Broken Promises

"The fighting, what little there was, had been going on for only two months. The terrorists' attacks that the machines had launched in full force quickly stopped only a week before the first deployment. During the heat of the moment no one took notice, but time had now passed and it was becoming clear that the machines had no means to fight back anymore.”

Herbert Stein, Machine Historian -

The air between them grew thick as Kiyoshi pondered his next move. He had seen and dealt with Satoru in the past like this knowing how this could easily go on for an hour without so much as a word. It was difficult the first couple times since Kiyoshi was more cautious and inexperienced in dealing with him. However, their years gave him some leverage that otherwise would have shattered everything. "You going to say something soon?" It was abrupt and straight to the heart of the matter. Kiyoshi knew the dangerous game he was playing, but Satoru was wound too tightly to be gentle this time.

Satoru flipped his eyes up with his head soon following, a little surprised at the brashness that he was showing. It seemed a little insensitive, not that he was concerned about how sensitive another guy was with him. "Kiyoshi!" Even still, he couldn’t help but act shocked by the piercing thrust.

Kiyoshi paused reading Satoru's face for a moment before continuing. "I know you well enough, Satoru. You're troubled, but you don't really want to talk about it. You're going to try to internalize it and get around it. I've seen you do this before. Hey, I'm your friend, who else can you tell if you can't tell me?" He managed to pull back from directly confronting him to approaching his friendship. It seemed like a cheap cliché card to play, but if it worked that was all that mattered.

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier to talk about." The light was focused on him again making him shift around in his chair. The sweat that was building over his skin only made his nervousness more apparent to him. 'What would he think if I told him? He is my friend, but still he is human…why can't I trust him?' The images of the rabid people that attacked him entered his mind. They were twisted with fear of the unknown and not understanding. His shoulder shot a dull pain through his arm making him remember the suffering that he endured at the opposite end of the sword of fear.

The world was going crazy around him and it seemed that sanity was quickly being lost. He couldn’t even make heads or tails of what was happening anymore. It was spinning too fast out of control for him. Ever since the first war humans have hated machines. 'He's human…I've known him too long not to trust him.' Satoru looked at Kiyoshi carefully hoping to find the answer that he was looking for, but failed. The answer he needed wasn’t to be found simply by staring blankly. He had to take a step. "How should I say this?"

"Start with what is easier and it'll become easier to reach what you don't want to say," Kiyoshi said glad to see that Satoru was starting to open up. His curiosity was growing the longer that Satoru held out. Satoru was his friend, but there was still the human desire to know that had him almost excited to know what it was troubling him. It was a feeling that he suppressed the best as possible.

"That is not very helpful." If there was actually an easy way for him to talk about it he would have much sooner than this. Nothing that he did could possibly make it any easier for him. This wasn’t the sort of thing that could ever be said lightly. He knew how much it would change things; it already did for him more than he wished to admit. "There is no real easy way to approach it."

"I can't be helpful without knowing the situation." He was trying to be honest and helpful, but all he could do was be vague until Satoru started giving him something to work with. The first steps were always tricky and Kiyoshi preferred to think that he was through the worst of it. However, he knew that there was still the chance that Satoru could bolt for the exit. He worried that if that did happen if he would be able to talk him down again.

"That is even less helpful. I thought you were supposed to be my friend," Satoru said, not sure if he was actually complaining or just feeling like he was being put on the spot by someone that he knew too well. It didn’t make his sweating any better as he could feel his shirt moistening from the heat.

"I am your friend, but I am also going to be honest." Kiyoshi gave a small grin as he transitioned to his next sentence. "Would you rather I agreed with everything you said?"

"Smart-ass." Satoru didn’t even hesitate, but he couldn’t help but have a slight grin as well. This was his best friend. They had been through plenty together and knew how each worked.

"Guilty."

'Lightening the mood…I do feel a little better.' The sweating had suddenly disappeared in the brief moment of relief that Satoru had. It wasn’t enough to make him laugh, but the passing smile removed the doubt in his mind. He was ready to talk and just hoped that it would all turn out fine. "You ever do something not thinking much about it, but discovered later that it was forbidden?"

"That's rather vague." It felt like progress. Starting with a question was always a way to try to redirect focus from the real problem that affected the person while still distantly keeping on track. Kiyoshi knew this, but he also knew that he would have to go along with it to get closer to the truth. "I think we all have at some point. It's human nature to explore the unknown and the taboo. It's our curiosity."

