"Conversation"

The tour bus came to a stop in front of the northern gate to the convention center. Miya stepped out of the bus with Mukashi close behind her. There was a magnificent carpet stretching from the sidewalk towards the entrance of the convention center. On both sides of the carpet, being held back by security personnel and velvet cordons, were thousands of fans. She could hear the multitudes of fans all singing her songs in the slowly darkening streets of Seoul. Their voices simultaneously lifted her spirits and made her feel even worse. She was their miracle; their source of hope. 
     An immense wave of guilt washed over her as she recalled what she'd done that morning. She realized how selfish she had been; her life wasn't hers to take. It belonged to the crowds; to the fans; to the people who desperately needed their miracle to stay alive. She stood completely still on the sidewalk for a few moments, taking in the sight of the crowds all gathered there for her.
     Mukashi spoke so that only she could hear.
     "Miya, you're not smiling."
     His words broke her out of her stupor, and she put on her famous smile. The crowd cheered even louder as she resumed her performance and started walking down the carpet cheerfully. She twirled slightly once she was halfway along the carpet. Her entire walk was practiced and airy, making it appear as if she were almost floating over it instead of walking on it. Miya took solace in the songs the crowd sang and the cheers, and for a few moments she believed in herself: she was Miracle Miya, the perfect K-Pop idol; a girl who had ascended beyond mortal limits and become practically divine. 
     Once she made it to the glass doors of the convention center, she spun around on her heel and looked out over the crowd. It started chanting her name as she let her gaze wander over the various people. There were people holding signs with her name on them, and even some signs that had memes about her on them. Her love of tacos, as a publicly known fact, had led to the creation of a meme where she was wearing a sombrero and asking for 'Co-Miya' as a play on the Spanish word for food. She smiled as the crowd looked at her. 
     The doors opened behind her as Mukashi stepped past. She winked at the crowd one final time, then spoke loudly, projecting her voice as well as she could. 
     "Pray for a Miracle!" She clapped her hands together as if she were offering another prayer. Before she could drink in the crowd's adulation for much longer, she turned back around and entered the convention center. 
     The doors closed behind her with a soft thud. Her heart fell with the same sound, but only she could hear it. Mukashi spoke to her as they walked deeper into the nearly-empty convention center, navigating the halls with practiced ease.
     "Miya, I will not be allowed into the same room as you." He said as they turned a corner and entered a hallway that ended in a set of double doors that were guarded by several security personnel.
     "W-what? Why not?" She asked, surprised. 
     "This is an event 'for idols only.' As your manager, I will be meeting with other people in my position and discussing things with them." He said calmly, then added after a pause. "Casually."
     Miya anxiously looked at the oncoming double doors that led into the 'Grand Ballroom.’
     "Where will you be?" She looked towards him, suddenly afraid that he'd leave her alone.
     "I will be within Hall B." He saw how she looked at him. He began to feel something as she stared at him with her eyes wide, and so he quickly looked away. "You have your own cellphone. Do not hesitate to call me if you think my presence is necessary." 
     They now stood in front of the security personnel. Miya patted one of the hidden pockets of her dress, feeling for her phone. She found it and gripped it tightly through her fabric as she looked towards the double doors leading into the Ballroom. 
     "It will be beneficial for you to speak with others of your profession Miya." He said candidly. 
     She nodded absently, then glanced back at him. 
     "Mukashi is this... is this event going to be publicized?"
     Mukashi looked confused about her question. Once she recognized his facial expression, her heart sank even further. Her grip on the cellphone loosened.
     "Of course it will be. Why would you ask?" 
     Miya knew it was too good to be true. There was no chance of her having a real conversation. Her stomach churned as she realized that the same would probably be true of her 'day off' on Thursday: she wouldn't have to do anything, but everything she did would be recorded, curated, broadcasted, and posted all the same. 
     She forced her false smile back onto her face and looked at him.
     He knew it was not real, but he couldn't dwell on that fact at the moment.
     "No reason!" She said with a chirp.
     She turned around and stepped past the security guards. They let her pass without a word and opened the door into the Grand Ballroom for her. She didn't turn back to glance at him as the doors shut behind her with a heavy clunk.
     Mukashi thought he felt regret once more when he realized that she hadn't looked back, but before he could process that fact, he whirled around and started walking towards Hall B. It wasn't normal for him to feel things like that. He exhaled slowly as he left the hallway and turned into the main area that led to where the idol managers were meeting. 
~~~
     Miya stepped into the Grand Ballroom with a smile and waved. Some of the idols waved back, others shrugged slightly, and a few didn't acknowledge her entrance at all. There was a smattering of finger foods available for consumption, though Miya wasn't particularly excited to eat anything. She wandered aimlessly through the Grand Ballroom, occasionally being stopped by other idols who were eager to take selfies with her in order to boost their own popularity. 
     She didn't mind that; she'd done the same thing when she was still up-and-coming. She smiled with the all-male group 'THRICE' when they posed around her, acting as if they were bowing down to her. She feigned a laugh when the singular female idol 'Yohyon' told her a joke that Miya knew had to have been practiced for hours beforehand. When the all-female group 'WHITEBLUE' asked if she wanted to take a selfie with them, she smiled and went along with their request. 
     So it was the same as every other day. She put on a performance for everyone around her. She had a completely fake conversation with another singular idol 'B-Hyun' about animals they thought were cute that ended with a predictable 'argument' that was reconciled only when the male idol 'Pay Shark' stepped between them with a smooth compliment that was obviously intended to make them both fawn over him. Miya played along, knowing that "Miracle Shark" was one of her most popular idol ships. Once her little discussion with B-Hyun and Pay Shark was over, she looked at the two of them in silence for a few moments as they walked away from her.
     She barely knew either of them. 
     Were they just as lonely as her? Did they have friends outside of work? Did they have managers like Mukashi, or were their managers less involved? Despite being an idol, she had no idea what the others were really like. 
     To her, just like to the fans, K-Pop artists weren't people. 
     However, unlike the fans, she didn't see them as idols; to her, they were competition. 
     The entire gathering was just another competition. Another chance for them to show each other up and compete for the attention of the fans. 
     She wished that wasn't the case. 
     Someone stepped close to her, and she felt her heart slump as she realized she'd have to go back to feigning a conversation with someone. She turned around with a smile.
     "What are you up to?" She said, then realized who she was looking at.
     Fofu was staring up at her with her hands on her hips.
     "Whaddup Miya?" 
     Miya's smile didn't tighten; she didn't even wince. She'd been trained too well to do that. Instead, she forced her feelings down into a pit in her stomach and responded cheerily.
     "Not much Fofu! I've been busy preparing for my latest album 'Heaven Sent.' What have you been doing recently?" Her voice sounded perfectly natural. 
     Fofu smirked and put her hands behind her head casually. She was one hundred and fifty three centimeters tall compared to Miya's height of one hundred and sixty five centimeters. 
     "Well Miya, I've been thinking about fallen angels."