Chapter 8: I Still Have A Heart, Huh?

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience! Please forgive me for my tardiness!"

Those were the first words I spoke as the automatic door opened. Apologies before greetings, yes, because I expected our store manager to be here, but as I raised my head from the deep bow, I realized that I was lucky tonight.

"Laaaaaaaaaate~"

Miyami-senpai was standing behind the counters, arms crossed and looking at me with a bubbly mock anger and pout. I looked up, and judging by the clock on the white wall, I was an hour late already.

"I'm sorry, Miyami-senpai."

"I missed you, you know." she smirked, playing with the ends of her twin braided hair. "I thought you already ditched me after having a beautiful little sister as your playmate dealing with your morning boners."

I cleared my throat on instinct.

“...Do you have breaks when it comes to teasing?”

“So you’re not denying it, huh?” she grimaced.

“I’m trying to tell you to stop.”

“How can I stop assuming if you’re this late?”

Does being late automatically mean I'm doing things beyond social conformity?

“I injured my foot at P.E classes earlier. Is that a justifiable reason?”

I limped to the counter and fumbled through the cabinets. As I was in the middle of changing into the store uniform, Miyami-senpai spoke in a sing-song voice again.

“Hmm…seeing my cute junior walk like that…I think I can forgive you.”

“Thanks then, sadist clerk.”

“But you still owe me big time, Kaede-kun.”

I straightened up and looked at her annoyingly bright pout.

"That’s why I’m apologizing for the inconvenience I caused you. I wish things went otherwise but today was just…unfortunate.”

She gave me a frown as if studying me.

“If you really mean it, Kaede-kun, then hug me tightly as a compensation."

“Come again?”

She smiled and spread her arms dramatically.

"Right here, my dear junior. Be sure to make it long and warm! That’s the best apology a girl could ask for.”

She puffed out her chest and I already regretted looking at it. I just lectured myself earlier about not seeing people I care for in a bad light.

"Rejected. I don’t want to be fired for harassment.”

"It's not harassment if it means to spoil your senpai. Besides, my warmth could possibly heal that pain in your foot, tee-hee."

I didn’t even bother responding. If I gave her attention, it would only add oxygen to the fire.

So I just walked away and sat near the chips rack and arranged the fallen items carefully to their spot. Dragging out the silence might extinguish her amusement.

But for heaven's sake, the greatest pest of Egao Mart decided to follow me around, continually tormenting me with her unacceptable requests. Even though she dialed the intimacy down to just holding my hands, I refused to be tempted by her poison.

Instead, I offered her a similar kind of poison that she probably can't reject.

"I’ll buy you coffee instead,” I muttered.

The words slipped out more naturally than I intended, and Miyami-senpai’s eyebrows shot up in delight.

“Ho? Did I hear that right? Kaede-kun offering to take me out? And here I thought you were immune to the charms of womanhood?"

“Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s just compensation.”

She propped her chin on her palm, giving me a long, exaggerated sigh.

"You’re going to make me cry. Do you know how many girls would kill for a junior who offers them coffee on a rainy night?”

“I’m not interested in statistics.”

She chuckled, and that was that—the banter ended with her victory.

***

Immediately after our shift, we landed at a coffee shop near Funabashi station. It's the type of shop that only the best explorers would find. Or maybe not...it's probably because most sane people were home already.

We found a corner seat. I placed the cappuccino and chocolate mousse cake in front of her before sitting across with my own black coffee.

It took me five thousand yen overall.

"Mmm~perfect!” as she took the first bite. “See, you do know how to treat a woman. You’re already leagues ahead of half the boys in my year~”

"I already saw a 5 year old order a vanilla tower for their parents from a menu. Bare minimums aren't achievements."

“It is,” she shot back immediately, lifting the cup to her lips. “Trust me, once you’re my age, you’ll see how low the bar actually is.”

I ignored the bait, and started sipping my classic coffee.

It's so bitter...

“So,” she said, her tone turning sing-song again, “do you have plans on the summer break, Kaede-kun? Maybe a family trip? Or…” she tilted her head, “are you just gonna laze around at home flirting with your new little sister?”

I nearly choked on my drink. I thought that she finally introduced a topic that doesn't include sibling romance and something that made sense, but that was just the half of it.

Miyami-senpai will always be Miyami-senpai.

“…I’ll be working most of the time."