"I guess you're right about that." A slightly comforting thought for Satoru, but it felt more like he was accepting it as an answer to minimize the trouble that he was in. This spurred conflicting thoughts in his mind rekindling the fire that had been burning since this all began that night. Satoru's hands tightened around each other trying to come to an answer that he would never have.

Kiyoshi wasn’t going to allow it to end so simply though knowing that this was part of a larger issue. It was a time to push a little more and watch the results. "And what about you? Have you done something that is forbidden?" He knew that Satoru still wished to avoid the matter even if he was talking now. Whatever was troubling him would be let out eventually.

His hands stopped suddenly at the question from Kiyoshi. He had watched Kiyoshi walk around the question while still providing a meaningful answer. Satoru wasn’t ready yet. "Well like you said everyone has." Their eyes crossed paths remaining locked on the other watching and burrowing into the soul for answers. Neither could pull away.

"You're evading the question," Kiyoshi said coldly almost expecting this to happen. An indirect question answered with an indirect answer. 'Should expect an indirect answer back. If I didn't know that he was being evasive, I'd think he was mocking me.' He couldn’t let Satoru off so easily. The fact that he asked such a question was enough to get him thinking. If he had truly done something so forbidden all his actions up till now made sense. "Even if it is forbidden, I'm not here to judge you. I'm here as your friend."

"But…" The feeling of being cornered pervaded him so well that it seemed as though he was in a crowded intersection unable to cross. Satoru knew that this was the reason that he came, but that didn’t make it any easier for him. Knowing didn’t change the fact that this had to be the most difficult thing to say to his best friend. 'No, he's right…I can't keep making excuses. If I don't tell someone I'm going to explode.' Eye contact was broken by Satoru needing to hold a moment longer to prepare. Unfortunately, there was no preparation to make this better and no words that he could find to prevent him from stumbling through this. "Y-you remember our last lunch that we had?"

Remembering the lunch took Kiyoshi a moment since it had been more than a month since their last lunch. It did not take him long to recall that the lunch had a similar issue with Satoru being troubled by something. "Yeah, you told me that you met someone. It sounded like it was serious. You still seeing her?" There had to be a connection with the woman and what was troubling him. 'He would not bring it up otherwise. What he get himself into, espionage or something? I thought it was a simple relationship.'

'It is or was…I don't know what anymore…' Satoru shook his head around trying to stop the internal arguing. His hands wrapped around his head praying for some peace for a moment. An image of Asami appeared to him when he tried to find the words of what she told him. Seeing her in his thoughts gave him a moment of weakness that caused him to pull back. 'I should be protecting her, not throwing her to the wolves.'

His hand dropped from holding his head to the tablecloth protecting the iron weave top. The cloth intertwined with his fingers as he drew away into renewed indecisiveness. She hung in his thoughts, putting a wall between Kiyoshi and him. However, then the image of a metal machine version of her appeared to him. There was a frightening emptiness over her that cracked the wall. "Yeah, about that…she's…s-she's got a secret."

"All women do, I guess that's what makes it interesting." Kiyoshi watched as Satoru struggled to confront his fears. He tried to reach out to Satoru as a stable force, but before he could Satoru grew erratic. 'Confirmation, but not a reason yet. What is it about this woman that has Satoru so conflicted?' The wall was almost down. He just needed to go a little further. "What's so special about hers'?"

The push from Kiyoshi made him pull back. The two images of Asami stared at him waiting to see what he would do. It felt like they were both judging him and he would be found guilty no matter the outcome that he picked. "Promise me. Promise me, that no matter what you won't tell anyone." He felt like some child or teenage girl spreading gossip about who slept with whom. It was a sour bitter taste, but he was committed. Kiyoshi was his friend, best friend; there was no one else that could trust more.

'A promise…this is getting worse…' Kiyoshi looked at Satoru, narrowing his eyes for a moment. It was a difficult spot to put him in knowing that it was important enough to affect Satoru. He still didn’t know what was going on, but blindly promising something didn’t feel right. "But I don't know what it is. How can I promise you?"

"Kiyoshi!" Satoru said knowing the position that he was putting him in. There was no other way. He had to try to protect her even if he gave out her secret. "Please, just promise me. You can't tell anyone else." A promise, it could be broken like anything else and that worried him. Satoru needed to trust Kiyoshi.

