

Yuto swirled the foamed milk in the cup before pouring it into the drink, making a little leaf design. He smiled at himself and showed it off to Kana before placing it on the tray.

“You’re getting better at that,” Kana commended him.

“Been helping enough.”

“That’s true.”

Kana grabbed the tray and brought the drinks to the table in the window. After a few sentences of small talk, she returned to the counter.

“So why are you going?” Yuto asked.

“Because I think I’m starting to like Sakuya.”

“I feared as much. No, Kana, listen. I can’t speak to Sakuya’s character at all. It’s his bad luck that he ended up in the band with that bastard.”

“But if he wasn’t I would’ve never gotten to know him.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

Kana rolled her eyes.

“I’m just worried about you. Text me when you’re there. And when you’re home.”

“Yes, mama.”

Yuto laughed, but his eyes stayed serious.

——

The plan had turned out to be dinner at a karaoke room. Karaoke of all places. Singing was the last thing she wanted to do, especially with Haruki around. With nothing else to do during the day, Kana turned to stress-baking and made so many cookies for the shop that she would likely never be able to sell them all before they went stale.

And then, a knock on the window. Sakuya waved at her. Kana put the packaging paper down, which she had employed to pass the time. Quickly switching out the lights in the shop, she joined Sakuya outside and locked up.

Before she could even say anything, Sakuya leaned in and kissed her ever so briefly on the nose.

“You look good,” he said.

“You look better.”

“Of course.”

“Idiot.”

“Thank you for agreeing.”

Kana shrugged. The faster they got going, the faster she could go home. She could only hope that Haruki really had turned over a new leaf. And there was always Jun. She hoped she could stick to him rather than the alternative.

The car was at the end of the alleyway. When she entered, the first person she could see was Haruki. He was sitting closest to the sliding door, turning when Kana was just next to him. He was beautiful still, but seeing his face just made her feel sick.

“Hey. So glad you decided to join,” Haruki said.

“Mhm,” Kana answered.

“Good to meet you,” Jun said and Kana immediately refocused on him.

“Happy to meet you too.”

She settled in between Jun and Sakuya, with Haruki looking on from the backseat. He stayed quiet while Sakuya introduced Kana to Jun, just observing. Somehow his silence unnerved Kana even more.

“We chose a Karaoke place because we can be in a private room. It’s been a bit stressful with the fans recently, as you know,” Jun said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Also Sakuya wanted to show off,” he added.

“Hey!” Sakuya bristled, which earned a laugh from everyone—except Haruki.

It was still light out, and the cityscape of Tokyo was visible behind the toned window. The car came to a stop.

“Shall we?”

They made it to the room undetected and everyone finally relaxed. They ordered the first round of drinks, with everyone going for beer. Then, Jun reached for the microphone and started the session off with an upbeat, classical popsong. Kana sat next to Sakuya, admiring Jun’s vocal range, clapping along. She didn’t notice Haruki’s stare, but Sakuya did.

After the fifth song, the snacks arrived. Jun urged Kana to sing with him and Sakuya took the moment to take Haruki outside.

“What’s your problem?” Sakuya asked as soon as the door was closed.

Haruki leaned against the wall. He shrugged.

“Just getting used to seeing my ex-girlfriend with someone else.”

“That’s rich coming from you after everything that happened.”

Haruki crossed his arms. “No matter what she told you, no matter what you read in the press: I was actually in love with her. I think you can relate to that at least, and you haven’t even seen her on stage.”

Sakuya bit his lip.

“I’m concerned because I was afraid of exactly this situation. Your feelings for her are tearing this group apart,” Haruki continued. “They’re tearing us apart. Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten what we went through in that stupid casting show. Weeks and weeks of fear of being eliminated and standing there with absolutely nothing. We are the winners. We got the five year contract, and you’re risking it all.”

When Sakuya stayed silent, Haruki put a hand on his shoulder.

“At this point, you should choose us, not her. Love can cloud our judgement. I’ve been there before. But you know what’s right.”

And with that he turned away and entered the room again. Sakuya followed him mutely. Kana and Jun were looking through the list of songs together when the two returned. Neither made a comment, despite their stern expressions.

“How about we sing one of Kana’s songs? I’m betting they’re in the system,” Haruki said after he sat down.

“Kana’s songs?” Jun asked.

“Oh, you don’t know? Look for Decodol.”

Jun’s eyes widened. “Wait. You’re… Decodol?”

Kana sighed. “Was. Yes.”

“You look so different out of costume. I would never have recognised you. I really like your songs. Some are actually on my playlist!” Jun beamed.

“Thank you,” Kana said genuinely, but her smile was forced.