“Boring. You should at least pretend to have fun once in a while.”

“I’m having fun working at Egao mart though.”

Hearing that, she leaned in with sparkling eyes.

“Was that because of me? How nice of you, Kaede-kun.”

I gave her a flick on the forehead.

“I’m having fun saving up my salary in order to secure my future."

"Or secure me new mangas?"

"Duh."

Summer break for me has no inherent value. It's just a period of emptiness stretched into six long weeks. Normal people might use it to take rests, go to places, spend time with family, but neither could match the value of just improving oneself through that period.

No, I'm not saying that everyone should follow the steps of a loner like me, I'm just devoured by the concept of individualism. I love money, I love work, and I love continuously improving myself. Somehow, I am fond of people attending cram schools during summer vacations, as that would be my second option after work.

“What about you? You’re graduating high school soon. Shouldn’t you be the one worried about plans?” I asked.

At that, Miyami-senpai's lips curved into a softer smile.

"That’s exactly why I asked. I’m kind of nervous, y’know? I'm forking between college, career, or just working at a hostess club at Kabukicho."

"Maybe you should focus on passing your final exams before thinking about the third option.”

"Ehe." she smirked theatrically. "Are you concerned by any chance, my charming junior? I can see it in your eyes."

"Concerned about your study habits, that is."

“You're correct, I’m not top of the class, but I never failed at anything. And hey, I am good with people. That’s gotta count for something in life, right?”

"No." I immediately replied. "Society tends to put intellect above everything else. Grades, results, achievements—they’re all tangible proof of value. You can be kind, cheerful, even skilled socially, but people will measure you by numbers.”

Her lips pursed. “So you’re saying that…”

“Intelligence is currency, Miyami-senpai. Without it, life only gives you scraps. And with it—” I exhaled slowly, realizing I was speaking too much, “—with it, life finally acknowledges you.”

Words came easier when I sank into logic. People like me—like her—are defined by what we can think, not what we can feel.

The only merit in this world is intellect.

While interpersonal relationships matter today, parts of the world prefer competence over social presence alone. Because in the end, life doesn’t reward kindness, honesty, or even perseverance. It only gives hints of opportunities, and one could only catch it if they're sharp and competent.

Silence settled between us. I wondered if I’d gone too far.

Then she sniffled, rubbing at her eye with a fake tear. “So that’s it, huh? My handsome junior doesn’t just see me as a woman, but now—he doesn’t even see me as a human.”

I closed my eyes, suppressing the sigh that threatened. “That’s not what I meant. I only said that because…if you want, I can lend you some books that might help you study better.”

"Heh?!" her face immediately lit up at my offer. "So what you’re saying is…we should have a private study session together at my place?!”

“…What?”

Her lips curved into a sly grin. “Don’t worry, I live alone. There will be no one to bother us.” She leaned forward, whispering conspiratorially. “We could really…focus on each other.”

My pulse jumped. “N-no. That’s not what I meant. I said I'm going to lend you books and not lend myself.”

Colors bloomed from her cheeks, and at the same time, she used her hand to cover the gasp that escaped.

"Oh my god! You jumped straight to that conclusion! Does that mean Kaede-kun has been…sexually attracted to his beautiful senior?"

“W-what…?!” Heat rushed to my face. My usual composure cracked like thin ice under too much weight. “That’s—that’s not—”

No—this cannot be salvaged. I really thought of it that way. The choice of her words have roused my implications, and if I'm going to look at it on the surface, there's no utter subtext beneath it.

It was me and the damned creativity of my head that betrayed me.

"You thought about it!" as she slapped the table, laughing. “You have! My serious, poker-faced junior has a dirty imagination after all!”

The redness deepened. I could feel it, double-crossing me. And when I caught my reflection faintly in the store glass, the evidence was undeniable.

Internally, I groaned. Why do I let her do this to me?

Somehow, this is proof that letting your heart into your brain can cause severe problems.

And Miyami-senpai, she's infuriatingly so good at making me do it despite myself.

I don't hate it though, if you're going to ask me what the corner of my mind screams—I’ll repeat it—I’m still a healthy highschooler, after all.

***

It was already past 10 PM when I got home.

As expected, it greeted me with silence. Though I wasn't sure why the lights were already off—we never had the habit of closing it even though we were already asleep, so it was rather unusual to see our house this dark. Strange because they're usually still awake around this hour, with Misaki-san sleeping the latest.

