The Solve Everything Agency

“The Yamiyami Solve Everything Agency?”

Miharu didn’t seem to understand the idea I was proposing to her. We were discussing my plans for the future over a nice meal of spicy cup noodles, and I was trying to explain myself.

“Okay. So basically, you wanted to help people, right? The kid said I might also be good at that, and we both seem to have pretty excellent synergy with each other, so…” I said. “What if we made some money helping people? Like a private agent.”

Miharu blinked for a second, trying to process it. “But if I’m a spirit of hope and justice, should I really be charging for my services?”

“Well I’m a human of hunger and money, your needs and mine are a little bit different. I figured this is the best compromise. Plus, solving problems that we aren’t asked to solve can lead to a bit of a legal grey area.”

“I see. Still, I think we should keep our prices low because it’d be rude to deny people help if they couldn’t pay.”

“Well, the police are always an option if they need it that bad. I’ll just say I’m a bit more… specialized. If people are willing to pay for my services, then they really need it. We can focus on more important things that way.”

I had finished my cup noodles and threw them into the garbage. I was still hungry though, taking a beating really did a number on my stomach. I headed to the fridge to look for something else to eat. In the meantime, I continued my conversation with Miharu. “You know. You never really bothered to explain to me what exactly you do to my body that makes me able to do all of that weird… magic stuff.”

“I just enter your energy flow,” Miharu said. “I was looking for a human to help me out because as the cop guy said, most of the normal people here are really difficult to possess.”

“Why so? Is it because humans are weaker or whatever?”

“More like… their bodies are more flexible? I dunno. But it works a lot easier. All of your weird powers are just from you channeling my energy throughout your body. I have a lot of it, so you can do some crazy stuff.”

“Well, I don’t mind playing a superhero sometimes, so thanks. Even if we’re now intrinsically bound by our souls or whatever.” I had spent way too long looking in the fridge, so I just took a cup of yogurt and began eating. “Regardless, I think the Yamiyami Solve Everything Agency is a banger, so we should begin working on that as soon as possible.”

“Do you even have an idea where to start?” Miharu asked, crossing her arms.

“Well… considering how dangerous this city is, I think I might need some extra firepower for any jobs I might take on.” I began to think for a second. “And I think I’ve got just the thing.”

***

“What the hell is that?!” Miharu exclaimed as I found the thing I was looking for. I had to search through multiple boxes in order to find it.

A sawed-off double barreled shotgun. A beauty to the eyes. I spun it around like a toy, before accidentally dropping it, woops. “Yeah, this would definitely work great against any unruly attackers.”

“Are you serious? Why do you even own that? You’re going to be sent to jail!” Miharu began to rudely accuse me.

“Relax. It’s not even a real gun. It’s a prop I took from my dad because I thought it looked cool. It looks pretty realistic though,” I said.

“Still! If you walk around with that you’re going to be put in cuffs immediately! What kind of teenaged girl walks around with a shotgun?!”

“I just need to not get caught. Plus, isn’t this an amazing deterrent for any problems? I point the gun at them and they rethink all their life choices. I don’t have to do much fighting and I get paid, seems simple enough.”

“But… It's a model gun. It doesn’t even shoot for real. Are you just carrying it around for intimidation purposes?”

“Well, I was hoping you could help me with that.”

There was a reason why I went to find this weapon in particular. Miharu’s energy wasn’t only limited to my own body, but also to the objects around me. The knife was an example, and it saved me from getting devoured. So I figured an even stronger weapon would do wonders.

“I’ve never even seen a gun like this in my life before. How do you expect me to channel my energy through that?”

“Well, let’s test it. Possess me for a second and we can try firing it off. I have a pretty good feeling about this.”

With a hesitant look, Miharu flew into my body. I had gotten used to her energy expanding through my veins every time she did that. With a stylish spin, not dropping the gun this time, I pointed my shotgun at a wall.

“If you could, make it quieter too,” I told Miharu mentally. I began to put energy into the weapon, attempting to modify it to my imagination. With a little bit of focus, thought, and effort… I heard a very loud…

BANG!

My ears were ringing after that shot, and I practically fell over from the recoil. The force of it felt like a punch straight into my arm, taking me off of my feet. Glowing green residue was left on my floor as I fell flat on my behind. “I SAID MAKE IT QUIETER!”

I had never fired a gun before. This first time may have been the scariest moment in my entire life, even beyond the murderous shrine maiden that I met yesterday. My entire shoulder felt like it was dislocated, and I couldn’t hear anything besides the ringing of the blast.

“You ask for a lot, you know that?” Miharu spoke. I felt her immediately begin to repair my dislocated shoulder and my deafened ears. Thank goodness. I didn’t want to suffer for a week just because of that. “I don’t even have a full grasp on how this works. Just a general vibe. At least your neighbors probably didn’t hear that, I quieted it that much at least.”

