How it Feels to Lay it Bare

“Why the pen?” Anita asks.

“I dunno, I kinda panicked and picked the first thing I saw.” Ume replies, looking at the item clasped in her hand. “Maybe Tani could put it to good use.”

“I think it would make Tani happy.”

“You think?”

“Yes. He has a, um…” she pauses, scratching her head to pull out her next word. “A collection.”

Ume clenches the pen tightly upon hearing that.

“...Really?”

She didn’t know that about him.

“He uses a new one for each day. Hehe, he’s a weirdo.”

Hearing that comes as yet another devastating blow to Ume, a sharp, unwelcome stab in the already bruised and reeling core of her pride. And hearing that spoken in the slow and deliberate manner of speech that Anita uses has made the blow all the more powerful. This propels her towards letting out a batch of words she won’t be able to take back.

“Say, Anita-san… You and Tani have sure gotten quite close.”

“..?”

“When we first met, I asked you what you are to Tani…” Ume can no longer bear to look at her, and decides to try and hide her troubled face when she asks, “Are you really only friends?”

Perhaps unable to pick up on the very serious tone being sent her way, Anita tilts her head and playfully contemplates that question before answering, “I would say that we are good friends.”

Ume still doesn’t look up.

“I… I also asked if you like him, and you said that you did.”

“I do like Tani.”

“Do you only like him as a friend?”

“Huh?”

Ume fights against her next move as though she were someone on the edge of a cliff, teetering between the familiar safety of silence and the terrifying drop into confession. Her knuckles are white, strained from the sheer force with which she is clenching the fancy ink pen in her delicate hand.

It is a futile gesture; no amount of pressure on the inanimate object can stop the emotional train barreling down the proverbial mountain. The truth that she has never once said aloud to anyone, is a flood now--- a surging, irreversible torrent making its way up from the very core of her heart towards her mouth.

With a final, sharp intake of breath, Ume lifts her head and fixes her eyes on Anita. "I need to tell you something, Anita-san, and then I need you to answer that question again." she declares, the words emerging not as a question or a plea, but as a hard, undeniable fact. 

“I am in love with Tani.”

Anita’s shoulders seem to rise towards her ears as though the coldest wind possible has nipped at her nose in a sudden gale, her eyes widen and her face stiffens. But these ailments soften almost as soon as they have hardened, she deflates it all with a slow and steady exhale.

Her reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by Ume, and she continues to press on,

“I’m pretty sure that I’ve loved him since we were kids, but it took me a while to truly realize it. When we parted ways after middle school is when I knew for sure that I was something in my heart went missing, so I spent the last three years searching for it."

“....”

"When I finally found him, he was almost unrecognizable to me, and I thought I might have fooled myself into thinking that the missing piece of my heart had to do with him. But then you arrived, Anita-san."

Anita remains silent, her golden glare urging Ume to keep pressing forward.

“He's changed a lot since middle school, but in a fun way he's exactly the same person that he always was, all it took was for you to join his club and woila, the person that my heart has yearned for is right in front of me once again. I'm certain of my feelings now, and I don't think I can hide it from him any more."

"That's beautiful, Ume."

"Is it though? Because I think it has brought out something ugly, too."

"..?" 

“After all that time, the person I was longing after only became familiar to me once he met his beautiful new foreign friend... "

Now Anita can no longer look Ume's way, she guiltily slides her glance to the side and sucks on her bottom lip.

"This beautiful friend who now knows things about him that I’m still trying to learn... I'm scared of what that might mean, and I don't like how I view that, especially since I should have control over how I view that. ” Ume's declaration is delivered with a powerful, glowing energy, yet this intensity is undercut by a visible fragility. Despite that, she continues, "I’ve tried my best not to think too much about it, I’ve been so happy to just be around him again. So I don’t know if it’s only my insecurities or not, but I can’t help but feel like there is something more between you two. I'm sure that's the ugliest part of the whole thing.”

Anita clearly understood every word that had just been spoken to her, somehow and someway, and she didn't miss the tone this time. The revelation itself stirs many conflicting emotions within her, yet strangely, Ume’s confession brings her a measure of peace.

When she first made the decision to leave her home in Iceland and journey across the world to attend school in Japan, she carried with her a shortlist of non-negotiable goals. Paramount among these was the pursuit of pure, unadulterated enjoyment. She was determined to have as much fun as humanly possible, viewing the year-long sojourn as a precious once in a lifetime opportunity to seek personal delight. Even if circumstances dictated that she would spend the entire year in solitude, she had every intention of creatively engineering a way to be happy and engaged.

As fate, or perhaps the universe itself, would have it, she was not left to navigate this new world alone. A remarkable polyglot boy was delivered to her on her first day of school, and that boy quickly became the epicenter of her entire experience in Japan. Through him and the Languages club he created, her social circle blossomed into a small, but deeply appreciated cohort of new friends--- individuals she now genuinely looks forward to seeing and spending time with every single day.

Beyond the simple and straightforward quest for fun, she came to Japan with a strong conviction that she would do whatever it took to ensure she never, ever became an encumbrance or an obstacle in the lives of anyone she becomes acquainted with, friends or otherwise.

This principle is rooted in the stark reality of her situation. She knows with absolute certainty that she will be returning to Iceland once the academic year concludes and, assuredly, will never cross paths with them again.

In her idealistic view of a perfect world while here, she aspires to be more than just a passive friend. She yearns to actively contribute to their happiness and enjoyment, perhaps even helping her friends find the same level of infectious joy she experiences just by being here. Her time in this country is temporary, and she’s committed to spending it enriching theirs instead of complicating it.