I immediately pulled out my phone and the notifications were filled with unread LINE messages. I expected it to be just messages about my subscriptions, but beneath it, there was a message I should have noticed earlier.

[8:04 PM] Shiori: Mama and Reiji-san are out for dinner together tonight.

[9:19 PM] Shiori: They were asking if you're already home. Should I lie to them?

[9:38 PM] Shiori: Where are you?

Seriously...what am I doing?

The weight of negligence pressed down on my chest. I hadn’t even seen Asahina-san's messages. I was too busy—no, I was too careless. I would've replied if I was busy, at least.

Miyami-senpai's teasing and laughter kept me dragging along—it had swallowed my attention completely. And while I was distracted, Asahina-san had been here, dealing with the awkwardness of covering for me.

I scratched the back of my head, also letting out a long breath in the process.

Asahina-san had asked if she should lie for my sake, a question that wasn’t really a question at all. It was a confirmation if it's fine for me to at least let her take a step across the line we had drawn, even if she had every reason not to.

I couldn't bear my own guilt, so I quickly headed to the bathroom and sank into the bathtub.

On normal days, music would've been my companion clearing the fog on my head, but tonight, the voices just wouldn't shut up.

It tells me that while I was wasting time, Asahina-san already adjusted to the situation and acted accordingly. It's awful remembering my own speech about how society only rewards intellect, and kindness is nothing in the face of merit. But was my argument flawed?

I sank deeper into the water, until it almost reached my chin. My chest tightened.

It's rather a bizarre case that I'm questioning my own vision. I'm not a fan of scolding and judgement, so I calculate the entirety of my actions as a matter of logic rather than my heart.

When I look at myself objectively, there is only one thing that's important—to prevent that incident from two years ago from happening again. That being said, it made me skeptical of Asahina-san's intentions from the start. Intellect over kindness it is, but sure, kindness prevailed tonight.

When you ask creative writers where this ‘kindness’ comes from, they would only say one thing—a thing I thought I already lost.

"...I still have a heart, huh?"

The water rippled softly as I mumbled those words. For a fleeting moment, I wished it would swallow me whole. If I drowned here, I wouldn’t have to face this kind of hesitation and contradictions toward that girl—the one I’m supposed to call my sister—forces out of me.

But of course, the water was only a bath. It couldn’t take anything away.

I leaned back, covering my eyes with one arm, waiting for the warmth to wash some of it off me anyway.

***

I only felt exhaustion when I finally emerged and changed clothes. In response, I immediately headed upstairs with a towel draped over my shoulders.

There was a strip of light bleeding from the crack of Asahina-san's door. For a moment, I just stared there aimlessly, thoughts standing between saying apologies or heading straight for sleep.

It's stupid, right? She was just awake and probably cramming for exams or messaging her friends. It's not my business, and seeing myself standing here, it's not me at all.

With a sharp exhale, I turned away and slipped into my own room.

The lights flicked on, illuminating the neat and familiar space. I pulled all the mess of textbooks I left below the bed and brought them to my study desk.

But something was already there.

A dish, covered with plastic wrap.

I tried to blink it out, pretending it was just drowsiness initiating hallucination, but after several more blinks, it stayed there. I looked closer and saw that it contained a serving of gyudon.

Steam had long since faded, but the aroma still lingered, rich and comforting. Beside it was a sticky note.

“Thank you for the umbrella.”

My breath caught, mumbling the same words again.

My chest thudded once at the thought.

She might have just cooked it out of gratitude, and the words written were a mere coincidence. Though remembering that she went for groceries just earlier, Asahina-san had planned this all along.

Why am I feeling unsettled? I was the one that requested this meal and she cooked accordingly, even days late. I was so used to her indifference that the idea of her obligated to return favors felt strangely awkward.

I set the note back down gently, staring at the faint reflection of the desk lamp in the plastic wrap.

Earlier, in the hallway, that sliver of light from her room seemed so frivolous yet it started to shape itself in my head differently.

Was that what we were?

Two people sharing a roof, separated by doors, walls, and years of silence, but connected only by little openings.

Does food connect people?

That thought surfaced yet again.

It's our agreement to keep our distance and live as strangers.

To eat this meal I requested and she made means I am accepting more than just her cooking. I am accepting something similar to that opening in her door, and the one that always threatened me on the first day we lived together as stepsiblings.