Unbearable

Mukashi followed Miya as she walked away from the stage slowly. Once she was completely out of sight of the crowd, he spoke up so that she could hear her.
     "I ordered your dinner while you were performing. It's in your dressing room." 
     She nodded.
     Mukashi stayed with her as she walked through the inner workings of the venue and made her way towards her dressing room. Mukashi followed her in and closed the door behind her, then stood next to it to watch her. She looked towards the lavish vanity she had. Placed on top of it was a box that contained a small serving of chicken bulgogi. She stared at the box of food and slowly stepped towards it, then sat down on the chair for her vanity. She quietly picked up the chopsticks that were placed next to the box, then began placing the food in her mouth and chewing it.
     She didn't care how it tasted initially, but as she chewed it, the flavor of the chicken began forcing itself onto her tongue, and soon enough she was savoring the food in silence. Her eyes closed as she ate, and each small mouthful of food felt like it was doing its best to comfort her, bringing her back to reality and letting her relax, if only for a few moments.
     Mukashi saw that Miya was relaxing, and once she'd eaten in silence for almost ten minutes, he spoke up respectfully. 
     "Miya, you didn't listen to me when you were on stage."
     Her moment of relaxation ended, and she sighed despondently.
     "I-I'm sorry Mukashi." She said. She lowered her head an almost imperceptible amount.
     He realized that he was only distressing her; she had visibly responded with her posture. He thought of something else to say. He approached her as she sat before her vanity and stood beside her. As Miya looked at the reflection in the mirror, she could only see herself and some of Mukashi's body, with his head not being fully in view. 
     "It's understandable." He said after a moment of silence. "However, this makes it clear to me that you are in desperate need of relaxation. I had said before the concert that I would look to give you a day off after the next set of concerts." He paused for a moment. "However, with how you seemed to have 'stepped out' during the entirety of this performance, I will make it so that next Thursday, not only will you have the chance to read your letters; I will give you the entire day off." 
     Miya felt like she should react with a smile, but she couldn't force herself to do it.
     His mind raced as her expression stayed blank.
     Miya was not supposed to be like this. He was reserved and calm because he needed to be; it was the only way he could be objective and help Miya do what she needed to do. It was right and normal for him to be the way he was; but as he looked at Miya, he knew, based on the files he'd stored away in his cabinets, that she was not supposed to be so... neutral.
     Most of the time, she was at least smiling slightly. Other days, she'd wear a frown. Sometimes she'd poke fun at him or her instructor. There were even a few occasions where he'd seen her become upset or angry with someone, though those instances mostly involved her rival idol Fofu. The face she was making at that moment was not normal.
     The fact bothered him.
     He looked at his phone. It was already seven forty two in the evening, meaning she only had eight minutes left to finish her dinner before he would take her to the meeting with other idols he had scheduled for her. His resolve sharpened as he thought about how he'd managed to secure a spot for Miya at the idol interaction.
     Miya put the last piece of bulgogi into her mouth and swallowed it. It tasted familiar, and a part of her wanted to cry, but she was too tired. 
     She was so unbelievably tired of it all.
     Mukashi efficiently picked up the box that had carried her food and threw it into the trash can of her dressing room, then he motioned for her to stand up. 
     "Mukashi can I please..." Her voice trailed off. She couldn't say it out loud. 
     He looked down at her seriously, and as she stood up he took gentle hold of her hand so that she'd have an easier time doing so.
     A slight shiver went through her hand. It felt like it could feel things again. She took a deep breath and stood up, enjoying the feeling of his hand holding hers tenderly. She didn't care if it made him uncomfortable in the moment; it felt too good to let go. She was holding onto something alive; something that was steady. 
     Mukashi stood there, holding Miya's hand as she slowly squeezed his own and ran her thumb over his fingers slowly. His brow furrowed as she touched him thoughtfully. He had said that she could touch him; he just hadn't expected her to actually take him up on the offer more than once. The fact that she'd done so twice was slightly alarming; then there was the hug he'd given her in order to keep her calm after she'd consumed her lunch. None of those facts took into account how he'd had to bring her down from the ceiling that morning and carry her to her bed.
     He realized that they had made more physical contact with each other in that single day than they had over the previous three years of working together combined. He didn't know what to think about that. 
     Miya continued feeling his hand in silence. Eventually, Mukashi looked at the phone with his free hand. It was seven forty nine. He opened his mouth to speak and began pulling out of her grip, but as he did so, he felt something incredibly disturbing. 
     Regret.
     Miya sighed slightly when Mukashi pulled his hand away, but as she looked up at his face, she saw something strange: his eyes were deeply focused on her, as if he were contemplating whether or not she was really there, and she felt uncomfortable for a few moments. 
     Mukashi exhaled through his nose slowly and shoved the feelings of regret away. 
     "You're scheduled to attend the meeting with the other idols in fifteen minutes. I believe this will be beneficial for you." He said calmly. 
     "Yes, Mukashi." 
     He turned towards the door of the dressing room and opened it for her. 
     Miya stood near the vanity and stared at the open doorframe quietly. 
     For a moment, she imagined what would happen if she ran out of that door as quickly as she could and never looked back.
     Then she followed Mukashi anyway. 
     He stepped through the backstage area of the venue purposefully, making sure not to waste a single second. However, despite his speed, he made sure that Miya was keeping up with him. She kept up with him easily as he guided her past the various props and backstage workers that populated the venue. 
     They stepped into the garage and entered her tour bus after only a minute of travel. Once they were situated comfortably, the bus driver closed the door and started taking them out of the venue. The one way windows ensured that it wasn't too bright in the tour bus, and Miya slightly preferred the darkness of the tour bus over the stark lighting of her dressing room. 
     "Miya, do you see them?" Mukashi said calmly.
     She snapped to attention and looked at him, confused. 
     "Your fans are out there. Look." He raised his finger and pointed out the window behind Miya.
     Her head turned and looked out the window. 
     As her tour bus went through the streets of Seoul and drove away from the venue, she saw thousands of fans all waving blue light sticks that were shaped like an angel's halo. They were her signature piece of merchandise. 
     The light sticks that represented her occupied both sides of Seoul's streets near the venue, and as she looked out over the crowds, she was shocked to see that there were young children with their parents, elderly couples, teenage groups of friends, and singular adults all chanting her name and singing her songs in unison. 
     "They believe in you, Miya." He said calmly. 
     As the tour bus got farther and farther from the venue, other light sticks that represented different K-Pop idols and groups began to appear. Despite that fact, her fans made up the majority of the crowd, and her songs drowned out any others.
     "Y-yes." She said quietly. 
     The sight of all those people cheering for her, believing in her, hoping in her, made her realize something absolutely crushing.
     She couldn't let them down.