Kiyoshi remained silent sitting in his chair. His empty stare said that he was no longer part of the world around him. All his thoughts were focused inward trying to decide if he could do as Satoru asked. In college and high school he had promised Satoru in a similar manner, but it was just the usual things of youthful times. Keeping a night of drinking and other things secret was simple and expected. However, he could sense serious danger in Satoru's voice. He couldn’t lightly accept this promise. Silence continued in an awkward void for Satoru until Kiyoshi finally looked up. "I understand. You have my word that I won't tell anyone."

There was a reluctant sigh exhaled from Satoru's lips upon hearing Kiyoshi's decision. 'I almost wish he hadn't agreed. Then I could get out of this now.' He was committed to telling Kiyoshi now. There would be no backing out after coming this far. "Thanks…well about her. She's a…" His fear choked his throat making him cut off what he was trying to say. The words whispered through his mind wishing to speak for him.

An image of Asami flashed back to him. She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk with only darkness around her. There were tears running down her face as she tried to speak to him. She was choking on the words like he was now. 'Is this how she felt when she told me? It's so hard to say…it changes everything…' Asami was shouting, but nothing was coming out. All he could see was the pain that was pouring out of her. It rained cold water through his spine drawing all of the warmth from his body.

Her words finally came out from the void around her out of sync with her lips. "I'm…I'm a machine…"

"S-she…she's a machine…" Satoru drew silent as the words faded out from his lips. He had wanted to shout it out, but knew better in a public venue. The words were just loud enough to carry to Kiyoshi's ear before dissipating to the myriad void that surrounded the restaurant. There was no comfort in being released from the weighing burden that had been pressing on him. It actually felt heavier now almost to a crushing point.

Kiyosh knew what he heard, but the instinctual reaction of disbelief made him question it. "What did you say?" He tried to let it sink in, but this was much larger than he could have possibly imagined. Only a little while before he had been joking about something as serious as this to himself.

"Don't make me repeat myself," Satoru said in a wavering voice. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably from the feeling that was going through his mind. 'Who's the betrayer now…Asami…' All he could see was images of her walking away from him. She was lost, gone from him forever now. He would never have the chance to hear her voice or see her smile again. Satoru hung his head between his shoulders.

Kiyoshi drew back a little surprised by the reaction, but understanding what must be going through him as well. He was no longer sure what he should be saying to him anymore. It made him hold his tongue until he could collect his thoughts. "I'm sorry, I just was not expecting this sort of secret. I understand now…" Kiyoshi took a pause working to finish his collection of thoughts. "What are you going to do?"

"Huh?" Satoru said, staring blankly at Kiyoshi completely dumbfounded by the question that he asked. It was nothing like he was expecting from him. A human reaction would have been more of anger or rejection telling him that he was stupid for falling for a machine. Satoru didn’t know if he actually wanted to hear that from him. While it seemed natural, he didn’t want to be told that he was doing something wrong either.

Kiyoshi gave Satoru a small smile seeing his confusion from his last question. He closed his eyes, resuming talking to explain himself. "I assume since you are telling me this you have not decided your feelings about this." For Kiyoshi, he wasn't here to be Satoru's parent, putting him back on the right path. Although it would often feel like that was his duty at times, he knew that eventually Satoru would come to realize the truth.

What Kiyoshi was saying was making partial sense to him now, but it still left him at a loss for words. The stuttering voices in his head that were constantly debating the issues began to creep through his lips. "I don't know. I just don't know." He tried to pause himself to find the words that he actually wanted, but his emotions were running with images of Asami. It felt like he was feeling all of the torture that she had that day. "So many things are happening. Things that I didn't want. Why can't things be normal for once?"

Having heard those words made Kiyoshi want to laugh a little. "You can't have both." Kiyoshi slipped a grin out seeing the frustration that was across Satoru's face. The fact that he had to choose and was allowing himself the opportunity was a good sign. Even with him as confused he knew that Satoru was already reaching an answer. There was a turbulent maelstrom spinning in his head, but once it calmed Satoru would have his direction that he was lacking. All Kiyoshi needed to do was push him to brace the winds. "What is it that you feel?"

