Chapter 28: The "Nursing" Incident

I stub my toe. That's it. I am walking into the kitchen, I misjudge the corner of the island, and bam. It hurts, but it's a standard, everyday injury.

"OW," I say, hopping on one foot for a second.

The response is immediate and overwhelmingly disproportionate.

"MAN DOWN!" Inoue screams from the living room.

Suddenly, I am swarmed.

"Onii-chan! Are you okay? Speak to me!" Ayumi is there, grabbing my face, looking frantically into my eyes.

"It's just my toe, Ayumi."

"He's in shock," Azuwa diagnoses gravely, appearing with a first-aid kit that looks big enough to perform field surgery. "We need to get him horizontal immediately to prevent blood from rushing to the injury."

"I don't think that's how toes work-"

They ignore me. I am forcefully carried—literally lifted by Azuwa and Inoue, who are surprisingly strong—to the sofa.

"We need to remove the obstruction to assess the damage," Hina says, looking at my pants. "Those jeans are too tight, they might be cutting off circulation to his foot."

"They are not! They're regular jeans!"

"Better safe than sorry!" Inoue chirps.

Before I can stop them, Hina and Inoue are unbuttoning my jeans.

"HEY! STOP! PANTS STAY ON!" I flail, holding my waistband for dear life.

"Stop resisting treatment!" Azuwa scolds. She settles for just yanking my sock off. My big toe is slightly red. "Hmm. Mild contusion. It requires immediate cold compression and elevation."

She lifts my leg and places my foot directly onto her lap, pressing an ice pack to my toe. She then starts massaging my calf. "I must stimulate blood flow in the surrounding area."

"That's not your calf, that's just my leg! You're getting awfully high up there, Azuwa!"

"It's medical!" she insists, blushing furiously but not stopping her hands from kneading my thigh.

"He looks pale," Izuwa murmurs, leaning over me. "Maybe he has a fever too? Pain can cause temperature spikes."

She places her forehead directly against mine to check my temperature. Her face is inches from mine. Her breath smells like vanilla.

"Izuwa, you're too close..."

"Hush," she whispers. "I need an accurate reading."

"I know what will make him feel better!" Ayumi declares. "The healing power of love!"

She climbs onto the sofa and lies directly on top of me, snuggling her head into my chest. "I will transfer my healthy energy to you through osmosis, Onii-chan!"

"That's just cuddling! Get off, you're heavy!"

"Shhh, you're injured. Just let us take care of you," Hina coos, sitting on the armrest and stroking my hair.

I am trapped on the sofa with a barely injured toe, pantless from the knees down, Azuwa massaging my upper thigh, Ayumi crushing my lungs, and Izuwa practically kissing my forehead to "check for fever."

I decide to just close my eyes and pretend I'm in a coma. It's safer than trying to move.