Chapter 24: The "Touch Therapy" Disaster

"Takeshi, you look stressed," Hina says, looking at me over the top of her fashion magazine.

"I live in a house with five chaos demons. Yes, I am stressed."

"I have the perfect solution," she says, snapping her magazine shut. "I was reading about 'Aesthetic Touch Therapy'. It centers the soul through grounding physical contact. Very trendy right now in Milan."

"Absolutely not."

"Too late! Girls, assemble!" Hina calls out.

They appear from various corners of the house like they have been waiting for this signal their whole lives.

"Therapy time?" Inoue asks, cracking her knuckles excitedly.

"We are grounding his soul!" Hina declares. "Okay, Takeshi, sit on the sofa. You need to be the anchor."

I am pushed onto the sofa.

"Okay, Azuwa, you take the left arm. It represents logical stress. You need to squeeze it firmly to release the tension."

"Understood," Azuwa says, looking dangerously serious. she wraps both arms around my left bicep and squeezes. Hard. "Releasing tension now."

"Ow! Azuwa, that's a tourniquet, not a hug!"

"Inoue, right arm. Represents creative energy blockages. Shake it loose!"

"Aye aye, Captain!" Inoue grabs my right arm and starts vibrating enthusiastically. "Shake, shake, shake the stress away!"

"Izuwa, you are the emotional center. Hug him from behind. Gently. Like a calming breeze."

Izuwa blushes but complies, wrapping her arms softly around my neck from behind the sofa. "Is... is this okay, Takeshi-kun?"

"It's strangulation, but it's the nicest strangulation I've had today," I wheeze.

"And Ayumi," Hina directs. "You are the heart anchor. You need to- wait, where is Ayumi?"

"BANZAI!"

Ayumi launches herself from the coffee table, flying through the air like a heat-seeking missile. She lands directly on my lap.

"OOOF." All the air leaves my body.

"HEART ANCHOR DEPLOYED!" Ayumi cheers, wrapping her arms and legs around me like an octopus. "I am grounding him! I am grounding him so hard right now!"

"Hina..." I gasp, my vision starting to spot. "Help..."

Hina surveys her work with a critical eye. "Hmm. The composition is a bit cluttered. Azuwa, tilt your head five degrees to the left. Inoue, less vibration, more static clinging. Ayumi, you look desperate, try to look more 'ethereal'."

"I AM ETHEREAL HAPPINESS!" Ayumi yells directly into my chest.

"There. Perfect," Hina says, pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of me drowning in a sea of limbs. "This is going on my 'abstract art' story. We'll call it 'The Burden of Popularity'."

"I can't... feel... my toes..."

"That just means the therapy is working, Onii-chan! Surrender to the void!"