"Huh?" He was asking him again about his feelings. "I feel…" Satoru didn’t want to listen to his feelings anymore. The path that he was on now came as a result of his feelings. If he continued to listen to them where would he end up? "But that's already gotten me in this much trouble…"

Kiyoshi closed his eyes with a smile across his face. He knew that Satoru knew how to follow his feelings and listen to them. There would never have been any previous relationships if he had, but for as passionate as he was about his life and work he was still too logical at times. 'Though maybe he's been out of a relationship for so long he has forgotten to block the thoughts from his brain…' He was trying to figure it out rationally when there wasn’t a rational answer, especially not anymore. The place he was in went far beyond rational. "You've been following it this far. Do you regret it?"

Satoru wanted to punch Kiyoshi for asking so many questions that he couldn’t answer. They were things that he had been asking himself for as long as this had been going on. Even with all of that time he didn’t know if he actually regretted what he did. If he were asked a couple weeks ago he would have quickly said no. He had no regrets, but knowing now what he did. There was no quick response anymore to the question. Satoru delayed his reply to Kiyoshi even more as he hoped that he could muster an answer. "I don't know…I don't have an answer…why do you think I'm here now?"

Kiyoshi narrowed his brow for a moment knowing that it was going to come to this when this meeting was arranged. He had just hoped that he was not right. "You either made your decision, however subconscious it may be, and are here to have me justify it for you or you are wanting me to decide for you. Regardless of which it is, this is something for you to figure out. I might be your friend, but I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. That is for you to discover. Trust your feelings though, they won't lead you wrong."

"My feelings…" Satoru thought to himself for a moment. It sounded as though he had heard similar words before. Then he remembered his last lunch with Kiyoshi and the advice that he gave him that time. It almost made him laugh in realization of what was happening.

'I know so. Everyone deserves to have love and with all the stress in your life you need something good. Don't let it get away and don't doubt yourself. Deep down you know what you should do without asking. It's been guiding you all this time, you just don't realize it yet.'

Hearing the words again made Satoru smile slightly. "I'm sorry, Kiyoshi. Seems like you're always giving me the same advice." He knew that Kiyoshi was right. This was something for him to decide on his own and he would find an answer even if it took a little longer for him to realize the answer.

"Well you'll remember it one of these days," Kiyoshi said with an eased smile. The stress that had been chaining Satoru down was being released. He could see the change in him immediately. It would still be some time before he found what he already knew, but Kiyoshi was assured that Satoru would get there eventually.

"Here are your lunches," the waitress said, making her appearance almost planned like she had been watching him. She carefully placed their meals on the table and replaced their tea with a fresh kettle. The drained kettle was returned to the serving tray as she politely bowed slightly and walked away.

"Thank you," Satoru said as the waitress stepped away from the table. He looked down at the food feeling the grumbling in his stomach. There was truth in the words that he had told Kiyoshi. It had been a while since he had a decent meal, even if it was just a big bowl of ramen. His hands played with the wooden sticks trying not to look too eager in front of Kiyoshi.

Kiyoshi could see the hungry look in Satoru's eyes and made a move for the food in front of him. "All this talk has made me hungry." Satoru was quick to begin eating as well, no longer standing on formalities.

Satoru felt like he should be at some sort of bar sitting on a stool eating this food, but that strange sensation quickly passed as he dove through. The sudden calm in the air made him feel a little odd as though it was too simple. 'This went better than I expected. I guess I was worried about nothing. I'm a little surprised that he took it so well given what is happening at the company. Hmm…maybe he doesn't really like what they are doing either.' He tried to not allow it to bother him very much, but the uneasiness was difficult to ignore completely.

He stared a little longer than he intended at Kiyoshi. His best friend, but also the practical one that pushed things forward. ‘Is it just me? He didn’t reject what the company was doing, but also accepted Asami without hesitation. I’ve known him for so long, but perhaps I don’t know as well as I thought?’ Numerous questions churned in his mind. He broke his sight away.

"Something still bothering you?" Kiyoshi said, having noticed that look of gears turning in his head. He was fairly certain that he had pushed Satoru through the worst of what he was going through, but there was always the chance of a relapse. This was no simple relationship or infatuation for Satoru. He knew how serious Satoru was by just seeing the wreck that it was putting him in.

He had forgotten how difficult it was to hide things from Kiyoshi's observant eyes. However, he wasn’t going to trouble him with his groundless worries. "Hmm? Oh, no." Satoru went back to eat his noodles, pushing the thoughts out of his mind.