Chapter 95: The Unlikely Tutors

"This is hell."

I am trying to balance a book on my head. It is a book about forks. There are apparently seventeen different types of forks.

This is Mariko's idea.

"You see? It is not so hard," Mariko says, gliding across the room with three books on her head. She is drinking tea. While walking. With books on her head.

"You are a robot," I growl, as my fork book crashes to the floor.

"You are a failure," she sighs.

"Okay! Break time!" Rika chirps, clapping her hands. "My turn! Etiquette Lesson Two: The Art of Polite Conversation!"

She sits across from me. She pours me a cup of tea.

"Now, Aoi-chan, pretend I am a Duchess. You must engage me in conversation. But you cannot talk about video games, fighting, or how much you hate people."

"So... I just sit here in silence?"

"No! You ask me... about the weather! Or... my gardens!"

"I do not care about your stupid gardens."

Rika sighs. "Aoi-chan..."

"Okay, fine. Hey, Duchess Rika. How... are those plants doing? Are they... growing? Good?"

Rika buries her face in her hands.

"This is hopeless."

"My turn!" Toujo shouts, leaping over the couch. "Toujo's School of Diplomacy! Lesson One: The Distraction."

"What are you talking about?"

"When you are in a corner, and a scary old dude asks you a question you do not know... you do this!"

He clears his throat. He gets a panicked look on his face.

"OH MY GOODNESS! IS THAT A FIRE?! LOOK! A DISTRACTION!"

He points wildly at the ceiling.

"Toujo, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"It's foolproof!" he insists.

The door to the suite opens. Daiki walks in. He is holding a laptop.

"Okay, I am in," he grunts.

"You are in the Emperor's guild?" I ask, jumping up (my book falls).

"No, stupid. I am in the hotel. The Emperor is not an idiot. His guild is private and invite-only. I cannot just walk in. This is Phase One."

He sits down. He is all business now. He is Deception.

"I am going to start a war."

"A war?" Rika squeaks.

"A guild war, idiot. In the game. The Ancient Dragons have held the Northern Castle for two years. My guild, The Jerk Brigade... (Toujo named it)... is going to challenge them for it. We are going to cause so much chaos that their Guild Master... the Emperor... will have to personally log on to deal with me."

He is a genius. An evil, angry genius.

"That... is actually a good plan," Mariko says, looking impressed for the first time.

Daiki smirks. "I know. That's my job. Your job," he says, looking at me. "Is to not look like a sentient peach."

"I hate this dress!"

"Okay! Final lesson for the day!" Hiroto announces, pulling Daiki off the couch. "The most important one! The Imperial Waltz!"

He claps his hands and music starts playing from his phone. Stupid, classical music.

"You have to dance at the party," Hiroto says. "You have to look graceful!"

"I do not dance," I snarl.

"You do now!" Hiroto grabs me. He tries to spin me. I almost break his arm.

"Okay! Okay! New plan!" Hiroto squeaks, rubbing his wrist. "You need a partner who can handle you!"

He looks at Toujo. Toujo hides.

He looks at Daiki.

Daiki just sighs. "This is the worst."

He stands up. He walks over to me.

"This is so stupid."

"It is so stupid," I agree.

He stiffly holds out his hand. He puts his other hand on my waist.

I stiffly put my hand on his shoulder.

It is the most awkward thing in the history of the world.

"One, two, three... one, two, three..." Hiroto is coaching.

I step on Daiki's foot.

"Ow! Twilight!"

"It's your fault! Your foot is too big!"

"How can you fight in a video game but you cannot do this?"

"Shut up, King. Just... one, two, three..."

We are a disaster. A complete mess.

Mariko is watching us, horrified.

But we are... doing it. We are a team of idiots.

This Crown Prince has no idea what is about to hit him.