“We can only hope so…” I groaned, getting up. I looked at the aftermath, which was a hole in my floor. I probably should have thought about that before firing, but you live and learn. “But hey, that confirms that you can make it shoot. So, I suppose that’s a win for me.”

“You still want to use that thing?!”

“Yeah? Why not? I still stand by my original point, it’ll make any combat jobs a whole lot easier. I just… need to get used to it, that's all.”

“And you said I was the pain,” Miharu grumpily responded before leaving my body. Out of curiosity, I clicked the shotgun again, but it didn't fire. It truly was a Miharu-only ability. That was fine, we were going to be working together after all.

“I’ll bring a kitchen knife with me just in case the gun doesn’t work out,” I reassured Miharu. “I’d say this was an unprecedented success, really. Now, we just need to get the business working.”

***

I didn’t have money for an office, but I did know a way to make-do. I would turn my apartment into a temporary office during opening hours. The apartment came with two wooden partitions, which should hopefully hide both the kitchen and my bed.

It would look way better if I had a desk, but unfortunately that didn’t come with the apartment. So, I had to make do with my very low coffee table instead. I would have to kneel to talk to my customers. Just need to frame it as a traditional thing.

The final, glaring issue was the shotgun hole that I put into my own floor. That was my bad. I asked Miharu if she could do something about it, but she said that any fixes she could make would dissipate as soon as she left my body, so I would just have to deal with that. I should probably buy a carpet to cover it up later.

“Well, now that we’re done setting everything up, the plan now is to work on our branding.”

“Our branding?”

“Yeah. We need to market ourselves. I’m going to post online and stuff, and probably make some posters. Though…” I turned to the mirror and looked around. “Can you do something about my clothes?”

“Me?” Miharu asked. “What do you want me to do? It’s the same as the bullet hole. It’ll go away as soon as I leave your body.”

“No no no. It’s more like, I want a brand, right. I think having a unique outfit would really impress people, you know? If they see me running through the night in a cool costume then that gives me iconicity, at least.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Ugh, just, like. Whenever you possess me, can you… give me your cloak! Like, the cool flowing thing that you wear constantly, it would be great for the brand.”

“You want my cloak? I guess, but I’m not sure what practical purpose that would serve.”

“Just, trust me. Enter my body and give me your cloak while doing so.”

Miharu seemed confused, but she did so. Energy manifested within my body, but around it as well. Soon her cloak fluttered over my head, covering me like a hood. I turned to the mirror, and the red cloak also seemed to glow green as I wore it. That was nice, and I definitely looked pretty cute in it.

“Perfect. Now we can begin marketing.”

***

I spent the next two weeks marketing my new agency, interspersed between babysitting Yoshio. Posting online started as a good idea, though I didn’t really have the funds for an entire website yet. That made things a bit difficult.

However, Yamiyami’s section of the internet was so disconnected from the rest of the world, that it didn’t matter too much. The boards and communities were quite small, so I dropped some advertising and my office address where I could.

I also hand-drew posters, because printers were also out of the budget. I’m not a fantastic artist, but according to both Miharu and Yoshio they thought I was passable. In my off-time, I ran across the city placing the posters at nearby grocery stores and telephone poles. Luckily, I didn’t run into that soulhunter again, though with my trusty shotgun, I’d be ready if she ever did come knocking.

My advertisements specified what I planned to do, which was a lot. Investigating suspicious people, finding lost pets, romance advice (I probably wasn’t qualified for this but whatever), and bodyguarding, all at a negotiable price point. This was the Yamiyami Solve Everything Agency after all, so I needed to cast a wide net.

The issue was, after two weeks of doing this, I still had ZERO clients. Absolutely none at all. It wasn’t like I didn’t try, because I did. It’s just that people weren’t coming. I realized that my savings account only had one more week left in it at this point, and I was counting on someone to walk through my apartment door.

“Maybe this is a bust,” Miharu said as we waited in my office for someone to come. “We should just help people for free and earn money with an actual job.”

“No. This is gonna work,” I responded resolutely. I could get a normal, boring job but I frankly didn’t want to. Nothing against office-workers, but deciding my own hours and pay sounded great. Plus, I still had one week left. If I could just get one customer, then surely word of mouth will spread.

“Yeah, but maybe word of mouth will spread if you do it for free too,” Miharu argued back.

“But then people will get upset if I start charging them after. It’s a fine balancing act that you need to understand, Miharu.”

“Whatever you say.”

The two of us continued to wait for a long time. Two more hours passed, and nothing happened. It looked like this was going to be another day of waiting for nothing to come.

“I think we should call it for today. We need to babysit Yoshio tomorrow,” Miharu said.

I let out a sigh, another failed day. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Maybe tomorrow was going to be better. I was just waiting for one, just one, to have this plan take off. It would be a waste of this bond if it didn’t.

I began to move the partition walls to reveal my drab apartment once more. I then collapsed into bed, to begin drifting off to sleep. Until…

A knock on my door rang out, to which I shot up immediately.

“Hello? Is this the Yamiyami Solve Everything Agency?”