“But if you’re…” Jun looked up from the list of songs. “Then…”

“There we go,” Kana whispered to herself.

“Let bygones be bygones. Tonight is for fun and peace, right Kana?” Haruki said.

Kana stood up and clutched her hands to fists.

“I need the bathroom,” she said and left.

But she only got three steps away through the door, when Haruki pulled her backwards and spun them around so Kana’s back was against the wall. Even with his blonde hair, his earnest expression was still the same. He crowded Kana against the wall and every cell in her body immediately rebelled. Before she could think about it, she pushed him away.

“What do you want?”

“To make peace. You’ve been ignoring me all night.”

“The agreement said I should not attempt contacting you again.”

“It didn’t say anything about me contacting you.”

Kana’s skin crawled through his proximity alone.

“Leave me alone.”

“That’s ironic, as you’re the one not leaving me alone. You’re the one who’s inserting herself into my band. I’m only trying to fix this so we can both have peace.”

“There’s nothing to fix. You used and discarded me, crushing the one thing I worked my whole life to achieve. You’re not the only one trying to protect themselves.”

“What happened, happened. This is now.”

“And because the present concerns your career, it’s more important than—”

“Kana-chan?”

Suddenly, there was Sakuya. Kana pushed Haruki away violently. He stumbled, catching himself on the opposite wall.

“Still as stubborn as always, I see,” Haruki said. “I can’t make peace on my own. If you refuse to believe me, there’s nothing I can do.”

Kana’s eyes filled with unshed tears.

“Can you leave us for a moment?” Sakuya asked Haruki.

Haruki clicked his tongue and entered the room again, leaving Kana and Sakuya alone in the hallway. Sakuya reached for Kana’s hand, but she drew it away, crossing her arms instead.

“I knew that would happen. That’s why I didn’t want to come,” Kana said. “Why didn’t you say anything in there?”

“Because Haru-kun said he wants to make peace… I thought…”

Sakuya looked like a chastised dog, tail between his legs. For a moment, he looked everywhere but Kana’s eyes, then forced himself to face her.

“I thought… I… Kana, please,” he said and held his hands out again.

She relented, as she always did when she looked into his puppy eyes, and gave him her hands to hold. He immediately grabbed them as if she would disappear if he didn’t.

“Kana, I really like you. I know it hasn’t been long, but I do. I just wanted… I want you to be part of my life, but these two are also a part of it. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I can’t make it work,” Kana whispered.

“What?”

“Wherever you are, he… Your contract is for five years, Sakuya. I don’t want you to risk it. He’ll always be there and I can’t… I know it’s unfair to you. It’s unfair to us both, but I can’t do it. I can’t believe a single word he says.”

“Then… what if we—”

“Don’t even suggest we hide it. I crawled through the shadows in my relationship with Haruki. Not again.”

Kana raised Sakuya’s hands up to her mouth, but at the last second, she thought better of it and pulled him in. Their lips met in a fleeting kiss, his mouth open in surprise.

“For what it’s worth, I also like you. A lot,” Kana whispered against his skin.

Before the tears could start falling, she let go and opened the door to the karaoke room. Jun and Haruki looked up simultaneously, seeing tears spill over as Kana grabbed her bag.

“Something came up. I’m sorry,” she said and bowed. “Goodbye.”

Sakuya watched her walk along the dark hallway, the music from various rooms forming a discordant backdrop.

“I won’t give up,” Sakuya whispered, just before Kana disappeared from view.

Behind the half-open door to the karaoke room, Haruki took a sip of his drink and smiled.

——

It had been an earnest effort. Kana could admit that much. He didn’t want to choose. His way of making it work was to unite both sides. He might as well have tried to bring together fire and water. Even if Haruki had changed, there was no going back. Even if Kana had to appear as the unreasonable one, she just had to bear it. It couldn’t be.

She stumbled through the night, coming to sit on a bench in a random park. It wasn’t that late, and Tokyo was always crowded, yet no one paid her any mind. And why would they? Even without her hat, without her mask, who still knew her? Who even cared? Why had she been so naive to imagine that anyone would remember her and care?

Tears started falling, hot and heavy, running down her face as she sat silently.

Alone.

She had always been alone.

Training alone, leaving home alone, performing alone. Left in the dirt, alone.

No one had ever wanted her, despite all her efforts. They had just tolerated her as long as she performed. The second a more promising idol’s career was in danger, she had been cut off, removed like an unwanted sore.

She took the fall for a man.

Now she would take the fall again because she never learned. And the worst thing was: It was the same man.

“You’re actually trash, aren’t you, Takagi Kana?” she whispered to herself. “Stupid, emotional trash.”

She pulled her legs up and started sobbing.