Sick In The Blues

“You can’t catch her!”

The strings bounce off the bass as my boots make the step.

“She’s the impossible sparrow!”

The crowd cheers on their beat with shades of blue light-stick waves crashing.

“Blue as the wide sky, her eyes eat away my sickness.”

The sweats drizzle down my neck as the bursting heat from the spotlight heats me again.

“I don’t know how to reach out.”

My hands trembled as the microphone hits my teeth.

“But you, my Bluesy will always be there!”

But, still managed to hit the high note at the end.

Because I am built like that.

“PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR BLUEY DUNES! FOR THEIR SECOND COMEBACK ‘SICK IN THE BLUES’!” The whole studio rises with their light-stick in awe and enormous loud rounds of applause come down on us.

Us?

You thought I was alone?

“HEY BLUESY! HOW DID YOU LIKE THE NAME DROP?” The guy with a high pitched voice now jumping all over me…… is none other than the youngest.

Our Maknae.

Tai.

His energetic spark made his outrageous, spiky spunk sapphire hair stood out of his way of vision… meaning he purposely hummed down on me because I ate his last caramel pops.

How childish behavior of his…. I mean he is sixteen. So, it’s no wonder.

But despite his age, he’s the tallest in the group.

With his 6’3 ft height, that cape of his makes full use of his height.

The MC kept on hyping him along with the crowd to show off his super hero moves in jumps and cartwheels. In between praying to God in Vietnamese, hoping he sticks his landing.

“Can’t wait for you all to listen to all of our B-sides as well. We put in a lot of work into it!”

The bowing maroon long haired guy is our main producer and lead songwriter-

“Umberto! Your Italian accent slipped again! You owe me again!” A blonde guy lifts up the blushing red in blue navy glimmer suit within a split second, reminding the audience about their ongoing antics once more. He was dead tired and the others were at 90%.

Yutaka, our second producer and songwriter, has known the blemished introvert since trainee days.

It’s no surprise that I see a couple of shipping shirts and posters here and there.

You can’t spell YUI without Yutaka and Umberto!

The golden retriever and a black cat!

YUTAKA & UMBERTO

No surprises there.

“That’s about it! What about your three other members?”

My heart dropped.

My pulse dropped.

My eyes are restricted by connections.

My reach out for help.

My G-

“Hello? Earth to Lane?” They called out to me.

My members.

Seriously, I need to keep it intact. I was a goner at that and not in front of thousands of listeners. Who knows how many people online viewed this cheap music program when their popular faves were on the ‘MUSICIANS’ program?

But now is not the time for this.

“Sorry, I kinda felt overwhelmed by the Blues’ support and some monkeys here. You know, I work part-time zoo keeping.”

There we go! The mishap got covered up by my on-the-spot humor and a quick glare at those animals for showing. Not only did I think it in nanosecond but hearing Bluesy's roar of laughter inflated my ego by a millimeter.

“HAHAHA! AS ALWAYS, NEVER EVER CROSS LANE’S LANE!” 

The MC, a dude in his forties, looks over and gets beckoned over.

“Well then! It was so nice having met you all for this comeback! Wishing you all the best for the Rankings!” We exchanged our thank yous and welcomes and collectively walked out of the stage.

That’s when reality punched me in the gut.

The moment we stepped off the bright stage, silence was a physical blow. The crowd’s roar was replaced by the sound of a crew member unplugging our microphone receiver with a dull thud. The staff were already coiling our cables, their eyes avoiding ours. The next group, all at sharp angles and cool indifference, waited to take our place.

“Hello!” We exchanged greetings and bowed down for encouragement to the girls and their staff.

“That joke was so on the spot!” Do-shin, the leader of DANNNAS, commented in the light of events.

“Thank you for the acknowledgment. Congrats on your comeback! Wish you the best, girls!” All the four of us fist bump all the girls in order of their names.

Do-shin, Aayaka, Nina, Nyika, Nora, Anna and Sofia.

The girls in their dark Gothic boots and drippy red lipstick took their places and rehearsed a bit before performing their latest comeback especially for Halloween: “Miss in Jack-Red”.

Too bad we couldn’t stay for long, but we did get a chance to hear it during practices at our shared company.

‘The Pleiades’.

It’s in the name of who debuted first.

And this beloved company was created by no other than the man right in front of me.

Who’s drenched in smoke and sweat, crumbs of food here and there and lots of gray hair?

I could feel in his stance the heaviness of how dreadful the news might have come.

I already devised a back-up plan.

“Boys, how was the comeback?” Finally, some tension eased in the break room.

“Tired, but we had fun! Especially Bluesy! They loved it! Didn’t you see, hyungs?”

Tai removed his jacket for the makeup artist to work their magic on his tanned skin so that they keep on making it paler day by day.

I really think that shade of blue really brings out the best of his natural beauty.

He sat in his seat while Yutaka kept dropping food down his throat.

Umberto was already cursing on his laptop, checking out our prerecording and other miscellaneous music. He took almost all of the sofa to the point that his legs were on my lap.