This philosophy and the very sudden constellation of events have brought a clear answer to what could have almost been a tough, unintentional romantic complication had Ume not decided to speak her mind. What this all means is that the universe has played its hand, and the emotional ecosystem involving Tani and Ume has found its natural and destined equilibrium.

The two childhood friends have been reunited, and now they possess a lovely, promising future to look forward to--- a future that will continue long after Anita has become a distant memory.

With a gentle tilt of her head and a soft smile gracing her lips, she replies.

“I don’t like Tani the way you do.”

Finally, Ume can relax her grip on the pen and breathe a sigh of relief. But… she doesn’t, if anything, she looks even more uncomfortable, fiddling with a strand of hair behind her ear.

“...I see. I’m happy to hear that, but…”

Now Anita is confused, was her answer not good enough?

Ume stares holes into Anita’s very soul when she finishes, “Since you let me win at Shateki, I don’t know if I believe you.”

“..!!”

Anita didn’t see that coming, not one bit, and she stammers and squirms. Not because she can’t find the Japanese words to reply, but because she has been caught red handed in the act of her philosophy regarding the people around her.

“O-Oh… I… crap!”

“Do you feel bad for me or something?”

“N-No, it’s just…!”

“Did you not want to win?”

“U-Uhm! It's not that, it's... I… I don't have to win.”

“Ehhh, sounds shady.” Ume says with an awkward smile. “No one has to win, Anita-san. But you should always try your best if the person you’re competing against is trying their best as well. There’s nothing worse than an empty victory.”

“...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Ume steps directly in front of Anita and rests her hand gently on her shoulder, prompting eye contact. “Just be honest.”

Anita wouldn’t dare look her in the eye and lie to her right now. She only let Ume win at Shateki because it seemed like she really cared about winning. She simply thought that Ume would be the happier of the two if either of them had won, she honestly didn’t want to get in the way of that happiness. Instead she’s unintentionally made it worse.

As for the situation with Tani?

She wants to be honest with her about that too.

But, it’s a little more complicated.

“I don’t like Tani the way you do. Because I can’t like him that way.”

Ume is taken aback.

“You can’t?”

“No, I leave Japan soon, romance is irresponsible.”

Her accent and slow delivery of those words come across almost harsh.

“But that shouldn’t change thin---”

“It does.” Anita interrupts. “I will not be cruel.”

“....”

Her expression and eye contact add weight to the gravity pushing down on them. But when Anita softens her face into a smile, levity returns, along with it some air that can finally be breathed in.

“How about I help you with him?”

Ume is still a bit conflicted. Although she can now perceive the sincerity in Anita's words and intentions, a subtle, unidentifiable undercurrent troubles her. Sighing, she gives Anita the pen, steps back, and rests her now-free hand on her hip.

"Thank you, Anita-san, but I can’t accept your help. I can sense that there is more you are holding back, and maybe by the time Tani teaches you fluent Japanese, I will be able to understand your true feelings better. So I won’t be cruel either.

Now Ume smiles.

“You should be the one to give that pen to him so he can add it to his collection, you are the real winner. At least for today’s big game.”

“Okay.. I’m so---”

Ume interrupts her by clicking her tongue and wagging her finger.

“Ahh, okay! Next time, I will win fair and square.”

“Hehe good, now let’s go get some food before our break is over, I’m starving! How about we try some----”

Ume’s words abruptly die on her lips, her eyes widen and her face turns blue-white with shock, draining of all her color like a fast-moving shadow. Her gaze is fixed intensely on a point over Anita’s left shoulder, somewhere within the flow of the festival crowd.

A person is approaching. 

She immediately hides herself by pressing up against Anita, the momentum of her movement transferring a slight jolt.

Ume twists her body, pivoting a full ninety degrees to face a completely different direction. The change is so abrupt that Anita stumbles slightly, almost dropping the pen to ground before she could catch it.

Ume's entire frame is tense and coiled like a spring, her breath catching in her throat in shallow gasps. She seems entirely occupied with hiding herself well enough before whatever she had spotted, spots her back.

“What’s wrong?”

“...!”

She doesn’t answer, instead she remains silent as possible.

Anita follows Ume’s eyes to the source of her consternation, and comes upon a sight she would never have expected to see. It is Emilia Mazzoli, dressed cutely in her maid outfit with half her face hidden by the dark glasses they had given her earlier.

However, she is not alone.

Beside her is a boy their age, speaking with the vivacity of a close friend. His dirty blond hair is dyed, and he has piercings in both ears. He is dressed in a stylish manner, giving the distinct impression that he is trying excessively hard to be fashionable.

To be more succinct, he looks like the kind of guy who would never talk to Emilia. Most certainly not the type of guy that Emilia can so easily speak to in return.

Anita and Ume couldn’t quite hear what they’re talking about as they walk right by them, going completely unnoticed, but Emilia’s voice is heard loud and clear. She seems to be having a great time with him.

“Wow, Emilia has found a new friend?” Anita asks.

Ume squeezes Anita’s shoulders and looks deathly serious when she replies, “That guy is no good.”

“Huh?”

“I know him very well, he’s definitely up to no good!”

At this very moment, Charl and Mariko come running up to their side, huffing and puffing as though they were struggling to make their way through the crowd.

“Huahh~, fancy to run into you here.” Charl says, clasping at his knees in an attempt to catch his breath.

Mariko steps in between the two and point in the direction Emilia and the no named boy went before excitedly saying,

“You guys won’t believe what just happened!”

To Be Continued!