Chapter 13: The Great Laundry Skirmish

Saturday is laundry day. It’s a simple chore. I separate the whites from the colors, I put them in the machine, I add detergent, I press start. It’s a meditative process.

At least, it used to be.

I am walking down the hallway with my laundry basket when Ayumi intercepts me like a linebacker.

"I'll take that!" she chirps, snatching the basket from my hands before I can react.

"Ayumi, I can do my own-"

"Nonsense! A good little sister handles her brother's domestic burdens so he can relax and be happy!" She starts rifling through the basket right there in the hallway. "Oh, I see you're almost out of your favorite socks. I'll make sure to use the extra-soft fabric softener on these."

Suddenly, a hand shoots out from the adjacent doorway and grabs the other side of the basket. It’s Azuwa.

"Your washing methods are antiquated, Ayumi-san," Azuwa says, her eyes narrowed. "You mix synthetic blends with pure cottons. It ruins the fabric integrity over time. If we truly want Takeshi-nii to be happy, his clothes must last. I will wash them using the proper, separated cycles."

"Let go! I've been washing Onii-chan's clothes for years!"

"And that's why his favorite t-shirt is slightly faded. Amateur work."

While they are tugging the basket back and forth, Inoue cartwheels—literally cartwheels—down the hall and lands perfectly between them.

"Stop fighting! You're both wrong!" Inoue declares, grabbing a pair of my jeans from the basket. "Idol clothes need special care! We have this super amazing detergent from Korea that makes everything smell like sunshine and rainbows! Oppa wants to smell like a K-Pop star, right Oppa?"

She buries her face in my unwashed jeans and takes a deep sniff. "Mmm, even dirty, Oppa smells nice!"

"Inoue, that's creepy! Stop sniffing my brother's pants!" Ayumi shrieks, horrified.

"It is unsanitary," Azuwa agrees, looking mildly disgusted. "Give those back."

"No way! I'm taking these to the special idol washing machine!" Inoue turns to run, but Ayumi tackles her. The laundry basket upends, scattering my clothes all over the hallway floor.

Just then, Hina walks out of her room, dressed in a stunning weekend outfit, holding a cup of coffee. She looks at the pile of clothes, then at the three girls wrestling on the floor over a grey t-shirt.

"You know," Hina drawls, taking a sip of her coffee. "There's nothing less aesthetic than seeing people fight over dirty underwear. It’s really ruining the vibe of my Saturday morning."

My face heats up. I realize that right on top of the pile, prominently displayed for everyone to see, are my boxer shorts.

Ayumi sees them at the same time. Her eyes widen. "The sacred undergarments!"

She lunges for them, but Azuwa is faster. She snatches them up between two fingers, holding them away from her like they might be radioactive, but unwilling to relinquish control.

"These require a delicate wash cycle," Azuwa states, her face perfectly stoic despite the intense blush rising on her ears. "Thirty degrees Celsius, low spin."

"Give them to me!" Ayumi wails, scrambling up. "Only a sister has the right to handle such intimate items!"

"That logic is deeply flawed!" Azuwa retorts, backing away.

"I bet they'd look cute if we tie-dyed them!" Inoue suggests helpfully from the floor.

I can't take it anymore. The mortification is too much. I march forward, snatch my boxers from Azuwa's hand, and hastily gather the rest of my scattered clothes back into the basket.

"I am doing my own laundry," I announce, my voice cracking slightly. "No one else touches this basket. Ever. Is that understood?"

They all look up at me from their various positions on the floor.

"But... we just wanted to make you happy by doing your chores," Inoue whimpers, giving me puppy-dog eyes.

"If you want to make me happy," I say, clutching my basket protectively to my chest, "you will never, ever touch my underwear again."

I turn and speed-walk to the laundry room, locking the door behind me. I sit on the floor next to the washing machine, listening to the muffled sounds of them arguing over who 'ruined' the Happiness Laundry Operation. I never thought I'd have to defend my right to wash my own boxers, but here we are.