Not much of a strict leader, am I?

“Well, this episode will be ‘Watch Time’ last episode.”

The bomb was dropped.

“You-you!” Yutaka’s plastic tray of food fell down.

Tai leapt out of the chair and dashed behind the sofa.

“NO WAY! NOW HOW WILL WE EVER BE ABLE TO…?” Tai’s energy dropped to a new low.

He’s right.

For groups like ours that come from a newly founded company and other unknown companies, ‘Watch Time’ was our only gateway to recognition.

The reason was : it was a cheaper version of the popular ‘MUSICIANS’ program.

That program is the hot spot for all idols in this industry.

All the ones you could think of….

Daphne, Thr33, and Roy….

It’s our big dream to be able to play on the big screen across the whole nation.

While it may not seem like an issue as there are many other online or offline platforms performing, the ‘Watch Time’ has a reputed Ranking.

The Ranking.

Whichever group made it to the top 1 was guaranteed to make their debut on the ‘MUSICIANS’ program and their music would skyrocket with charm.

That’s how it went with Daphne.

The nation’s opera.

After hitting Top 1, her very own produced music was everywhere.

Her baritone was in every drama, commercial… you name it.

She’s my biggest inspiration for becoming an idol.

Her soft daunting ballad and atrocious range is something one can admire, not replicate it.

It’s the biggest achievement an unpopular or nugu group like ours could achieve.

Umberto and I knew what we had to do.

“So, then how did that thing work out?” Umberto with a straight posture sipped his boba tea with such grace that I just know how nervous he is.

His emerald eyes’ pupils are diluted, meaning he’s overthinking and his hand goes cold.

Even I am nervous as well but I gotta keep it strong for the family.

For the Bluesy.

“Wait, you two are awfully super calm in this. What’s going on?” The Blondie may seem aloof but it’s his keen intuition that gets his music taste on the high end.

Our boss made eye-contact with each one of us, and soon enough his guilt started to eat up.

“I am sorry, Umberto. It seemed there was some-”

“That I am a halfie? Jeez, no need to apologize for my origins.” He slopped back into his slump. Warmth came back in until the next announcement.

“Only Lane got accepted for the ‘IDOL LOTTERY’.”

“THE IDOL LOTTERY!” Both of them bled my ear to my core.

Yutaka is on my right and Tai is on my left.

What a great way to be pitted between the loudest people in the group!!

But, this isn’t good news.

This is a desperate way to maintain the popularity our group has right now in our current situation.

With three members on hiatus, anything can go wrong.

And that’s the case with IDOL LOTTERY.

It's a fan and idol dating show where a fan wins a lottery to go with the said won number of dates with the idol of the season.

But, at times… the show doesn’t filter the unwanted ones from the fans and things didn’t go smoothly and was cancelled for sometime before getting revived from the dead.

Oh, did I ever mentioned it’s live?

“ARE YOU INSANE? HYUNG, I MEAN NO DISRESPECT BUT THAT SHOW IS LANDMINE! YOU NEVER KNOW WHETHER YOU’RE GETTING A-A-A…..You Know… Sasaengs.” Tai had every right to call me insane considering my infamous past…. I did have 'fans', aka stalkers, visiting me from time to time.

Yutaka mumbled something quick under his breathe, probably a blame on his part for being inefficient to the team or whatever. It’s as negligible as the decimals after the numbers.

HYUNG! WE HIT TOP 100!

It brings back when he was the one to announce our debut in our practice room.

A gloomy stench wretched place of sweat and very rarely a hint of blood drops here and there needed a seemingly very naive, enthusiastic and optimistic persona of his.

It’s not like his chaotic nature ever caused any…..

WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SAY TIM-

ripples like ever….

You were the one-

any damage to our brand……

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING-

The memory came as quickly as light and vanished as soon as I took note of it like waking up from a dream. It may have been a long time but it’s ripples…..

They are here to stay.

Tai curled up on my lap with tears from his eyes. Yutaka turned and walked in circles, while his sharp features became duller than a rusted blade. Umberto was locked away in his own instrument, sneaking silent glances in between.

The comfortableness started to creep in and the blocks started to risen up again, causing the passer-byres to trip over their walks. Our brotherhood getting chipped by the company’s desperate ways to reclaim the debut spark we ignited, only now noticing the polluted dust particles that were left behind.

Finally poisoning the the people that got caught in it’s rapture.

Noticing the whole chaos unfolded, all of the people left us for the privacy required in the next few minutes. The door clicked shut, letting my mind finally take note of our surroundings. The usual dressing room with the black leather sofa, make up stations and the food vending machine right at the corner. The cold air conditioner worked through the damped sweat of our blue, compressed shirts and helped to regulate our body temperature down to a certain degree before the cold bit us back.

But that only made the air colder.

Breathing after the discussion felt exhausting, like we were finally coming up for air after being drowned for who knows how long. We just gotta keep on swimming to the surface. We already known how deep we have sunken, given our situation…..

We are doomed to disbandment anytime.

We don’t need to be reminded.

Now, we are very desperate for any opportunities given to us.

No choosing, just doing it is the new motto.

Desperate situation requires desperately needed bandage.

“Ah! Sir!”

And unfortunate for us, the world still continued to revolve without a care about our situation.

A man came in and whispered in boss’s ear, causing me to get startled over the new updates on the situation. Thankfully, boss just shook his head and his mouth managed to stretched out what it seemed to try for a smile. He motioned for us to stand up for the man and started to speak in Korean.

“Ah! This is Lane?”

“Yes sir, the very contestant for your show!”

I made my eyes known to this exact man and fully memorize the man’s whole attire.

Vertile sneakers? Check.

Overcoat from Louise? Check.

And a very oversize golden 24k carat gold worth of gold chains, rings and watches?

Check in all box….

We have the main executive producer and director of the show : Choi Bo-Gum.

As I had predicted it, he always carried the iconic silver sword necklace around his neck.

For double checks, of course.

In a respectful bow (a less than 90 degree bow that crushed the last remaining spinal cord or backbone last cells and it’s family line) and formally greeted him (obviously a glazed, respectful, up-to the standards of the elderly) in Korean (probably made three pronunciation mistake in just saying hello).

“Hmm, you’re very uptight with formalities considering your backgrounds.”

That jolted my back.

They are doing a background check on my upbringing?

Obviously for the drama show.

“But, either ways. Considering your looks and asset, we can book you a slot on the lottery for an episode and a half. Most probably a double date.”

They were watching me during the promo?

An episode and a half? What even is that?

Double date? Me and who’s the another unlucky dude?

“Well, either ways good job on your comeback. And Lane, the production starts in 48 hours. Make sure you get to the studio. My team will give further information on the said. Till then, keep in touch.” The hand was literally a disco ball.

It shined all the lights in all directions, even going further to spilling it into different wavelength.

His exhausting presence took many years off of boss, considering how paler he even became after the producer started to leave.

“By the way, the host….aah what was his name? Oh well, whatever, he told you guys to get to the main stage for the Ranking.” He gave out a peace sign before closing the door behind him. The tension only build up given how he personally came in person to check me out.

It left out a bitter taste in my mouth.

As soon as he left the room, we all sank back down into our sit as the wave of the tension just crashed upon us, finally weighting us down with the premise of our downfall.

But even then the nausea feeling just kept going deep into my throat making me gag up a little while boss collectively took in charge of fixing up Tai’s makeup and Umberto with Yutaka. Seeing the familiar warmth swam it’s way into the room did some control as I dust off my knees and started to help them with their attire fit check.

It was only when Yutaka pointed it out that I was bit my skin off my thumb.

The blood dripped it’s crimson waves over my thumb and it vanished instantly as the stench of the well-known iodine made it presence known. The the cotton swab was soaked in reddish-orange hue that kept dripping, till boss had to take me to the sink to disinfect and clean up.

“Umberto, take the guys to the stage for the Ranking. We will be right behind you guys right after I am done with Lane.” Without any dispute Umberto dragged the two wailing pups out the door begging to carry to the stage upon my self inflicted injury.

“Lane, you need to keep yourselves in check or else…” The boss stuttered in between the nagging but that didn’t interfere with the tightly wounded bandage around my thumb. He may be in his early forties, and yet that didn’t slow down his energetic care for us all.

But now that we are alone, he can finally drop his strict facade and be casual with me.

In this case, have a race with me to the stage.

“Uncle, don’t worry. I promise you we will get good news in the upcoming days. Heck, I bet you that a good new is happening right now.” I huffed in between my breathing exercises while boss just barely kept dashing. I do feel bad for making the man do laps around the studio.

“Oh yea! Then I will take you guys out on dinner!” He crashed down the nearest chair possible as I crisscrossed my way across the wires and through the dark backstage and hopped onto the stage just in time for the Ranking announcement.

“AND THIS TIME WINNER FOR THE RANKING IS THE DANNNAS!” The whole studio roared with screams and shouts over our sisterly group’s first win.

I faced towards the boss in the shadows and gave my usual didn’t-I-tell-you-that smirk.

He gave a very shaky thumbs up and mouthed back : we will talk later.

He motioned to keep my still face in the crowd and, as always, act it out.

The boys were right behind the girls making so many gestures and mimicked all their gestures.

Yutaka and Umberto replicated Aayaka and Nina’s cry hug while Tai was getting flying punches thrown from Nora, Anna and Sofia.

Didn’t I lecture them about the stage mannerism and etiquette?

Either ways, this is a very good news for our company in a very long them and I should let them have their fun.

I mouthed congrats to the now hyper-active Nyika while Do-shin gave her speech in English. All the other idols gave their thanks and congrats to both of our groups for today’s event as if we haven’t been in the spotlight not too long ago.

Even in the midst of dating rumors, we finally let our ground down and exchanged few words here and there.

Thankfully, I was let off of my zoo keeping job for today.